We have discussed this?

One of the questions I struggle to not tell the truth in reply to is, "How are you?" I've learned to say "Fine" largely because my partner is sick of seeing That Expression on the faces of checkout operators.

Still?

In response to "how are you ?" I did try "do you really want to?

Some of the difficulty is that my humour is too dry, too specialised or too rude for many settings?

Sorry for what? I almost always get this wrong. If you don't want to know how I am, then don't ask me. Otherwise I'm going to tell you about my ingrown toenail, my sciatic nerve and my... 'Yes, I'm?

This may have something to do with our shared socialisation context. It took me years to realise that the?

Also, "Busy day?" "Yeah, once I get home I have some porn to write, and then a stack of reading on the politics of BDSM. You?"

How are you ? > Who are you ?

Today I am Attilla the Hun and I want all the space in the office.....

I enjoy talking about my kids in the sense that I find child development really interesting and they are my main case-studies. This is not?

Yeah, but that was over a year ago. We've all forgotten about it. I'll just cut and paste my comments from pg 9 of that thread, and no-one will notice the recycling...

Want to talk about the weather? Maybe you should talk to someone else.?

Is this were you furrow your brow enigmatically, and say that you have issues with Andrew Lang's Anglocentric bias and cultural insenitivity?

But it is probably worse when I am feeling bored with myself, think I probably project an arrogant uninterested vibe, when what I really want is for SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK.

Yes, men don't expose their privates so easily. Some of that is possibly because they're far more easy to tear clean off than a woman's.

Simplest tactic in that situation: Ask a question. It's one of the best tools in the small-talker's arsenal.

Oh, I?ve got the fine art of over-sharing to an intimidating degree while revealing absolutely nothing of value. Much finger food and a faint air?

Yes, and like you mentioned in another thread, I?ve learned enough vague detail to be able to deflect awkwardness when, for example, sport comes up. Enough to be able to hold my own politely while planning a swift exit for a drink or pit stop.

But?

Surely that's pushing it even for fairly close friends?

At least on PA there's no danger that it will go all quiet.

That Expression on the faces of checkout operators.

I found myself doing that the other day.?

Names only get you so far. I am similar, and usually I can place the face and give you a potted summary of the person, but not always. Sometimes I find?

Hairdressers do, for sure. You don't want to offend in case they fuck your hair up. Fortunately you can choose which one you use. Cabbies, not so much. But likewise,?

That can be awkward.

I used to have this trick when I was teaching, but it involved drawing little pictures and remembering where students were sitting when I first met them, and then making them stay in the same seat?

honestly never had this problem, though I hear about it all the time

very good

Then compare them with Hitler?

So all things considered, you can imagine the state of mind in which I went to my hairdresser on Saturday. Now, my hairdresser herself is lovely, but I can only really deal with that kind of environment by viewing the experience as an anthropological field?

I've just thought of an awesome App. Kind of like Shazam is for music, but with facial recognition software. Facebook and Picasa both have this built in already, so not a big stretch to allow your phone to surreptitiously scan the person in front of?

However. If you've gone to the trouble to enter their name and picture and voice into a database, it's highly likely you'll remember them anyway.

Small talk is in some respects a?

The update of the Android OS released today can apparently unlock the phone/tablet when it recognises your face.

While I agree with you to a degree, I don?t think instilling self-worth and confidence in young children (or adults) is all that easy, otherwise we would be living in a different world, no?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEpAtTe-oJY

Though self-esteem can be unhelpful.

Indeed. The small talk is only a small piece of the picture. But every skill one acquires increases confidence, which goes?

For men.

For women.

Just leave copy of these lying around where your kids can stumble across them. Bosh. Job done.

It's one of those interesting skills where being bad at it can be a positive disincentive to further practise. Like falling off the bike so much you?

For me the question isn't can I learn it? Or can I be bothered? (The answers are yes and sometimes respectively). The question is can I do it authentically? And a lot of chit chat involves not?

No, that's true. But it's got a high probability of doing so. Maths is much the same. Some people want to die from maths, sure. But of itself, it's a great boon to humanity.?

Oh, this.

My favourite people know (because, basically, I've told them specifically) that I will never?

I tend to actually enjoy seeing what useful information I can get out of cabbies if they won't shut up. There's so many directions you can take a conversation that aren't their boring hobby horse.

I don't get many taxi's in Auckland because I'm too broke to go out much?

What's your favourite position?
Were you bullied as a child?
Do you own any sex toys?
Global warmings all shit aye?

that probably counts at an Act on Campus gathering

?Tis better to be vile than vile esteeem'd
In particular, beware the false adulterate eyes.

The other side of the coin is everyone else learning ways to communicate and build relationships that respect different levels of comfort or proficiency with small talk.
Yes.

I mention this because I got two good friends together finally and they had a nice chat in the rain in a Cuba Street?

@Isabel Hitchings: I agree, competitive parenting is so vile.

I?ve long suspected Laurie Anderson must be a gas at cocktail parties. Que es mas macho iceberg or volcano?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d9YAz3A4pc

If you ask this of someone like me, for whom parenting is my primary occupation, you are going to come away with the perception that?

Small talk/gossip/ socialese – cant do?

I could see how offering to steam clean the head of state's downstairs carpet for a modest fee would put a crimp in that ambition.

