Heat by Rob O’Neill

Jesus' Mum

The school year has started and Girlie has more things to complain about. One of which, I agree, is almost inhuman: over here they have a school period called Period 0, which starts at 7.45 in the morning. And she’s got two of them a week!

Now I know we used to have these at Uni, in fact such timetabling could determine your course selections. “8am. No way! I’ll do Art History instead.” But to impose a 7.45 start on a 16-year old …

It was cloudy last weekend, robbing us of a chance to see the Mary of Coogee. I don’t know if you’ve heard about this, but an apparition has appeared on the Tasman foreshore. Mary. Mother Mary. The Virgin.

Jesus’ Mum.

To most people it looks like a white fence, butting up against a concrete wall, because that’s what it is, but the faithful say it’s a miracle. The way it works is if you stand a hundred yards away, across the sand, and look out at the southern headland between 3.45 and 4.15 of an afternoon the fence and the shadow it casts on the concrete wall present a vision.

Madonna (the original one), side on at first and then slowly turning to face you.

At first a few faithful souls gathered then the media got hold of it. There are now hundreds making a serious pilgrimage to see the Mary of Coogee - and thousands pouring out of the pubs, bars and backpackers to scoff.

Girlie has been highly amused.

And while we are on matters spiritual, just when I thought we’d laid the God’s breakfast issue to rest it’s been resurrected by a few more emails. Tim, in China, reckons “God will eat figs if she can get em.” Indeed he would, very much an Old Testament breakfast.

Chris B, in Auckland, says the question required his best upmarket thinking, so he asked himself, as you do, what Russell Hoban would tell his kids.

“... there is a mystery that even God cannot fathom, nor can he give the law of it on two Weetbix. He cannot eat what there are no bowls for; he needs milk on his cornflakes so he can dive into it, he needs bacon to make a sandwich with it, eggs to make French Toast and maple syrup to pour on it. He cannot eat it alone, he must find someone with whom to share his breakfast, and for this does he go to Strawberry Alarm Clock with some and to the Mink Bar with others.”

God made man in his own image, Christopher, not the other way round.

I suggested to Chris that the new testament might hold some clues. Is there any mention of what Jesus had for breakfast? We could be getting into deep theological waters here, of course. The Trinitarian controversy. For us Catholics, establishing what Jesus had for breakfast would answer the question emphatically because Jesus is one part of the Trinity that IS God. For just about everyone else that proves us Catholics are in cahoots with the Devil.

We didn’t answer that question, but Chris reckons whatever he had, Jesus’ Mum, like all mums, made sure he knew it was the most important meal of the day.