Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Something For Your Snow Day

65 Responses

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  • Megan Wegan, in reply to Sacha,

    Just what is Emma measuring here?

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard, in reply to Megan Wegan,

    Just what is Emma measuring here?

    Not the winkie, from the sounds of things.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Emma Hart,

    there's always fucking ONE

    Two or maybe not

    Shortly afterwards, full equipped, they stood in a desolate wasteland, an eerie cry echoing across the concrete landscape.

    should be fully??

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan, in reply to Tom Beard,

    Not the winkie, from the sounds of things.

    I gather she has special winkie measuring equipment.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    should be fully??

    Jesus.

    If you'd all just like to amend your copies as we go.

    Just what is Emma measuring here?

    Yeah... nah. Not even. But doesn't my new tattoo look fabulous?

    I gather she has special winkie measuring equipment.

    Hands, Megan. Those are called hands.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    Ah ... that brought tears to my eyes ... again.

    There is something truly inspiring about crowd insanity. And Emma was so serious as she read it to us at OGB.

    I'm certain some references went woosh as they passed over my head and oddly, more proof that I simply didn't catch some bits, I didn't have to search google to understand Emma's post ... and then burn the search history.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock, in reply to Megan Wegan,

    Not the winkie, from the sounds of things.

    I gather she has special winkie measuring equipment.

    I'm going to risk horribly mangling today's threads, and ask: Imperial or metric?

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Rich Lock,

    Imperial or metric?

    6 inches!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Hands, Megan. Those are called hands.

    I thought that "Megan" would have a scale tattooed onto her cleavage for that purpose.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Hands, Megan. Those are called hands.

    We've had this conversation. Repeatedly, even.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan, in reply to Tom Beard,

    I thought that “Megan” would have a scale tattooed onto her cleavage for that purpose.

    "Megan" would not sully her cleavage that way. What would be the point? She's had enough experience guesstimating at things in there.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Megan Wegan,

    "Megan" would not sully her cleavage that way.

    What if, say, "Megan" were to get a bit drunk, and it turned out "Megan"'s friends had a vivid marker? Theoretically...

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    small
    medium
    large
    ooo baby

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan, in reply to Emma Hart,

    What if, say, “Megan” were to get a bit drunk, and it turned out “Megan”’s friends had a vivid marker? Theoretically…

    One of "Megan"'s friends, [redacted], told her recently that if one goes in for that sort of thing, there's special pens.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard, in reply to Megan Wegan,

    there's special pens

    Recent experience has proved to me that ballpoint pens are terrible for writing on breasts. They definitely need to be felt.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Megan Wegan,

    there's special pens.

    With a rubber?

    No, I'm not joining in. You're all just too filthy.

    I may be digging myself a hole, but;

    trenchcoat and
    trench-coat are both in evidence.

    <trenchcoat>

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Tom Beard,

    They definitely need to be felt

    Very good

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan, in reply to Sacha,

    No, preferably very well.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to recordari,

    <trenchcoat>

    Fuck, I'm supposed to be buying my son a trench coat! (On consultation, my dictionary says neither of those variations is correct.)

    They definitely need to be felt.

    Trying. To. Kill me.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    They definitely need to be felt

    Or felt to be kneaded.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    Thank you, Emma, for immortalising an endangered species.

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 3229 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Megan Wegan,

    that's the spirit

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock, in reply to Sacha,

    that's the spirit

    PAS rules relating to weights and measures:

    Scotch: doubles
    Coffee: doubles
    Ententres: single

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    Or felt to be kneaded.

    Your cup runneth over. I suggest you nip it in the bud.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Cutting edge fashion...

    Fuck, I’m supposed to be buying my son a trench coat!

    He'd look very sharp in a trenchant coat...

    and make sure that the coating isn't lice
    or he'll end up with trench fever

    Do private eyes' girlfriends get trench mouth
    - an ulcerative inflammation of the gums hoes?

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

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