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Field Theory: He's the voice

Posted at 4:57PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

I shit you not the headline read: Jamie's Win Cup Runneth Over. I know that puns are the bread and butter of sportswriters and to have a sportsperson called Whincup must make the usual Sunday paper journo respond with Pavlovian salivation, but, come on!

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So yes the Hamilton V8s were on again. A time when part of New Zealand cringes with revulsion and the other part get drunk on cheap piss, ogle girls in skimpy outfits and pray for major vehicular accidents. And of course those are both gross stereotypes.

There must have been some modicum of restraint shown by the crowd though. Police say arrests were down for a start. And even that scourge of public events, who has made a career (I suppose you can call it a career) out of removing clothes in public, was removed after, well, removing her clothes in public. We all know her name don't make me write it.

As for the actual racing, the Sunday papers were correct that Jamie Whincup did do rather well. He negotiated the infamous chicane and came through with the wins. By the way I think every race course should have a particular section that has a high degree of difficulty that can be a focal point for both drivers and fans.

This reminds me that there is a new show on The Box (formerly Sky 1) called Grid Girls where a group of long-legged short-pantsed women are put into various race cars and compete to be the best "girl racer". Sigh

Wouldn't it be more interesting to watch actual female motor racers who have real driving skills attempt to master other forms of racing rather than giggling amateurs? For example, driver Gemma Farrel says that she hopes that the show will help her in the future:

I've been in Australia for four years now so my profile is there…..I would love to start to build a profile in New Zealand with TV and modelling.

Somewhere there are motor racers, dying for sponsorship money, crying. Other reality shows of this ilk don't have people without skills. Project Runway, Hell's Kitchen, even America's Next Top Model, all have contestants with the skills for the show. Again, sigh.

Back to Hamilton, TVNZ reporter Marty Tasker started his live report (why is it always live) with: "Despite the recession, many turned out to the race…" It seems that "despite the recession" might become the new suffix for news intros these days. "Despite the recession people having fun" etc.

On to less grumbly matters now.

At the Basin Reserve test match recently, Dan Slevin, like a modern day Aesop, told me the story of how West Ham got it's uniform. Note, he refers to West Ham as "we", a nice touch I think.

My memory of the story was that around the turn of the century we went up to Villa (who are a much older club than us or anyone) and they donated us a kit when we didn't have one.

Wikipedia has the full version:

[Thames Ironworks, West Ham's predecessor] permanently adopted claret and blue for home colours in the summer of 1899. Thames Ironworks right-half Charlie Dove received the Aston Villa kit from his father William Dove, who was a professional sprinter of national repute, as well as being involved with the coaching at Thames Ironworks. Bill Dove had been at a fair in Birmingham, close to Villa Park, the home ground of Aston Villa and was challenged to a race against four Villa players, who wagered money that one of them would win.

Bill Dove defeated them and, when they were unable to pay the bet, one of the Villa players who was responsible for washing the team's kit offered a complete side's 'uniforms' to Dove in payment. The Aston Villa player subsequently reported to his club that the kit was 'missing'.

Well this weekend The Hammers travelled to Villa and took their away strip – sky blue with two claret horizontal bands – only to have the referee decide that the uniforms' sleeves were too similar and asked the home team to find a new strip.

And what a strip! It was just casual warm up gear but jeez it looked cool. Especially in the first half when it had no advertising.

Villa could've worn their away strip, but really, the white was too fucking cool.

------

Last week was a big one for news about the people who bring us sport. Obviously Tony Veitch was mentioned a few times. I've tried to keep away from Ve-itch-nam War news as much as possible because, quit frankly, I never thought he was much of a presenter. In fact I would go so far as to say I prefer Andrew "Saveloy" Saville (even if he does look like a bobble head at times).

The two biggest sports presenter stories have come out the US. First, veteran broadcaster Harry Kallas (famous Philadelphia broadcaster and voice of NFL Films) died. Then John Madden retired.

John Madden may be one of the most famous sports presenters of all time. With co-hosts Pat Summerall and then Al Michaels, Madden became the voice of American Football for a generation. He is enshrined in the Football Hall of Fame for coaching, broadcasting and for eponymous video game, which was the first video game to enter any sports hall of fame.

