Public Address - Club Politique (Home)

Critters | Mar 07, 2005 13:49

I don't think I ever realised how snobbish Melbournians were towards Brisbane until I spent a little time here. All in all it's not too bad a place really. What I had expected from seeing a few locals heading this way on the same flight from Cairns was hordes of mullet-wearing, Falcon-driving rednecks in wifebeaters, but on the whole the place is pretty and urbane.

By far the greatest feature is the Brisbane River. The friends I've been staying with have a place overlooking the River and University of Queensland, and they have the greatest view from the front veranda of the 'Queenslander' (a type of villa characteristic of these shores). It ranges out to the hills in the distance over the green of the suburbs, and the River winding its way towards the city centre.

Thing is, Melbourne is also a river city, but I've never realised how under-utilised the Yarra is. Sure, some people have river frontage, but on the whole people seem to avoid it for the cesspool it really is. There's been at least a few cases of water-users being seriously infected by it. Very seriously infected. The same threat doesn't seem to stop Queenslanders from waterskiing though. Go figure.

While curious about the use of the River, my desire to stay well out of it meant I caught a ferry from just up the road into the city to take in the fantastic scenery and hear the locals chat. Eavesdropping is my favourite way to gauge a population. The ferry system was well up to the task, and sets Brisbane well and truly above Melbourne, and closer to the Sydney public transport system, with hubs all along the waterfront. I heartily recommend it as a way to tour.

I stopped on 'Southbank' for example and checked out the Arts Precinct. Not too shabby. The Museum was, in a word, dull, and the Gallery had a few interesting Masters and the usual Australian art collection. But, it also had two fascinating pieces. It's weird how I can wander around a gallery or museum and only remember one or two items. Picasso? Ho-hum. Installation by Japanese or Indian unknown? Wow….

Anyhow, the first was a shallow pool, around 20cm deep and partially filled with lots of river stones. The pool was maybe 8m wide, and 20m long, at a guess, and was partially covered in hundreds of silver spheres. The artist had set up a few jets in the water for movement, and the balls, which sounded much light Christmas tree ornaments knocking together, kind of floated around and made these sharp little sounds. The currents meant that the spheres would sometimes float out by themselves, or huddle in big groups around one or two square islands in the pool, and keep making ringing noises when they contacted one another. With the reflection of myself and other people in the shiny spheres, it wasn't too difficult to imagine a microcosm of a society in that pool.

The other object that grabbed my imagination was a large 'cup' that hung on the wall of one room. It was hung so that the flatted base was touching the wall, and the open 'top' faced outwards to the viewer. It was coloured an incredibly deep indigo, with a tiniest hint of red, that made it really difficult to focus on the texture of the cup's surface. Then, what I at first thought to be the flat base of the cup appeared to be 'floating', and spherical inside the object. When standing directly in front of the cup, the illusion was of a flat circle with a sphere floating in mid-air between the viewer and the circle. But again, focus was exceptionally difficult, so the sphere would kind of fade and reappear in my vision. I had to get really, really close to realise that the base of the cup was actually a half-sphere, obviously intended to produce this illusion of a void within an open space. Amazing.

Artsy-fartsy stuff aside. There's two more things, one is to go to the Brunswick Street markets on a Saturday. The place hums. Oh, and to the bloke who made me coffee, you are a barista, not a rock and roll icon, drop the attitude. I had a question about the antipasto and asked for a coffee, not for you to rate my 'cool'. You wanker. That aside, they did the best $10 big breakfast I've ever had.

The other thing I noticed pretty quickly was the omnipresent critters. Sure, in Melbourne we have bats for example. You'll see them flying in from the suburbs to the Botanic Gardens. But here? The big feck-off bastards hang out in the trees around the house, that squawk and flap about. I arrived at the gates to my mates place after 11pm and one the things scared the crap out of me.

But wait, it gets better. Everybody has these noisy geckos living in their houses, which are actually kind of cute, despite being 15-18cm long. Then there's the now-banal flying giant roaches. The friends partner had one land on her face when sleeping, and now sleeps under a mosquito net. Mind you, that's more reassuring than the 2 and a half metre python that lives at the bottom of the garden, by the river.

