Public Address - OnPoint (Home)

D24: Funnies, Randoms, Links | Jan 28, 2007 02:58

1) Back in Chennai. The air is so thick, you can trip over it. First time in my life when I wished I had *more* nosehair.

2) Had an Indian haircut to go with my Indian shirt and pants. I am now virtually indistinguishable from an ordinary Indian, except for my skin and my face. Apparently, a haircut here means you get a massage, too. Apparently, a massage here means that they punch you in the back of the head. Like what boxers do with those speed-bags. That was alright, but I nearly cracked up when he started pounding my head from above. Still, for $1, those were the cheapest punches to the head I ever got. (Last time, three punches cost me a camera.)

3) It hasn't rained since I got here. I haven't even seen a cloud. It's creepy.

4) Didn't think I would, but I'm sick of Indian food already. The Chinese food is pretty dire - the first noodle that I had was packet noodles with a bowl of lime-cordial curry. I ended up having steak - beef steak - in Bangalore. It was good, or as Homer would say, sacrilicious.

5) The concept of privacy in India is a bit strange. The several times when I forget to lock the door, at 7am sharp, some guy hits the buzzer on the door, then barges in half a second later, looks at me on my bed and asks: "Shoe shine?"

No. No shoe shine. I don't even have shoes.

6) From the "Tourist-becomes-toured" file: Kept running into this ridiculously-tanned Scandanavian couple. Saw them in the park yesterday having an argument, so I went over to see what the matter was. "That's so *rude*," says the woman. Turns out, some Indians had asked if they could get a photo of them. They said yes - but only if they give them 10 rupees (33 NZ cents) to give to someone who needed it. The Indians had taken the shot then walked off.

--

It's interested to hear similar experiences from one Mr Hamish McKenzie, a fellow student media alumni who's ended working as a journalist in Hong Kong. He's just been off to Shanghai and ends his tale of adventure and copyright violation with a story about a shoe shine, too.

He also has an exclusive interview with Richard Meros, the author of On the Conditions and Possibilities of Helen Clark Taking Me As Her Young Lover, discussing his latest project.

--

Finally, here's a double-dose of NGA, because I couldn't post it last week:

Click here for more NGA.

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D18: Like that garage scene from Heroes | Jan 24, 2007 20:31

It's happened again. Like that time in Madrid, like those times in New York, Hong Kong and even Wellington. Now Bangalore - cosmopolitan, prosperous, benign Bangalore - is the scene of large-scale street violence.

It's time I faced the truth. I am a Horseman of the Apocalypse - the harbinger of civil disorder.

I spend most of Sunday holed up in an internet cafe (again), to finish off another article. I'd picked out a random suburb, away from the hustle and bustle. It was a pleasant afternoon, the street was quiet. Quiet, that is, except for a shiny, deserted shopping mall down the road with its McDonald's and KFC, blaring out obnoxious boyband pap, and the franchise cafe next door, blaring out obnoxious Hindi pop. Sweet, benign Bangalore.

My mind was, however, preoccupied. I'd ate a McAloo Tikki burger from McDonald's the night before, and my mind was boogling at the the sheer range of stories where I could use "McAloo Tikki" as a humourous aside, handy segue, or even as a metaphor that encapsulates the commercialisation of India in one neatly oversimplified little package. Absolute gem.

Two blocks away, that very night, pro-Saddam mobs clashed with police while youths looted and burned stores. 40 people were injured, and an 11-year-old was killed when police fired at the crowd.

In India, two blocks is a world away.

The boundaries of globalisation stop abruptly. Instead of preppy teenagers talking on their flash cellphones, kids are mixing cement and digging ditches for a living. A few of the younger ones lay on shit-lined street beside stray dogs. This is not poverty at its worst - at least these kids have some kind of employment.

Down the road, the suburb is a maze of shops; all, without exception, were closed on Monday. A small group of armed police stood around. Things were very quiet, they said.

Clumps of people gathered on the streets - store owners who were not taking any chances.

