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Random Play: Hey, good lookin’

Posted at 12:37PM on 30 Nov 07. Permalink.

For some time we've been hearing how bloggers and the Net are going to change elections. Maybe. I have another suggestion as to what could alter voting patterns: plasma screens.

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For some time we've been hearing how bloggers and the Net are going to change elections. Maybe. I have another suggestion as to what could alter voting patterns: plasma screens.

Last week I was in Australia and by coincidence they were tossing out a government by that charming method called democracy. Which meant lots of interviews on television for the prime offenders: John Howard and Kevin Rudd.

By my good fortune I stayed in a couple of hotels where there were plasma screens the size of my desk at the end of my bed. I love television and consider myself more well-viewed than well-read, but I haven’t made the leap to a plasma screen. Yet.

But we’ll need a bigger and less leaky apartment before I can watch boxing and really feel like I am in the ring.

I have had very few encounters with a large plasma screen, and I have to say watching these in Australia it wasn’t a pretty sight.

The first thing you learn is that old footage shot on video, so-called classic movies from the 70s and 80s, and anyone with poor skin tone or acne aren’t that pleasant to watch.

The televised debates between Richard Nixon and John F Kennedy are considered milestones in how the small screen could swing the popular mood: Nixon was ill-prepared and looked unshaven and shady, JFK came off as good looking, poised and honest because he and his advisors understood how the small screen works.

Well, here’s my theory for what it’s worth: the big screen -- that 40” sucker -- is the new threshold for political parties to come to grips with. John Howard on a screen the size of a pool table wasn’t an attractive sight, and pasty faced Rudd who looked like he was made of margarine was not much better. But he was better and that was all that mattered.

There was an interesting election night special (I don’t know what channel, I just caught a few minutes before going out) which also illuminated another aspect of the plasma screen: men need to be scrupulously shaven, have every nose and ear hair plucked, and the ladies need to avoid fake tan and have a $1000 an hour groomer on hand. A few hairs out of place or a wonky false eyelash blown up big can be inordinately distracting.

My guess is that this technology means we are going to enter an age of more and more telegenic presenters, studio guests, commentators and, of course, politicians.

Consider our current representatives and ask yourself, who would you like to be so up close with that you could see every pore on their nose and every shaving nick, every rheumy eye or poorly applied lipstick?

Because that’s how close plasma screens -- and people are buying them like crazy these days -- take you. You will be seeing politicians closer and more frequently than you see you mum. It’s a scary thought.

Scary because I am guessing right now in party headquarters the puppet masters are also recognising this and maybe even suggesting that a smarter candidate should be nudged in favour of someone with better teeth and skin.

Given that Australia’s election took on the manner of a presidential race (Howard v Rudd) and that we are shaping up the same way, the look and sound of the leader will be as important as what they say. More so is my guess.

One morning I saw a breakfast television talking-head thing which allowed Howard and Rudd equal time as the winning line drew near. Howard wasn’t bad I have to say and of course spoke of standing on his record and the like (he has enjoyed an economy which was going to boom with or without him, but that’s neither here noir there). Then Rudd had his turn. It was illuminating.

He noted that Howard hadn’t articulated any new policies in the time he had been given -- then hammered home one phrase with nagging repetition, “positive policies for the future”.

As an economical phrase (which also doesn’t exactly say anything of course) it is hard to beat. Analyse just those few words: by implication they suggest the opposition’s policies are negative. “positive policies” suggest a thought out and appealing platform, and the whole tenor is of looking ahead rather than to the past. The phrase conveys excitement about the future.

It’s a very clever phrase and I’m waiting to see who here adopts it, or something similar.

Whoever it is though better look good saying it on a massive screen that would be unflattering to the best Hollywood make-up artists have to offer, let alone the hapless politician being projected into people‘s homes and sports bars about four times life-size.

“Pretty people for the future” might seem a more apt phrase.

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Robyn Gallagher
From: Wellington
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1309

Posted at 12:37PM on 30 Nov 07. Permalink.

men need to be scrupulously shaven, have every nose and ear hair plucked, and the ladies need to avoid fake tan and have a $1000 an hour groomer on hand.

High-definition TV adds to it. About a year ago I was talking to a TV make-up artist who had gone on a training course in America to learn the new art of applying make-up to make people look normal on HDTV.

And there's this list of celebrities who look awful or wonderul with HDTV. Poor Cameron Diaz.

Matt Nippert
From: Auckland
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 19

Posted at 1:17PM on 30 Nov 07. Permalink.

You think politicians have it bad with high-def, but will someone please think of the porn-stars?!?