Queenslanders seem to take these things in their stride however. While this Melbournian-cum-Kiwi goes "What the fecking hell is that?!!" to the 30cm Water Dragon at the ferry terminal (a lizard, looks a bit like an iguana), the locals were completely unphased. In fact, they were almost condescending their indifference.

So all things being considered Brisbane is really a Western city like any I've ever been to. I expect that if I really want to see the Army of Gavin and the mulleted masses I'll have to head inland.

Which isn't going to happen.

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Tricks for Young Players | Mar 04, 2005 16:01

I actually wandered around Brisbane for half hour before I found anything faintly resembling a Melbourne noodle bar. In the end I headed for Griffith University, figuring students equals cheap food. So now as I write this I'm seated at a leaner bar and looking through a picture window at a tropical garden of palms and big weird plants. Next I'll go find a net cafe to send, and my day will be done. The wander was fruitful though, for a number reasons I will now explain.

Cairns was a blast. I took the dive course and did manage a total of six dives on the Barrier Reef (including the Introductory dive on Saturday). Absolutely worth every cent. If you ever have the chance to dive the reef, or even snorkel, do it. But, if you do get the opportunity, there are some tricks for young players.

#1. Shop around for a dive course. As I said the other day, there are stacks of competition so you can always get a good deal. I went for the "special upgrade" (read "bait") to a two day/one night liveaboard out on the reef. Which considering my seasickness was a good thing (the reef slows the waves, but the transit can be through some two hours of heaving seas). This all cost $319. But. After you factor in the hidden costs like medical certificate ($45), reef tax ($20), and having to buy booze/snacks on board you're looking at closer to $400. Main meals, coffee/tea are provided though.

Again, worth every cent and the time it will take me to repay the card.

Trick #2. BIG hidden costs. The liveaboard was on a fairly stately boat for only $319, where it would normally cost $480, an apparent saving of $160. But if you'd like a third day aboard then you'll pay this money and the $50 to upgrade to three day/two night. I deliberately booked a non-refundable flight yesterday to stop myself doing just that. And it's a good thing, the tourist glamour almost overtook me, and my money.

Trick #3. Make sure your liveaboard isn't heading back to harbour to refuel on any of your days. This one really pissed me off. Luckily I was in a cabin on one of the Kangaroo Explorer's lower decks, so was spared the worst of the buffeting in the huge seas we had to traverse. In the morning there were more than a few bleary eyes and angry punters. We had a 6am dive and the noise while the crew restocked the boat at 1am was simply phenomenal.

Trick #4. The hard sell. I can't say what the other courses were like, but SSI made an obvious attempt to sell us all kinds of crap at ridiculous prices. At one point I nearly parted with $500 worth of gear that was apparently 20% off. I left it overnight to think about it, and didn't buy. As it was I grabbed a too pricey mask and snorkel.

So a word of advice. DO NOT buy anything or any gear at the course. I highly recommend the course itself, and know the accessories are how these guys make their money, but don't do it. They tried to sell me flippers for $300 for example. I've since seen a similar pair that was more than adequate for my needs for a mere $70. And just yesterday I saw the same mask for $50 less than I paid.

Like someone at the hostel said over a couple of beers, why buy gear at the most expensive place in Australia? Another indication was the $90 dive booties I just saw in a sports store for $30.

Otherwise, SSI did a great course. The class was a little too big to get the trainers full attention if you were having trouble, but still managed to walk away feeling completely confident about my safety and water skills, and am 100% ready to explore a new world. I got to see all kinds of corals, cute tropical fish, turtles, giant clams, cuttlefish, creepy sea cucumber things, big scary fish, and pretend to be drinking beer, underwater, with sunglasses on (available on DVD for $60).

The downside? I picked up a cold and now can't dive again till it clears... Looks like Brisbane is going to be shore leave! The cold must have been from sleeping off my hangover under a tree in the park after the final night shin-dig. Mr. Dive Trainer, damn those pesky sambuca depth-charges.

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