O.K?

Is 'absolument' OK?

Absolutely not!

The one that riles me is the use of the word 'quantum' in place of 'quantity' or 'amount'. Here is the usually-admirable Jane Clifton in the latest Listener:

'The quantum of the new road use charge was an issue..'

Aaaagh!

Is 'absolument' OK?

Absolutely not!

Hmmmm. What if the speaker is cute and French?

Just trying to establish if there is any absolute limit here.

Was this spurred by that woman on Morning report this morning from Budgetting Services? Absolutely was her answer to nearly every question put to her.

It is used everywhere, and so often, that has been devalued. Just the same?

Was this spurred by that woman on Morning report this morning

Michael, yes it was. Absolutely.

Danielle – there's something of a tradition of bad names for Bond films – Octopussy! Goldfinger! But this one is bad and illiterate, which is quite something.

I love it. Let's get some big words, stick them together, and manage to convey absolutely nothing at all. It's practically existential.

All us old bugges posting at the same time

Call it the PAS hivemind in action...

Be thankful you do not live in the USA where homes are burglarized and it's apparently necessary to point out that an arson is a fire.

cheers
Bart

(I've always thought that I was quite good at this sort of stuff....)

excuse my ignorance, but if heinous does not sound like penis... what does it sound like?

Anus

excuse my ignorance, but if heinous does not sound like penis... what does it sound like?

I would have said: "rhymes with Janus", but I have had this email:

The only alternative to heinous/penis is heinous/anus, which is worse at best, under the circumSTAHnces.

I would have said: "rhymes with Janus"

Doh! My class is showing

while were at it can we do something about "quantum jump" – that would be the SMALLEST change ... the ex-physics student in me just cringes

So you mean Dr Samuel Beckett wasn't travelling through time?

'The quantum of the new road use charge was an issue..'

They are being a bit technically correct, if they are aware of it. Quantum refers (in this context) to a change in the amount. A very small change if one were to get heinously anal about?

Language Log on 'black' holes

Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections "has become a black hole" because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.

Commissioner John Wiley?

I often over/miss use "Absolutely". I over use "Glorious", as in "Good & Glorius Morning to you", when other say "Hi".

Use of big colourful, rich, and flowery words in conversation brings out positive emotions (at least in me).

Spartan and dowdy language is?

I promise to make more effort, however?

This seems to be a quirk of New Zealand English, so I will forgive it but not accept it.

Wimmin, wimmin wimmin. There.

the other one im guilty of using too much this week; and muchly in the past; is copacetic. for any agreement and/or indication of total understanding.

I'm also trying to introduce colour into mens clothing, orange and yellow shirt is the limit so far.

Not just mens clothing, all NZ clothing, mens and womens.

We once took and American friend (yes some of them are nice it is a big country after all and there are?

Heinous/penis and heinous/anus have to be fertile grounds for a limerick .. can anyone do better than:

There once was a woman from Venus,
Who committed a crime so heinous,
That to hear people scoff,
She'd have been better off,
If she'd suddenly sprouted a...?

"If she'd suddenly sprouted an ... "

that leaves the reader in the appropriate linguistic limbo (and it's meant to be read, not recited to rewally get the joke)

A body part was to veinous
Resulting in pain that was heinous
it all looked quite red
'twas the doctor who said
I'll have to remove his ....

"I have loved many woman."

In order to say that you must have a pencil moustache, an open neck shirt (possibly orange and yellow), gold chains, and lots of chest hair.

And "woman" must be pronounced "woo-man"

"affected" seems more appropriate. unless you've been hit by a meteorite

We once took and American friend (yes some of them are nice it is a big country after all and there are bound to be some nice ones) to lunch in Auckland city and she looked around and asked "why is everyone wearing black? Did something bad happen?"

No, no!?

i get annoyed by people who are "impacted" by things.

Me TOO. I blame the Americans for that as well. It just reminds me of bowels.

The absolute near-guaranteed certainty that anyone on TV from Mark Sainsbury down (or up) will say, "Congradulations".

