would surely produce a newborn that's more appealing than your standard infant.

To whom?

The parents get some sort chemical reaction happening that makes this screaming ball of screwed up skin seem like the 1st Wonder of the World.

Non-parents don't get the same reaction, nor did nature intend them?

Do parents ever?

Do parents ever consider how inventively vicious children and teenagers are when naming their hellspawn?

Parents do consider this. And one thing you consider is that human ingenuity is quite perverse and knows no bounds, so noone is safe. You might think, say, Haywood or Ranapia were "safe" names, but?

Some actual, real, honest-to-gods names my friends and I encountered growing up.

Twins: Benson and Hedges
Wayne King (1984 Sports Boy at Otumoetai College, name etched forever on a board hanging above the hall)
Moro Barsley

Isn't it much much worse that the woman named her children after lovers! I mean all jokes about Christchurch aside, that's creepy.

Kamiria

ouch

Thanks for the kind words! All joking aside, we are incredibly pleased and happy. Although, admittedly, there is also a very large dollop of panic.

Hadyn:

'Moro Barsley' is superb (my mum will be delighted).

sleep beatifically on your chest while you listen to
'a prairie home companion' for two hours.

light up when they see you in a way no one else ever will

and laugh uncontrollably at your silliest slapstick schtick

one thing you'll never be is bored. but meanwhile,?

3. boring

ROTFLMFAO

Oh, and you know that look on folks' faces when Superman flies in to save the world? You get to be Superman, for a short while.

4. Goes wrong too easily

Yes. Lap up the good times.

I personally appreciate having a name that is completely unique in NZ. I get a bit of low grade hassling from people when I first meet them and any woman I'm with inevitably has to put up with being asked if "she's Gretel" but I wouldn't give it up?

What goes wrong with people's brains when they have a baby?

And people wonder how to get ideas for the science spot on the radio show?

Quite simply the female parent is swamped by hormones that affect her brain (actually studies have shown that rather than "baby brain" reducing memory?

All I ask is from those who just have to produce a kid to feel complete, is to remember that a) you?

Can we run a competition to name your child?

Ronaldinho/a

Oh, you were asking for permission.

...and congratulations!

...and an ex o' mine went to school with a girl called Ophelia Cox, apparently.

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/

Culled from baby naming message boards across the net, the worst of the worst.

But crikey, some parents just make we wanna.....

Back to topic. Who remembers the case in Perth of the parents naming their son Drew Peacock?

"Padme" is Sanskrit for "Lotus" as in "Om Mani Padme Hum".

So I guess it might be a reasonable name if you're from that part of the world.

[**REPLY:** __She didn't look Indian to me — but I suppose it's vaguely possible that she was?

But here's something -?

why do they assume i'm male?

I confess, I thought you were a guy at first. To my pakeha brain "Anjum" sounded like it'd be a guy's name, I don't know why. I'd probably make the same mistake with the name "Stacey".

i vote female = "sharrin", male = "jonnathin".

will always show up when ego-surfing.

Where's Noizyboy? He should totally be in on this conversation.

I should? I suppose the wife and I did give our kids exceptionally good names.

...parents having to go through their school days known as Rebecca H and Chris A

Hah! Indeed. Although, at our local primary, there's a new?

Has anyone read the chapter in Freakonomics about correlations between children's names and the educational levels of their?

it was the most awful experience, with noisy kids, food spillages, and parents who had nothing else to talk about except their own kids.

I still feel like this, did so all through my own children's birthday parties. I particularly can't stand parents who can only talk about children and?

Can we run a competition to name your child?

By awkward co-incidence, Jennifer's surname is 'Hay'. So we've already had the suggestions of:

— Hayden Hamish Hay Haywood

And the inspired combination of Maori and Heywood R. Floyd tribute:

— Heywood Heihei Haywood-Hay

A lot of parents give their kids those weird names with weird spellings because they are unique, which probably stems from the parents having to go through their school days known as Rebecca H and Chris A

My school years should really have left me with a major complex I?

i was maybe 22 before i realised the pun.

