Public Address - Field Theory (Home)

Just one point in it | Jun 22, 2009 11:36

So we won, sort of. The lead story on Sunday's sports news was the fact that New Zealand actually lost the series by one-point!

How did the players not know? How did the coaches not know? How did we, the viewing public, not know? Was it because it wasn't reported in the media until yesterday? Steve Hansen said they didn't tell the players about it because they'd rather the team just focussed on winning. Whatever you do, don't make them add up!

Personally I'd rather we had three tests.

But we did win the game. There are still a few worry spots (Mr Donald) but I think Latimer had a good game, I'm told Read had a good one too (though I felt he was fairly invisible, I'll wait for Tracey's stats). Also having a great game were the old hands Thorn and Rokocoko.

Basically we seemed to have a real gameplan this week. There looked to be actual purpose behind the plays and the players seemed to have a better idea of what it was they were supposed to be doing (i.e. getting the ball and scoring). Anyway, here are the official stats. Go make graphs.

And while I'm here let me apologise to the French for Wellington. It was a bit wet and cold on Saturday, that's alright. But we actually quite like French people and the group of four or five men who attacked Mathieu Bastareaud are fuckwits of the highest order. There is nothing in the report that instantly suggests this was rugby related, but either way this isn't what we need a few years out from the World Cup. If you saw these brain-dead idiots (and there were a lot of people out on Saturday) please go to the police.

In the meantime our Under-20 team has gone and won another World Cup.

The final, played last night in Tokyo, was broadcast live and free by the IRB. And it should still be available for on-demand viewing (as are the semi-finals). And if you want to see a free-flowing running game of rugby between two pretty good teams with exciting players then I suggest you watch it (Spoiler Alert! We kick ass).

And big congrats to Aaron Cruden for winning Junior Player of the year. He is definitely a name to watch.

I cannot praise the IRB enough for the intelligence to put live, streaming rugby on their site for free. I am a firm believer that letting as many people as possible watch good rugby is essential to growing the game (I know, duh).

And that's exactly what I wanted to hear from Steve Tew on Friday, are we going to get online media from the NZRU (or their broadcast partner). It was a very basic media briefing on the NZRU board meeting but it did have some interesting titbits (there would be audio if my recorder hadn't died after four minutes).

The new broadcast package is being put together. There seems to be some question about whether Sky will be the broadcast holder, though really I can't see anyone else getting it. There was also some talk about selling the tournaments (Super 14, Air NZ Cup, Internationals) separately. Any talk of selling individual games (or packages of games) like the American networks was quashed: "If only we had the critical mass of the NFL". Does the broadcast package include on line media? Yep. But hopefully more than the current YouTube channel.

Tew also laughed at one point that they were on Twitter. I looked at their feed, and no, they're not.

There was an odd moment when discussing the upcoming Christchurch test. Tew mentioned that sales were very slow (to which the retort was "play it during the day", Tew ignored and continued), he then proceeded to pretty much say that if sales didn't pick up that Christchurch might not get anymore test matches (though the 2011 games are locked in).

Tew admitted that threatening fans was probably not the best way to go, and that they need to talk to fans more. How do they talk to fans? Market research groups [sad trombone].

Here's the pitch: We sell product X, sales of product X are down, and so we need to figure out new ways of selling product X to people. And if people still don't buy product X, it's their fault.

Still maybe there are changes coming.

The key principles agreed at that time were that the competitions must:

• Include Super Rugby players;
• Have a stand-alone window (which also recognises the windows for club rugby and Super Rugby);
• Feature a full round-robin and playoffs;
• Have promotion-relegation;
• Guarantee four or five home games per team;
• Be completed within a 10-12 week window; and
• Be concluded by the end of October.

That is of course the new Domestic Competition structure will be introduced which has a 10-team Premier Division, a Division One competition and a Heartland Championship. And, as was foretold in the prophecy, we get it by 2011.

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Loss on two scales (2) | Jun 19, 2009 15:43

The second:
Casey Williams is a fucking panther. And I don't mean that in a sexually euphemistic way (ala "cougar"), although she is hot. What I mean is she's a predator. Her eyes very rarely leave the ball, she's constantly aware of her surroundings and she attacks everything. It was about half way through the game when I realised she was hunting down the fucking ball.

This is winning, and winning with intent.

But if the Magic lose it's annoying (to Magic fans). Such great potential squandered usually because of stupid mistakes. But unbeaten seasons are rare.

