There's a whole lot of people staring at their computer right now thinking "should I go there?"

There's a whole lot of people staring at their computer right now thinking "should I go there?"

I'm more wondering "who am I going to incriminate?"

How much time must elapse before an event becomes part of one's sordid past, rather than one's sordid present?

Long enough for a shower? After you've said, "Thank you for having me"?

How much time must elapse before an event becomes part of one's sordid past, rather than one's sordid present?

In your case, Tom, about 36 hours.

There's a whole lot of people staring at their computer right now thinking "should I go there?"

In the instance I'm thinking of the exact quote was "thank you for your hospitality"

I once flatted with a workmate, a nice enough guy but with a few quirks. I forgave him the patched leather trousers, the Marvel comic collection that took up half the living?

How sordid are we talking? Sordid enough so that a silence falls upon the room, and people rapidly change the subject? Or more like 'uproarious-laughter-inspiring'?

More OMG laughing than 'I just threw up in my mouth' or 'Now I'll just pop off and kill myself'. But there must be some?

Oh, and it probably didn't help that I snogged his girlfriend while he was out cold.

Smooth move.

But there must be some aspect of debauchery involved. Tom's is excellent.

Oh, there's more where that came from, believe me.

Smooth move.

Well, it would have been rude not to.

So here?s what we?re going to do. I?ve loved these tales of Sordid Pasts so much I want some more. Tell me yours.

Sordid? yes, past? yes, memorable? yes, yes. Felt great at the time, hey, bit of a legend back then :)
Slept with this guy.

Wow, Sofie! I've had my adventures, but never a tryst with a criminal. Unless you count a little bit of plagiarism...

Indeed, I was thinking the closest I could come was the time I slept with a guy who later published a conspiracy theory book and went to work for?

I've had my adventures,

Yep, that was my feeling at that particular time :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIXg9KUiy00

I gave a guy a handjob once and then found out he was a member of the Young Nats.

This should win the 'most perfect sordid story in one sentence' award, I think.

A few years ago I did a tour of the MCG. On it were a handful of old people, and 2 young men from England. We got talking, enthusing over the fact that we were?

Now, Emma, that's a wingman.

Oh come on, don't even suggest I might have to make that choice. That's mean.

OTOH, at the MCG? Megan gets bonus points. But Tom's story involves a life-sized cardboard Wolverine, so also accrues bonus points.

Mildly relatedly, yesterday I attempted to find a cricket?

I gave a guy a handjob once and then found out he was a member of the Young Nats.

This should win the 'most perfect sordid story in one sentence' award, I think.

Or perhaps the 'most redundant sex act' award? (Not to belittle your generosity or anything, Joanna).

Let's just say that a cravat was involved,

As you were, then. Anything with a cravat is fine by me.

I highly doubt we'll hear anyone speak unanonymously of their experiences as a customer of prostitution. Doomed to be a one-sided story.

Not unanonymously, no, the stigma is quite massive. But they do occasionally comment or guest-post on sex-worker blogs, as do the partners of sex workers.

Slept with this guy.

Were the "bats tattooed on his neck" baseball, or cricket?

Not unanonymously, no, the stigma is quite massive.

Interesting that it seems even more stigmatized than the sex-work itself. A modern thing maybe?

The only guy I know who speaks openly of it is basically an outlaw, and more recently, inherited wealth. He has no intention of either ever working,?

Anyway, at one point (I believe his birthday) he went out with some friends and had a Big Good Time. This was concluded in the?

This should win the 'most perfect sordid story in one sentence' award, I think.

True that, I wish we could make it word of the year somehow.

having an indecent act performed on me as I lay in a bed of petunias

You see, I've never quite understood why that is referred to as "an indecent act". It seems rather a decent thing to do for a chap.

At the end of form one my best?

I once performed an 'indecent act', as Jack puts it, on a straight man in the unisex toilets of a massive Studio-54-esque gay bar in Dallas, Texas, while annoyed (and kinda clichedly fabulous) patrons – many of them in drag – snarked loudly?

Interesting that it seems even more stigmatized than the sex-work itself. A modern thing maybe?

