Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Ian Wishart's 'Absolute Power: The Helen Clark Years' Rewritten as a One-act Play in the Style of Noël Coward's 'Brief Encounter'

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  • Eddie Clark,

    Oh this is gold. Well done, David.

    ...I also had visions of this sort of thing being conducted in the context of an Ibsen realist drama. "Absolute Power: the Master Builder Edition."

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 270 posts Report Reply

  • Shep Cheyenne,

    Very nice.

    Can Act 2 be a monologue of him channelling/communicating with Jebus?

    Since Oct 2007 • 927 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Blasphemy! If you're looking to channel Ian Wishart through the lens of Noel Coward and David Lean (before the former became a camp cabaret turn, and the latter vanished up his own pompous arse) I'd recommend __Blithe Spirit__t -- a fizzy little farce about an incompetent medium (played by Margaret Rutherford, treasure) who is as surprised as anyone when she manages to call up a spirit. The spirit herself, her husband and his new wife not so much.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11614 posts Report Reply

  • samuel walker,

    genius.

    Since Nov 2006 • 203 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Osborne,

    Brilliant. I wish I could think of something to say.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 2 posts Report Reply

  • Andrew Smith,

    Well done and very clever. But I wonder why this blog site is getting so 'exercised' about Ian's book. Let it be. If it's rubbish, then it will self-destruct anyway.

    Since Jan 2007 • 150 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Thanks for the kind words, people! Glad to know that -- somewhere out there -- there are those who share my sense of humour.

    Eddie Clark wrote:

    ... "Absolute Power: the Master Builder Edition."

    This is pure genius, Eddie! Incidentally, I've often thought that Ibsen would be an ideal candidate for the television programme 'Changing Rooms'. Along the lines of 'A Doll's House' changes rooms with 'Master Builder'. I bet it would be compelling viewing.

    Craig Ranapia wrote:

    Blasphemy!...

    Yes, it is, isn't it? I just couldn't help myself.

    Andrew Smith wrote:

    I wonder why this blog site is getting so 'exercised' about Ian's book. Let it be. If it's rubbish, then it will self-destruct anyway.

    I'm not so much exercised as amused, Andrew. Metaphorically speaking, when someone as pompous as Ian Wishart goes around wearing a sign that says 'kick me', my satirist's right foot start to itch. Again, I just couldn't help myself.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 864 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Please let Rachmaninoff be playing in the background of this scene. It is, isn't it?

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3582 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Danielle wrote:

    Please let Rachmaninoff be playing in the background of this scene. It is, isn't it?

    Hell, yes! Piano Concerto #2. I had it in my first draft but didn't think anyone would get it. Oh, lovely PA readers, how mistaken I was to underestimate you.

    Jennifer says I should point the young folk (i.e. those whose movie viewing careers began after 1945) to this scene in the movie:

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 864 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Let it be. If it's rubbish, then it will self-destruct anyway.

    Nope, Andrew. At the risk of semi-Godwining myself (and giving Wishart the change to play free speech martyr), the Protocols of the Elders of Zion were exposed as a nasty farrago of hateful lies a very long time ago. But its still doing a brisk trade among anti-Semitic idiots.

    Sometimes, you just got to call bullshit what it is and expose the bullshitters to the contemptuous laughter they so richly deserve.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11614 posts Report Reply

  • samuel walker,

    ... I wonder why this blog site is getting so 'exercised' about Ian's book. Let it be. If it's rubbish, then it will self-destruct anyway.

    possible reason:

    sometimes the nutters talk so loudly, and so fast, and get so good at hiding their pyrotechnic leaps of logic that the uninformed and impressionable get hooked like helpless little fishies. and then they get fried up for dinner, and never know what hit em'.

    also:

    Its funny, a little depressing, but hella funny. Like our own episode of The Office. as the deluded and simple minded fool tries to act as a leader of men. with delusions of greatness and justice. and a merry band of guileless cheerleaders.

    Since Nov 2006 • 203 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Genius.

    I kept waiting for someone to walk in with a dead seagull complaining about the cherries.

    And oddly, all the time I spent just yesterday reading about Vita Sackville-West and Violet Keppel, not once did I picture two Volvos crashing together. That won't be not happening again.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4285 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Sometimes, you just got to call bullshit what it is and expose the bullshitters to the contemptuous laughter they so richly deserve.

    Quite. I'm done with the big Poneke thread now, but I think the exercise has been a useful enough means of demonstrating the absurdity of his argument, the misty nature of his "facts" and the galloping credulousness of his fans.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 17938 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Emma Hart wrote:

    And oddly, all the time I spent just yesterday reading about Vita Sackville-West and Violet Keppel, not once did I picture two Volvos crashing together. That won't be not happening again.

    Yeah, sorry about the Volvo gag, Emma. Right up until the last moment, I was wondering if it might be in dubious taste, and whether I should leave it out. But then I decided that it was an important artistic statement. Kind of like making a sculpture of Jeffrey Archer out of excrement (except that I quite like Woolf, Sackville-West, and Volvos).

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 864 posts Report Reply

  • Cecelia,

    I can't remember a PM as intelligent and capable as Helen Clark.I don't always agree with her but I think we will look back on her as a good'un. It makes me so mad that people of Wishhart's ilk can't get over her surface features.Grrrr!

    Hibiscus Coast • Since Apr 2008 • 505 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    David and others, thanks for saving me the burden of reading either the book or other less dramatic and entertaining reviews.

    Craig, I wish I knew what this meant--

    Nope, Andrew. At the risk of semi-Godwining myself (and giving Wishart the change to play free speech martyr), the Protocols of the Elders of Zion were exposed as a nasty farrago of hateful lies a very long time ago. But its still doing a brisk trade among anti-Semitic idiots.

    --however not knowing hasn't stopped me being thoroughly amused.

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2185 posts Report Reply

  • Jan Farr,

    This is just brilliant! Congratulations on a work well done and a subject well chosen.

    Carterton • Since Apr 2008 • 394 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    Yeah, sorry about the Volvo gag, Emma. Right up until the last moment, I was wondering if it might be in dubious taste, and whether I should leave it out.

    Of course it was in dubious taste! But it was oh so funny.

    Manawatu City • Since Nov 2006 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Yeah, sorry about the Volvo gag, Emma. Right up until the last moment, I was wondering if it might be in dubious taste, and whether I should leave it out.

    Ha, I shall be reading it aloud to Karl the very minute he gets home from work.

    I'm not allowed to email him things any more...

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4285 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    More bad news for Mr Wishart :
    Press Council labels article misleading

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 782 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Thomas,

    at the risk of showing that i have no idea what is going on here...

    i googled to find out what this is all about... and this very blog comes in as the first result!

    ian wishart absolute power - Google Search

    more power to david haywood!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    Oh David. That left me ...well... breathless. I will never be able to look at a Volvo again for heavens sake. Now I feel the need for a shot of Pimms.

    The wireless north ;-) • Since Dec 2006 • 4441 posts Report Reply

  • anjum rahman,

    have to agree with everyone else here. brilliant post, very funny.

    were you also trying to win the award for the longest header?

    hamilton • Since Nov 2006 • 129 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    i googled to find out what this is all about... and this very blog comes in as the first result!

    ian wishart absolute power - Google Search

    more power to david haywood!

    Now that is a result.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 17938 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    I was looking for more of that Brief Encounter film, David, and found this scene. Seems...apt.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1612 posts Report Reply

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