His quirks made Madden all the more likable: he never flew (so he never commentated the ProBowl in Hawaii); he ate Turducken at Thankgiving (turkey, stuffed with duck, stuffed with chicken. Ooooo yeah); he said "BOOM!" a lot; he was king of the telestrator (the magic pen used to draw on the screen, here's him drawing a penis, sort of); and he really liked quarterback Brett Favre.

And don't think he was just an in-joke:

Madden lead the Raiders to a stunning 103-32-7 record as a coach, including seven AFC Western Division titles and a victory in Super Bowl XI. His .750 winning percentage is the best in NFL history.
A broadcasting career that spanned 30 years and all four major networks, earning him an absurd 18 Emmy Award nominations for Outstanding Sports Analyst/Personality and 16 wins.
The #1 sports video game title ever in EA Sports' Madden NFL Football line.

He was folksy without being dumb. He was jokey but only at the right times. He was friendly without losing professionalism. But age (he's 73) caught up with him and now he's going to spend more time with his grandchildren. Fair enough.

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Danielle
From: PAS Women's XV Strategic Headquarters
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 2249

Posted at 4:57PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

he ate Turducken at Thankgiving (turkey, stuffed with duck, stuffed with chicken

Eating turducken is one of my life's ambitions.

3410
From: Auckland
Since: Jan 2007
Posts: 1323

Posted at 5:11PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Eating turducken is one of my life's ambitions.

I saw one on telly that had (I think) 12 layers; from swan all the way down to quail.

Gareth Ward
From: Auckland, NZ
Since: Mar 2007
Posts: 1379

Posted at 5:12PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

3410, that was probably the River Cottage 10 bird:
* Woodcock, inside a
* Partridge, inside a
* Pigeon, inside a
* Pheasant, inside a
* Guinea, fowl inside a
* Mallard, inside a
* Chicken, inside a
* Aylesbury Duck, inside a
* Goose, inside a
* Turkey

EPIC

Gareth Ward
From: Auckland, NZ
Since: Mar 2007
Posts: 1379

Posted at 5:13PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Or perhaps not, given your different "bookend birds" :>

Islander
From: Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi Pounemu
Since: Feb 2007
Posts: 1855

Posted at 5:35PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Hell, why did we eat out the moa! The possibilities!

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1095

Posted at 5:46PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

The other big news from sports broadcasting last week (even bigger than Veitch and the other 2) was that ESPN have lost rights to the Champions League...

...and therefore...

no more Tommy Smythe

Link well worth a read.

Heather W.
From: North Shore
Since: Nov 2008
Posts: 152

Posted at 5:49PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Why did we eat out the moa! The possibilities!

Something like the osturducken?

Islander
From: Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi Pounemu
Since: Feb 2007
Posts: 1855

Posted at 5:53PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Ye gods&little fishes!
We could forget about any kind of stuffing and just layer the moa down to a rifleman!

3410
From: Auckland
Since: Jan 2007
Posts: 1323

Posted at 5:58PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

that was probably the River Cottage 10 bird

Close. This one contains 12 different birds, but in the one I saw there was definitely a swan. I remember because the only way they could get one was from the Queen.

Stuart Coats
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 175

Posted at 6:06PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Link well worth a read.

Oh yes indeedy.
Worst-commentator-ever. I haven't watched a Champions League game for years just to avoid him. And this is from someone who will put up with Mexted, Ian Healy and Daryl Halligan to continue to watch sports I love

Tom Beard
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 686

Posted at 6:11PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

The Villa/West Ham uniform story reminds me of a much more parochial story. Christchurch Boys' High School didn't have their own rugby uniform, so they took Christ's College's black-and-white hooped strip and dyed it blue. Hence the black & blue uniform, which was not inappropriate given the culture at that school.

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1095

Posted at 8:26PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Worst-commentator-ever. I haven't watched a Champions League game for years just to avoid him.

The amazing thing about that is that he's been living in the US for 46 yeas.

And, as they say, he's still worse than Riverdance.

You'd have thought that with all ESPN's money...

Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 8:41PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

The other big news from sports broadcasting last week (even bigger than Veitch and the other 2) was that ESPN have lost rights to the Champions League...
...and therefore...
no more Tommy Smythe

I forgot about Smythe with a Y. I'll be glad to see the back him and his fucking Onion Bag.

But seriously, not as big as Madden retiring. That's HUGE.

Vaughn Davis
From: Auckland
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 18

Posted at 10:22PM on 20 Apr 09. Permalink.

