Field Theory: Shut Up and Skate : Public Address

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Field Theory: Shut Up and Skate

Posted at 8:51PM on 2 Jul 09. Permalink.

It's freezing at the indoor karting track. In the waiting area, with the pool table covered in papers, it's merely cold. Past the barrier and out on the concrete track you can see the breath of the skaters as they blast around the newly-created oval track.

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"You can get a lot more speed in the straight-aways here" says referee and trainer Danger Danger. "But you gotta watch out for those tyres because you could break a leg on those."

I put it to the back of my mind that a man called Danger Danger is offering safety advice (he would later remind someone that skating while holding a glass bottle is very dangerous) and focus more on the skaters. It's a grading session.

Richter City Roller Derby are aligned to the Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) and with that comes responsibilities and rules. Skaters must pass a number of skill requirements before they are allowed to skate in bouts, this includes sections on: basic skating; falling (there are four different ways to fall); balance and agility; skating with others (play nice!); and blocking. It's part assessment and part risk management. You don't want to send fresh meat into a racing pack of skaters; they'll get mown down. Training for the skill assessments is drilling the skaters until they have the muscle memory. There's no time to think in Roller Derby.

The skaters congregated in the middle of the track, amongst the stock car parts, go-karts and other racing paraphernalia. Off to the side a mechanic worked on his car, his grinder throwing off impressive showers of sparks. This seemed right. It's like Rocky working in a dingy gym and punching sides of beef hanging in an abattoir.

The coaches are going over the drills while Amy and I stand with Danger Danger and Justicier. I can't help it; I have to ask about uniforms. And I get the best response to a uniform question ever:

I think frilly panties are in at the moment

Stripy socks are too. Later Suffer Jet would let it slip that this training session is more well-dressed than most, possibly because of the cameras.

The two teams are (as you may recall) Brutal Pageant and Smash Malice. Malice were supposed to take the first bout easily but they lost. And since then Pageant has gained in skills and confidence.

"We're gonna go 4 and 0!" exclaims Ruby Deathskates, referring to the upcoming bouts in September and October. "And then we're gonna beat Auckland" she continues with a bravado that I was hoping to hear. But it was harder to get that quote than you'd think.

If the last bout showed anything it was that even a blood sport like Roller Derby can't rip friends apart.

For example, hypothetically, let's say your fiancé watched your first bout and then, after you lost, he said that your opponent was awesome and that you should skate like her and that at the next bout he might wear a t-shirt with her name on it. You can imagine that this could cause some on-rink animosity (as well as some terse discussions at home). But not even this (not actually hypothetical at all) situation could cause a rift or start a rivalry.

In fact when Mike went to get a photo of the two skaters from that story he couldn't get a good shot because they were laughing with each other too much.

In fact my whole "intense rivalry" angle is blown out of the water when I'm talking to Lux Vengence.

H: "So have the skaters in Smash Malice been angry since the bout, are they waiting to get revenge on Brutal Pageant?"
LV: "You really want us to say 'yes', don't you?"
H: "Yes"
LV: (shakes head)

Thank goodness for Ruby and Wax Assassin. If anyone was going to cause a rivalry it's these two. Admittedly they are on the same team but both are out for blood (figuratively) and both really want to win.

But will we ever see them go head-to-head? Maybe. After their humiliation at the hands of Brutal Pageant many of the skaters from Smash Malice couldn't handle it and dropped out (a slight embellishment but let's keep going). The intake of fresh meat (the generic name for new skaters) has meant that there can still be two full teams but that in order to make it a fair fight some of the more experienced skaters might have to switch teams.

"But I really like my dress!" was the first complaint from Wax Assassin. That and she loved winning. "I can't wait for the [Halloween] Derby against Auckland, my girlfriend skates for [the Pirates] and she's pretty good too". Will it be a problem going up against her? "Nah, you get two Derby Girls going against each other and…" she then indicated with a reference to her elbow that there would be violence.

The Richter City Roller Derby's next bout is on September 19 at the Wellington Basketball Association Courts. They run on volunteers so if you want to help out, go to the site and drop them a line. That includes anyone who wants to become fresh meat.

All photos copyright to Michael Roseingrave and Jed Soane. Full photo galleries are here and here

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Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 8:51PM on 2 Jul 09. Permalink.