Blocks after blocks of shops lay deserted. An occasional heap of ash and half-burnt tires mark the trail.

An abandoned SUV sat on the side of the road. There's a sharp dent in the front of the vehicle. Two neat little domes protude from the cracked windscreen. They're not very big on seat-belts here.

At the crossroads, Saddam's photo feature prominently on a printed billboard. It starts out: "We salute our friend Saddam Hussein..." I glimpsed something about Bush and Blair as we drove past. The billboard was signed by the People's Front of something or other.

While the angry mob has yet to release a statement on the incident, reports are connecting it with the pro-Saddam protests last week, and cites the communist party (the CITU) conference as an additional factor.

On my first day in India, I woke up to find reports about protests (just mildly violent) against Saddam's execution. The in-the-know people I met later in the day told me not to make too much of it - just the usual agitators trying to stir shit up.

Having spend the last week rubbing shoulders with the cream of India's commerical crop in a five-star hotel eating their fancy meals (not that I'm complaining), I can't help but feel that if something is happening beneath the surface here, the people who live in the shiny world above won't know about it.

No one has come forward to claim the 11-year-old's body.

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D13: Insane Blogger vs International Press (updated with more recordings and funny photo) | Jan 19, 2007 05:33

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Both the big acts were on today: The WTO Director General Pascal Lamy and UK leader-in-waiting Gordon Brown.

The recordings are online. First time I've tried distributing sound files online, so I hope it works. If it doesn't, please don't email me (sorting screeds of email via webmail sucks), just bring it up on the PA System thread.

(All the MP3 files are online now. Go on. Give them a go.)

Pascal Lamy's speech is here, along with the subsequent press conference. Gordon Brown's speech is here,with some questions afterwards.

This is WTO Director General Pascal Lamy. He likes multilateralism.

They were running behind schedule the whole day, and they ended up having Lamy's conference in a tiny little lounge-cubicle. International interest was very high - the Doha round of WTO negotiations is supposedly back from the dead, but as some kind of fragile zombie.

(One commentator noted, privately, that the trade talks are like an orgy where no-one wants to take their clothes off.)

Lamy has been doing the rounds with US, EU and Indian representatives, and remains strangely hopeful. I suppose it's the Bush logic: "Why is it going to work this time?" "Because it has to."

Lamy is quite the purist, understandably. During the session on bilateral/regional trade agreements vs multilateral agreements (i.e. WTO), he was unequivocal: bilateral/regional trade agreements should be called what they are - preferential trade agreements. By their very nature, they are contrary to the non-discriminatory principles of the WTO, and are, therefore, bad.

Brown mentioned climate change a few times, and spend a substantial part of his speech talking about jihadee extremists. General warm fuzzies towards India, etc.

After Brown cancelled his press conference, we were left with the Indian Commerce and Industry Minister, which drew out the entire Indian press contingent - in the same tiny cubicle. I was desperate to ask him about China, but I couldn't even see the guy. Eventually a mic made its way around, and despite a worthy lunge-grab, I couldn't get it through the five guys who were in my way.

At the end of the press conference, some guy suddenly started talking loudly and snobbily into his phone, and didn't flinch when everyone turned around and stared at him. This consummate professional was, of course, a BBC reporter, doing a (sudden?) report over the phone. I think the big thing for them was alleged racism on UK's Celebrity Big Brother against a Bollywood princess - one of India's favourite daughters. Words were exchanged at ministerial level about this.

One Indian commentator (who was on this computer before me and left his file open), seems to think that the whole thing is just a beat-up to outrage Indians and to boost flagging ratings; rationale being that, well, with a show that's based fundamentally on people being shits to each other, is a bit of racism really a surprise?

Anyway, the BBC guy, being the BBC guy, managed to stop the minister dead in his tracks as he was leaving, and proceeded to ask about how Gordon Brown. Did he do well on the international stage? Did he give India the attention it deserved? Was he worthy as an international statesman?

Well, you can decide.

--

Have been impressing Sri Lankan journalists with the tale of the duck with a needle in its neck. They were also relieved that the duck is okay.