Stigmatised differently in different places. So, in Tanya Gold land, prostitutes (always female) are poor helpless victims who are sometimes so deluded they don't realise what a terrible time they're having. They need decisions made?

There would still be, however, many people who'd be happier to have their child visit a prostitute than be one.

Just like to note here, I have flatted with prostitutes, have known some ( including one related escort, and one related prostitute) who work diligently at their job and thoroughly?

Or perhaps the 'most redundant sex act' award? (Not to belittle your generosity or anything, Joanna).

His father had died recently. My friend worked out my sympathy scale – dead mothers get you oral, dead brothers get the home run.

You slept with who?

Y'know, Emma, there was a moment at the Thistle, where you had just finished a story, and the thought bouncing around my head was "OMG! You didn't sleep with him, I always assumed you had"

Y'know, Emma, there was a moment at the Thistle, where you had just finished a story, and the thought bouncing around my head was "OMG! You didn't sleep with him, I always assumed you had"

Um. My memories of the Thistle are a little fuzzy. But if that's the person?

My memories of the Thistle are a little fuzzy. But if that's the person and story I think it is, I didn't sleep with him then.

This is starting to sound a bit clinton-esque. "What do you mean by 'sexual relations'?"

Your honor, I was awake the entire time.

Or
My honour, I was awake the entire time. :)

Or
My honour, I was awake the entire time. :)

...was he awake the entire time? In short, did he sleep with you, even if you did not sleep with him?

"I think you've ripped my penis open".

Did he mean... with your teeth? Or with your ladybits?

This is starting to sound a bit clinton-esque. "What do you mean by 'sexual relations'?"

Oddly, in these coversations it emerged that a friend of mine and I disagree as to whether or not we've had sex.

Oddly, in these coversations it emerged that a friend of mine and I disagree as to whether or not we've had sex.

With each other? or at all?

With each other?

Erm, yes, that. And I believe Isabel has summed up the basis of the dispute quite nicely there.

It's only been a couple of times – honest!

The first time was years ago and my good mate and I were on our way to the UK on?

It probably doesn't count as a good sordid story because we?

but it was extremely frustrating.

which may, or may not, have proved quite stimulating... at least to one of you... :-)

Isabel-loved your story just for the church steps and Matai river mention. Part of my childhood.

which may, or may not, have proved quite stimulating... at least to one of you... :-)

It was more that half an hour of standing outside watching half the boys dick around in their boxers because they'd been "in the shower" (read: had stripped down because they thought it was?

was a prostitute all her adult life right?" and chorus from my man and my dad was " of course"
In my insane normal way, it felt good that I had grown?

I had a go at an article that Zoe Williams wrote last year concerning Belle deJ, which basically said that if you want to patronise prostitutes, you're doing it pretty much because you?

Famous Flora's used to hire out rooms-by-the-hour in the late 60s. And that's where my sailor-father and my mother made me. Bless.

the usage of handcuffs. Or rope. Or any form of bondage, actually.

At one point when I was living in the Aro Valley, my mate's little brother turned up on our doorstep because he'd been locked into a pair of joke handcuffs and we were the sort of people likely?

But I do recall living in an old house in Mt. Victorira?

And that's where my sailor-father and my mother made me. Bless.

Ha, cheers! My Mum was a blind date with an American sailor on the wharf down in Christchurch. Took Dad 4 dates over 4 nights to propose.Ships in the night.

ask Nat Torkington about the time he walked into my house...

Ooo, are we all posting our sordid stories about Nat Torkington?

Modesty forbids me from saying anything other than to ask Nat Torkington about the time he walked into my house, demanded to know "How many goats did you have to sacrifice to make this happen?", and then wrote the evening up for Usenet consumption.

I shall also keep silent about?

Ok, good.

There was the occasion where I found my (definitely ex-) partner making a dick-kebab of my (former) best friend. But even?

When you're no longer living it, you can leave out all the angst, all the crying and crockery-smashing. The point becomes the funny sides, which sometimes weren't even visible at the time.

