Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Ian Wishart's 'Absolute Power: The Helen Clark Years' Rewritten as a One-act Play in the Style of Noël Coward's 'Brief Encounter'

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  • Craig Ranapia,

    Craig, I wish I knew what this meant--

    Told twice in one day by smart people I'm making no sense whatsoever -- perhaps time to stop pretending to work, and contemplate the traditional birthday dinner: Near raw steak, chips, with a side order of chips and something that's almost pure sugar to follow.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    the traditional birthday dinner

    Ahh...... happy birthday perhaps?

    New Lynn • Since Nov 2006 • 1447 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    the traditional birthday dinner

    Ahh...... happy birthday perhaps?

    Indeed.

    And you've no need to review your sensibleness/sensibilities, just some of your commentary is a bit beyond me, however; I know funny when I see it even if I don't entirely understand it!

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2273 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Curtis,

    Would be great to weave in the SIS from the Muldoon era, just keeping tabs of course on those who visited Lesbos !

    Funny that the SIS had offices in the the old ASB building, a rather prominent part of town at the time unless.... you want to be very handy to the old telephone exchange ( now the New Gallery) right across the road

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report Reply

  • Jolisa,

    Just chiming in late to exclaim at the utter brilliance of this piece.

    Best use of Brief Encounter for (tragi)comic relief since Alan Bennett's "The History Boys". Ooh look, here it is.

    Auckland, NZ • Since Nov 2006 • 1472 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Ahh...... happy birthday perhaps?

    Sure -- If life's a bad joke with the ultimate punchline, you might as well learn to tell it as well as you possible can. Though I've got to wonder if there's something a teeny tad perverse about a (near) middle-aged man buying himself the complete run of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on DVD as a birthday present. There's one clerk at JB Hi-Fi in Albany I have greek cred with, but still...

    Best use of Brief Encounter for (tragi)comic relief since Alan Bennett's "The History Boys".

    That's a good film -- though interesting to see Film Posner comes to a (relatively) happier end than in the play. I still love 'Brief Encounter' not least because the melodrama is so brutally effective it takes a while before you ask yourself just how creepy it is watching Celia Johnson having a slow motion attack of suicidal depression.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Though I've got to wonder if there's something a teeny tad perverse about a (near) middle-aged man buying himself the complete run of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on DVD as a birthday present.

    If it's any consolation, that's what my daughter wanted for her 11th birthday and didn't get.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    If it's any consolation, that's what my daughter wanted for her 11th birthday and didn't get.

    Heh... Good call. Great show, but I don't think much of it is necessarily pre-teenage appropriate. Though like Whedon much as I love horror movies, I want to puke at the standard trope of retarded, slutty teenage girl whose sole function is to be hunted down and slaughtered (preferably immediately after having sex).

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    greek cred

    Are we back at the Isle of Lesbos again?

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    anjum rahman wrote:

    were you also trying to win the award for the longest header?

    Hadn't occurred to me, but that's not a bad idea, dude! Maybe we should have internal PA awards for longest header, most ungrammatical sentence, most distasteful imagery involving a Volvo, etc. Russell?

    Don Christie wrote:

    I was looking for more of that Brief Encounter film, David, and found this scene. Seems...apt

    Brilliant! Isn't Enfield such a fantastic mimic?

    Steve Curtis wrote:

    Would be great to weave in the SIS...

    Now there's an intriguing thought!

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Heh... Good call. Great show, but I don't think much of it is necessarily pre-teenage appropriate.

    Ahahaha. She's already watched series 1 and 2 and three arrives this weekend. We've been watching them together as a family and so far there hasn't been anything we weren't happy with them seeing. In fact, the discussion between Willow and Buffy before she sleeps with Angel was remarkably both realistic and mature. But there is stuff I remember from series 6&7 I'm not happy for her to be viewing yet. (Invisible slaya secks!)

    One of the worst things I've ever read was an extensive essay about what a misogynistic bastard Joss Whedon is, playing out his rapist fantasies.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    One of the worst things I've ever read was an extensive essay about what a misogynistic bastard Joss Whedon is, playing out his rapist fantasies.

    I read that one too Emma, and while there was some (NB but not all, by any means) of it that I thought made good points, calling him a rapist was just bizarre. And hate filled.