--

Bangalore is pretty cool – it's the "New India" that everyone goes on about, with all the fancypants amenities that glitter and glow around the city. I've been working on a theory of "gentrifical boom" – the social shockwave that occurs when the expansion of shiny new developments exceed the speed with which gentrification can occur; the developments smash into areas that are not ready for it, leaving behind a shockwave of dislocation.

Okay, so it's not really a theory, it's just an extended metaphor.

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I was surprised to find a Maori guy on television here the other night. Turns out, Insiders Guide to Happiness was on... on the Australia Network, that is. It's supposedly a showcase of everything Australian. Outrageous.

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Checked into a brand new hotel the other night, for a surprisingly cheap rate. It was so new, I discovered, that it wasn't even finished. They starting breaking masonry at around midnight. They expect to have hot water anytime now.

--

This trip was made possible with help from the Asia:NZ Foundation.

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D11: Chennai to Bangalore | Jan 15, 2007 22:13

I miss New Zealand. I miss things like, the other day, when Stuff had a photo of a duck with a needle through its neck, captioned: "Concerns mount for the safety of the duck..."

Meanwhile in India, the nation is beginning to forget about the serial child-killer(s) in the north, turning its attention instead to the ethnic cleansing death squads in Assam. The child-killer case grabbed the national conscience for quite a while (and it's most certainly not over yet), as the suspects are a rich guy and his servant, while the victims are the children of the slum dwellers who live nearby, people who make their living serving their rich neighbours. Meanwhile, members of the Assam (one of the northern states, the bit of India that pokes out between Bangladesh and Bhutan) secessionist have allegedly been responsible for death squads that target Hindi-speaking migrants (your usual migrant labourers - poor and vulnerable). Conspiracy theories are abound; the wilder ones say that the killings are actually being conducted by the government to discredit the Assam nationalists; another one is that by driving the Hindi-speaking labourers out, they're creating a vacuum for Bangladeshi (Muslim) migrants, which will strengthen the Muslim population's hand and allow Bangladesh to eventually annex the state.

So... is the duck okay? I hope it's okay.

In the meantime, I need your help. I'm currently waiting for a train to Bangalore, where I will be attending the Confederation of Indian Industry's 2007 Partnership Summit. There will be a heap of ministers, business people and think-tank boffins there, talking about the world at large, and India in particular. Gordon Brown will be present, amongst others, but with the crowds of delegates and media present, I doubt I'll be able to make it into throwing distance of the man.

But hopefully I'll be reporting for New Zealand. So, what do you want to know? Who do you want to hear from? What do you want me to find out? Check out the programme, and I get particular interest in a speaker, I'll try to post a recording (again, don't know how close I'll be able to get).

Please let me know what you think via the PA System.

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NGA: enviro mental | Jan 13, 2007 05:35

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My bad, in Chennai, nearly got run over by a cow, etc.

Click here for more NGA.

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D5: Delhi to Tibet on three wheels | Jan 09, 2007 20:06

I've been a pretty bad tourist. Instead of taking in the sights and sounds of India, I've been holed up in an internet cafe finishing a project I'm doing for a multinational advertising agency. Yes sir, I'm working for the sweet, flickering tongue of global capitalism. I've interviewed a dozen regional heads in the last month, which is quite an amazing insight into the heart of the beast. I can't write anything about it, of course, what with the blood-sealed contract, the ninja-lawyers and the explosive collar they made me wear (it itches).

But I'm all done, so my soul should be returned to me... anytime now...

5 days in Delhi, and my adamantium belly remains undefeated, despite street vendor after inadvisable street vendor. There was the jelebi - fried batter filled (not soaked, *filled*) with syrup; then there was the Tibetan gyuma - fried sausages that were held together with fat; and then there was this local potato dish, where this guy in a cart chopped the potatos up into small chunks, then - get this - *fried* them and just served them with salt. Crazy.

The Tibetan dumplings and noodles were great, though. The butter tea, much to my surprise, was really butter tea. Like, butter in water.