There is an urban myth that the surviving members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins (the only NFL team to ever go through an entire season unbeaten) open a bottle of champagne and have a toast each year after the last unbeaten team finally loses one. Sports people take great pride in their invincibility.

So it shouldn't come as a shock that the All Blacks aren't happy about their loss to France. Neither are some fans and neither are a bunch of reporters.

Personally I'm content. I'm not pleased but I'm far from writing a frothing diatribe about it. A very good French team came and completely outplayed the (admittedly not top-strength) All Blacks.

Don't expect it again.

Before the Dunedin game everyone was talking about 1994 French tests. Nineteen Ninety Four! That's the last time they beat us here. We cry when they send us under strength teams, we cry when they beat us. But we need those losses.

The All Blacks are a myth. The Bledisloe Cup is a myth. For every lengthy winning streak by the greatest rugby team of all time, there has to be a trough where we can't seem to string a set of passes together. For every extended stay for the cup on this side of the Tasman there needs to be a similar (though somewhat shorter) trip over the ditch.

The All Blacks are nothing without their losses. We need the "remember that time they beat us". Can you imagine how arrogant and posturing the All Black fan would be if we had won all those World Cups we were supposed to? For goodness sake, we're not Australians.

So when the losses happen, revel in them. Drink and cheer with the victors (heck, they may be buying the drinks). And remember that losses are good for us.

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And because I know you kids love this stuff, here are the official stats from the last game. Sorry about the jpg, but that's how I got them:

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Quick notes:

• I keep forgetting to pimp Jed Soane's photographs, which is bad because I keep dragging him to boring netball matches that are hard to photograph.
• Due to a flu-like illness I couldn't make the All Black press conference yesterday, so instead I sent cub-reporter Naly D. His write up and audio will be on the Dropkicks soon.
• Naly sent me a text saying "Just spent 15mins talking to Rokocoko, afterwards realised recorder was on pause"
• Last week I posted a story featuring pics of a jersey sans man, Emma posted one featuring pics of a man sans jersey.
• I'm just about to head to the NZRU for a press conference with Steve Tew, any questions for the man? (I'll check the site beforehand)

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Loss on two scales | Jun 19, 2009 14:24

The first:
There's something to be said for muscle memory. I saw it in the pre-match drills at the netball on the weekend. The odd mechanical motion of the Pulses' newbies, like their cogs haven't found the right groove. Compared to the smooth interactions and motions of the Silver Ferns in the team they were playing. The Magic look like Lamborghinis, effortlessly turning, accelerating, hitting full speed, then stopping instantly and doing it again.

The good teams, the really good teams, have a fluidity about them. And it's beguiling to watch. The (apparently) home crowd for the Pulse are doing a lot of cheering for the Magic. But why not, these players are amazing. Some are national sporting heroes.

So the biggest crowd the Pulse get all season is actually there to watch the opposition.

And really, it gets really dull supporting a losing team. How often can you happily clap and cheer when your team scores to be only 14 points down? How often can you keep writing the same story about them?

I talked to Penny Miles, netball reporter for the DomPost about this.

She talked about how it becomes hard positioning the story each week. You can't just keep reporting that it's a young team and that the combinations are taking time. And at some point the team of lovable losers become just losers and the interest in "will this week be the first win?" fades as it be comes clear that the answer will always be "no".

But how did they get themselves into this hole, two entire seasons without a single victory (because let's be honest, it's a pretty difficult thing to achieve. The answer is, of course, money (Penny has a very good article on this in the DomPost today but there doesn't seem to be an online version). In an evil spiral one begets the other. Win and you get sponsors, don't and you lose them.

The Pulse are "the Pulse" and not "the [corporate name] Pulse" because they don't have a naming sponsor. They run on the smallest budget ($900,000), a board of volunteers and scrounge for players.

When Althea Byfield, the Pulses' tall Jamaican defender, didn't show for a few games rumours ran up and down the media bench that she wasn't being paid. Turns out it was a concussion, but it was interesting what the first thoughts were.

A losing streak is a hard thing to break: players don't want to play for a losing team; sponsors don't want to give money to a losing team; TV doesn't want to show a losing team (though the Pulse have actually had quite good coverage this year); and nobody wants to be the team that loses to the loser.

And of course it's not just netball. Last season the National Football League in America saw something it hasn't seen since 1976. A team went through the entire season without a single win.

In 1977 the Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the New Orleans Saints and their record went to 1-26. The win came in the 13th week of their second season. The team's woeful 0-14 first season has become the stuff of legend. Coach John McKay dealt with the woes with dark humour.

