Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: The Missus

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  • Rob Hosking,

    WHY do we have children?...

    A few explanations suggest themselves:

    1. its something to do with genes being such selfish little bastards.

    2. The Supreme Being told us to Go Forth and Mulitply so by crikey we'd better.

    3. to fill an aching void of meaning.

    4. 'it'll be safe, honey, I'm sure of it...'

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 805 posts Report Reply

  • mark taslov,

    my colleague; an (alleged) kiwi knocked her up on a rebound screw and she's catholic.

    your taxed dollar • Since Mar 2008 • 1691 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    unemployed with the occasional bout of berry-picking

    Boy senberries , perhaps? :)

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 16794 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    My wife puts the ingredients into the automatic bread-maker.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2752 posts Report Reply

  • mark taslov,

    Dumbass A reporting for duty: how is being a wife incompatible with being a writer?

    I'm not sure asking for clarification is going to clarify anything, sadly. Some of the words will come out in a different order, while not making much more sense.

    I didn't say being a wife is incompatible with being a writer Danielle.
    Come on, How could being a wife be incompatible with being a writer?

    A blogger perhaps...
    but by nature. a blogger will blog, reinvigorating the harmony of self. in spite of any personal dilemma. Oftentimes making good use of a dilemma in their blog.

    There's was no mention of incompatibility.
    I was angling tongue in cheek towards the cause of the dilemma.


    What was said, was "conflict of interest could potentially lead to one questioning one's own purpose or role on a public domain."

    I was implying that the somewhat confounded subject matter Emma has utilized in writing this blog post could somehow be an expression of a querying within Emma, insinuating that her soul may be torn (though not losing sleep) between the role of the blogger to sensationalize (though not advocate)...

    (going with this definition)
    1. producing or designed to produce a startling effect, strong reaction, intense interest, etc., esp. by exaggerated, superficial, or lurid elements: a sensational novel.

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sensational

    ...truancy, by admitting to previous misdemeanors in a way demeaning to those against whom she at one time misdemeaned. Whilst encouraging others to contribute their own experiences with levity and carefree spirit.

    All the while reconciling her role as a wife and a mother, anticipating the perplexing possibility of her own children following her example (after potentially reading that post), amidst the current revised economic climate and the heavy fines levied against truants (many years from now).

    and yes hypocrisy was genially covered. Emma got it and slam dunked me before you guys even got your pens out.

    All hail the blogger.

    your taxed dollar • Since Mar 2008 • 1691 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Boysenberries , perhaps? :)

    Well, mostly ...

    I'm sure my mum is quietly worried about who will save whom from spiders when my girl and I get CUed. Like we're both going be standing on a chair screaming to the other one "GET IT!".

    LOLZ

    My partner used to be a bit leery of spiders, but I'm utterly terrified, so he's had to show a bit more ovarian fortitude. One of our 'psychic moments' involved him rescuing me from a shower-spider the size of my palm.

    Okay, I give up. I'm such a girl.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4369 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    My partner used to be a bit leery of spiders, but I'm utterly terrified, so he's had to show a bit more ovarian fortitude.

    You can, at least in the land of opportunity, buy special little vacuum cleaners designed to suck up insects from Quite A Long Way Away. I think the more advanced ones even have little built in bug zappers.

    I know this is true, because I've seen them in the Sky Mall catalog.

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 457 posts Report Reply

  • liam,

    Any, I've seen the bug zapper version of the bug vacuums in Real Life. Sadly, they were such cheaply made pieces of crap that I think the kind of bug that is eating my firewood, or indeed the large-enough-to-make-me-uncomfortable spiders, would just be energized by the zap and bust up the plastic on the way back out.

    What I really, really want is a perimeter fence that would zap any approaching fire ant. Does Not Like fire ants.

    NC, USA • Since Oct 2008 • 11 posts Report Reply

  • liam,

    Perhaps more on topic, the wife is hugely capable, and does all the important putting up with and caring for me (including managing the interface between me and the Medical Profession (aka the Ritualistic Blood-Letters)). She is a good driver, and can deal to large insects.

    However when we are together she prefers me to drive, and to deal to said insects. Which I am happy to do (depending on the insect in question for some value of 'happy'). What makes this work for me is that should I not want to drive, aging stiff back, head-ache etc, she is happy to do the task.