After you've read the article take a while and have a peruse of the 100s of registered Roller Derby names.

My favourite on my first skim: Zha Zha G'Boom!

Simon Poole
Since: Dec 2008
Posts: 140

Posted at 10:41PM on 2 Jul 09. Permalink.

Great article, Hadyn.

I haven't been to training for far too long and I'm sorry I missed you, but I hope to be donning my moniker (and skates) again in the near future, just as soon as Miss Genocide pops! I trust you'll be in the crowd come September.

M. J
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 2

Posted at 1:53AM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Since when was Smash Malice meant to win the first bout?
Don't think you talked to anyone from that team...
Completely meh.

Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 8:18AM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Since when was Smash Malice meant to win the first bout?
Don't think you talked to anyone from that team...
Completely meh.

You're right I didn't talk to Smash Malice, but the "buzz" beforehand was that they were the favourites and they seemed to have more supporters (I was the only one cheering for Pageant where I was standing). They'll come back though

Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 9:37AM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Oh and I'm glad to say a real rivalry has been sparked:

"and then we're going to beat Auckland".
That's Pirate City to you, wenches! And remember, don't let your mouths write cheques that your frilly asses can't cash!
See you on the track, roller girls.
Scheisse Minnelli
#415, Pirate City Rollers

tuff bikkies
From: Richter City
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 3

Posted at 10:32AM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Great article and sweet pictures

HAHA M.J is mad cos Brutal Pageant kicked her ass, can't wait to beat you again Perky Nah Nah : ) and Scheisse, bring it! it's time for the Pirate City Rollers to experience some CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, frilly panty style
Tuff Bikkies

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1094

Posted at 11:17AM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

HAHA M.J is mad cos Brutal Pageant kicked her ass, can't wait to beat you again Perky Nah Nah : ) and Scheisse, bring it! it's time for the Pirate City Rollers to experience some CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, frilly panty style
Tuff Bikkies

Wow. Does this skating have its own language?

Peter Darlington
From: Nelson
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 552

Posted at 11:24AM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

"Frilly panty style". If only there was a Sentence of the Year, this would've just aced it.

Good blog and wonderful roller photo's my man.

Miss G
From: Wellington
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 1

Posted at 12:42PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

You are all looking HOTT purdy ladies. I miss you long time, and can't wait to be blowing the whistle on your frilly asses come September, mwah xxoo

Hannah Jennings-Voykovich
From: Auckland
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 1

Posted at 12:46PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Wow. Does this skating have its own language?

Adorable!

Yes, skaters are like race horses - each derby girl needs to have her skate name registered on a worldwide database, and if it's taken (or too similar to an existing name), you're not allowed to officially use it. For example, before the glory days of Scheisse Minnelli began, I wanted to be Hannah Barbaric, but alas, she already skates for the Cincinnati Rollergirls. As you may be able to tell, part of the theatricality of a sport such as derby revolves around the sexy/tough image, hence names like Momma Murder, Cupcake Carnage, Tuff Bikkies or Wax Assassin. Pop culture referencing is also rife (see also Skate the Muss, Chevy Impaler, Goldie Scorn and yours truly, Scheisse f*cking Minnelli).

Team and league names work similarly, hence my team Dead Wreckoning within Pirate City Rollers.

Dead Reckoning: the process of estimating one's current position based upon a previously determined position, or fix, and advancing that position based upon known or estimated speeds over elapsed time, and course.

High seas referencing abound, m'hearties.

Scheisse

Wax Assassin
From: wellington
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 5

Posted at 1:04PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Don't mess with the frilly panties Scheisse, or the frilly panties will mess with you...

tuff bikkies
From: Richter City
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 3

Posted at 1:12PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

@ LegBreak

Wow. Does this skating have its own language?

Yes.

... but then what sport doesn't?

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1094

Posted at 1:17PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Yes.
... but then what sport doesn't?

Fair question.

Football (unless Americans is commenting on it)

Megan Wegan
From: Welly
Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 402

Posted at 1:21PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Fair question.
Football (unless Americans is commenting on it)

Really? Offside, centre back, and yellow card would all be completely clear to someone who hadn't ever watched a game of football?

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1094

Posted at 1:25PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Offside and yellow card are used in normal English.

