Southerly by David Haywood

Read Post

Southerly: The Truth About Talkback

74 Responses

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 Newer→ Last

  • David Haywood,

    Delighted that so many people have managed to read to the end of such a long piece -- thank youse for all the kind words...

    Ross Mason wrote

    Well Bug ger me.

    Mike Flaws was the department's microscopist

    Oops! Mike Flaws really was the microscopist at one of my previous places of employment -- that slipped in accidentally somehow. I wonder if he'll sue.

    Bart Janssen wrote:

    I have to wonder about how long the incubation period is, personally I suspect it's close to 9 years (or three terms).

    You make a good point -- I should probably write a follow-up paper investigating that...

    BenWilson wrote:

    Perfect screenplay...

    I did actually start out writing this as a screenplay for a short film -- so if you know of any film-makers wanting a script, then feel free to pass it on...

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 992 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    Aren't you risking Michael Laws filing a defamation suit? This is clearly based on his life (he's always seemed effeminate to me)!

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2233 posts Report Reply

  • Heather W.,

    Last century I did some work for Graeme Ramsay (Entomologist). He may have been more help than Gavin. Some of Graeme's work (including wetas) is mentioned at Bugz.org.nz.

    North Shore • Since Nov 2008 • 187 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Last century I did some work for Graeme Ramsay (Entomologist)

    Ahem. Yes, he was my neighbour growing up. An extremely nice chap, and nothing like the party-going Gavin Ramsey (probably no relation).

    Incidentally, Dr Graeme Ramsay had a couple of splendid Armstrong Siddeley cars, and once gave me a ride in one of them -- a huge highlight in my life as a nine-year-old.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 992 posts Report Reply

  • Sol K,

    topnotch odd and entirely entertaining story to top off a friday.

    Auckland • Since Feb 2010 • 11 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Ummm

    Mike Flaws

    'Pon my soul I don't know the guy from a BP Weta. I was going for the funny....did you miss it.... :-(

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1500 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Bil bo roughs it...

    Heh, I love that song. And now I have an extra vivid mental picture of 'mugwump jism', so... there's that.

    We can fix that!
    Dr Benway will see you now...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 5070 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    I was present when David ducked away to his office for 15 minutes to post the above, and you would never have known from his demeanor on return that he had just published on the internet a story about interspecies sex.

    I know I certainly didn't pick it.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18991 posts Report Reply

  • Ben Austin,

    Mild mannered writer hides secret identity as one of the leaders of the New Wave of insect erotica and biting social commentary?

    London • Since Nov 2006 • 896 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    "entomologists are delicious, entomologists really are!"

    oops oops oops

    archie who has partially conquered these new light--touch keyboards

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    David, you're a genius.

    I wonder if Marianne and the giant bug could feature in another story with some of your characters from The Funeral?

    It could be called Naked Afternoon Tea.

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3470 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    insect erotica

    That's what Filament really is about, isn't it? I mean, surely.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7386 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    That's what Filament really is about, isn't it? I mean, surely.

    LOL.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18991 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    It could be called Naked Afternoon Tea.

    or The Wild Brunch

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 5070 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    It could be called Naked Afternoon Tea.

    or The Wild Brunch

    or Guess What's Coming to Dinner?

    or Arthropod at the Round Table

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3470 posts Report Reply

  • Evan Yates,

    I really, really like the way the story starts off as an innocent anecdote from Dr. David's past (...who knows? He just might have been into entomolgy at some stage in his widely varied academic career) and then just surreptitiously segues into the bizarre world of The Mothman Prophecies or an episode of the X-Files - while taking a sideways dig at talkback radio.

    Loved it.

    Hamiltron, Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Nov 2006 • 190 posts Report Reply

  • Philip Challinor,

    My darling is sexy and scary:
    Her eyes rather bulgey and starey;
    Her abdomen's curve
    Makes me shudder with lurve;
    A pity her legs are so hairy.

    She puts out her feelers with force;
    Her thorax is waspish, of course.
    As her worshipful drone,
    I simper and moan
    When she smiles with her lateral jaws.

    London, England • Since Sep 2009 • 52 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    Aren't you risking Michael Laws filing a defamation suit?

