Field Theory by Hadyn Green

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Field Theory: WTF(riday)

23 Responses

  • Richard Irvine,

    Thanks for the link - I was thinking of calling it 'the loneliness of the long distance photocopier' or just 'Bangladesh'.

    Is anyone else in the sporting doldrums? Here's my check list:

    Waikato - out. Can't get that excited about WLG v CANT either
    All Blacks - not playing
    Tottenham - remove all sharp objects
    Black Caps - making really hard work of Bangladesh
    League - don't care about M. Mouse competitions. *Don't care about League that much, to be fair*

    Where do I go from here? There's only so many fishing shows I can watch, and I can't be expected to do JOBS all weekend.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 241 posts Report Reply

  • Gareth Ward,

    “We’d also heard mention of it, but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice,” said AIK club head Mats Hedenström.
    Making the day of all professional sport administrators...

    Auckland, NZ • Since Mar 2007 • 1721 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Is anyone else in the sporting doldrums?

    After re-reading my post I realised that I am. If it wasn't for the World Series and the NFL every Monday/Tuesday I'd be very bored by the current sports crop.

    We’d also heard mention of it, but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice,” said AIK club head Mats Hedenström.
    Making the day of all professional sport administrators...

    And the poor guy they sent out to sweep them all up. Do you think they let him keep them? Did they give them to charity?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    All Blacks - not playing

    Coming to a former British colony probably no where near you!

    And the poor guy they sent out to sweep them all up.

    A dildo is not the worst thing he would have had to remove. Hats are fairly common, but I've seen rink staff have to remove a dead octopus from the ice (how the fans got that in, I have no idea).

    Since Nov 2006 • 6162 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    Australia are getting whipped and the cricket, and self-imploding, and people call this the doldrums?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    whipped in the cricket.

    Excited fingers making mishteaks.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    but I've seen rink staff have to remove a dead octopus from the ice (how the fans got that in, I have no idea).

    That's an old Detroit thing. They do it all the time. Fans probably smuggle them in watermelons.

    Australia are getting whipped and the cricket

    Don't correct it, that's hilarious

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Evan Yates,

    but I've seen rink staff have to remove a dead octopus from the ice

    You mean at a Detroit Redwings game?

    When I went to the All Blacks vs Canada test here in the 'tron a while back, they threatened to stop the game if the crowd kept throwing bottles. Not really anywhere as classy as flying cephalopods...

    What a cool name! I can easily see "The Flying Cephalopods" as the opening act for "The Rolling Stones"

    Anyway, I took a (full) bottle to the head at Waikato Stadium that night (the bottle subsequently fizzed and burst its cap). Now that I have my WRFU issued mooloo-colours hardhat, I will wear it to all future games.

    Hamiltron, Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Nov 2006 • 190 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Irvine,

    Australia are getting whipped and the cricket

    Heh yeah true, I was only thinking of my own teams, but I guess that includes India at the moment.

    No joy for Spurs this morning, eh? :(

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 241 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    People throw full bottles of beer at Cowbell Stadium?

    What sort of hedonistic opulence is that?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Irvine,

    the bottle subsequently fizzed and burst its cap

    I love it - only a true Waikato man would check to see if a bottle that smacked him in the head was still drinkable. Solid effort there, fella.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 241 posts Report Reply

  • Peter Darlington,

    On a completely unrelated note, other than to contribute to the vaguely sports associated Friday weirdness, here is a fantastic piece of drug infused gonzo writing from the UK football newsgroup entitled:

    "David Beckham comes in your bed ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"

    Enjoy.

    Nelson • Since Nov 2006 • 886 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Heh. That Redwings octopus wiki page is worth quoting at length:

    There is a certain etiquette that must be followed for fans that wish to throw octopuses onto the ice.[3]

    Beforehand, an octopus should be boiled for at least 20 minutes on high heat with a little lemon juice and white wine. This will mask the creature's odor as well as reducing the amount of slime. A raw dead thrown octopus would result in a smelly ball that would stick to the ice upon impact and possibly leave an inky stain, while a well-boiled octopus will bounce and roll across the surface of the ice.

    After the octopus has been properly prepared it must be smuggled into the ice arena, as it is against the law in Detroit (and other NHL cities) for a fan to throw anything onto the ice during a game. A preferred method is to wrap the octopus in plastic (a trash bag or a large Ziploc bag will do) and then wrap the package around one's middle section to give the appearance of a beer belly.