Centre Back relates to a position on the field. The dialect up-thread doesn’t actually relate to any technical terms like that.

Wax Assassin
From: wellington
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 5

Posted at 1:30PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

ahaha, actually yeah I think derby language is confusing, imagine if you didn't know anything about it and heard something like "It's the second jam, the lead jammer got stuck in the pack and has passed the star, the pivot has taken a waitress and has JUMPED THE APEX"

(ok so that would NEVER happen but whatevs)

Julian Melville
From: Auckland
Since: Dec 2006
Posts: 117

Posted at 1:32PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

I ran into an Auckland team at a backpackers in New Plymouth last year. I was super impressed that they kept up the names even at 7am on a Sunday... "wanna cup of tea, Carnage?" "yeah ta, 2 sugars thanks Femme"

Megan Wegan
From: Welly
Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 402

Posted at 1:34PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

@Wax Assassin:

ok, yeah, fair point.

Wax Assassin
From: wellington
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 5

Posted at 1:38PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

I ran into an Auckland team at a backpackers in New Plymouth last year. I was super impressed that they kept up the names even at 7am on a Sunday... "wanna cup of tea, Carnage?" "yeah ta, 2 sugars thanks Femme"

Haha, that's because we don't even know each others real names anymore...

Megan Wegan
From: Welly
Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 402

Posted at 1:43PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Haha, that's because we don't even know each others real names anymore...

I went along to some of the Saturday skates (and will come back when I get over injury/flu issues) and I don't know anyone's real names. I kind of like it that way.

Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 1:43PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

I ran into an Auckland team at a backpackers in New Plymouth last year. I was super impressed that they kept up the names even at 7am on a Sunday... "wanna cup of tea, Carnage?" "yeah ta, 2 sugars thanks Femme"

I've only ever been introduced to skaters by their assumed identities. It's like meeting the Justice League.

Kyle Matthews
From: Dunedin
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 4401

Posted at 1:50PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Offside and yellow card are used in normal English.

Does yellow card have a usage that doesn't originate in sport?

And what about 'cross', 'bicycle kick', 'dribble', 'wall', 'striker', 'header', 'sweeper'. I presume soccer have team tactics like the 'offside trap', 'zone', 'man on man', 'give and go'.

Stewart
From: Te Ika A Maui - Waitakere Chapter
Since: Oct 2008
Posts: 340

Posted at 1:54PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Nommes de guerre?

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1094

Posted at 1:54PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Yellow card originated in sport, but now gets used in all sorts of places, like parliament.

All sports will have technical terms to describe things (although human wall has been adopted elsewhere too)

I was just making the point that skating seems to have its own language when not actually describing the event itself.

Jed Soane
From: Wellington
Since: Feb 2009
Posts: 11

Posted at 2:00PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

I've only ever been introduced to skaters by their assumed identities. It's like meeting the Justice League.

Yeah, when one of the fresh meat that I photographed mistakenly revealed her real name when I asked it felt like finding out who Superman was.

I think we need photographer names the next time we photograph roller derby, Mike. How about Shoot Mayhem and Len Stoodehead?

Wax Assassin
From: wellington
Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 5

Posted at 2:07PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Yeah, when one of the fresh meat that I photographed mistakenly revealed her real name when I asked it felt like finding out who Superman was.

Who was it? I'll smash her.

Rich Lock
From: Devonport
Since: Feb 2007
Posts: 903

Posted at 2:19PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

If anyone is struggling for inspiration, I just stumbled across this Roller Derby name generator.

Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 2:22PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

I was just making the point that skating seems to have its own language when not actually describing the event itself.

Yeah a little. I assume you mean like how skateboarders and surfers seem to have their own language.

LegBreak
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1094

Posted at 2:23PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

Yeah a little. I assume you mean like how skateboarders and surfers seem to have their own language.

Yup, and basketballers.

Hadyn Green
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1802
Moderator

Posted at 2:24PM on 3 Jul 09. Permalink.

I think we need photographer names the next time we photograph roller derby, Mike. How about Shoot Mayhem and Len Stoodehead?...
If anyone is struggling for inspiration, I just stumbled across this Roller Derby name generator.

I think I'll go by Writer's Blocker. LegBreak could be... well, LegBreak is probably a good one

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