Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: The Up Front Guide: Dressing for "Success"

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  • Robbie Siataga,

    ummm...so you dont like brown guys huh ? i've heard them called...

    Bushmonkeys

    clean cut, brown skin, toned athletic build, sporty designer brand wearing, headphones linked to mp3 player loaded with smooth r'n'b, classic soul and hardcore hiphop, drinks water, doesnt smoke, impish smile, twinkle in their eye,

    posessing an innate sense of rhythm that never sees their head nod out of time to whatever music is playing in the background.

    hefty bulge in trousers good for at least one night, all night.

    archetype 'the rock'

    nah ?...oh well, you dont know what you're missing. you know the saying.

    once you go black you never go back.

    Since Feb 2010 • 259 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Well, it was either this guy's knowledge of post-modernism, or my in-depth understanding of existentialism, which just sounds like the worst party in the world.

    Only for the onlookers, and more fool them.

    My memories of any and all sex I had in Timaru bear an element of regret.

    I know I can't handle my drink any more when I read "any and all" 3 times before realizing it doesn't say "anal". Time 4 bed.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 8027 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    LOL Robbie you missed:

    "If you screw this up, people will try to score P off you".

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 8027 posts Report Reply

  • Robbie Siataga,

    haha...oh so true Ben, either that or ask you for your autograph but still want to shag you.

    man... the times i've been followed to the toilets in pubs/bars only to be asked if i got any weed for sale ?

    scary shit cos i'm thinking, OK i'm gonna have to pop this sucker and run but i'll be leaving my beer on the table and i just cant do that eh :)

    Since Feb 2010 • 259 posts Report Reply

  • kowhai montgomery,

    A bit late to the meat market but if you are going to adopt an intellectual pose, less po mo and more shy cardigan please.

    Baudrillard, Bathes and Derrida are for real men.

    Without wishing to re-start the po-mo wars, none of that has ever seemed shaggable to me.

    I used to be a philosophy student so I really hate blowhards talking about those three philosophers, well any philosopher to be honest. A little Heidegger or Schopenhauer is ok but I would rather talk about surfing or urban design, or art for that matter.

    Also, along these lines, I sort of want to add The Giles. Distinguished, greying, glasses, sensitive, geeky, can wear a well-cut suit OR a cardigan. Repressed enough to suggest that... well, they're repressing something really interesting.

    "Repressing something really interesting", now you are talking!

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 481 posts Report Reply

  • Sue,

    towns like Palmerston north even have their own sub culture, the ag tech man
    = swandri, gumboots and very short shorts


    this was a type pretty much everyone avoided, becuase they always smelt of cow poo

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 463 posts Report Reply

  • kowhai montgomery,

    Well I saw a guy in stubbies and gumboots with nice big tree trunk legs in the Brooklyn dairy. Strangely compelling in an urban environment.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 481 posts Report Reply

  • andin,

    once you go black you never go back.

    This and other clich├ęs coming your way from the walkin' talkin'
    embodiment of self aggrandising BS.

    I've seen so many uncoordinated brown men - who thought they were some kind of divine gift - on dance floors, I gave up going out.

    raglan • Since Mar 2007 • 1149 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    I used to be a philosophy student so I really hate blowhards talking about those three philosophers, well any philosopher to be honest.

    Clearly I need to blow harder. Or make my sarcasm more obvious. Once was philosophy student also.

    Husserl, Kant and Kierkegaard were more up my alley. But I certainly never discussed them with anyone other than other philosophy students. Well, until I joined PAS that is.

    If they are untucked they are stripy shirted...and probably also from north of the Bombay Hills.

    I object. I'm from Boy country. What's wrong with Stubbies over track pants? Umbro! Umm, bro, what you wearin'?

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Did I wear stripped shirts?

    Stripped shirts? Are those the ones with the poppers up the front so at an appropriate point in your routine you can brrrrrp! them open?

    I was once confused to find a man's Perth police shirt in my brother's wardrobe. I still can't really fathom how that happened.

