Up Front by Emma Hart

Read Post

Up Front: Staying Civil

213 Responses

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 4 5 9 Newer→ Last

  • Megan Wegan,

    How about "Beneficiary", as in Friends With.

    "So and so was the beneficiary of her largesse"?

    Well, there's a shade of difference in meaning between 'lover' and, say 'bonk', or 'fuckbuddy' or 'shag'.

    Quite. 'Lover' is much worse.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    The one that I get really, really irritated by is being called "Mrs". Makes me see red.

    I can't speak for Mrs, but I detest being called Ms.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Andrew Stevenson,

    Great post...
    Since Emma is so good with words I nominate her Civil Union naming czar.
    She can decide the best description (lets avoid revisiting the label issue) and PAS users can introduce and support it into NZ society

    Simplicity is the reason I often let strangers refer to me by the wrong surname - because they're relating me to either my partner or my children. Only, yes, if it carries on it becomes incredibly awkward and embarassing to correct.

    Same here, except when we marrried my wife didn't change her surname and we gave the kids hers. Some of the reasons were; easier at school, there is a more then enough people with my surname, and when someone refers to Ms Stevenson I know its my mother.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 195 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    The one that I get really, really irritated by is being called "Mrs". Makes me see red.

    I can't speak for Mrs, but I detest being called Ms.

    TBH, I prefer it just because when one is being addressed by one's surname, I do not like being called Mrs. So Ms it is.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard,

    Quite. 'Lover' is much worse.

    Not as bad as "ladyfriend": a term usually used by wives.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1039 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    If people actually abandoned marriage in favour of civil unions for the reason that Thomas so succintly espoused, then civil unions would become the superior institution.

    You would still have some people who have a choice, and some people who don't. And the difference would be their sexual orientation. Don't get me wrong, I don't think marriage is superior, I'm very happy with my civil union, and I was in favour of having them even if we had full same-sex marriage as well.

    But. There are people who are unhappy because they are not legally allowed to marry, and I don't think "oh come on, marriage sucks anyway" is an adequate response to that.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4362 posts Report Reply

  • Joanna,

    I believe technically they're known as a "murder of lovers".

    What about a grope of lovers? No, I suppose a grope of shags would be more appropriate. A clusterfuck of lovers? Or is that only relevant if you live in Wellington?

    Don't some people who get civil unioned talk about being CUP'd? Which sounds more like an inappropriate tailor.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 727 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    TBH, I prefer it just because when one is being addressed by one's surname, I do not like being called Mrs. So Ms it is.

    I dislike being called by my surname. No matter how formal the circumstances I will at least try to get away with introducing myself as "Emma".

    (I do have a dear friend who frequently and consistently refers to me by my full name. It's rather endearing, but I wouldn't suggest anyone else try it.)

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4362 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    But. There are people who are unhappy because they are not legally allowed to marry, and I don't think "oh come on, marriage sucks anyway" is an adequate response to that.

    Quite. It is very easy to say something sucks, but at least you have the right to do it.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Joanna,

    Not as bad as "ladyfriend": a term usually used by wives.

    I tend to use "gentleman caller" if my friends are doing someone but have yet to have the Let Us Define Our Relationship With One Word talk.

    Personally, I am most excited about getting Facebook statused.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 727 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    I dislike being called by my surname. No matter how formal the circumstances I will at least try to get away with introducing myself as "Emma".

    Oh, absolutely. I use alternate surnames depending on context, so first name is always better. And less confusing.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Don't some people who get civil unioned talk about being CUP'd? Which sounds more like an inappropriate tailor.

    And their civil union partner as their 'cuppie'.

    Sorry, just had to pop off and have a quick vomit.

    'Civilly unified' is good. 'Civil universary' is good. But an equally bearable label for 'person I am in a civil union with' continues to elude me.

    Also, perhaps crafty Wellingtonians are the best people to ask: who makes civil union cards? Somebody must, surely.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4362 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Even better: say "this is one of my lovers".

    I sometimes introduce my partner as "a drunk woman I found outside". We're friendly like that.

    I haven't given thought to getting CU-ed rather than married. But I guess I like using 'husband' and 'wife' in a CU as it opens up possibilities for same sex couples doing that and I'm sure that would annoy the right people who are out defending marriage as "ours but not yours". Just for that look of confusion followed by horrified realisation when a man says "my husband".

    Since Nov 2006 • 6165 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    I quite like "beloved". Ian has started referring to me as this. And this is why, after all these years, I love him 1000 times more than when we got married.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    I quite like "beloved".

    Yeah, I like that too. An ex used to call me that. A far sight nicer than what he calls me now, for that matter.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Oh darling. Let's call him "The Pig" shall we? Well, I will.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Savidge,

    Me and mine keep it simple.

    She calls me her man and I call her my woman.

    It upsets just about everyone :)

    Somewhere near Wellington… • Since Nov 2006 • 319 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    'Civilly unified' is good. 'Civil universary' is good. But an equally bearable label for 'person I am in a civil union with' continues to elude me.

    I think it is actually the term 'civil union' that's the problem. I've never been in one, but a long-term, committed relationship, with a piece of paper verifying it it so? civil isn't really the best word for that, is it?

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1273 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    But. There are people who are unhappy because they are not legally allowed to marry, and I don't think "oh come on, marriage sucks anyway" is an adequate response to that.

    I believe Giovanni's wish is for marriage to cease to exist as a legal institution. So everyone would have to get civil unions.

    Then marriage would only exist as a social institution. So your church can marry you, but only as a facade on top of an actual civil union, which is what does all the legal stuff. Everyone would be legally equal, but churches would retain the right to be able to choose who they conduct civil unions (and marriages) for, the state will civil union anyone.

    There could likewise be same sex marriage ceremonies conducted by some celebrants, which would be similarly legally null, but no doubt very nice.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6165 posts Report Reply

  • James Butler,

    I wish there was a word for "person you are in a civil union with"

    Surely one half of a Civil Unit is just a Civil Half?

    Auckland • Since Jan 2009 • 801 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    'Civilly unified' is good. 'Civil universary' is good. But an equally bearable label for 'person I am in a civil union with' continues to elude me.

    Civilian? :-)

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3443 posts Report Reply

  • Thomas Beagle,

    "You would still have some people who have a choice, and some people who don't. And the difference would be their sexual orientation. "

    Yep, that's why I think the next step is to get the government out of the marriage business. Civil unions for all, leave "marriage" to the church.

    New Zealand • Since Nov 2007 • 39 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard,

    Personally, I am most excited about getting Facebook statused.

    I gave up on the Facebook relationship status some time ago. It got tiresome updating it every couple of weeks.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1039 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Personally, I am most excited about getting Facebook statused.

    I gave up on the Facebook relationship status some time ago. It got tiresome updating it every couple of weeks.

    Plus which, when you have a status change that you haven't told many people about, suddenly you seem to be flooded with excited/alarmed posts

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Beard,

    Plus which, when you have a status change that you haven't told many people about, suddenly you seem to be flooded with excited/alarmed posts

    Not least from the person involved.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1039 posts Report Reply

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 4 5 9 Newer→ Last

Post your response…

Please sign in using your Public Address credentials…

Login

You may also create an account or retrieve your password.