    The most appropriate time to throw an octopus onto the ice is after the national anthem is sung or after the Red Wings have scored a goal. The octopus must be thrown onto the ice surface in an area that is clear of all players. It is never acceptable to aim for opposing players. Tactics are also used to protect the identity of octopus-throwers from arena security. It is common practice for the hurler to ask the surrounding people to stand up with him to shroud the task in anonymity.

    Experienced throwers grasp the octopus around the middle of its arms with the octopus's head (or more correctly, its mantle) hanging down near the thrower's knee and then swings the octopus with an overarm motion. Holding the octopus by the ends of its arms prior to the throw may result in the mantle of the octopus breaking off during the wind-up.

    After successfully participating in this peculiar tradition, the octopus thrower is left with a tell-tale indicator: stinky hands. It is advisable to bring along a wet wipe and a slice of lemon to assist in removing the odor.

    They're all class in Detroit.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6162 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Oh wait, I didn't read to the bottom!

    Twirling ban

    Al Sobotka, the Joe Louis Arena head ice manager and one of the two Zamboni drivers, is the person who retrieves the thrown octopuses from the ice. After he retrieves an octopus, he has been known to twirl it above his head as he walks across the ice rink to the Zamboni entrance.

    On April 19, 2008, NHL director of hockey operations Colin Campbell sent a memo to the Detroit Red Wings organization that forbids Zamboni drivers from cleaning up any octopuses thrown onto the ice and imposes a $10,000 fine for violating the mandate.[8] The linesmen will instead perform any clean-up duties. In an email to the Detroit Free Press NHL spokesman Frank Brown justified the ban because "matter flies off the octopus and gets on the ice" when Al Sobotka swings it above his head.[9] In an article describing the effects of the new rule the Detroit Free Press dubbed the NHL's prohibition as "Octopus-gate".[10] By the beginning of the third round of the 2008 playoffs the NHL loosened the ban to allow for the octopus twirling to take place at the Zamboni entrance.[11]

    Octopus-gate. Heh.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6162 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Irvine,

    Here's come Octopus throwing in action. That Hockey player seems a little narked off!

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 241 posts Report Reply

  • Evan Yates,

    @LegBreak

    People throw full bottles of beer at Cowbell Stadium?
    What sort of hedonistic opulence is that?

    The owner probably just got carried away and biffed whatever he had in his hand at the time he Mexi wave got round to him... and then suffered hurler's regret.

    I'm just glad it was a plastic bottle. I'm allergic to skull fractures.

    Hamiltron, Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Nov 2006 • 190 posts Report Reply

  • Gareth Ward,

    What a cool name! I can easily see "The Flying Cephalopods" as the opening act for "The Rolling Stones"

    Whipped and the Cricket to play the closing set.

    I'm envisaging a really bad country act...

    Auckland, NZ • Since Mar 2007 • 1721 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    Whipped and the Cricket to play the closing set.

    I'm envisaging a really bad country act...

    Nah; avant-garde Jazz.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    I love it - only a true Waikato man would check to see if a bottle that smacked him in the head was still drinkable. Solid effort there, fella.

    Best check it was beer in there though

    What a cool name! I can easily see "The Flying Cephalopods" as the opening act for "The Rolling Stones"

    Whipped and the Cricket to play the closing set.

    I'm envisaging a really bad country act...

    I love Fridays.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Graeme Edgeler,

    When you run a race you can usually assume that if you run the race faster than everyone else, then you will have won. Not so say Nike.

    That is a great story ... Nike sucks. Even their solution (she's been declared "a" winner) is still lame, and the whole story just gets you misty-eyed:

    As for O'Connell, she's not bitter. After all, she got her best time ever, had a nice weekend in San Francisco and comes home with a story.

    This is a sports story.

    Wellington, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 2999 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Doesn't say much for the elite group of runners.

    "Ah yeah, y'know how you started 20 minutes earlier than all the plebs that didn't pay lots of money to race? One of them almost beat you all..."

    Since Nov 2006 • 6162 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard,

    remove a dead octopus from the ice (how the fans got that in, I have no idea).

    I imagine it would be substantially easier to smuggle than a live octopus.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1039 posts Report Reply

  • Jo S,

    Tottenham - remove all sharp objects

    I think it may be unbearably tragic, how excited I became watching them actually beat Bolton ....

    is it autumn yet? • Since May 2007 • 80 posts Report Reply

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