Ah, what I call the 'dine-out' principle. Turn your unpleasant life experiences into amusing anecdotes which can be?

making a dick-kebab of

That is the phrase of the thread, so far. And that is some stiff competition.

Have I ever told you you've got a dirty mind — and if you ever change I'll be severely displeased. And not in a fun 'ball gag and whipped cream between consenting adults' kind of way either. (It all comes back to the extruded plastic-and-leather accessories with faux dairy?

Ooo, are we all posting our sordid stories about Nat Torkington?

YES

I'm all fevered and ghastly this morning, but you people are all completely brilliant (albeit in a very scary manner) and making a pick on this is going to be very difficult.

One thing tho', I'm poly but not into threesomes/group sex. What is up with that?

I dislike having my attention split, it always makes me feel like I'm not Being My Best.

Modesty forbids me from saying anything other than to ask Nat Torkington about the time he walked into my house, demanded to know "How many goats did you have to sacrifice to make this happen?", and then wrote the evening up for Usenet consumption.

I shall also keep silent about?

'Course, you all know where this is going, though?

'Course, you all know where this is going

Actually, at that stage, I feared the worst.

Doing a stint on?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhOqtCuP1yQ

Ooo, are we all posting our sordid stories about Nat Torkington?

Unfortunately the only sordid story I have about Mr Torkington involves excrement and a plastic bag, rather than parties of note.

Actually, at that stage, I feared the worst.

Yeah, you're right. It would make a much better story if it turned out I actually was his sister...

(I blame my youth. I was only 30 at the time)

So, it was the second night of the annual 48 hour party, and somebody had dropped a wine-glass into the main toilet and broken it beyond repair. Copious?

Ooo, are we all posting our sordid stories about Nat Torkington?

Once upon a time I was catsitting for Nat. I think this may have been for the USA trip on which he first met Jenine irl, but that doesn't really affect the story one way or another.

So I?

One thing tho', I'm poly but not into threesomes/group sex. What is up with that?

I dislike having my attention split, it always makes me feel like I'm not Being My Best.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, or gets an airway blocked by an unanticipated?

Know what Chch gets this summer? Fuck. All.

No sympathy from me. Some dick is building a bloody great big rugby stadium on our cricket pitch.

As for sordid. Well there is a nude calendar with a picture of me when I was 19, but that was artistic – I?

As for sordid. Well there is a nude calendar with a picture of me when I was 19, but that was artistic – I think.

This probably isn't a thread I want to introduce the phrase 'jpgs or it didn't happen' onto.

I?d been going to do a column on the ghastly British reaction to Belle de Jour?s coming out, and particularly the bizarre ?facts? being touted about prostitution in New Zealand

I think that the growing frustration for the year is the increasing trend of opinion journalism that relies on just?

"Conservative estimates say that the number of street prostitutes in Auckland, New Zealand, has doubled since 2003"

That one stuck out for me a bit. Yes, of course the conservatives are yelling that we're now knee-deep in prostitutes; meanwhile, members of the reality-based community just aren't seeing it. If anything,?

If anything, the law reform seems to have drastically reduced the number of street prostitutes in favour of (presumably) workers in licensed brothels

I do not have the study paper at hand, but my understanding is that street prostitution has dropped, in the few parts of the country where it?

I do not have the study paper at hand

Knock yourselves out. (Oooh, shiny raw data...)

I keep hearing this 'doubled' trope, and it's really caught on in Britain for reasons I'll get into in a minute. But it is completely unsubstantiated, and I don't know where it came from?

For Christchurch – Total: before the law change 375 workers, after the law change 392. Street workers: before the law change 106 workers, after the law change 100.

Right then, that looks like a doubling to?

Say I'm a hairdresser, which is legal, but it's illegal to get a haircut.

Clearly in force here in the 70s.

Streetworkers will always be a tricky one for legalization, though. Why would a prostitute work on the street? Three reasons come to mind:
1. No establishment wanted them because of their look or?

13 guys and me on a 65" Yacht on a racing tour in the Pacific. Auckland- Noumea – Fiji – Sydney. As a 5'4" female, I knew I was lucky to win a?

One thing tho', I'm poly but not into threesomes/group sex. What is up with that?