    My ex refused to drive if I was available to drive - even when I had a blinding headache that caused me to have to stop to puke at the side of the road. Just the fact that I know that if I need a break from driving it won't be an issue makes the drive easier and less stressful - and hence less likely that I will need to be spelled from the task.

    I am probably a slow learner in such things but my experience seems to say to me that roles are not a bad thing, but in-flexibility of roles can tip the balance over to bad. Where that balance should be? Different for each partnership, in my view.

    NC, USA • Since Oct 2008 • 11 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    Am I the only one here who likes spiders?

    Surely one important differentiator between wife/mother is the power dynamics. Ideally, the husband/wife relationship is a relatively equal one (unless you're very old-school), while the mother-child relationship has an inherent large power imbalance. And as we all know, with power comes responsibility - so I'd say being a mother is harder, as it includes a shedload of responsibility. Plus, becoming a wife doesn't include serious debilitating physical change, hormonal load, possibility of post-event psychological change, or of major abdominal surgery. Although we may just be doing it wrong.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 708 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Am I the only one here who likes spiders?

    Nope.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7386 posts Report Reply

  • Rachel Prosser,

    I just have to come in on the "spider" theme

    When I lived with my ex-boyfriend the role of spider-wrangler was definitely mine. He didn't like them. At all. I was fine with bugs, flies, spiders and insects. I was also the light-bulb changer (even though he was a foot taller)

    However, he would have been on his own, and I would have been on a chair if we had to deal with rats or mice.

    As it happened the mouse moved in after he moved out, so I ended up dealing with my worst phobia myself. At 3am.

    Urrgh!

    On the topic of spiders: I'd never come across anyone who had been bitten by one until recently. Since December I've met three who have been bitten, one of them on 3 separate occasions. What gives?

    One of them said she has a body temperature half a degree above normal, and that attracts insects. But that doesn't explain why I now hear of spider biting when I had never done so before. Are there more of them now?

    Christchurch • Since Mar 2008 • 225 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I was also the light-bulb changer (even though he was a foot taller)

    My mother is odd about light-bulb changing. The bulb on her staircase is really hard to reach. Changing it was always my brothers' job - which made sense, as they're all over six feet tall. Or it was my husband's job - 5'11".

    But after I'd left him, she asked my partner to do it. He's the same height as me - 5'8". He can't reach the freaking bulb any more than I can.

    Since December I've met three who have been bitten, one of them on 3 separate occasions. What gives?

    Well, I do know a guy who had a really nasty white-tail bite, but it may well be one of the people you're talking about.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4369 posts Report Reply

  • B Jones,

    My mum got bitten by a spider that had been exploring the inside of her gardening glove, back in about 1981. It didn't occur to me until recently how uncommon that is.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 814 posts Report Reply

  • John Fouhy,

    I don't want to derail this thread prematurely, but I need to point out that the site John Fouhy links to, while it appears to have an accurate copy of the Talmud, is run by someone who has carefully and selectively culled secondary sources for all the supporting pages, in order to cast them in the worst possible light.

    Really? Oops.

    I'd heard second-hand that Jewish religious law had a section on how often men were required to satisfy their wives, based on their occupation. I thought it might be amusing to post here, so I went googling for it, and that was the best hit I found.

    I don't claim to be any kind of expert, and I certainly don't have an angle to push.

    (I also don't see the quote as reflecting badly on Jews.. more as an interesting glimpse into the kinds of issues families faced in those days. And, that it's not "this is how often wives have to put out", but "this is how often women are entitled to sex")

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 87 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    I'd heard second-hand that Jewish religious law had a section on how often men were required to satisfy their wives, based on their occupation. I thought it might be amusing to post here, so I went googling for it, and that was the best hit I found.

    An aquaintance published in the Otago University Students Association 'sex magazine', a list of those 'rules' that flick around the internet about muslims and sex. It had rules supposedly from the Koran or something about beastiality and so forth.

    It was only after the complaints started to come in she realised that the information wasn't just 'dated rules that were ignored', but 'never existed rules people had made up as a joke'. She had to make a major public apology and was disliked by the quite strong muslim community here for the rest of her year on the executive.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6208 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    John: no worries. It's the rest of the site which is increasingly scary...

