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Speaker: Medical Journal, Chapter V

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  • Russell Brown, in reply to Robyn Gallagher,

    You know how our Prime Minister’s recent comments on the hotness of Liz Hurley made it into the “weird news” sections of international newspapers? Well, the previous thing he said that also became overseas news was his too-much-information confession to having had a vasectomy,

    And you know why Paul can't be here with us right now?

    Because he has a meeting this morning with the Prime Minister.

    Spooky.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 19019 posts Report Reply

  • Mikaere Curtis,

    As it happens, New Zealand has the highest rate of vasectomies. I wonder why it's come so widespread and, indeed, culturally acceptable here.

    Sheer bang-for-buck practicality. It is, I suppose, the same reason why Aotearoa is the only country in the Western world where women regularly mow the lawns (I got taught that a long time ago in a Consumer Behaviour course, but it still seems apparent).

    Tamaki Makaurau • Since Nov 2006 • 455 posts Report Reply

  • Pat Hackett,

    My chop was rather eventful...

    When I was 19 I was hit in the testicle by a cricket ball (indoor cricket, cracking on-drive, no box) which knocked me out. It swelled to the size of a grapefruit and thanks to medical insurance I was admitted to a private catholic hospital. They forgot to ask me to shave before giving me the pre-op anaesthetic, so I had the pleasure of being spaced out while a nun shaved my balls. Fantastic.

    Fast forward 10 years and am lying in a men's clinic for a vasectomy, with my balls sticking out of a little frontal square in my operating gown. The assistant nurse is Ian Jones mum. We chat about Ian and the All Blacks. I try to be nonchalant as if my shaved balls are not in the middle of the conversation.

    The injection into the scrotum bloody hurt, let me tell you. It was 1996 so I am sure there is some magical way they anaesthetise you now without a mini-harpoon.

    Anyway, one side snip-snip, one minute, no worries. But the doc had a terrible time trying to get a loop in the testicle that had been operated on 10 years earlier. Something about scar tissue getting in the way. It took 30 minutes before he managed it, and when he got the little soldering iron out, the anaesthetic had begun to wear out. As my body bounced on the table he enquired "Oh sorry, can you feel that?" No, I thought getting a electric shock in the balls was normal. Next thing, the harpoon comes out again for another round.

    So yes, it hurt. But I was present at both my kids births, and I know out of me and my wife who got the better deal. Suck it up, fellas.

    Auckland • Since Oct 2010 • 95 posts Report Reply

  • Gareth Davidson,

    7 months later and on my fifth sample, I'm still "live". Don't know where the buggers are hiding, or why, but they've outlived their average life span. I'm beginning to wonder if I can ask the doctor for my $2000 ($650 for the anaethetist, $600 for the surgeon, $800 for the hospital, and now what seems to be an eternal string of pathology fees) back, for not providing the service I paid for.

    Sydney • Since Mar 2007 • 46 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    so I had the pleasure of being spaced out while a nun shaved my balls. Fantastic.

    I submit that you hallucinated that. Surely.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 19019 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    Mikaere - it's bound to be in wikipedia (sorry in haste). Can be very painful even if main procedure done under general. Can also be associated with grief unlike vasectomy which is basically a positive experience.

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 2122 posts Report Reply

  • Islander, in reply to Mikaere Curtis,

    D&C = dilation (of the cervix) and curettage (scraping of womb.)

    Midwife sisters...

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Pat Hackett,

    No Russell. It is the sworn truth. St Mary's Hospital, Whangarei, 1987. It can't have been much fun for her, I admit. I did protest that I could probably manage it myself, but the head nurse was adament I should not be sent to shower with a razor blade whilst half drugged.

    Auckland • Since Oct 2010 • 95 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Sheer bang-for-buck practicality.

    My partner's was paid for by the State, through Family Planning, because we were on a benefit at the time. The grant is, co-incidentally, exactly the same amount of money as the cost of a vasectomy.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4371 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson, in reply to Robyn Gallagher,

    I wonder why it's come so widespread and, indeed, culturally acceptable here.

    I think it's because we're one of the least religious countries in the world.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 8615 posts Report Reply

  • Che Tibby, in reply to Russell Brown,

    when i had my heart op they stuck six or seven large needles into my groin in order to run copper up to the heart (aside: was operated on by Dr. Michael Love).

    afterwards i had three (3!) nurses tiding up the litre or so of blood with water and lots of soft cotton wool buds.

    now some would look upon all that daubing and dabbing of one's privates as sexy.

    i learned that not all things crotch-related are erotic.

    the back of an envelope • Since Nov 2006 • 2026 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown, in reply to Che Tibby,

    i learned that not all things crotch-related are erotic.