I confess, I thought you were a guy at first. To my pakeha brain "Anjum" sounded like it'd be a guy's name, I don't know why.

well, just to make matters a bit more confusing, anjum is a name that is commonly used by both males and females... when i?

i'd prefer a "dear anjum" to a "dear mr rahman".

Interesting. I guess people feel less uncomfortable about getting your sex wrong than they do about using your first name.

I guess the use of your first name implies an intimacy. Which implies folks (probably me included) are more afraid?

"Hadyn". And thanks David for spelling it right first go. I've had "Haydn" "Hayden" "Hadon" "Haydon" (the DomPost did that) and the worst one "Loelyn" (poor handwriting by someone caused that).

But the wierdest thing (and this is sort of?

but i just wonder, if people don't know for sure, why do they put "mr" instead of leaving you without a title? i'd prefer a "dear anjum" to a "dear mr rahman".

I've asked this question a couple of times, because I refuse to use a title as?

bad names – here are two as evidence that a perfectly nice name with no hint of capacity for fearsome teasing: gabrielle?

"Excellent" I thought, I'll give that a go and tried my friend Dom, to see if it?

Can we run a competition to name your child?

Something that can be abbreviated nicely is always useful.

Woody Hay-Haywood seems to have a nice balance to it.

But the wierdest thing (and this is sort of @ Robyn), I have met another Hadyn Green. Yet I OWN the Google search.

Hehehe – I discovered another Scott Common via email last year – his machine had got infected with something viral and was spamming out emails to all?

Though the ones I know of were from Managere and Peter's Dad's ones were from Tauranga.

It's probably cause male and female names in English show different properties, and 'anjum' seems to be closer to the typical profile for male names than female names. This is because:

– it's two syllables?

Start saving in a sleep bank now, you've got an eternity (well, that's how it seems) of broken nights ahead of you.

Re: the names. I love it when fundamentalist Christians name their kids out of the Bible, without too much reference to what the original actually did. So?

Wright, Saundra, Hay, Jennifer and Tessa Bent (2005)

I'm assuming that you are "Hay, Jennifer" and that after "Saundra" there should be a semicolon. But does that make the last person Bent Tessa?

Anne:
Hadyn is a fantastic name :)

"Excellent" I thought, I'll give that a go and tried my friend Dom, to see if it would work on anyone. I got pictures of houses.

Sounds like someone has safe search on, then...

FWIW, If I can pass on anything of my own experience, it would be to keep your back in nice flexible healthy condition, because you will soon have to get used to carrying a lot of stuff – add 'porter' to your list of job titles :)

Can we run a competition to name your child?

I've ended up stuck on a three little pigs reference:

Brick Haywood.

It's a long weekend now right? Good.

I've asked this question a couple of times, because I refuse to use a title as much as possible. It seems several data entry programs have 'title' as a required field. The person entering your information can't send the form unless they have something in that field.

So, there's another?

a short, snappy and easily agreed upon gender-neutral title that will piss off neither males nor females.

The Honorable? Hon for short.

Brick Haywood.

My hat is off to Kyle. That's got my vote.

a short, snappy and easily agreed upon gender-neutral title that will piss off neither males nor females

I can answer this one: Citizen (Cz for short).

As in Cz. Anjum Rahman

RE:

Brick Haywood

I'll add it to our list...

a short, snappy and easily agreed upon gender-neutral title that will piss off neither males nor females

What about "Hs."? Short for Homosapien

The torturer occasionally, and very arbitrarily rewards with positive facial?

Congrats to you both, get some sleep now while you can..

[**REPLY**: Thanks, Glenn. Yes, that has certainly been suggested! — DH]

In one of my modestly professional roles I met and had to record the name of a bricklayer called Paul Brain.

Leif anyone ?

[**REPLY:** __I was going to give the?

Not so, they will (if doing their job properly) have been told of a business requirement and proceeded accordingly.