    Did it fit you ok? Clearly the only reason you'd be poking around your brothers wardrobe is looking for clothes to steal.

    I'm also spotting a possible connection here between this and stripped shirts....

    Anyhoo, staying on the fireman/policeman/stripper theme. Why do no male strippers have any love for the paramedic?

    Is that a shade of kink too far? I reckon there's some interesting posibilities. Oxygen mask, kiss of life, a bulging sack full of interesting stimulatory chemicals?

    No? Just me?

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2292 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    an uplifting strip about beards...

    the artist - Atom 1746 - has an exhibition on at
    Gallery O in the Arts Centre until May 19th
    check it out if you are into comics
    - I'm gonna go look today - it looks fun...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 4221 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    have any love for the paramedic?

    Cliff Curtis?

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Cliff Curtis?

    Hmmm, looking at the photo I could probably add rubber gloves and lubricant to the list above....

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2292 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Sorry folks, that Atom 1746 Comic art Exhibition
    I referred to above finished on APRIL 19th!
    Bugger! Story of my life - as you were...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 4221 posts Report Reply

  • 81stcolumn,

    I tried for Arthur Miller. But ended up with Doc Brown. So instead of getiing laid I got a hot meal and a bath.....

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 699 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Did it fit you ok? Clearly the only reason you'd be poking around your brothers wardrobe is looking for clothes to steal.

    That one way, unfortunately, too big across the shoulders. D'you have sisters, Rich?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4286 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    D'you have sisters, Rich?

    One. Who is as tall as me (6'2'' in old money), and given that she was a semi-serious prospect for the UK women's rowing team at one point, is also as broad as me across the shoulders.

    I'm quite used to having my wardrobe raided (my wife has carried on the grand tradition).

    It also meant that I once or twice returned the favour. Nothing too kinky, but she did have a beautiful green silk shirt.

    Hey, it's society's problem, not mine. :)

    BTW, why do you ask? An introduction might be a little difficult at this distance.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2292 posts Report Reply

  • Xeno,

    I'm just so over women wanting to shag me all the time.
    Every time I walk into anywhere, there they are, eyeing me up like a piece of meat.
    I try to put them off by pretending to be Italian.
    I dress as badly as I can, the light marino jumper draped over my shoulders and lightly tied in front to reveal the rugged but hairless chest under the fine linen shirt...
    it doesn't work.

    I can't believe it's not butter.

    Since Oct 2008 • 24 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    Can I just say, as an ex-Philosophy student myself, I'm astonished - nay, astounded - that anyone would try and use philosophy as a pick-up technique. Actual philosophy is remarkably unsexy. Plus. virtually every male philosophy lecturer I've ever met has a beard you could lose medium-sized mammals in.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 707 posts Report Reply

  • Martin Lindberg,

    Actual philosophy is remarkably unsexy

    Yeah, I don't think my papers in first-order predicate calculus would have done me any good if used as a pick-up topic.

    Lower Grey Lynn • Since Jul 2009 • 782 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    BTW, why do you ask? An introduction might be a little difficult at this distance.

    Oh gods, no, that wasn't 'do you have a sister I can have?'. It just sounded like you were speaking from experience.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4286 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    I can't believe it's not butter.

    That makes me think of all those sweet laydeez who swooned over our stripy shirted PM who are now all saying...
    "I can't believe it's not Better"

    The wireless north ;-) • Since Dec 2006 • 4453 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    the gravity of heavenly bodies
    or tuggers on the pull...
    Who needs philosophy (or history)
    when we have fellas fulla sophistry
    I know 'cos I am that fallacy...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 4221 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    You're one sophist-I-cato'd fella.

    Now the question is, are you CatoElder or CatoMinor?

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Stevens,

    All blatantly heterosexist.

    Emma we homos have been signalling our availability dressing to pull for years. Any man wearing arse-less leather chaps is just asking for it ;-)

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 229 posts Report Reply

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