"Coach, how do you feel about your team's execution on the field?" "I'm for it".

The 2008-09 season saw a worse team emerge: The Detroit Lions. 0-16 is new single-season loss record; it is literally the new low. And for Detroit it doesn't get better.

The Pistons are no longer dominant in the NBA. The Tigers are back to their losing ways. And the Red Wings (The Steel City can always count on the Wings) lost the NHL title to the Penguins, even after a 2-0 lead in the series.

And don't forget Seattle. The Seahawks went to the Superbowl and then suffered injury and indignity. The Mariners finished last. And then the Sonics left for (of all places) Oklahoma City. Then to top it all off, this happened.

But the worst city is Cleveland. The Indians are a long way from being considered good. The Browns lost their franchise to Baltimore, got it back and proceeded to suck. And the poor Cavaliers don't seem to get a break (and it looks like LeBron will leave as soon as he can).

And once again were back at the endless cycle.

Teams that just can't win a game find it harder and harder to get the dollars to buy those good players. Beyond that players just don't want to be on a losing team. Look at this photo. That's Eli Manning, he's just been selected first overall in the NFL Draft by the San Diego Chargers, you can tell by his face that he's not happy about the whole thing. Luckily the Chargers traded him.

And so where does this lack of talent leave the fans? Do they constantly cheer to win enough games not to be relegated or sold? Do they turn up thinking that this game might be "the one"? Or do they, like the Pulse crowd last Sunday, cheer for the opposition? It gets very hard to applaud a score when you know the game is unwinnable. "Hooray, you really screwed up their points-differential!"

But for the Pulse at least Penny was optimistic. The new coach, Yvette McCausland-Durie, is enjoying the challenge; Centre Camilla Lees is a Silver Ferns possibility; Paula Griffin is a Silver Fern and looks like she might stay. But when I ask do they have a chance of pulling out a win this year, she shakes her head.

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Excusez-moi? | Jun 15, 2009 11:06

With a number of burning deadlines and a flu that has clearly taken courses in Bad Timing let me just give you the text of the email I received yesterday from my friend in Toulouse.

Oh Yes!!!

Merde

However, I still don't think Chris Rattue was right with his Comic Book Guy proclamation: Worst. All Blacks. Ever. And that referee just wasn't going to call offside or forwards passes for nothin'. Le sigh.

But hey, the Magic looked good.

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Unboxing (though it arrived in a bag) | Jun 12, 2009 16:16

I went into a sports store the other day and saw the new All Black jerseys. I got to talking with the salesman about the materials and the technical doohickies within the super-high-tech t-shirt. But this was just the (not so) cheap knock off of the real thing we were looking at.

So I sent off a plea and got my hands on an actual, honest-to-goodness, All Black playing jersey! (With all thanks to adidas)

First of all this is the white version of the jersey (obviously). As soon as I took it out of the courier bag I noticed that it didn't hang straight (unlike the replica). The reason is because the on-field jerseys are fitted while the replicas have to be cut to fit the (ahem) portly gentleman.

The replicas are fitted with mesh side panels to achieve this effect while the real version just has seams within cut-ins under the arms for better movement. You may have seen in the Super 14 jerseys that they had what I called a "fanny panel". This system also exists on the All Black jersey but it's a contour seam. The seam runs across the small of the back but doesn't reach the sides. (I've outlined it in red here)

The material of the jersey is quite cool. It stretches, but only in one direction, across the body. But really the whole thing gets very cool when you turn it inside out.

All the seams are covered so no stitches are visible. And where there might be a corner, like on the collar and cuffs there are dots. This jersey is streamlined inside and out.

Both the front and the back have embossing. The back has the X shape that is bright silver on the training gear (yes, the one that looks like a sports bra) while the front has an embossed silver fern.

The embossed stuff seems to be a different fabric but there are no seams and it is much stretchier, which means that X may really be a sports bra. It's also much more see-through (which I know some of you will like) and I assume that means more breathable, though I don't now how that will work when a number is plastered over it.

To be honest I'm not a fan of the embossing, I feel it's a cheap effect on a classic jersey. But on the other hand it's very subtle and hard to make out in most light.

And of course you know it's the All Blacks by the registered trademark.

The full set of photos is here, for those who want to see more details (including washing instructions). I am aware that I followed up my post about "being a man" with a post about clothes, but I think one validates the other.

And, yes, of course I tried it on. Who wouldn't?

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25 Things you need to be a man | Jun 10, 2009 11:22

I don't really think of myself as manly. I'm not sure if anyone else thinks of me as manly either. The facial hair helps a little, as does the deepish voice and bulging muscles. Ok, I was lying about the muscles.