I'm not complaining or anything, but it does seem easier for some people to call themselves "poly" and be received with polite, tolerant nods from us open-minded liberals. Whereas there is already a term for?

Whereas there is already a term for middle-aged, heterosexual male polyamorists: sleazebag

Let's not be too ageist here!

Are Paul Henry's comments on Susan Boyle too insulting?

I'm sure there's just the right level of insult. Best ask them three bears..

Let's not be too ageist here!

In one's youth, a certain amount of dissolute behaviour is considered acceptable, but when one reaches A Certain Age, the absence of mortgage, car and committed monogamous life partner is looked upon with a combination of distaste and pity. "When are you going to?

This probably isn't a thread I want to introduce the phrase 'jpgs or it didn't happen' onto.

I'm pretty sure the only surviving copies are in one of those boxes in the cupboard. However, even if I could dig it out and scan it, if you think I'm stupid enough?

'jpgs or it didn't happen'

If only.

I'm pretty sure the only surviving copies are in one of those boxes in the cupboard. However, even if I could dig it out and scan it, if you think I'm stupid enough to give you a picture of me naked ...

Tch – why bother obtaining an actual photo?

if you think I'm stupid enough to give you a picture of me naked ...

But I thought you LIKED me!

(One should note that, now I've met Bart, I feel completely comfortable teasing the hell out of him.)

Ya, it's kinda strange how the young are always bitter on the expectations that the old have of them

Well put, Ben. Of course, the retort 'so where do you think you came from?' doesn't work.

Then a young woman's?

jpgs or it didn't happen

One could apply the same principle to certain hotel balconies..

But I thought you LIKED me!

But I do ... I thought not showing you a picture of me naked was the nicest thing I could do :P

It is interesting how some people you meet and decide that yes it is OK to tease and/or flirt with them and?

I've never heard the term "roue" used seriously in any context other than cooking, actually.

Sorry for the acute lack of diacriticals. It was a grave mistake.

It is interesting how some people you meet and decide that yes it is OK to tease and/or flirt with them and it won't end in tears :).

Emma by the way (as scary as she is) falls definitely into that category.

And it's the (in)ability to read those nuances?

the retort 'so where do you think you came from?' doesn't work.

I blame sex education for casting it as "when a mummy and a daddy love each other very, very much, and want to have a little baby, then...". If they put it as "when a man and a?

And it's the (in)ability to read those nuances that makes the difference between a charming rake and a dirty old man.

And my inability to codify this in some kind of bullet-pointed form really disturbs me. You just know. At one point at the Great Blend I believe I left?

the only sordid story I'm game for

That's one of the interesting things about this thread: it's amazing we've got anything at all. There's a spectrum from "too tame to be interesting" to "Oh god, that will get me labelled/arrested/blacklisted/unemployable for life", and on a public forum with real names?

And my inability to codify this in some kind of bullet-pointed form really disturbs me. You just know.

How not to be a dirty old man 101? It's not hard. Never crack on.

"Safe flirt. Brilliant."

LOL

Although there is a part of me that wanted to be dangerous .

I should point out that I'm guessing that was after Emma had executed a drive-by-hug while Mikaere, Brent, Hannah, Nick and I were discussing the evils/benefits of GE :). Far too serious of?

Ya, it's kinda strange how the young are always bitter on the expectations that the old have of them

Yeah... well, the vim and vigour of youth is all very nice, as far as it goes, but it palls when you've got to explain to the young buck that 1)?

Although there is a part of me that wanted to be dangerous .

Safe flirts are great. Dangerous flirts are better.

I should point out that I'm guessing that was after Emma had executed a drive-by-hug while Mikaere, Brent, Hannah, Nick and I were discussing the evils/benefits of GE :). Far too serious of course for a Christmas party.

I reckon, noticed you guys going on an' on an' __ on__?

And it's the (in)ability to read those nuances that makes the difference between a charming rake and a dirty old man.

And my inability to codify this in some kind of bullet-pointed form really disturbs me. You just know. At one point at the Great Blend I believe I left?

