Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: The Missus

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  • Rich Lock,

    I have a well-repressed desire to try frizzled tarantula (one of the very few edible spiders) - well repressed because I think them rather noble beasts, and the chances of getting one to frizzle in ANZ are -very very very remote. Reported to Taste Like Chicken.

    There was an article in The Herald about 3-4 months ago (bought in from the UK Independent, if memory serves) where a guy went round quite a few countries trying out different local 'delicacies'.

    Tarantula (in Cambodia? Vietnam?) was the one thing he really had trouble with. Quite like putting an enormous sack of chewy pus in your mouth, apparently. With 8 hairy legs as a bonus feature.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Found it.

    Apologies to anyone eating breakfast....

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    You know what's pretty good? Alligator.

    Especially when eaten at the New Orleans Jazz and heritage festival.

    Aligator Po'boy - basically a filled roll - it did taste like slightly gamey chicken, but it's all about the experience right.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    You know all these exotic, sometimes endangered delicacies that supposedly taste like chicken? It's because they're really serving you chicken. Just sayin'.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Aligator Po'boy - basically a filled roll

    It should be noted that the last poboy I ate bore only the vaguest of resemblances to a fillled roll, in that there was bread with stuff inside it, but none of the fillings were in any way healthy. Deep fried shrimp and oysters!

    Speaking of things with shells, I am also a little bitter because it's coming up to high crawfish season in the American south right now. I have had years on end without crawfish. There should be a law against that. (Can you get them couriered, I wonder? Imagine explaining it to NZ customs. 'You see, there's no chance of me ruining our ecosystem: I want to boil them alive with several different kinds of pepper and some corn on the cob.')

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    I have had years on end without crawfish. There should be a law against that.

    You can't approximate them with (freshwater) koura?

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 471 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    You can't approximate them with (freshwater) koura?

    I have pondered that. But who sells them? Is there even an industry, or is it just ad hoc harvesting? DOC says you aren't allowed to buy them, just gather for personal use...

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    Maybe you could round up some local kids, hand out ice cream containers, and propose a bounty of 10c per koura delivered?

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 471 posts Report Reply

  • Grace Dalley,

    I've obviously come to this discussion late, when it's suddenly all about food...but to get back to the original topic, I think being in a marriage-type relationship is definitely a job of work. Maintaining the relationship takes a lot of courage and perseverance. Of course, I think the work should be shared equally!

    About this word, "home-maker", I think housework definitely is part of it, but I think it also covers taking responsibility for anything that needs doing in the house or for the household. It's a buck-stops-here sort of title. (no problem too big, or too small!). In the house it might include cooking, cleaning, cleaning-up-after, tidying, organising, beautifying, gardening, home maintenance, doing shopping, budgeting, paying bills, doing laundry, repairing clothes and sewing on buttons and name-tags, making clothes, organising activities and co-ordinating schedules within the household. These things aren't really covered by "parenting".

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2008 • 138 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    In the house it might include cooking, cleaning, cleaning-up-after, tidying, organising, beautifying, gardening, home maintenance, doing shopping, budgeting, paying bills, doing laundry, repairing clothes and sewing on buttons and name-tags, making clothes, organising activities and co-ordinating schedules within the household. These things aren't really covered by "parenting".

    Very few if any of these jobs are exclusive to the partnered though so how come single women, even otherwise unemployed single women, never refer to themselves as homemakers?

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    Interesting. Neither do any single men. Some suggestions:
    (i) "Making a home for yourself" is seen as something every independent adult should do? so is a default assumption, and can't be used as a special "work" label?
    or is it the more basic fact that
    (ii) when you're single, the bulk of the work involved goes unwitnessed by others?
    or is it that
    (iii) when you're single, you don't bother so much with the details (because there's no witnesses, and no impact on others)

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 1944 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    About this word, "home-maker", I think housework definitely is part of it, but I think it also covers taking responsibility for anything that needs doing in the house or for the household.

    There appears to be an almost intangible spiritual angle to it though - like the difference between 'house' and 'home', so I'm sure it must be more than just tasks.

    Very few if any of these jobs are exclusive to the partnered though so how come single women, even otherwise unemployed single women, never refer to themselves as homemakers?

    Single people (along with gay people) tend to disappear from gender-concentrated discussions of housework distribution. I flatted with a woman once (I won't call her crazy on the grounds that I'm not qualified to make that kind of diagnosis) who genuinely believed that being able to cook was a sign of oppression. On her own, she'd have been so unoppressed she wouldn't have been able to feed herself.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Susan Snowdon,

    I couldn't sleep last night and spent a few hours thinking of who did what, vis a vis 'job descriptions', and there were only a few I felt could be ascribed to only one person. IME anyway.
    Wives - remember birthday cards/gifts/phone calls/visits, buy vacuum cleaner bags, and make Christmas cakes (if anyone does).
    Mothers - have babies, breast feed, take children shoe shopping (aarggh!), and cover school books with Duraseal.
    Husbands - choose the family car and most high end household technology, especially music systems.
    Fathers - I couldn't think of anything they specifically did. Maybe the final say so on circumcision? (For boys I mean.)

