Today's post contains a large amount of swearing, so quickly gather the kids around. And you may need to read some of these words aloud so they get the pronunciation correct.
Newcastle's interim manager Joe Kinnear was quite angry at various members of the press and, much like our own Winston Peters, he was not afraid to voice his displeasure at a press conference.
Kinnear Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
Bird Me.
Kinnear You're a cunt.
The "interview" lasted some time and all in all Kinnear swore 52 times. If you'd like to count for yourself the audio is here (You might want headphones and thanks Graeme at Sportsfreak for the link).
I think that this is my favourite part:
Kinnear I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
Bird Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
Kinnear No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
Bird What? More important things?
Kinnear What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.
Brilliant. Alex Ferguson has nothing on that.
I love a good coach meltdown. It's all the stress and tension of the sport expelled in a stream of four letter words. The tantrums rarely come from coaches of winning teams or of coaches whose jobs are secure. Sometimes you can smell the fear and the pure hatred. Russell Brand agrees:
The raw humanity of the cussing is what makes it interesting, Joe [Kinnear] has truly stripped all subterfuge and mystery from communication - his press conference breakdown has exposed the tension at the heart of the relationship between the press and those who they write about.
By the way, hands up if you knew Russell Brand had a football blog.
As a fan of the American football I have seen a few coach tirades. My favourite is the "they are who we thought they were" rant by a, soon to be fired, Dennis Green.
My favourite bit of that is the PR guy looking to smooth things over at the end. And if you want to see some great rants here's a coach meltdown montage.
I'm sure that if anyone had come along with some dumb questions yesterday for Craig Bellamy (Melbourne) or Shane Howarth (Auckland) they would had a few expletives fired at them.
I got a text on Sunday from Megan asking: "when was the last time Auckland didn't make the top eight?" My answer is "never". Because as far as I know this is only the third time there has been a top eight. The finals system was started in 1992 with semis and a final (top four) and only since the Air New Zealand Cup (2006) that quarterfinals have existed.
What I'm hoping is that with Auckland being cheated out of a finals spot because of bonus points (Auckland had a 5-5 record while Waikato, Taranaki and Tasman each only had 4 wins) will do two things.
- The NZRU will get rid of the stupid bonus point system. You play to win the game! (play that coach tirade video to get the joke)
- The number of finalists will be reduced to four. We can't have teams in the final who have a losing record, that's just stupid.
I am a bit peeved that some teams are bringing back their All Blacks now that we're in the finals. I know the players want to play but I feel really sorry for the guys who played their guts out during the season only to be tapped on the shoulder and told "sorry mate, you're not needed now."
And, while the blood's up, why do teams announce the players they've signed before the end of the season? That's what the off season is for.
Ahem, anyway, GO THE BAY! Beat those inbred Southerners! (Disclaimer: Southerners are only inbred for the purposes of smack-talk)
Poor old Melbourne must be feeling a bit kicked at the moment. They have been fined by the NRL for the coach's comments about officials, they lost their captain to a suspension and then they got their nuts handed to them in a 40-0 record loss to Manly. And yet I feel no empathy, strange.
Speaking of no empathy.
And finally, The Dropkicks have been given three copies of the New Zealand Book of Rugby Lists to give away by Random House. So we'll be giving one away (with a few bottles of Epic) each week for the next three weeks. Click through to enter.