Heat by Rob O’Neill

Tzaruch shemirah! Hasof bah!

A few weeks ago I covered the strange goings-on at Coogee. The apparition of Mary in the form of a wooden fence, the faithful flocking and swooning... Since then, you may have heard, the fence was vandalised and the council is now trying to rebuild it in a way that maintains the miracle appearance of Mary in the mid-afternoon sun.

While the Mary of Coogee seems unconnected to the current apocalyptic mood, get a load of this forwarded from Chris B: a couple of fishmongers in New York encountered a 20lb carp that started speaking in Hebrew as it was about to be butchered for a Jewish Sabbath meal.

The Observer reports: "[Fishmonger] Nivelo, a Gentile who does not understand Hebrew, was so shocked at the sight of a fish talking in any language that he fell over. He ran into the front of the store screaming: 'It's the Devil! The Devil is here!' Then the shop owner heard it shouting warnings and commands too.

'It said "Tzaruch shemirah" and "Hasof bah",' he told the New York Times, 'which essentially means that everyone needs to account for themselves because the end is near.'

…some say they fear the born-again President Bush believes he is preparing the world for the Second Coming of Christ, and war in Iraq is just the opening salvo in the battle of Armageddon.”

Apparently there’s a long tradition of talking fish in Jewish Hasidism.

It has been a very quiet weekend. I lost $42 in bets which I couldn’t afford on the Black Caps v Australia. Being a New Zealand supporter has been a depressingly costly allegiance over the last few years. But the money is the least of it – it’s the bagging you get afterwards. I have found, in general, Australians are a lot more reasonable, friendly and generous than most Kiwis give them credit for – except when it comes to sport. On that subject all of your Aussie stereotypes are pretty accurate.

Aussies on the subject of sport are like yanks on power. They quite simply believe they are the best, invincible and anyone who questions that can go to hell. Unfortunately, to a huge degree it’s true, but I’d never tell an Aussie that! Over here, humility and sport are a rare combination, though feigned humility is common.

It comes back to something I’ve suspected for a while – Australia as a nation is really quite insecure. I used to think this about New Zealand, that it craved recognition and any mention of it in the foreign media was a big deal. But I think New Zealand is over that in a way Australia isn’t. On the surface, Australia is brash and confident and has a lot to be confident about. But you don’t have to scratch that surface much to see it is also sensitive, likes to be stroked and told how good it is and how important it is in the world.

Little John loves being seen with Big George, even if he’s not invited to the Azores.

Despite that undercurrent, there is a sense of tradition here that beats most things back home (Maori culture excepted). In New Zealand if something isn’t useful, of immediate economic benefit, it fades away. In Auckland that is especially true of anything with a whiff of the working class.

Australians, and even Sydneysiders, revel in their traditions. Working class culture is defended strongly in pubs, leagues clubs and a union movement that is far from decimated. St Patrick's Day is huge here, due to the number of Catholic/Irish immigrants, from the days of transportation through to the present. The country right now is full to the brim with Irish backpackers, who seem to find the pub culture rather familiar.

Closely following St Pats, and far more important, is Anzac day. The pubs already have their signs out proclaiming “Sydney’s Biggest Two-Up Tournament” and the like.

Two-up is the game the Aussie Anzacs played at Gallipoli, a noisy gambling game involving two coins which became legal last year on Anzac day only. Everybody stands around the toss, shouts a lot and gets seriously inebriated. Two-up was the diggers' game, a game for the common soldier, and it is played today in their memory with gusto.

It’s a great tradition.

Anyway, Chris B went on to say he appreciated and was joining my anti-war protest. He too will drink scotch until the invasion of Iraq is cancelled. He reports his efforts so far “are believed to have prevented the imminent invasion of Australia by Burkina Faso and to have saved thousands of lives as a result. Some New Zealanders have suggested I was wrong to interfere and should have let history run its course. But once you've made a start with these peace initiatives it's difficult to stop.”

We have a movement. Keep going Chris, there’s a long way to go.