    You're quite right - Jewish law on sexual relations in marriage is framed in terms of the husband's conjugal duties to the wife. Failure to provide them to her is grounds for divorce.

    (I have a book which claims that Turkish Muslims used to have to promise to keep their wives supplied with coffee, which strikes me as potentially relevant to modern marriage vows in Wellington...)

    I didn't get a proper education in this department, and am no authority, but basically the Talmud is a collection of sometimes quite disparate opinions, stories, anecdotes and weird fragments from a bunch of 4th century rabbis, presented side by side - but they don't constitute the law in themselves, there are literally volumes of (often contradictory) commentary authored over centuries that do that. Kind of like English common law, there's plenty of change and contradiction even though there's a nominal adherence to precedent. In other words, in the event that you can locate a Jewish ass-driver in this day and age, and he fails to satisfy his wife on a monthly schedule, I doubt very much whether the passage you quoted really literally applies.

    Back on topic - my late mother, who was a staunch feminist, used to have a 70s poster that said "Where is it written that women have to..." followed by a long list of classic unpleasant stereotype female tasks. My dad would ask where it was written that husbands have to bury the dead cats. And it's true. The price you pay for being slack in cleaning the toilet is dead animal disposal.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2968 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    It had rules supposedly from the Koran or something about beastiality and so forth.

    The Protocols of the Elders of Animal Husbandry.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3564 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    I like spiders- I've been fascinated by them since I was a kid. My claim to fame is the lbig new tetragnathoid I discovered (new to science that is.) The site of discovery was my kitchen table - the thing was quite dead unfortunately. There is a large population of spiders living both inside the house and in the bush (I dont really have a garden) surrounding it.

    Spider bites are not really on the increase: there is a strain of hysteria centring on the Oz-originated white-tail (which very rarely bites humans - it's preferred tucker is other spiders.) That said, people can react idiosyncratically to spider venom. And both the katipo and the Oz redback (which has been found in several places here) deserve respect i.e. dont play with them. Both of them are retiring little animals and dont want to play with you.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I have a book which claims that Turkish Muslims used to have to promise to keep their wives supplied with coffee, which strikes me as potentially relevant to modern marriage vows in Wellington

    That's the whole basis of my relationship.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 706 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    My claim to fame is the lbig new tetragnathoid I discovered (new to science that is.)

    Hey, respect! That puts you in a similar league to the august Tim Flannery, though with 16 new mammal species to his credit he's got a pretty impressive lead.

    Around ten years ago I heard Flannery on ABC radio, in his weekly spot with John Doyle, aka Rampaging Roy Slaven of H. G. & Roy, talking about his discovery of the New Guinean tree kangaroo Dingiso, or Bondegezou. After describing what an engagingly teddybear-like critter the animal was, Flannery casually mentioned that it also tasted pretty good. As he was staying at the time in a village where the people treated the marsupial as game, rather than a protected ancestor, it happened to be that night's stew.

    Even the amiably macho Doyle seemed a bit taken aback. How could he be such an ogre?
    "You get a bit sick of rice after three months" was Flannery's excuse.

    Trust you won't be dining on spiders.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3564 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    Male weta, have on average, twenty females living within there territory. We learned this after the forth or fifth time ether my wife or I woke up in the night with a weta in the hair. It turns out they coming in from a hole in the floor, then following the same path over the headboard end on the matrimonial bed. Its only the male tree weta that has the ability to bit. But they shore are freaky looking things. We work together at apprehending these critters.
    I haven't seen any about for quite some time now.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2752 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Joe - *nowhere* near Flannery's league (he's also got a heap of new reptile/amphibian species to his credit) - but thanks.

    I have a well-repressed desire to try frizzled tarantula (one of the very few edible spiders) - well repressed because I think them rather noble beasts, and the chances of getting one to frizzle in ANZ are -very very very remote. Reported to Taste Like Chicken.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    . . . I think them rather noble beasts . . .

    Know what you mean. Apparently the story that tarantulas shatter when dropped isn't a myth, urban or otherwise.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3564 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    Reported to Taste Like Chicken.

    Frogs-legs also taste like chicken, reportedly. I've only eaten them out of a tin. But the frogs legs I ate tasted more
    more reptilian than bird.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2752 posts Report Reply

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