Damn! I thought I'd be the first person to seize upon the Turducken angle (I know, it's just a common noun, but I feel like it deserves the capital.) I cooked one in my Weber. It was good. For the record, the chicken received a cornbread stuffing and the spaces between the chicken and duck and duck and turkey were filled with a chorizo and breadcrumb concoction.

Cool 12 hours. Serves 30.

Here's the beast, mid-carve:

http://tinyurl.com/dlkh5h

Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 8:27AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

So Vaughn, when should we all come round for dinner?

Danielle
From: PAS Women's XV Strategic Headquarters
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 2249

Posted at 9:11AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

Vaughn, I am speechless. I am also salivating. Basically, I look almost exactly like my own dog right now.

Stewart
From: Te Ika A Maui - Waitakere Chapter
Since: Oct 2008
Posts: 340

Posted at 9:50AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

Re commentators retiring... is there a reason why we get subjected to the views of a one-time wicketkeeper when we want to watch footy (rugby football) on Sky?

I'm happy to admit that I am not 'run of the mill' in that I enjoy the weird witterings of Murray Mexted, by why oh why do we have to have Ian Smith making sideline comments? Can't he be "promoted" to the other side of the ditch - he'd fit right in with the Ocker comentators.

giovanni tiso
From: Wellington
Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 4394

Posted at 9:54AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

Ian Smith is pretty much the only rugby commentator I find remotely bareable. Apart from Nesbit who's not a former top athlete so far as I know.

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1095

Posted at 10:38AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

What Giovanni said.

Although Nisbett does seem to be getting more biased when covering All Black tests as time goes on.

But if you want a good example of an ex-player who is barely coherent look no further than Ian Jones.

giovanni tiso
From: Wellington
Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 4394

Posted at 10:40AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

Yeah, who the hell is Nisbet? Nevermind.

giovanni tiso
From: Wellington
Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 4394

Posted at 10:42AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

But which I mean Nesbit. I keep making it worse.

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1095

Posted at 10:45AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

So they call him Nisbo just to keep it simple?

Stewart
From: Te Ika A Maui - Waitakere Chapter
Since: Oct 2008
Posts: 340

Posted at 10:53AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

Is it cos I's not a cricket-lover* that I can't abide Ian Smiths lamentable comments, then?

* (I am a sometime fan of cricket, but not that stupid 20/20 version which is what we used to play as 10-yr olds - essentially slash away at everything - no finesse, just hacking.)

giovanni tiso
From: Wellington
Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 4394

Posted at 10:55AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

I don't know, I just think he's an excellent commentator. The fact that he can string sentences together in a coherent manner definitely helps in this regard. Not sure why the fact that he's a former cricket player should disqualify him from rugby commentary any more than a sports journalist who isn't a former international in any sport.

Stewart
From: Te Ika A Maui - Waitakere Chapter
Since: Oct 2008
Posts: 340

Posted at 11:00AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

OK, Goivanni, I can see that we will just have to agree to differ on this one. I find his remarks generally asinine and uninformative and you don't. No biggy.

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1095

Posted at 11:03AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

I find his remarks generally asinine and uninformative

What do you make of Ian Jones then?

giovanni tiso
From: Wellington
Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 4394

Posted at 11:06AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

What do you make of Ian Jones then?

Can't speak for Stewart, but I would say that of all the commentators we have at the moment, he's probably the tallest.

johnno
From: wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 85

Posted at 11:08AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

...and therefore...
no more Tommy Smythe

Thank you Jesus.

giovanni tiso
From: Wellington
Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 4394

Posted at 11:18AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

Thank you Jesus.

I'll take Tommy Smyth with a Y over having to subscribe to Sky Sport to watch the champions league any day, actually. Currently it was sitting very pretty on my basic cable arrangement with Telstra, with includes ESPN.

Stewart
From: Te Ika A Maui - Waitakere Chapter
Since: Oct 2008
Posts: 340

Posted at 11:27AM on 21 Apr 09. Permalink.

Ian Jones is of much the same quality as Ian Smith (Alias Smith & Jones?) but as an ex-AB he has at least 'been there & done that' and has an insiders p-o-v.

You'd think that might make him a little better than "Smithy", but sadly...

Got to admit, we cracked up when my darling heard Ian Jones making comments and asked who was the outrageously camp commentator - we had taken him for granted up till then & suddenly realised she was right! He does sound very camp. Can't hear him without smiling, now.

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Field Theory: He's the voice