Hollywood is dealing with similar problems, but they are more pronounced for pornographers, who rely on close-ups and who, because of their quick adoption of the new format, are facing the issue more immediately than mainstream entertainment companies.
Producers are taking steps to hide the imperfections. Some shots are lit differently, while some actors simply are not shot at certain angles, or are getting cosmetic surgery, or seeking expert grooming.
“The biggest problem is razor burn,” said Stormy Daniels, an actress, writer and director.

MikeE
From: Kingsland
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 101

Posted at 1:31PM on 30 Nov 07. Permalink.

Matt - beat me to it (excuse the pun)

Craig Ranapia
From: North Shore, Auckland
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 7160

Posted at 1:58PM on 30 Nov 07. Permalink.

Oooh, I think I've got one better. Hilary Clinton's new content-free buzz phase is "ready to lead from Day One." Really, I thought Day One involved standing around freezing your tits off at your inauguration, then playing kissy face with your donors at a string of parties.

Graeme Edgeler
From: Wellington, New Zealand
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1509

Posted at 5:29PM on 30 Nov 07. Permalink.

Hilary Clinton's new content-free buzz phase is "ready to lead from Day One."

Really? I'd have said that was a reasonable phrase that carried a message - certainly far more in it, than positive policies.

I'll be a good President, my opponent may be a good president in the future, after he's got more experience, but he won't be one now. We need someone who'll hit the ground running.

About as much as you can actually expect from a slogan.

Kyle Matthews
From: Dunedin
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 4400

Posted at 5:51PM on 30 Nov 07. Permalink.

Really, I thought Day One involved standing around freezing your tits off at your inauguration, then playing kissy face with your donors at a string of parties.

Actually, Hilary will be the first person to freeze their tits off.

Throughout history, every other American President has frozen something else.

Craig Ranapia
From: North Shore, Auckland
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 7160

Posted at 9:04AM on 1 Dec 07. Permalink.

Really? I'd have said that was a reasonable phrase that carried a message - certainly far more in it, than positive policies.
I'll be a good President, my opponent may be a good president in the future, after he's got more experience, but he won't be one now. We need someone who'll hit the ground running.

...and then gets rather tetchy when anyone asks rather impertinent questions about whether being a President's wife -- and hitting the ground face first when you had your chance at universal heath care - is the kind of 'experience' you should be bragging about. Still, as long as she looks good in HD why bother? Still, encouraging to see the gender card appears to be past its use by date.

And if you want to use actual elected office as a benchmark for 'experience', then I'd respectfully suggest Obama has the advantage.

Ben Austin
From: London
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 627

Posted at 9:40AM on 1 Dec 07. Permalink.

"ready Day One" is really really common in service industry sales proposals, not really surprising its been adapted to politics

Graeme Edgeler
From: Wellington, New Zealand
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 1509

Posted at 11:40AM on 1 Dec 07. Permalink.

And if you want to use actual elected office as a benchmark for 'experience', then I'd respectfully suggest Obama has the advantage.

You won't necessarily get disagreement from me on this, but this would mean it's wrong, not empty.

Emma Hart
From: Christchurch
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 2629
Moderator

Posted at 11:43AM on 1 Dec 07. Permalink.

Actually, Hilary will be the first person to freeze their tits off.
Throughout history, every other American President has frozen something else.

'Would be', surely...

And what are the odds on her being the second President to actually catch their death on Inauguration Day?

Paul Dowden
From: Sydney
Since: Dec 2007
Posts: 29

Posted at 12:30PM on 1 Dec 07. Permalink.

Neal Stephenson made a similar comment in Interface: in the 1800s it was all about character (Lincoln) in the 1900s charisma (Hitler, JFK), now it's all visual media scrutiny and with HDTV there's going to be a change of guard. I wonder if that's why the media here in Aus did so many up-the-nostril shots on election night!

And, if you'll forgive the vulgarity

Actually, Hilary will be the first person to freeze their tits off.

...that would look quite freaky on a giant HD screen.

Kyle Matthews
From: Dunedin
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 4400

Posted at 12:45PM on 1 Dec 07. Permalink.

...that would look quite freaky on a giant HD screen.

One presumes that the modern media minder has somewhere in their list of things to think about "visible erect nipples". It's a new world after all.

tussock
Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 180

Posted at 3:58PM on 2 Dec 07. Permalink.

HD may simply result in a great deal more background scenery being on show. If one opens the angle a little, the level of detail remains constant.
Small paintings show faces, large ones show mountain ranges.

OTOH, once we can make out all the little winces and twitches better, they'll need a whole new quality of liar to fool us into voting for them. A constant gormless smile with dead eyes might not play so well either.

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