    New Lynn • Since Nov 2006 • 1447 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    I read that one too Emma, and while there was some (NB but not all, by any means) of it that I thought made good points, calling him a rapist was just bizarre. And hate filled.

    Oy and vey... If you're referring to this, it wasn't bizarre but mind-bendingly offensive.

    This from the essay:

    Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Joss uses his own wife in this way. Expects her to clean up his emotional messes. Expects her to be there, eternally supportive, eternally subservient and grateful to him in all his manly glory. I hope the money is worth it, Mrs. Whedon. But somehow I doubt that it is. No amount of money can buy back wasted emotional resources.

    But just to add defamatory insult to injury, we get this in the comments:

    I feel awful for Joss Whedon's wife. From what I've read about him and the interviews I've watched, I'm fairly certain that he rapes his wife and abuses her in various other ways. I honestly can't think of anything worse than living with a man like Joss who thinks of women like the way he portrays in his tv shows. How awful. The comment about the money was meant to be about how I personally could see no benefit from being with a man like Joss OTHER than money. Joss uses and abuses her. Probably rapes her and thinks of women as whores etc, etc. Obviously, Ms Whedon has her own reasons for staying. Fear, patriarchal concepts of love, etc. But I would argue that she gives everything and gets nothing. Money is the only concrete thing that she could possibly gain. But as I said money is worth nothing compared with self-integrity, self-esteem, love (sister/lesbian/gynaffectionate love) etc. So she still loses out. Poor woman.

    Seriously -- WTF. He's not only a rapist, but he rapes and abuses his wife who only stays with him for the money? The weasel-word qualifications and faux-solidarity with Kai Cole ("wife" actually has a name of her own) would be laughable if they weren't quite so creepy.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Rex Widerstrom,

    "Gynaffectionate love"? What on earth...? I seem to have stumbled on something quite bizarre when all I really wanted to say was that David has created one of the most brilliant pieces of satire it has ever been my pleasure to read.

    Now I'm going to ponder the question of whether gynaffectionate love involves a surgical glove, a speculum and a box of candy and, if so, how.

    Perth, Western Australia • Since Nov 2006 • 157 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I am, and you would not believe how much, sorry I brought it up. It is... bilge, frankly. It's unbelievably offensive, and even if you leave out the quite freakish personal attacks on Joss, and his wife, and the female actors and writers involved in the Whedonverse, it involves making up your mind what your conclusion is, then spending hours cherry picking what supports it, no matter how far out of context you have to drag stuff kicking and screaming, and ignoring anything that doesn't.

    I'd be far happier leaving my daughter alone with Joss Whedon than with the woman who wrote that. She wouldn't get the chance, of course.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    Regarding the discussion of Buffy, I'm not particularly a fan although I've enjoyed it from time to time but I once caught an episode of the spinoff, Angel, where he was turned into a muppet... I've never, never, laughed as much. It was a piece of comic genius!

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2273 posts Report Reply

  • Shep Cheyenne,

    Wot if ...

    She wrestled D4J in the australasian blogisphere smack down?

    Since Oct 2007 • 927 posts Report Reply

  • anjum rahman,

    and in an absolutely wierd coincidence, world watch today had a piece about people from said island of lesbos, taking a court case to try and stop a gay-rights group from using their island's name to refer to gay women. the link is http://www.radionz.co.nz/audio/national/mdr/world_watch18, and it's at the end of the clip. apparently, if they're successful they plan to take on the rest of the world.

    mr wishart must be proud of them. perhaps he can send off a percentage of the profits from his book to help cover thier legal costs!

    (oh, and i'd prefer dudess to dude, if you didn't mind...)

    **REPLY:** Sorry about that! For some reason, in my mind, 'dude' is non-gender specific. No offence intended, I assure you! -- DH

    hamilton • Since Nov 2006 • 130 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    I am, and you would not believe how much, sorry I brought it up.

    No, in a totally perverse way it's a tribute to Whedon's power to get under people's skins. I think Ronald Moore has the right attitude: The guy's been accused of being everything from a misogynist sleazebag who gets off on brutalising women to a politically correct Hollyweird femi-Nazi. (And that's before the Trekkies pile on.) In the end, he just does the work to the very best of his ability and once it's out in the public sphere he has very little control over how people read it. Either they get it or they don't; and if you drag people out of their comfort zones, then you shouldn't be too shocked that some are going to take it very badly.