It has a 't'. Big grumpiness at that one.

The way I've heard it used to describe anything from the mildly irritating to the fractionally dire is... there's a word for it somewhere.

How about 'mildly irritating'?

Mind you, after fifteen years of nagging my partner can now tell from my facial expression when he's said 'less' instead of?

Has anyone here read the book, "Ex Libris" by Anne Fadiman. It's a delightful series of essays about books and the love of books. She has one where she writes about her and her family's trait of unerringly spotting literals and grammatical errors. I read it and?

I loath it when "average" is used wrongly to signify poor, mediocre, appalling, bad, etc. Sports commentators are especially bad with this.

I do quite like the black-singleted understatement of 'pretty fucking average'.

The use of "up the ante" as if it means "increase the intensity", rather than "raise the stakes".

Actually, for that matter, they should just stop saying "up the ante" altogether.

Of course, if I'm being really pedantic, I would point out that I missed the question mark at the end of the second sentence.

The rest of us weren't going to say anything.

I do quite like the black-singleted understatement of 'pretty fucking average'.

Me too, with particular reference to cricket. The crushing understatement is part of the culture.

Some people call us pedants but we know better.

I'm working on weaning myself off. Step one has been trying to stop wincing every?

James, I think the word around these parts is "pendant" if I 'm not mistaken...

Pendant. I like the way you used ellipses to leave it hanging.

I'm working on weaning myself off. Step one has been trying to stop wincing every time someone says 'different to'.

Emma, I'm sorry, it's genetic. You cannot stop worrying about these things.

And if you can then it's probably the end of civilization.

I also hate it when sports commentators say that a player / team "lacks intestinal fortitude", when they mean "internal fortitude".
Since when do intestines have to be brave ?

When you're trying not to shit yourself? I've always thought that one curiously apt.

Foremost amongst the many language crimes perpetrated by sports commentators ...

They might also like to consider reinstating the verb 'to be' instead of phrasing every sentence as though it's a photo caption. If they edited the word 'obviously' from every sports hero's interview utterances, they'd still have ample spare?

I also hate it when sports commentators say that a player / team "lacks intestinal fortitude", when they mean "internal fortitude".
Since when do intestines have to be brave ?

When you're trying not to shit yourself? I've always thought that one curiously apt.

It's a fancy way of saying?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn2r11gYShM

On a fairly different note I saw a T-Shirt at Victoria Park Markets earlier today that simply said
"I shaved my balls for this?".

I've been trying to suppress out loud laughter ever since.

I do quite like the black-singleted understatement of 'pretty fucking average'.

Weird, I never took it to mean what you've all described it as. I always figured it meant "the all-players average" not their individual ones. By which I mean if Dan Cater only scores 3 points instead of his?

being brave = having guts. guts are intestines.... etc.

Just like "testicular fortitude" gets exchanged for "having balls".

On a fairly different note I saw a T-Shirt at Victoria Park Markets earlier today that simply said
"I shaved my balls for this?".

My favorite for the year remains Martin W's "The Pope touched me Down Under".

Step one has been trying to stop wincing every time someone says 'different to'.

Soon you'll be indifferent to it

In tee slogans, I quite like "I wish these were brains".

I like 'if you can read this, you're staring at my tits'.

I like 'if you can read this, you're staring at my tits'.

I hate those – "Uh... she'll think I'm staring at her tits."

When did they stop being cut off jeans?

It's a form of entrapment! :)

Duh.

My ultimate goal is one that says 'if you can read this you're too close', in Braille.

In tee slogans, I quite like "I wish these were brains".

I like 'if you can read this, you're staring at my tits'.

heh, In creating a t shirt,I put a MRI image of my brain (after surgery) on my tits and followed it with ....and that happened! on the?

So we're talking about knee lwngth, denim shorts?

I'm afraid so.

My best American friend wears them all the time. He is a lovely, lovely man, but not overburdened with sartorial knowledge.

