Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Gerry Brownlee: “I Like To Knock Cats Off Tables”

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  • David Haywood,

    P.S. I’m currently working every second to get our house finished to a deadline (otherwise the council will take me for five grand), but I felt compelled to make this quick contribution in celebration of the 10th PA Anniversary. Well done Russell and everyone else!

    You may be interested to know that this piece was composed while using a nail gun. It has taken a while for me to see humour in the current situation in CHCH, but the nail gun has helped no end.

    Oh, and apologies if I don’t reply to messages. Sadly my eyes have gone bung, and I can’t read my computer screen anymore. Once I have a few moments I shall visit an optometrist and either my life shall be transformed or I will be declared legally blind (hopefully the former).

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 988 posts Report Reply

  • Tamsin6,

    I was going to say 'How can there be no comments to this? how is that possible! It is magnificent!' but then David whipped in there and commented himself. Frankly, I'm a bit disappointed.

    London • Since Dec 2007 • 123 posts Report Reply

  • Tamsin6,

    Oh, and good luck on meeting your housebuilding deadline David - I love that the council are adding extra challenges for you - and you upped the level of difficulty by multi-tasking with a dangerous implement! Do they give you extra points for artistic interpretation as well?

    London • Since Dec 2007 • 123 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Dearden,

    You may be interested to know that this piece was composed while using a nail gun.

    I now have a marvellous vision of David swivelling back and forth between nailing up interior walls and launching nails across the room at the keyboard. There's a remarkable lack of typos!

    Birmingham, UK • Since Jul 2008 • 8 posts Report Reply

  • andin,

    I dont have personal experience, or any friends or relatives in ChCh. But watching from the "media" informed sidelines as it were. It may as well be knocking cats off tables as far as Brownlee &Co are concerned down there.
    Sooo when do we get the stadium, the provincial championships, the tests matchs?
    of this newly inaugurated, soon to be national pastime if someone has their way.

    raglan • Since Mar 2007 • 1227 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    you know you really don't want to get those new glasses ...... and then go home and see what you've been doing with that nail gun

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2171 posts Report Reply

  • Nora Leggs,

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    Sirriously - on a round table the cat has 360 degree vision - even while asleep - slab hands will be great to grip onto with well sharpened claws.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2011 • 2295 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    Sadly my eyes have gone bung, and I can’t read my computer screen anymore.

    Bloody hell! I hope that the optometrist can help.

    Also, great column.

    Manawatu City • Since Nov 2006 • 1323 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to David Haywood,

    Attachment

    Sadly my eyes have gone bung, and I can’t read my computer screen anymore.

    And you have the nail gun? Step away from the nail gun and get to the optometrist. Excellent coffee break read David. I have been sending vibes to receive word from the Hay Haywood site, words and building progress. But , STEP AWAY FROM THAT PASLODE MAN!!! You have a family to think of. ;)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6254 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    Is it bad that all I can think of is that I'm jealous of David's nail gun. I just can't find a justification to buy one :(.

    Look after your eyes mate, and your ears, those things are loud!

    Surely we must have a PAS reader who is an optometrist who can make a house call to CHCH?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3414 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    As for Brownlee and the relationship with Fletchers, it's simply beyond belief. People are getting rich beyond the dreams of avarice. Maybe Fletchers is the only company able to do the jobs, maybe there is only one viable design, maybe all that land really does have to be cleared. But from this far away it is hard to believe.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3414 posts Report Reply

  • Raymond A Francis,

    Its been a long time between drinks(posts) David but i understand why
    I am seriosly envious of the nailgun because like Bart can not justify one
    Keep safe

    45' South • Since Nov 2006 • 543 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown, in reply to David Haywood,

    You may be interested to know that this piece was composed while using a nail gun.

    And van Gogh painted with a knife. Just sayin'.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18957 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Surely we must have a PAS reader who is an optometrist who can make a house call to CHCH?

    My optometrist uses about a tremendous amount of expensive heavy gadgets to test my eyes. Would require a van at least.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6201 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Thanks for all the kindly comments, people!

    RE: Nailguns

    Of course, if you have TWO Paslodes then you can lend one to your son so that he can build shelves for your shed.

    RE: Council requirements

    The Selwyn District Council here are being pretty good in giving me a bit of leeway. Theoretically they could be taking vast sums of money off me right now. They're actually one of the few organizations that I've dealt with who have grasped that we are undergoing exceptional circumstances in Canterbury, and therefore exceptions should to be made.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 988 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to David Haywood,

    Of course, if you have TWO Paslodes then you can lend one to your son so that he can build shelves for your shed.

    And, how good are those wee boys for getting up those chimneys. And they don't even cost nuffing or anyfing. :)
    Those guns are fun not matter the age.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6254 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to David Haywood,

    if you have TWO Paslodes

    Now you're just teasing me!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3414 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    I have several nail-guns, I have a Paslode gas gun, a compressed air model manufactured by GMC, a pneumatic brad gun and a staple gun that can take staples up to 50mm long.
    Hence all my cats are firmly affixed to their tables. Gerry can do his best, my pussies are staying put!.

    The wireless north ;-) • Since Dec 2006 • 4869 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to David Haywood,

    Once I have a few moments I shall visit an optometrist and either my life shall be transformed or I will be declared legally blind (hopefully the former).

    Dude. Now. I don't want to be flip or anything? But it could be a tumour.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4369 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to David Haywood,

    The Selwyn District Council here are being pretty good in giving me a bit of leeway

    That is awesome. here they are so we can think good things about them.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3414 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Brislen, in reply to David Haywood,

    BOB IS AWESOME can he come round and help at our place? What do you charge him out at?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 174 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz, in reply to Steve Barnes,

    You could lend them to Whale Oil when they yank his firearms license.

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 4463 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard, in reply to Steve Barnes,

    Oh is that what a Paslode is?! I just thought it was the name of a band.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1039 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes, in reply to Rich of Observationz,

    I couldn't imagine anything worse that having to clean blubber off of a Paslode, they are quite fussy about the type of lubricant used in operation. Or were you talking about the cats?.

    The wireless north ;-) • Since Dec 2006 • 4869 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    10 Brownlee points for entertainment :) Coo!
    (Most people probably know not to eat yoghurt while reading humour. I know this too. Now.)

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 1574 posts Report Reply

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