After the second night in the youth hostel with the cold showers and loud snoring men, I checked into a real hotel for an exuberant $12/night. It's located in the Tibetan colony in Delhi - a bit far away, but an absolute oasis from the rest of Delhi. It's about three blocks wide, and if you peeked out the side roads, you can see the usual mix of dirt, poverty and traffic on the main road. On the other side were subsistance farmers with their tiny plots by the river.

In between, men sit around playing this cross between pool and air hockey and rosy-cheeked kids run around. Every third person you see is a monk, and every shop carry a photo of the Dalai Lama. Every white person here seems to be either looking for Buddha or telling everyone about Jesus (as in actual missionaries, but disguised as teenage American girls). The whole place is full of hotels and guesthouses, though, so presumably this is the homebase for Tibetan pilgrams in India.

I'll be starting a 30-odd-hour train ride down to Chennai tonight. With Delhi's freakish cold spell (it was 3 degrees this morning), I'm pretty glad to move down to warmer climes. On my arrival, I'll be starting work at The Hindu, an English paper with a long-history. It's what's brought me here - the Asia:NZ Foundation is sponsoring me to do a stint at The Hindu, to figure out what the hell is going on here, and to bring some useful connections back, etc. So, thanks Asia:NZ!

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D1: Delhi vs Belly | Jan 06, 2007 03:50

Delhi isn't really what I'd expected. For the capital of a supposed up-and-coming IT-superpower, it was pretty strange that it didn't even have a functional ATM at the airport (there was, however, one broken one). My GPRS phone worked the moment I turned it on, and I was downloading emails by the time we were driving through the slums that surrounded the airport.

There was the usual hoo-har. I'd booked a hotel close to the airport, which, as it turns out, meant "far from civilisation". My 12-year-old-looking taxi driver drove me down around a dozen dark, rat-infested, unpaved back alleys looking for my hotel. The only light not from us was from some guy lighting a fire in a barrel and his invisible companion who was a very good listener. As far as first impressions go, it wasn't so flash.

We arrived an hour later to be told that the room I booked wasn't booked, and that they had no room for me. More taxi-ing about. Deciding against more 3am back alley sheenagans, I picked a youth hostel close to the diplomatic enclave. Big wide roads, big fat signs, heavily armed soldiers giving him directions, and the new driver still got lost. I ended up having to give driving directions to him via my half-page Lonely Planet map - how the hell did people travel before it?

Got to bed around 5am. So, the usual hoo-har.

I'd expected Delhi to be hot, crowded and wired up - it's not. It was 10 degrees last night, I didn't even have to elbow anyone, and the only sign of the tech revolution is the ubiquitous cellphone - everything else is still pretty... loose.

I guess it's one of those things: Just because everybody uses the internet, has a cellphone and watches cable, it doesn't necessarily mean they're living like us.

Then there's the anarchic traffic system. Nothing like a bit of "OH FUCK I'M GOING TO DIE" in a gas-powered tuk-tuk to start the day. Of course, all this Mad-Maxary was nothing to the drivers; one was peacefully humming as he drove on the wrong side of the road, swerved to avoid people, drove at speed inches between two buses, etc.; another was eating shelled peanuts while driving - open vehicles are handy like that.

Took me two hours to get a cellphone - you need photo ID, photo, photocopy of photo ID, *then* you fill out three forms. But now I am connected to modern India.

The NZ Deputy High Commissioner Heather Ward was kind enough to host a lunch for me and a few Indian journalists, followed by a few meetings. It was a great introduction to India - talking about the trade tarrifs, the rural problems, politics, religion and everything else. It's a lot to take in for the first day.

I'll be heading down to Chennai next week, and will be in India for a while. Will be heading out to Bangalore on the 18th to see Jim Sutton, live. That'll be rockin'.

Would be great to get in touch with any readers in the neighbourhood - here in Delhi, in Chennai (where I'll be spending a lot of time), or even in Banglore, Hyderbad or Mumbai (I'll be moving around a bit).

Will write more (and hopefully better) when I'm more cogent.

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