So we're talking about knee lwngth, denim shorts?

Nope not just denim. Often really crap material in such colours as pale yellow, light blue, soft pink, aqua etc. Any pastel colour will do.

BTW I didn't mean to suggest for a second that Americans had taste in clothes, taste of?

In tee slogans, I quite like "I wish these were brains".

One which made me smirk (around the age of 18, but which I still remember clearly), from the old Stiff record label was:

If it ain't Stiff, it ain't worth a fuck.

Duh.

My ultimate goal is one that says 'if you can read this you're too close', in Braille.

Still laughing.:)

If it ain't Stiff, it ain't worth a fuck.

It is a source of great sadness to me that I once bought that tshirt online, but it never arrived...

I was thinking of those awful shorts-like things US women seem to wear in malls in the US. Somehow always the wrong length.

How on earth did fashion crimes end up on two threads at once?

The PAS Women's XV! Hear us roar! (In numbers too big too ignore... etc.)

How on earth did fashion crimes end up on two threads at once?

Yeah, I crossed the streams. I'd be sorry but I'm not.

Favourite t-shirt slogan: Dunno... Frankie Says "Relax"?

Jorts: No firm opinion, but I can't?

At the risk of pissing monsieur slack off – absolutely.

That's literally heinous, Jackie. I think you know it too, girlfriend. At the end of the day, it's time to wake up and smell the coffee.

Ye frickin' Olde.

Man, I hate Ye olde.

Favourite linguistic bugbear: People (mis)using the phrase "hoist by his/her/their own petard" in such a way that it's clear they have no idea what a petard is, or what it means to be hoist by one.

But only a chosen few have the chance to do it in a Herald editorial?

"hoist by his/her/their own petard"

I've always assumed it meant blown up by your own bomb. Please tell me I haven't been wrong for all these years...

Is petard actually a French slang word for testicles or something?... Being hoist by those would not be too pleasant.

To use two non-number-related examples: 1) if a halfback throws a hospital pass to a first-five, it gets described as "average", when, in fact, such passes are poor, bad, etc, etc. If it was an "average" pass, it would be a regulation, good, easy to catch pass.

But to be?

Maori have reminded the bridge managers that they readily hoisted the Team NZ petard during the America's Cup

WTF?

Yes, the pseudo makes it an acceptable crime.

it's time to wake up and smell the coffee.

Speaking of which, I'm going to punch on the side of the head the next person that, asked by me if they feel like a hot drink, replies "I'll have a coffee, but only if you're making one."

I've always assumed it meant blown up by your own bomb. Please tell me I haven't been wrong for all these years...

Nope, you're dead right. Lots of people though, see the word "hoist" and just assume a petard must be some sort of flagpole that you hoist things up?

And, ha, you're right,'pseudo-archaic form of 'the'

Yeah, we used to have another letter in the alphabet that looked like a cross between a Y & P, and was called a "thorn" and pronounced "th" So Ye, is really just the humble old "the" after all. Not sure why the urge?

My fave euphemism for poor is from cricket, when a slog is described as "agricultural". No idea where it came from or what it is supposed to mean.

Without looking it up, I have always assumed it had something to do with the stroke looking like the batsman is scything?

To use two non-number-related examples: 1) if a halfback throws a hospital pass to a first-five, it gets described as "average", when, in fact, such passes are poor, bad, etc, etc. If it was an "average" pass, it would be a regulation, good, easy to catch pass.

2) if a?

Oh, I remember that one well – I was moved to comment at the time...

Did you eventually define a dangling participle Josh? Lessee, Jesus had 12 participles, and one of them ended up hanging himself – it's a reference to Judas?

(Oh dear. I ŝink ŝat looks like 'porn'.)

when the speaker is clearly unaware this is supposed to be a joke...

(Oh dear. I ŝink ŝat looks like 'porn'.)

Who'd have thunk rose was that kind of girl?