Though it should be possible to code to address form letters with Dear if no salutation is specified. Or to ask customers?

There is hope for Gaylene, Kaylene, and?

So if you give the wee bairn a simple to spell name they will love you for it when they start school.

And so will their teachers.

Benson and Hedges

I always thought, if you were that into smoking...

Taylor and Roly.

Or perhaps go for a simple first name then add in a title for the middle names, for example:

__John Destroyer of Pirates Haywood, or Jill The Infamous Keelhauler Haywood.__?

Oh and I too own the google search for my name. I really doubt there's anyone out there?

Years ago a newly pregnant friend was told by her father-in-law to read the death notices in The Times to get ideas for her baby's name.

My parents found my first name in an obituary. They tell me the former holder had died at a ripe old age?

But maybe this is the incentive I need to jump?

one thing you'll never be is bored. but meanwhile, find a copy
of momus' i hate his majesty the baby and indulge for a few months. opening verse:

Just don't go near Nirvana's In Utero ...

But maybe this is the incentive I need to jump back in. If only to frighten David with more tales from the front lines :-)

please do, Jolisa – even those of us without kids are missing your writing, and I, for one, am dying to know how your big?

Thanks for the kind words! All joking aside, we are incredibly pleased and happy. Although, admittedly, there is also a very large dollop of panic.

We found the best panic moment was coming home from the hospital with #1: __What!? Us? Look after a tiny, vulnerable human? Surely, some mistake!__?

Ooops – of course, the other female voice around here is Fiona's.

And she is earnestly promising not to go MIA for four months again ...

We found the best panic moment was coming home from the hospital with #1: What!? Us? Look after a tiny, vulnerable human? Surely, some mistake!

My moment was the afternoon we left North Shore hospital with our tiny delicate bundle sleeping in the car carrier. Every car and truck on?

even those of us without kids are missing your writing

Heh, fair assumption but no kids here either. I just enjoy reading about other people's :)

It really is time to?

Heywood Heihei Haywood-Hay

Priceless – Congrats David! I can offer no advice, I got what you wished for, a child at 5 years old – I have no idea what they're like earlier than that.

Meanwhile – odd names I have met

Rick Shaw
Richard Head
The Tata brothers, Rata?

Clearly the naming thing has done it's dash.

In this modern world a simple alphanumeric code is all that's necessary. I suggest 2 or 3 letters followed by 4 or 3 numbers (keeping the data entry field constant size would be most helpul).

And with such?

Ernest Maurice Alan

It would be a lot to live up to

cheers
Bart

Oh and watch the out for the pains of spelling!

When we lived in South London a colleague of my wife's named her child Aiden. She liked Hayden, but figured everyone would just call him 'Ayden anyway. Say it like chav, it's more funny.

I spent my entire school career?

The other tried and true test --to see if your chosen name is of its time, try calling it?

When we lived in South London a colleague of my wife's named her child Aiden. She liked Hayden, but figured everyone would just call him 'Ayden anyway. Say it like chav, it's more funny.

2005, I think it was, four of the top five boys' names in the States were?

She ran it past my 11-year old nephews who agreed it was a nice name, but confirmed he would definitely get teased about it in later years.

I personally wasn't that impressed with Jeremy as a name at school, but I've come to appreciate the balance between rarity and recogniseability – there's rarely more?

I keep hearing stories, sadly apocryphal, of children named Meconium (male) and Chlamydia (female).

Years ago, I worked on a university enrolment system. The production database included a Ghengis Cohen. And some who (by deed poll rather than parent, I?

I overheard a woman in Pak N Save telling off her daughter (I presume it was her daughter) "Sativa, you stop poking your brother!".

Oh, she must have been named after Avena sativa, the scientific name for oats.

Also, I have heard from two unrelated sources of a child in?

Weird. I've heard that story too, but the child was called Mt Eden Bus Stop.

I heard it was Mt Albert Bus Stop; no clarification as to conception or birth, but because the person was arrested when a policeman that stopped him (god knows why) thought he was taking the?