Last year, I actually convinced myself that John Mitchell's apparent inability to speak in sentences was simply a defensive ruse. The All Black coach, I reasoned, must simply be baffling the pundits and critics on his players' behalf.
I'd sometimes watch the after-match press conferences on The Rugby Channel. They were bizarre: Mitchell and Deans would sit there like faulty robots, heads swivelling, disgorging fractions of a puzzling, new-agey language that sounded like English. Occasionally, you'd catch a glimpse of a rugby scribe looking like he had a bad headache.
As it turned out, those strange fractions were the message. The 2003 All Blacks, bursting with talent, got out-thought and out-played by a passionate Australian side in the World Cup semi-final, and, even though they'd reclaimed the Bledisloe and set records against the all-too-familiar foes in the Tri-Nations, the coaching team was on borrowed time.
Mitchell's response as he came up for re-appointment - the clumsy, negative PR effort - was that of a man who suddenly seemed too immature and self-obsessed for a job steering the great national aspiration. What, you had to wonder, had it been like actually playing for the guy?
The approach subsequently taken by Mitchell's successor, Graham Henry, can hardly have been an accident. He has provided the press with a steady flow of thoughtful quotes; been as forthcoming as Mitchell was stiff and cryptic. He has recruited a coaching and selecting dream-team: Steve Hansen, Wayne Smith and Sir Brian Lochore and, apparently, already set about a programme of detailed technical improvement with the shadow All Black squad.
Let's be clear here: the All Blacks were hardly bad last year. They were only beaten by two teams, and they contrived to lose against England in Wellington even as they won every forward statistic. But a sense of unease that our game is no longer setting the standards has only grown since. I've watched a little English club rugby on the TV this year and it's quite hard to compare with Super 12. The northern game seemed to have more space and structure, certainly more obvious forward technique - but only rarely the sheer concussive impact of the Super 12, with its explosive Polynesians. I couldn't decide how a head-to-head clash might work out.
We'll get to have a look, possibly a little sooner than we'd have liked, when a (somewhat depleted) England side arrives to play two tests this month. Can Henry - the hidden hand behind last year's all-conquering Blues side - raise the players from their out-of-sorts Super 12 season?
We'll get the first look tonight, with the All Black trial at Eden Park. I'm going along with Paul K and Euan from our little rugby mailing list, as a sort of warm-up for our annual list get-together at Eden Park on the 19th. Players to watch: Meeuws, who I figure has been picked at loosehead in the Possibles side so Henry can see how he goes against Somerville. Spencer, who has always played his best rugby under Henry's guidance. Mose Tuiali'I - is he the answer at No.8? Brad Thorn, offered a lifeline by Chris Jack's withdrawal - can he demonstrate enough ability in the lineout? Or will the lock-loosie bench spot go to Jonno Gibbes? Tuitupou - can he, literally, force his way into the squad? And Merhtens - the whole of Canterbury growled about-bloody-time when Deans had to send him on as the Crusaders' final fell apart. Will he get a decent run with the Possibles?
Speaking of sports, isn't the French Open coverage hilarious again this year? Why do French TV cameramen always seem to fancy themselves as experimental film-makers?
Another thought I forgot to include yesterday on the Crimes Amendment Bill fiasco. As they conjured up objections and horror scenarios - wrong signal, teen pregnancy rates, etc - why on earth didn't any of the country's media actually do a little research. Perhaps the editorials were actually right - but wouldn't it have been good to find out? Why not look at a few of the other jurisdictions that operate laws with age-gap defences - and Lord knows there are plenty to choose from - and discover what their experiences have been? Instead, as is so often the case, we got issues-via-talking-heads.
Anyway, a little levity on the moral conservative front: PA reader Michael reports:
I wish to all hell that Cate Brett had not declined the chance to put both feet in her gob defending her editorial choices recently. Like you, the smug editorial in the last issue of the SST left a bitter taste in my mouth.
I guess you don't even bother reading Garth George's insane rants these days -neither do I usually, but his sputtering ravings of the imminent 'moral apocalypse' last week sent me over the edge. I mean, he actually referred to Phil Goff's bill as 'evil' - and ended with a Bible quote (sigh!). I phoned him at work (pretending to be a huge fan) and asked him to explain his position. He blustered on inanely until I stung him with "One final question Garth.....are you on medication? or just plain senile?" His swearing and insults were priceless. I wished I'd taped it.
National Anthem report from David Roche:
I was on National Anthem (played in "Magnetic Funk", 4am in Chch - we were the only funk band who actually played instruments).
It was a terrific experience. The quality of the setup , really well orgainsed venue and helper-people, sound guys, lights, and awesome sound gear was top rate. Only a dozen bods in the audience, too bad. My mum liked it.
And Christiaan Briggs notes that Barbara Sumner Burstyn won a Qantas Award for a column that had already been scrapped by the Herald, which is certainly quite ironic. Best of luck to her - I hope she prospers - but I won't accept Christiaan's kind invitation to revise my opinion of her column. I just didn't like it much. Here's Christiaan on her being fired as a columnist.
And finally, WTF is going on with the appointment of a new president for Iraq?