    And everyone should know how to cook.

    Since Mar 2008 • 110 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I flatted with a woman once (I won't call her crazy on the grounds that I'm not qualified to make that kind of diagnosis) who genuinely believed that being able to cook was a sign of oppression. On her own, she'd have been so unoppressed she wouldn't have been able to feed herself.

    I flatted with one of those too. Not the same one though (assuming you are talking about who I think you are talking about) the points of similarity were remarkable. It was a point of principle to be incapable of wielding a dishbrush and yet she still got her boyfriend to do all the heavy lifting and tricky jar opening.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Never met anyone like that - but but but-where is your self-respect if you cant do basic things? Or if you expect other people to look after
    you when you are capable of doing stuff?

    All whanau,kids & grandkids from my various sibs, and cuzzies, know how to do the basics. Otherwise, we secretly cull them on dark summer nights & offer then to Cthuhullu (or whatever -)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Yeah, I've just realised the total naiveity of my foregoing statements when we're looking at rich people...
    but then, I think they are for eating(so just keep 'em prime until umukai time.)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Wives - remember birthday cards/gifts/phone calls/visits, buy vacuum cleaner bags, and make Christmas cakes (if anyone does).

    I lost a great friend early last week. It was sad but long expected, and would have happened a lot sooner if she hadn't been such a tough one. Before she went into hospital for the last time she went through the family address book and added detailed birthday info to the entries. One of the last lucid things she had to say to her partner, left with two kids still at school, was "You've got a learning curve ahead of you, boy."

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    In my extremely limited experience Joe(I am an asexual) it is the mothers who do this...sorry to hear about the loss of your friend (truly- I cherish whanau me hoa ma, because - ultimately, that's all we have & all we are).

    Given that statement. my father died when I was 11 (eldest of 6 surviving children of his marriage with my mother.) I didnt like him , for very good reasons, but he was an intelligent & gifted and entreprenurial man. He not only taught my mother to drive (not common in the 1950s!) but made her trustee & executrix of his will (almost unheard of, ditto.) She was 31...she has been mother, nana, greatgranna for a tribe- and she has made sure all the family links & connections are kept up to date-

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    Fathers - I couldn't think of anything they specifically did.

    Run BBQ stalls at school fairs? Dispense pocket money?

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 471 posts Report Reply

  • Grace Dalley,

    About this word, "home-maker", I think housework definitely is part of it, but I think it also covers taking responsibility for anything that needs doing in the house or for the household.

    There appears to be an almost intangible spiritual angle to it though - like the difference between 'house' and 'home', so I'm sure it must be more than just tasks.

    Well I think maybe that's because "homemaking" can include "personal assistant" and "facilitator/mediator" as well as "maid" - it's includes doing things (like remembering other people's birthdays) that go so far beyond mere housework.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2008 • 138 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Fathers - I couldn't think of anything they specifically did

    Encourage their children to take risks, if we're running with the stereotypes.

    Be the bogeyman who dispensed physical punishment, for earlier generations. Kevin Ireland writes eloquently of the wave of suburban beatings that coincided with the return of fathers from work in his childhood. It seems "wait until your dad gets home" was no empty threat.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Kevin Ireland writes eloquently of the wave of suburban beatings that coincided with the return of fathers from work in his childhood.

    Hey, I read that years ago, it really stayed with me. Heartfelt stuff. I can't recall anything that got so close to the roots of the huge shift that's taking place - over more than one generation - about attitudes to family violence.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Yes, it struck me how such a different daily experience must have deeply shaped expectations. The story was in the collection edited by Michael King "One of the Boys? Changing Views of Masculinity in New Zealand" published in 1988 by Heineman in Auckland.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    I figure that equality means exactly what it says. So the job of husband and wife are really the same, with one exception, childbearing. Obviously different talents lead to different specializations, but organizing those along gender lines rather than talent lines is, hmmm, sexist?

    I am, for instance, about 100% stronger than my wife, so I have to do heavy lifting, and any other work that requires high wattage or torque. I believe that her calory output on chores is likely to be the same as mine though. I am also the computer guy so I have to fix her computer all the time, whereas she has the book keeping training so she organizes the finances. She's a terrible driver, and my cooking is breakfast only. That these things happen to also be gender stereotypes is not a reason not to do them, unless we want to have a crash and die, or eat toast every night. Or have a broken computer or chaotic finances.

    I seem to have a talent for child manipulation, so I'm usually the one changing nappies and clothes, bathing him and coaxing him to do things, and of course, carrying him a lot. But my wife spends a lot more time with him, playing. This breaks the gender stereotypes and again, that is no reason not to do it.

    However, when it came to getting pregnant I'm Old School. That's woman's work.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Axtually BenWilson - two exceptions. Childbearing, yep. right.

    Engendering a child - well, yeeeees, it can be done with any human male's sperm- but -

    ok, just the one difference then.

    And it sounds like you have a lovely wee whanau! Neat choice sweet!

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

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