NICE ASEXUAL
PERSON
WELCOMES
CONVERSATION
ABOUT
ANYTHING

On reflection I think I quite enjoy the unsettling nature of their conversation.

Sounds like you might get on with our man of mystery.

Sounds like you might get on with our man of mystery.

There's a considerable difference between 'unsettling' and 'tosspot'.

Although I do remember saying to Emma that there were a number of PAS men that if I were younger and not married, and they were not married either, I would?

and you bet Sofie, I've had that one!

I think it helps to have some South Park decco on the badge (Kenny, Big Gay Al & Cartman's Mom)
and the fact that I really do like conversation! About anything! Even religion (which I studied?

Lotto Will Help Us All!

This is the next little beauty I am after

Wow. Furnporn.

And yep, that chair is a rosy-clitoris. As in, after that deepvelvetty-petalled red rose entitled "In Loving Memory"...

Have half a dozen from my mother's gardens – blooms that is-?

Did you get the snail mail?

did you get the snailmail?

Cheese part coming after I head south through Geraldine this coming week- delicious wee numbers?

how do you fellas weld/meld hard metal so?

It is?

Craig... I'm just dying to know what point 2) is? :)

No you don't. Trust me on this.

Oh, I love safe flirting, I do it all the time. And it isn't quantifiable, I don't think.

No it isn't — but in a funny way, it's like a mental one?

Not nearly rude enough.

Needs more cow bell!
Somehow it is certain descriptions that Craig comes up with, that sorta gives the garden the much needed blood and bone composting that shows PAS what this man can be, and he wins many times over. so yes, that last one wasn't?

And Tom is right, I'm surprised we've got as many as we have, walking that line between not being too squicky or upsetting someone else, and?

I actually think the only reason I walked away from relationships is because they screwed around

Unless I'm misremembering I don't think I've ever had a relationship end due to someone screwing around (though screwing around was a feature in a few of them).

I had one partner who split?

Unless I'm misremembering I don't think I've ever had a relationship end due to someone screwing around (though screwing around was a feature in a few of them).

Yeah, me too. I know this sounds like a cliché, but it was Dan's constant lying that made me leave him. I?

I'm misremembering I don't think I've ever had a relationship end due to someone screwing around,

split up with me on a near weekly basis

Well, if you consider that aint a real screw around, you really could put that one into the file girl. Reckon that's right up there with?

Well, if you consider that aint a real screw around, you really could put that one into the file girl

We were very young, and overly dramatic and making up was fun to do

One of the interesting relationships?

"Say no more."

lol, I got the giggles now, thanks. :)

Oh, and Emma ,i think Hilary beats you there. You'll have to come up with another one. I'm sure you can find one.It is afterall your blog. :)

Somehow it is certain descriptions that Craig comes up with, that sorta gives the garden the much needed blood and bone composting that shows PAS what this man can be, and he wins many times over. so yes, that last one wasn't in the running.

I just liked the idea,?

It's being deeplinked by another site.

In the olden days before flickr, often whenever I found a site deeplinking one of my images, I'd switch it to pictures of the consequences of venereal disease. Because I am a grown-up like that.

I appreciate that I haven't told any good stories?

Agree about the "posting dodgy stuff using your real name" worries. I google prospective coworkers – it's how I found that a new hire wrote erotic startrek fanfic, for instance – and I'm aware that my children will probably have a look one day as well.

But was it __well-written__?

Oh, and Emma ,i think Hilary beats you there. You'll have to come up with another one. I'm sure you can find one.It is afterall your blog. :)

Tch, it's not a competition,?

[Remainder deleted, Mark. I've had a couple of complaints about this post already, and I tend to agree. It's off-topic and distasteful. RB]

or it didn't happen.

haha, prove it;) wmv ok?

And then I had to get up, go back to the party venue, and squirmingly ask if I could please have all my clothes back.

I once had to return to a boy's flat the next day to ask if I had perhaps left my skirt in his room (this?

When I was a very young librarian with my hair in pigtails....

Call me a perve but I'd read any story that started like that :)

You never cease to amaze me Joanna. More!

Now you're really asking for trouble!