But manliness, as it exists in our minds, can be seen as a character flaw (much like religion). Manly men are the reason Marc Ellis is still on TV, manly men are the reason we have Tui ads, manly men are the reason for annoying celebrity strippers.

So what could I expect from a list in Popular Mechanics called: The 25 Things Every Man Should Be Able To Do? Must be able to kill an animal without remorse and eat its heart? Must be able to name the entire 1985 All Black Squad including their home provinces? Must find racist jokes funny?

But after perusing the list I discovered that Popular Mechanics has a very interesting view of being a "man". In fact looking at the list (which I will show you soon) it would be quite easy for a woman to be a man (even easier than surgery).

"Man", as I read it in the list, is now a concept not a sex. Men were hunter/gatherer/semen-factories and then evolved into farmers/truck-owners and for some reason you needed a penis to be that (I blame religion again). The list though seems to define man (or manly) as protector/provider but removing any gender bias (like strength or speed or hair growth).

PopMech said they created the list because they felt that people couldn't fix things anymore. They saw a problem with our disposable society. We upgrade rather than fixing, we throw out rather than repair, we contract in rather than DIYing.

Sometimes this isn't our fault though. I recently had a new shower put in; the installer was explaining some part of what he was going to do when he paused: "Do you understand anything about this?"

"No", I replied honestly and somewhat apologetically. He must have caught my tone because he said, "That's not a problem, we've all got our specialist areas these days. I don't know much about computers" (I had told him that I was a blogger at some point).

With the idea that specialisation leads to eventual extinction then having a wide variety of skills can only be a good thing, right?

The PopMech list can be broken down into groups:
Automotive/mechanical

• Patch a radiator hose
• Back up a trailer
• Use a torque wrench
• Manoeuvre a car out of a skid
• Get a car unstuck
• Change oil and filter
• Bleed brakes

Electronics

• Protect your computer
• Retouch digital photos
• Back up data
• Hook up an HDTV
• Extend your wireless network

Outdoors

• Rescue a boater who has capsized
• Build a campfire
• Navigate with a map and compass
• Sharpen a knife
• Perform CPR
• Fillet a fish
• Clean a bolt-action rifle
• Paddle a canoe
• Fix a bike flat

House repairs

• Fix a dead outlet
• Frame a wall
• Paint a room
• Mix concrete

I should point out that I can already do lots of these, but some I haven't done in a long time (paddle a canoe).

As I said before, the authors of the list said that it was about self-reliance. But it's still confusing to me why an inner-city builder who can fix his own car and run his own website would be less manly because he can't clean a gun.

And can I customise the list? What if I take out "hook up an HDTV" and replace it with "can cook Huevos Rancheros"? Or replace "bleed brakes" with "make a good wine selection for a meal" or "able to tie a bowtie"? In fact, can the Popular Mechanics' version of a man (even the new provider/protector version) exist in urban settings where owning a car isn't an asset but knowing the best place for cheap Thai food is?

And so I propose an extra set of tasks that for want of a better phrase I will call: Urban Survival

This list was actually pretty hard to create. I polled Twitter on what they thought were essential urban survival skills and the Hive Mind came back resoundingly with: "need to know people". I'm not sure how that works as a skill but I tried to add it.

I also felt there needed to be a skill involving geo-spatial knowledge.
Here goes:

• Make a good wine selection for a meal
• Cook a meal
• Be no more than two-degrees of separation from anyone at a gathering
• Know the fastest distance between two points (in their home town)
• Ability to locate a good café/restaurant/bar within walking distance of any location.

These extra points may seem over the top but I feel they fit within the idea of man as a leader, able to give directions and take charge if needed. This creates the idea of man as a cultural guide which I find interesting but I also think that it doesn't necessarily fit within the protector/provider role.

In fact the more I look at these last points the more I don't like them. For example cooking is a great skill to have but it seems too creative. I don't know, maybe I'm being too picky. If you can help by suggesting some refinements to these final skills I would be most appreciative.

In any case, starting today I am going to go through the list of 25 things set down in Popular Mechanics, and I am going to master all of them. And over the next few weeks I'm going to tell you about them and maybe along the way we can figure out what exactly a man is in the 21st Century.

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Black and White Stripes | Jun 08, 2009 10:56

Did you all notice the incredibly interesting thing during the Barbarians predictable defeat to the Walabies? Wasn't it weird to watch? Something we haven't seen for… I'm not sure how long: collars.