"and so, without further adieu"

when the speaker is clearly unaware this is supposed to be a joke...

at risk of taking something too literally... (feel free to label me a petard) isn't it "ado"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq0PCfeUUf4

they readily hoisted the Team NZ petard

It seems clear to me that the author was thinking about hoisting a standard in the archaic sense of flag or emblem, but got sidetracked onto the wrong cliche. It happens, but that's what you have editors for.

My own personal favourite was?

Did you eventually define a dangling participle Josh? Lessee, Jesus had 12 participles, and one of them ended up hanging himself – it's a reference to Judas?

Do you know, that's the least blatantly pornographic explanation of the term I've ever heard. I was going to go with "look at?

I quite like 'agricultural' as a cricketing adjective. Evocative if a little pejorative. Cricket seems to be a glorious exception to the?

But people use it to mean someone didn't answer something important: Tony said he lashed?

If a price list has big leaps between different levels, then the word "quantum" is very appropriate to convey that. Quantity doesn't mean the same thing.

Likewise, the plural "ye" dropped out?

I've noticed a journalistic trend of late to misuse "begging the question".

It's not just journalistic, and it's not just of late. As a former Philosophy student, seeing a technical term misused into meaninglessness, it makes my head explode.

As a former Linguistics student, familiar with the ever-shifting sands of?

do you give someone a reality check, or do you write them a reality cheque

I guess that depends on whether they're waiting on line or standing in a queue.

People also often desire to colour and emphasise their language – saying "absolutely"

I agree. I do it myself. My objection is to its use when it's plain from the context that the speaker is simply confirming or agreeing, and no emphasis or intensifier is intended.

But Rich, 'quantum' doesn't actually mean a big leap between levels. This is how the Merriam Webster online dictionary defines it:
n 1: how?

?This current one is the most impactful of the lot? Dreadful.

I also think it?s a real tragedy how the word tragedy is overused. Giving 110% is another of my pet hates.

But?

If I was American, I'd call it a "bunch"!

Oh no, my brain might explode!

Alas, the worse crime of all has not been noted.
One to which I am radioactively exposed daily in?

Ban these words and see what our politicians have left to say.

There's a religious advertisement on TV some mornings where they proclaim that "Jesus will impact your life". I used to laugh and say "Jesus will impact your teeth!"

They need an "on"

"Going forward" has gone away, but now we are "future focused".

We are also warned to look out for "weasel words"

describing hospital passes as "average

I think average rugby is like the trend in coffee naming. Heaven forbid that anyone sold anyone something "small" so the smallest sizes are instead called "tall" or "regular".

Many an AB ballsup (or any of our professional rugby teams for that matter) have shocking handling errors, kicks or performances in general described in harsh terms like "average", "didn't have a great game", "will be disappointed with", or they simply won't even describe it at all.

You've missed the?

Speaking of which, I'm going to punch on the side of the head the next person that, asked by me if they feel like a hot drink, replies "I'll have a coffee, but only if you're making one."

See they're actually just complimenting your coffee-making skills. They won't drink anyone?

BTW, did you know that the word "petard" derives from the verb "péter", meaning to fart? As in "The farty little bomb of team NZ was hoist on the harbour bridge".

Absolutely an album by Madness. Contains a track Embarrassment which includes the lyrical gem ?__I?m feeling twice as oldah, I?m feeling twice as oldah__?. Coincidentally released on the Stiff label. (Cue Saxaphone solo).

Oh and while I love the spell checker is there a way to make it stop suggesting that colour is spelt incorrectly?

You can set your operating system language to English (New Zealand) to fix this. I believe most word processors allow you to set the dictionary too, so?

Sorry, Rich, I know this is getting tedious,?

I expect professional communicators to be a little more accurate and precise in their langauge than Winston Peters

And proof read their copy better than I do. :) L-A-N-G-U-A-G-E.

Danielle – there's something of a tradition of bad names for Bond films – Octopussy! Goldfinger! But this one is bad and illiterate, which is quite something.

I suggest you hold a seance and tick of Ian Fleming. Forget about the "bad and illiterate" title, the story itself (which can?