    Nah, all you have to say is "That's not what I meant by F Off"

    The wireless north ;-) • Since Dec 2006 • 4931 posts Report Reply

  • The Other Andrew Smith,

    In the middle of reading this I had wander off and check my bookcase for a similar short story. Ah, there it is, Mimic by Donald A. Wollheim (not David). It was made into a middling action movie of the same name. The original short story is scarier in the implications that the movie leaves out.

    Dunedin • Since Apr 2007 • 10 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    The Other Andrew Smith wrote:

    I had wander off and check my bookcase for a similar short story. Ah, there it is, Mimic by Donald A. Wollheim

    Dude, don't scare the crap out of me like that! I've never heard of Mimic or Donald A. Wollheim, but thankfully (from the summary on Wikipedia), it doesn't sound much like 'The Truth About Talkback'. The word 'similar' might be a bit of a stretch here, I think.

    Yes, it would've been cool to have swarms of half-praying mantis/half-termite things gobbling-up people in subways -- but it wouldn't have been cool to have Jolisa 'Death to Plagiarists' Gracewood on my back.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 992 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Lilith wrote:

    I wonder if Marianne and the giant bug could feature in another story with some of your characters from The Funeral? It could be called Naked Afternoon Tea.

    My God, that's a genius suggestion!

    Russell Brown wrote:

    ... you would never have known from his demeanor on return that [David] had just published on the internet a story about interspecies sex.

    Ah yes, it's the quiet (not to mention socially-retarded) ones that you've got to watch.

    Ross Mason wrote:

    'Pon my soul I don't know the guy from a BP Weta. I was going for the funny....did you miss it?

    No, didn't miss it -- just got diverted, alas!. Nominative determinism was rife in my former department, so it just washes over me now. There was also a technician called Ron Tinker, and a tool-maker called Otto Bolt. Although there was another employee called Bruce Sparks who, sadly, wasn't an electrician.

    Evan Yates wrote:

    I really, really like the way the story starts off as an innocent anecdote from Dr. David's past... and then just surreptitiously segues into the bizarre world of The Mothman Prophecies...

    Very pleased that you enjoyed it, Evan!

    Philip Challinor wrote:

    My darling is sexy and scary:
    Her eyes rather bulgey and starey...

    Always thrilled when I've helped inspire another masterpiece from the Bard of Public Address!

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 992 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    . . . I had wander off and check my bookcase for a similar short story. Ah, there it is, Mimic by Donald A. Wollheim (not David).

    Not to mention the kind of inspiration that drives Claude Veillot's magnificently horrible The First Days of May (insect world domination, human body as egg host), with a touch of Roald Dahl's creepy Royal Jelly, plus something of the loopy believability of John Wyndham's Consider Her Ways. More laughs than any of the aforementioned, but.

    It's the Universal Mind, maaaaan. Would that more of us could tap into it with such entertaining results.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3564 posts Report Reply

  • Philip Challinor,

    I'm surprised nobody has yet mentioned Michael Lehmann's Meet the Applegates, which is harder to get hold of than his other masterpiece, Heathers, but well worth the trouble. A family of sizeable Amazon bugs whose homes are in danger thanks to deforestation pose as human beings in order to sabotage a nuclear power plant, but run into trouble when they start going native. It has superbly deadpan performances, particularly by Dabney Coleman as the moustachio'd guerrilla fighter and hive boss Aunt Bea, and includes one of the cinema's very worst puns.

    London, England • Since Sep 2009 • 52 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    It's the Universal Mind, maaaaan. Would that more of us could tap into it with such entertaining results.

    Yes, the collective consciousness that will enjoy that entertainment. Would that more of us could huh, Mr Joe Wylie from behind the barn down on his knees. ;)
    (That is a good movie)
    "The Big Labowski "

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6281 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Nominative determinism

    Aptronyms

    Electrical Engineer: D.C Ripple Works at NIST in the US.

    In Bad Orb, a small town east of Frankfurt, Germany. Lots of Bads around there. I found a van with advertising on the side, "Bad Design".

    There was a motorcar company in Upper Hutt called Kerr Wynne.

    Thankfully, they kept their name in alpahbetical order.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1500 posts Report Reply

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 Newer→ Last

Post your response…

Please sign in using your Public Address credentials…

Login

You may also create an account or retrieve your password.