Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible Demure Lady Stroll

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  • Emma Hart,

    Just a couple of warnings here. One, if you're someone who has real (and understandable) problems with the word "slut", that Brisbane video may be a difficult watch.

    Two, there nearly wasn't a comment thread here. I'd like to see ONE discussion where people talk about what they - and everyone else - can do about rape prevention. One conversation that focusses on perpetrators (not inhuman ravening beasts hiding in dark alleys) and by-standers. If I consider your comment triggering, I will disemvowel it. It'll still be decipherable, with effort, but no-one will have to read it if they don't want to. And yes, I do get to decide what's triggering, thanks.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4354 posts Report Reply

  • kowhai montgomery,

    Yay!

    This is very much what many people want said.

    I want this said.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • nzlemming,

    I predict you'll be busy today...

    Waikanae • Since Nov 2006 • 2074 posts Report Reply

  • Robyn Gallagher, in reply to Emma Hart,

    If I consider your comment triggering, I will disemvowel it.

    For those of us who aren't familiar with the concept of triggering, can you please give us a brief definition?

    Raglan • Since Nov 2006 • 1855 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Robyn Gallagher,

    For those of us who aren't familiar with the concept of triggering, can you please give us a brief definition?

    You know how sometimes before a news story, they say "And a warning, the following piece contains images that may disturb some people"? It's like that. It's like this:

    Trigger warnings are customary in some feminist and other spaces. They are designed to prevent people who have an extremely strong and damaging emotional response (for example, post-traumatic flashbacks or urges to harm themselves) to certain subjects from encountering them unaware. Having these responses is called "being triggered".

    And yes, you can never tell what's going to trigger someone, but there are some things - and rape is one of them - you can just about guarantee are going to trigger someone. The warning allows those people to make their own judgement about whether they want to proceed or not. Disemvowelling allows people to make a decision about whether they want to decipher the comment or not.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4354 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    And yes, you can never tell what's going to trigger someone,

    And, oddly enough, folks who've survived sexual assaults, domestic violence or other forms of abuse don't use a special font on-line -- and I certainly didn't disclose being sexually assaulted to anyone for over twenty years for a reason. So, anyone who is tempted to trot out a man-splain or two, consider that there's probably more than a few PA readers who don't need it. Or welcome it.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11910 posts Report Reply

  • Nik C,

    Just once, I would like (and am glad) to see a discussion about rape that doesn't include concern trolling about how womens should cover up and stay in groups and not get drunk, ever, as if those three things are the main factors in people being raped.

    Also annoyed at the "LET ME EXPLAIN FEMINISM TO YOU" stance taken by a lot of men and women.

    Since Aug 2009 • 11 posts Report Reply

  • Oliver [Redacted],

    I love the idea of 'Demure Lady Stroll'. Though I am terribly fond of sarcasm.

    Well said. Especially the second to last paragraph. I am on the side that doesn't think protests do much good to change anyone's mind, although that's coloured by my experience of student fee protests, which were essentially demanding money with menaces. But making each other feel supported and understood is an excellent use of time, and the public streets.

    And I shall be there. Dressed demurely. I'll even have a sign, as I just thought of what to put on it.

    Wellington • Since Apr 2011 • 4 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    One finds oneself cheering, and clapping one's demurely-gloved hands! Great post, great cause.

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3438 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Well alright, not quite. In order to be as inclusive and inoffensive as we possibly could, we’d all stay home and do nothing.

    Zing!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18824 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    I won't be demurely dressed, because I never have been in the past, and see no reason to start now.

    And now, *sits back and waits for trolls*.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Megan Wegan,

    Well yeah, I'll be dressed to attract maximum attention. So, in my red coat.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4354 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    I may have found a leopard print coat online this morning, and thought, 'ooo, slutwalk!'

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • caycos, in reply to Oliver [Redacted],

    I think protests are good just to raise awareness that something is an issue, even if it doesn't change someone's mind..

    Wellington • Since Jan 2009 • 28 posts Report Reply

  • DeepRed,

    In before Family Fist/Out of Focus on the Family/Society for the Promotion of Community Straitjackets say, "uncovered meat"!

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 4233 posts Report Reply

  • Sue,

    i'm thinking a blue sequined skirt will be my fashion item
    http://www.notever.co.uk/

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 473 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    I may not be able to make it, because we’re abandoning our children to their grandparents' care and flying out to London the next day, but if I do, I’m thinking my usual winter garb of jeans, merino top and sensible shoes. Plus my eldest daughter.

    Manawatu City • Since Nov 2006 • 1303 posts Report Reply

  • Deb Mudie,

    It now occurs to me that participating in the Demure Lady Walk (love the sarcasm) is an excellent excuse to show off my frilliest parasol.

    Because this demure lady is definitely also a slut, and proud to own the label.

    Auckland • Since Sep 2010 • 8 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Deb Mudie,

    Oh, you're not kidding. The more I think about this, the more I want to go in something like this. (Also, incidentally, I would look really hot in that.)

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4354 posts Report Reply

  • Moz,

    Emma, there were several totally hawt ladies in Melbourne dressed much like that link. It was great to see. I almost regretted not doing the suit and bowler hat look, but it felt a little too steampunky for me.
    Now that I've seen more of the signs I'm full of exciting sign slogans. "yes... but not to you" was one of the sentiments that particularly struck me. But I'd also like a "you're not the boss of me" t shirt and a sign to go with it.

    Sydney, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 463 posts Report Reply

  • Oliver [Redacted], in reply to Emma Hart,

    Oooh, please! I promise to wear a top hat. Or perhaps a boater, if you're going to flagrantly wear beach apparel

    Wellington • Since Apr 2011 • 4 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    That get up would suit you completely! I’d be more tempted to go like this in reference to my barmaid days.
    Or this because being louche with a cigarette in my mouth comes naturally. But if I had my druthers, I would so go like this.
    More seriously, I will be going in the outfit that approximates the one I always seemed to be wearing when people had a go at sexually assaulting me, which would be this. Yes, a sweatshirt, and you can't see them, but I had on my very wonderful Adidas track pants. The one with a stripe down the side. You remember the ones? An awful lot of us wore them in the 80's. Gagging for it, we were.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    And I'd like to thank Emma for posting this here. I know it cannot have been easy, but you know what? For the first time in years, I am able to look at the young woman I was, and tell her that it was never her fault. That people did things to her, and tried to do things to her, that they had no right to do. That it wasn't her fault that over and over again, people - alright, men - tried to take away her elan of spirit, her joie de vivre, That they watched her confidence and easy way of being and thought that they could extinguish it. And for the first time, I am able to be angry about it. To feel enraged. But most of all, I can acknowledge that all the times I looked at young women, and subconsciously thought that they should be more careful, that they shouldn't really be out there drunk, that they were making themselves more vulnerable, I was talking to myself. Judging myself. So thankyou Emma. Thankyou.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • nzlemming, in reply to Jackie Clark,

    It's the cute 80's hair. Rowr!

    Waikanae • Since Nov 2006 • 2074 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark, in reply to nzlemming,

    It was the highlights, darling!

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

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