We once took and American friend (yes some of them are nice it is a big country after all and there are bound to be some nice ones) to lunch in Auckland city and she looked around and asked "why is everyone wearing black? Did something bad happen?"

My mum?

Speaking of americanisations, I have to say that I detest using the word "store" to denote shop. Hate it. Or vacation, which is slowly creeping in.

Vacation vs. holiday is actually a useful distinction, I guess. (e.g. Valentine's Day is a holiday, even though you don't get the day off.)?

Vacation vs. holiday is actually a useful distinction, I guess. (e.g. Valentine's Day is a holiday, even though you don't get the day off.)

I think it's because we don't really celebrate those things in NZ. I know in the States that Halloween comes under the "holiday" umbrella, and Arbour?

I had to check that?

"I'll have a coffee, but only if you're making one."

The solution to this crime is to go away and make one coffee – and then drink it yourself!

cheers
Bart

, then maybe "quantum" is a reasonable term. It's a reasonable analogy with its scientific meaning, ...

Argh no, quantum means the smallest possible unit. If you were talking about NZ coinage 10 cents would now be the quantum because it's the smallest possible unit. You simple can't give 5?

one of our managers loves to use the word "factoid", mistakenly believing it to mean a small fact

Oh dear.

What makes a fact a small fact? Or a medium sized or even large fact?

Anyway, shouldn?t a small fact be a factette?

Anyway, shouldn?t a small fact be a factette?

How about a Fact McNugget?

one of our managers loves to use the word "factoid", mistakenly believing it to mean a small fact

A quantum fact even?

"factoid", mistakenly believing it to mean a small fact

Ah crap! That's what I thought a factoid was too. Consarnnit!

I would go for quantum+fact = factum

I also just had someone tell me about an "infinite number of possibilities". Really? That many?

I also just had someone tell me about an "infinite number of possibilities".

Chuck Norris would know all about that. Afterall he counted to infinity. Twice.

I prefer "word geek" to "pedant"...

So a price going up by $10 in one fell swoop?

It's easier to remember it correctly if you think of it as something a Nazgul is likely to do.

I feel a little guilty picking on sports stars and announcers as it really is like shooting fish in a barrel, but... it really irks me when players/coaches/commentators talk about single players in the plural, as in "we really need the?

it really irks me when players/coaches/commentators talk about single players in the plural

That bugs me too, to the point of making me argue with the radio, which clearly can't hear me.

It's not as grating, though, as listening to interviews with players where they feel the need to say?

what's a small fact? Inquiring minds need too know!

The example I can think of is:
Factoid (American version) = Jupiter is the largest planet in our solar system
Fact = Jupiter has a diameter of X kilometres. When compared with all other planets and plutoids in the solar system?

Jupiter has a diameter of X kilometres.

That doesn't sound very big – I commute almost XXX kilometres to work every day!

(Sorry. I could claim that's a point about linguistic variation being acceptable if we understand each other, but really it's just a silly joke.)

Chuck Norris would know all about that. Afterall he counted to infinity. Twice.

I only get that joke because I have a 13 year-old son.

It is possible to have fun with sports cliches. When watching the footy on telly with a group of friends, each one chooses one or two cliches, and when their particular phrase/s comes up in?

Chuck Norris would know all about that. Afterall he counted to infinity. Twice.

I only get that joke because I have a 13 year-old son.

So, are you, like, trying to say that he didn't count to infinity twice or something? I'd be careful.

Remember, when Chuck Norris jumps in?

Chuck Norris is a bit of a right wing christian so this ones pretty funny...

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures?

"There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control".

may I repeat my plea for fellow Kiwis to call a backside an arse rather than an ass.

It's not like the difference between a blond and a blonde?

Has anyone else noticed that on the Herald's "your poos" column any word with ass in it, like pass, class or even passive gets gets the *** treatment, whereas the good old arse gets a clear run?

That's beautiful that is. I love profanity filters so much I want to?