    To get back on topic, I've had it solemnly explained to me that Brief Encounter is just more proof of the homosexual agenda to undermine respect for the family, marriage and all that other good stuff. I think the only rational response to that is, "Well, considering our heroine doesn't commit adultery, considers throwing herself under a train and ends up going home to her husband Noel Coward did a shit job, didn't he?"

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Craig Ranapia wrote:

    To get back on topic, I've had it solemnly explained to me that Brief Encounter is just more proof of the homosexual agenda to undermine respect for the family, marriage and all that other good stuff.

    Yes, that's the crazed theory that I had in mind when I wrote this (or one of the crazed theories, at any rate). I was trying to find out where I'd read it. I thought it was held up for ridicule in one of the Coward bios, but I can't find it anywhere. Or did LRB or someone do an essay on Coward where it was mentioned?

    Did any of your explainers cite their sources?

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Did any of your explainers cite their sources?

    God no -- Coward may have been camp as a row of pink tents, but it seems to me that you have to be remarkably obtuse not to pick up that, in most other ways, he was very much a small-c cnservative.

    One of the glories of British culture -- or flaws, depending on your point of view -- is a long tradition of figures who held to the notions that Épater la bourgeoisie is all very well, but not to the point of actual vulgarity. :) Anyway, can't you love something while being perfectly clear-eyed about the flaws and hypocrisies and cruelties (both petty and vast) along for the ride?

    But to a certain mindset, homosexual = flaming revolutionary. I just don't think you could apply that to someone who greeted the first Labour government with this cheery lyric:

    There are bad times just around the corner,
    We can all look forward to despair,
    It's as clear as crystal
    From Bridlington to Bristol
    That we can't save democracy and we don't much care
    If the Reds and the Pinks
    Believe that England stinks
    And that world revolution is bound to spread,
    We'd better all learn the lyrics of the old 'Red Flag'
    And wait until we drop down dead.
    A likely story
    Land of Hope and Glory,
    Wait until we drop down dead.

    Nor do I think he wrote London Pride with a smirk, which might be as sentimental as hell but still moistens the tear ducts.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    No, in a totally perverse way it's a tribute to Whedon's power to get under people's skins. I think Ronald Moore has the right attitude: The guy's been accused of being everything from a misogynist sleazebag who gets off on brutalising women to a politically correct Hollyweird femi-Nazi.

    Heh, and you know who wrote for Whedon AND Moore? Jane Espenson! She's obviously a screaming misogynist.

    To meld the two threads together, I've been told that Moore is part of a vast heterosexual conspiracy to remove gay people from the future. Star Wars, Star Trek, BSG, even Bab 5 - not so much as a camp cocktail.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Thomas,

    To meld the two threads together, I've been told that Moore is part of a vast heterosexual conspiracy to remove gay people from the future. Star Wars, Star Trek, BSG, even Bab 5 - not so much as a camp cocktail.

    oh, come on! C-3PO and R2D2 were more than just good buddies

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 317 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    To meld the two threads together, I've been told that Moore is part of a vast heterosexual conspiracy to remove gay people from the future. Star Wars, Star Trek, BSG, even Bab 5 - not so much as a camp cocktail.

    Nope -- just Willow Rosenberg, Admiral Helena Cain, Susan Ivanova, Mirror Universe Kira Nerys, and Gina/Six. All guaranteed to give Ian Wishart -- and sexually insecure geeks everywhere -- nightmares. :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    oh, come on! C-3PO and R2D2 were more than just good buddies

    And we're perilously close to banging volvos together again.

    Nope -- just Willow Rosenberg, Admiral Helena Cain, Susan Ivanova, Mirror Universe Kira Nerys, and Gina/Six. All guaranteed to give Ian Wishart -- and sexually insecure geeks everywhere -- nightmares. :)

    Joss is firmly on the Russell Davies 'vast gay conspiracy' side of the divide. From the start, he knew either Willow or Xander was going to 'turn out' to be gay, and he hadn't decided which for the first two series. Watching now, it shows.

    And... yeah, the arguments. All about as convincing as that essay above. Mirror Kira is allowed to be Bi because she's Evil. Dax was allowed to kiss a woman because when she fell in love with her, she was in a male body. Etc. Is there another genre people get SO exercised about, politically?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

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