    You’re talking to someone who once woke in hospital and was surprised – nay, alarmed – to find that a plastic tube has been inserted in his penis. I am hearing you.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 19019 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Russell Brown,

    Caution. Do not read this thread while sitting alone in cafe for lunch. Innocent bystanders might wonder why you let out a yelp, crossed your legs violently, and looked sideways at the meat pie in front of you.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to recordari,

    sideways at the meat pie

    At least it wasn't macaroni salad

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3434 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Rubber Bands.

    Family Planning sometime around 1992ish. Lay down. Undies down. Jabbed a la harpoon (nice description). Two nurses. Chat chat chat. "Just lifting this out, tie the knot and ...snip...there...all done". Number two. "Just lifting out, tie the knot and...snip....forget to let go tong thingys.....streeeeetch vas....finally remember to let go tong thingys....JESUS CHRIST. ..it was like being hit in the balls by a rubber band.

    Frozen peas. Great buy. Worth their pods in gold!

    Mosey on home - with wonderful - and immediately mutually check to see if it still all works OK. Yup.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1502 posts Report Reply

  • Che Tibby,

    while we discuss alarming things and male genitals, let's bring up *that* test for STIs.

    they say better safe than sorry, but damn finding i was safe made me sorry.

    a freaking chimney brush and the oldfella - evil.

    the back of an envelope • Since Nov 2006 • 2026 posts Report Reply

  • Martin Lindberg, in reply to Russell Brown,

    to find that a plastic tube has been inserted

    Heh. One of my life's weirdest physical sensations was having the catheter pulled out. Not really painful - just weird.

    Stockholm • Since Jul 2009 • 797 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    I was present at both my kids births, and I know out of me and my wife who got the better deal. Suck it up, fellas.

    If I ever have this procedure done, I shall be insisting on an epidural.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2401 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Hilarious. It puts me in mind of my ex brother-in-law who, many years ago, had the procedure. He stayed in bed for 3 days afterwards, and thereafter, for at least a couple of weeks, crept around with his legs bowed. Ridiculous man.

    i learned that not all things crotch-related are erotic.

    You’re talking to someone who once woke in hospital and was surprised – nay, alarmed – to find that a plastic tube has been inserted in his penis. I am hearing you.

    Oh, Russell. You love it. It's going to keep you in stories for years to come. Besides which, if you want to know about pain, I can refer you to my husband who has not only had tubes up his penis, but tubes in his chest for months at a time, and had to inject himself daily with warfarin, has had bone marrow extracted from his hip bones - on a regular basis - not to mention months of chemotherapy, much of which - for 8 months - was administered via a very large spinal tap every 4 weeks. Shall I go on? No, I thought not. They call it perspective, chappies! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and all that bollocks.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle, in reply to Russell Brown,

    You’re talking to someone who once woke in hospital and was surprised – nay, alarmed – to find that a plastic tube has been inserted in his penis.

    Let me just say that I do not recommend having it put into the corresponding girl-parts while you’re awake and sober. The memory of that still gives me the cold sweats.

    ETA On the other hand, it's made going to the dentist far less terrifying.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3662 posts Report Reply

  • Che Tibby, in reply to Jackie Clark,

    who let a girl into the mens group?

    please someone pass me my clothes, and take this drum.

    i am swiftfeather no longer.

    the back of an envelope • Since Nov 2006 • 2026 posts Report Reply

  • Pat Hackett,

    I had a friend who kept putting it off because he thought he would never be able to ejaculate again. Basically he thought it would just blow air, and that as a party trick you could use your old fella to blow out a candle.

    He had the chop in the end, but I don't go to his parties anymore.

    Auckland • Since Oct 2010 • 95 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Che Tibby,

    who let a girl into the mens group?

    Five [edit after recount] last I counted. But who’s counting? Perspective. Yes. Important.

    At least it wasn’t macaroni salad

    Certainly for comic purposes I considered macaroni cheese, but thought I’d be honest, since we’re sharing. Quite apart from not needing that particular visual imagery.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    I hope this discussion is not putting you men off going to your prostate checks.

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 2122 posts Report Reply

  • Che Tibby, in reply to Hilary Stace,

    I hope this discussion is not putting you men off going to your prostate checks.

    faaaaaaaaarrrkkk... i forgot.

    the back of an envelope • Since Nov 2006 • 2026 posts Report Reply

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