It's a skill, most certainly. But there's small talk in it. Introducing people to the next love of their life might involve wading through the shallows. It seems like a very meaningful activity to me.

I cannot emphasise strongly enough that no matter how good the salon's espresso machine is, you should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES drink coffee the entire time. Not?

unless of course that's a wonderfully crafted euphemism for something else ..... as in
offering to steam clean the head of?

You could tell them that you will call the person in that seat John regardless of who sits there, then it's up to them if they want to be called by their own names.

Don't be silly she has little people to do that for her already

Hebe: you must come out the next time we go for Beers and Talking About Sex.

So if you don't do small talk (I'm assuming we mean that initial?

Thank you. For several decades, the prevailing public discourse has treated inter-personal communication largely as being about talking (especially about feeelings). I enjoy that myself, but many don't – particularly?

You must be thinking of some other website :)

This is a whole other debate, but anglicising, or just changing, the names of people whose birth name we have difficulty pronouncing seems (euphemistically speaking) troublesome.
what does that first blooming of friendship look [like] to?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f_p0CgPeyA

Good question. For me it's an extremely gradual process. I can have many?

a well seasoned hi cue...
;- )

Both, I'd say, in most cases. The naturally gifted simply get more opportunities to learn, so a feedback loop is established. Good post, by the way. Not too long at all.

The thing?

Interestingly, I've always felt short, even though I'm now 185cm. Late growth spurt meant until 5th form I was shorter than everyone. I actually believe it has helped with my demeanour, as while I have?

For some people it's not optional. I'm told that Sinhalese uses almost the full set of known human phonemes, but then you add tonal?

"Well, I do lots of things."

Whereas kiwi men just grunt

You misunderstood, get their names on the first day (whatever their names are), note then that you will call whomever sits in that seat by that name.

That means John may well get called Miriama

Ah, now I get it. Thanks Harold.

Isn't that why you'd say "I've got my own TV show"? I can imagine using that after being regaled with wanker-stories from someone, whether of the "I'm so rich" or?

And a mighty fine one at that.

One of my friends in Wellington used to say 'well, when I'm not making milkshakes and selling coke, I drive the Cable car'. He was in fact a film editor. Which was about the coolest thing any of?

Amen.

Person 1"Gidday"
Person 2 "Yeah, Nah." (applies in many situations)

For forgotten names get your friend to say to them, "Hi, Im .... and you are? (thus enabling you off the?

I have other plans.

Richard Briers suggests "Did you know that the male spider has his penis on the end of one of his legs?"

It's called phatic communion. The word 'phatic' means that what you're conveying is not the sense of your words as such, but an amorphous 'Yeah mate,?

Yes, I recall an incident of threatening to sue Rodney Wayne once for getting the red completely wrong. It went all "and you call that red!
A year or so later I was at a Schwarzkopf function and dammit I was?

And as the man said:

'Who is with me is against me!'

Speaking of words to live by.

I've got a mortgage.

How are you?

You got Life Insurance?

How are you?

Fair to middling.

How are you?

Thirsty.

Neighbourhood?

Bingo!

ETA: So we appear to have mastered this smalltalk thing.

See you soon.
?Not if I see you first?.

Although it is not too much of a stretch to imagine the circumstances in which such an inquiry could be misconstrued.

I might try "what are you interested in?". As Emma has mentioned a couple of times, watching someone get their freak on about something they're passionate about is pretty entertaining for?

I knew someone who routinely went straight for the jugular with "what are you passionate about". Her all-round cuteness may have helped overcome any initial resistance.

Ugh. Even all-round cuteness doesn't excuse that.

There are currently 1,339 jobs advertised on Seek that use that word.

Including one that asks if you're 'passionate about 2-3 year-olds?'. Did no-one at the recruiters double-take that before posting and decide to?

I think that would be a great descriptor for Christchurch.
"What do you do?"
"I vibrate"

Lucky that the government is shutting that channel down to solve that problem for ya.

Why thank you Emma; I could try to listen.
BTW if you need a non-braindead hairdresser try Teo at Shambhala, now in an otherworldly Thai tea garden (really) near the South Library.

A couple of drinks next to Emma and you'll be over-sharing with the rest of us.

Interesting question Jackie: for me, it has been physical proximity & a large amount of time, and shared experiences (from floods to bonfires; from teaching the neighbours about hangi,?

With great difficulty.

More seriously: via the Internet, or through discovery of shared interests. I would love an Idiot's Guide To Making Friends With People. I can socialise?

I wonder if he realises that's pretty much the same as advising people to not bother reading anything he writes, on the grounds it has a high probability of being awful?

Great stuff.One day I might be able to afford one of his skateboards. A very talented artist.:)

Does that work on many young people?

Do you reckon young people think of that as "reading"?

1. Of course, my sample is already biased, given that they are uni?

extremely

Dude, the trailer had me at 'Hello'. Can't wait to take the kids to that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8wpBbbSxdw&feature=related

Nah but, Casual shallow and... meaningless. ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxardpBReQc

How could they not?
Unless, of course, they were just looking at the pictures but then someone that illiterate could not set up a Facebook page on account of not?

When someone asks "what have you been reading?" only a tiresomely unfunny ass would reply "a cornflake packet" or "a phone number".

Friendbook, ...where everyone can get along. :) Friend help friend innit!