Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Keeping it Weird: A Night Out in Christchurch

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  • FletcherB,

    Cheers... that was fun.

    I was actually wondering the entire post was something Bob's dad might have written? (thats a compliment, by the way).

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 798 posts Report Reply

  • Judi Lapsley Miller,

    LMAO and wiping away the tears! (and for once I'm in on an in-joke!)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 100 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    That c**t Bollard better stay off my turf.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18991 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I'm going to have to wait for the Cliff Notes to come out on this one.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7386 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I was actually wondering the entire post was something Bob's dad might have written? (thats a compliment, by the way).

    Thanks, Fletcher. And yeah, that's me, the first ever David Haywood tribute band. Bob's father was good enough to vet this for me, give me permission to use it, and tell me what the right word for playing a banjo was.

    I'm going to have to wait for the Cliff Notes to come out on this one.

    I reckon I could get another dozen or so in-jokes into the Cliff Notes.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4369 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    What a vision of the moral decrepitude that is rife in Christchurch...

    David if you're reading this...
    Don't let that son of yours hang out with evil influences ... he'll grow up to be a country singer!!!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3426 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    I'm going to have to wait for the Cliff Notes to come out on this one.

    Oh, I don't really get it either. I'm just playing along because Emma scares me.

    She is from Timaru, you know.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18991 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Oh, Emma, that was priceless. And I agree with Judy. It was nice, for once, to be in on an in-joke!

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    She is from Timaru, you know.

    I am not from fscking Timaru! I'm from Taihape!

    Wait, that doesn't work at all. As you were.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4369 posts Report Reply

  • DeepRed,

    Don't let that son of yours hang out with evil influences ... he'll grow up to be a country singer!!!

    Seen on a rear bumper:

    Prevent In-breeding. Ban Country Music.

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 4365 posts Report Reply

  • Tim Michie,

    [W]hile I enjoyed the scoring system (some arcane combination of 'people put in the emergency room' plus 'girls got off with' multiplied by 'number of ancestors on First Four Ships plaque' minus 'number of mates passed out on road' divided by 'arrest record')

    That'd be the Dickwad-Losers system then..?

    Auckward • Since Nov 2006 • 566 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    A few faces I recognised suggested we were about to have one of those 'ex-Christ's lawyer-boy' versus 'ex-St Bedes cockies in for the weekend' fights break out, and while I enjoyed the scoring system (some arcane combination of 'people put in the emergency room' plus 'girls got off with' multiplied by 'number of ancestors on First Four Ships plaque' minus 'number of mates passed out on road' divided by 'arrest record') I had a duty to protect Bob. Even if he was taller than me these days.

    Oh God, my early twenties just flashed before my eyes.

    The shame .

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Oh God, my early twenties just flashed before my eyes.

    The shame.

    Heheheheh. Megan, you make me so happy.

    We used to go to nightclubs, and inevitably some very clean-cut guy in a white shirt with blue stripes would try to pick me up. He'd turn out to have gone to Christ's and have a nice white-collar job and be a total and utter unbearably smug goit.

    Moving here from elsewhere, it really struck me how it seemed to matter what school you went to and what suburb you lived in.

    I might just be bitter because my ancestors arrived on the 5th ship.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4369 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    Moving here from elsewhere, it really struck me how it seemed to matter what school you went to and what suburb you lived in.

    Last year I was in a bar in Wellington, chatting to a seemingly normal man, who when he found out I was from Christchurch said "Really? What school did you go to?"

    I made him buy me another drink. And then found my friends again.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I might just be bitter because my ancestors arrived on the 5th ship.

    Safety ship!

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7386 posts Report Reply

  • stephen walker,

    if it's not one of the first four, it might as well be number seven million and forty bloody eight! now get to the back of the queue girl!
    (btw, it's not only people from chc that make dull-brained assumptions based on where a person went to school...)

    nagano • Since Nov 2006 • 634 posts Report Reply

  • Heather W.,

    Sorry for the threadjack (okay not really) - if you notice a more weird than usual clash of colours tomorrow (2nd April) it may be in support of World Autism Awareness Day.

    NEW ZEALAND

    Date of Event: April 2, 2009
    Name: Multicoloured Mayhem Day
    Location: Throughout New Zealand
    Description: Autism New Zealand Inc has invited all schools around the country to hold a ‘Multicoloured Mayhem Day’ on April 2, a day when students and teachers can wear whatever colours they like – i.e. Dress in Multicolour (every bit of clothing is a different colour) or Dress like a Rainbow. Branches have also been asked to participate by dressing up and holding an open day inviting members and contacts to come in and find out more information about autism.
    Contact: Bobbi Oliver, National Fundraising Manager, Autism New Zealand Inc
    Phone: +64 3 339 2627
    Email: bobbi@autismnz.org.nz
    Website: http://www.autismnz.org.nz/

    North Shore • Since Nov 2008 • 187 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    if it's not one of the first four, it might as well be number seven million and forty bloody eight! now get to the back of the queue girl!

    True enough, but the list is here. A bunch of mine arrived steerage on no.freaking 13 (no banjo as far as I know). What kind of ship do you reckon that would that be, Giovanni?

    (btw, it's not only people from chc that make dull-brained assumptions based on where a person went to school...)

    Not quite true. That peculiar form of class-based bum-sniffing is rampant on Sydney's lower North Shore.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3565 posts Report Reply

  • Heather W.,

    Joe,

    I'll leave the full story to Giovanni, the "Lady Nugent" is listed as a barque Pictured here at Te Aro Beach

    North Shore • Since Nov 2008 • 187 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    Cheers for that Emma! And I will echo Judi and Fletcher, in that Bob-the-Baby's Dad has some serious competition here, and that you made me laugh hard enough that it took me longer to read than it should have.

    Though Christchurch sounds a bit like stories I've heard of Timaru...

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Nice work, Emma, dude! I'm terrible flattered. Or, at least, I think I am.

    And, alas, I didn't need your uncanny predictions to know that Bob-the-baby seems to be headed down the old-time music route at an ever-accelerating rate. He had me playing an 1860s song on the banjo for most of the afternoon. The song's lyrics seem to appeal to Bob -- telling the uplifting story of a young man who stabs his girlfriend to death, and ends up "in a lonesome valley, hanging from a wide oak tree". Nice and cosy for a wet afternoon indoors.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 992 posts Report Reply

  • Susan Snowdon,

    "in a lonesome valley, hanging from a wide oak tree".

    Did you learn that at primary school too?

    Since Mar 2008 • 98 posts Report Reply

  • Eddie Clark,

    telling the uplifting story of a young man who stabs his girlfriend to death, and ends up "in a lonesome valley, hanging from a wide oak tree". Nice and cosy for a wet afternoon indoors.

    You can at least get him to the late 80s... Murder Ballads anyone? Or Nick Cave generally. Nice, healthy, baby music.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 270 posts Report Reply

  • Kerry Weston,

    I got that Kenny Rogers feelin' coming on.... oh, Ruby, don't take your love to town ... didn't someone remake it recently?

    That song is one of the most annoyingly stick in yer head numbers ever and it's going to play in mine all day now. Bob would love it!

    You've got the bones of a Chch circa 2025 film, there, Emma. Complete with mad scientist and word hunter.

    Manawatu • Since Jan 2008 • 494 posts Report Reply

  • Amy Gale,

    Wait, you aren't allowed to ask where people went to school (in cases where they are from somewhere big enough to have more than one) to help narrow the probable pool of people you know in common?

    Oops.

    tha Ith • Since May 2007 • 457 posts Report Reply

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