The Barbarians were wearing jerseys made by Cotton Traders, not one of the uniform power houses and they looked like they were made ten years ago (or earlier). In many ways I found it a shock to see players in square, unshaped uniforms. I imagine the players themselves would've found the old style jerseys strange to wear in this age of sytheto-awesumfibres.

And did it seem strange to see the players wearing sponsorship on their chests from a sports-betting agency? Talk about a conflict of interest.

The Barbarians also have another quirk, if you play for them you need to bring your own socks.

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Meanwhile in France, Roger Federer removed the cheese-eating surrender-monkey from his back and won the French Open. Despite being harassed on court by some idiot with a flag, (note how slow the security is in reacting).

The win means Federer is equal to Pete Sampras in wins and many people say this makes him the greatest ever (discuss).

TVNZ need to be chastised in their reporting of the women's final (an upset victory to Svetlana Kuznetsova over world number one, Dinara Safina). They showed us one point being scored (not even a long rally) and the winner's speech.

You've got half an hour to report on sport, this is major world sport event, where actual sport was being played and much more interesting than a report that was basically: "nothing is happening in rowing" with footage of rowers training.

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There's a punchline in there somewhere | Jun 02, 2009 15:47

It might just be the most scrutinised annual list in the country. With all apologies to Mr English and his budget, but this is important!

John Afoa (Auckland), Jimmy Cowan (Southland). Wyatt Crockett* (Canterbury), Stephen Donald (Waikato), Andrew Hore (Taranaki), Cory Jane (Wellington), Richard Kahui (Waikato), Jerome Kaino (Auckland), Tanerau Latimer* (Bay of Plenty), Brendon Leonard (Waikato), Keven Mealamu (Auckland), Liam Messam (Waikato), Mils Muliaina (C) (Waikato), Ma'a Nonu (Wellington), Kieran Read (Canterbury), Josevata Rokocoko (Auckland), Isaac Ross* (Canterbury), Conrad Smith (Wellington), Adam Thomson (Otago), Brad Thorn (Canterbury), Neemia Tialata (Wellington), Isaia Toeava (Auckland), Piri Weepu (Wellington), Ali Williams (Auckland), Tony Woodcock (North Harbour), Rudi Wulf (North Harbour).

This is a cautious list, like the budget. It cuts back on overseas options (McAlister). It's waiting for some damaged investments to return to full fitness (So'oialo) while backing others (Leonard). It is wary of previous pitfalls (Lauaki) but it creates some interesting puzzles (who goes where in the loose forwards) and big questions (where's Masaga?).

And like the budget I'm not quite sure how to interpret the overall situation.

I know we'll come out of the internationals unscathed (though maybe with a few injuries) but how we'll fare against the South Africans is uncertain (or the Aussies for that matter).

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Occasionally in the action-packed world of blogging I get email, like this one from Robert (please take this as sic though the links are mine).

Mr Green, I usually read Russel, but your previous post about the Champions League, and then this little effort leading with your dissapointment in a chap called McCaw (I think), not starting for a troup known as the, 'All Blacks', caught my attenetion.

I'm a NZ'er in China and have to say your barely hidden envy of Fergie, as a manager of a team that has transmorgrified over the years was petulent, childish, and oh so kiwi.

Get over it, you live in a lovely little country, playing a lovely little sport; decaying as we speak.

As to the 2011 (WORLD CUP?) sideshow, enjoy. I'll be in Chong Qing, with people who are part of a world that was glued to Man C.v.Barca.

Wow, if anything makes you think Manchester United fans are dicks, it's this. I am assuming he's a Man U fan and not a City fan as he implies.

I thought I had already swallowed the rat on this one and admitted to being wrong in saying Sir Alex may be "overrated", but apparently not (for clarity, I was wrong, he is very, very rated). Though it seems I am, naturally, envious of "Fergie" (seriously when I first read this I thought of the former member of the house of Windsor who had her toes sucked by a Texan, remember that? Ahhh the nostalgic past).

The "World Cup" slur is interesting. There are world cups in many sports, but only football is The World Cup. I imagine this is a similar usage of "the" as in Winnie the Pooh. Without my AA Milne at hand I remember Pooh having a rather interesting discussion on the word "the" and how it was used in the context of his name.

"The World Cup", said with a slight 'r' sound at the end of the "the" or with a very pronounced 'eeee'. An 'e' for "exclusivity" if you will.

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And just in case I get more angry emails: Well done Black Caps, you beat India (in a 20/20 warm up match)

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