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Speaker: Medical Journal, Chapter V

175 Responses

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  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Paul Campbell,

    would perform better if we threatened to chop off their balls?

    Why threaten? Seems to me too many of them think with something other than their heads while batting so maybe a drop in testosterone levels might improve their shot selection.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3389 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Pat Hackett,

    Think of your testes as a cricket pitch

    So you're saying the V is like a batting power play?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3389 posts Report Reply

  • recordari, in reply to Ross Mason,

    The first part is an oldie and a goodie. The rest I hadn't seen before but could be better.

    Is it possible that using this text, as I did, as a resource to teach English to foreign students is a form of cultural imperialism? At the time it just seemed funny, and the students certainly laughed quite openly, but now I see it in another context, I'm a bit worried.

    Maybe just 'cricket imperialism'?

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark, in reply to Ross Mason,

    Congratulations, Ross. Cricket - indeed any sport - talk is guaranteed to stop me eavesdropping.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Oh Jackie.

    The first teste is always the hardest.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1496 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Brislen,

    Thank you all for your kind words and oh-so-cruel stories... I didn't mean to start a pissing (blood) contest - far from it (I thought it quite painless, particularly compared with a bone marrow biopsy. Ouchies!) but the tales have been entertaining.

    Gerald, if you're reading this, you owe me a beer or a cut of the action. Oh wait, I already got that.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 174 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams, in reply to Pat Hackett,

    Well played Pat! Some are David Warner, others David Gower.

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2230 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Enough of this sticky wicket. Time for a counter-argument, although it's almost too obvious.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Withers,

    Having grown up in a family with a strong medical background, I early on came to regard all surgery as butchery, saved only by the body's ability to half-arsed almost heal itself....often.....and decided then that any surgery for me would be because I would die otherwise. I do not have tattoos for the same reason. The human body can't be improved by human intervention other than a good hair cut, brushing ones teeth, a decent diet and regular exercise. This decision was made long before there was anyone to discuss vasectomy with, never mind contemplate needing one.

    We had the discussion. Neither of us had any surgery. No chemicals or pills were employed. We have two kids...and no more.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 280 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark, in reply to Steve Withers,

    Whilst your beliefs are admirable, Steve. peoples' levels of fertility are incredibly diverse. Some, such as your good self, have the number of pregnancies/children they wish for. Others fall pregnant if a penis is so much as waved in the direction of the nearest vagina.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3123 posts Report Reply

  • James Butler, in reply to Steve Withers,

    The human body can’t be improved by human intervention other than a good hair cut, brushing ones teeth, a decent diet and regular exercise

    I wasn't looking for improvement ; I was specifically interested in disabling a miraculous (and demonstrably operational) - but inconvenient - function of my body. My body is now no "better" than it was, but it suits the way I wish to use it.

    Plus I know that the "brutality" of the operation is less than the prospective "brutality" that my wife would undergo if I were to go without the operation, and later screw it up (so to speak). (Pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood are wonderful things, but the balance of suffering to wonder varies wildly from person to person)

    Auckland • Since Jan 2009 • 801 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    Confessionals are much better when wimmins are involved.

    Ah. Another area where the Catholic Church got things wrong, then. Although I think I've established from the comments here that anyone following the Churches' teachings on contraception has missed a trick.

    For natural contraception, you just have to repeat 'catheter catheter catheter' until the urges sort of shrivel and die.

    Haven't had the big V but have had the colonoscopy and although it didn't exactly leave me wanting to order seconds it wasn't as bad as I'd expected.

    The main event of note - and this is something I partly remember and partly pieced together afterwards from my wife told me - was not being introduced to the bloke who performed the surgery.

    This annoyed me at the time, apparently. What I do remember is having the nurse bung the needle in the back of the left hand, the anaeshtestist saying gidday and who he was and shoving in the magic stuff.

    Then having my shoulder being shaken and thinking 'ah, this will be the specialist' but it was the nurse saying she was just going to roll me off the table and into the wheelchair.

    Remember being vaguely incredulous that the whole thing was done.

    But apparently I was complaining loudly as I was pushed down the corridor that if the bloke was going to shove a cable up my freckle the least he could do was introduce himself first.

    The nurse must have told the Doc because when he did his post-op rounds he came in, paused at the door with the hint of a grin on his face, and then came in saying 'I'm Dr Groom, I gather we haven't properly been introduced.'

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 803 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    The human body can't be improved by human intervention other than a good hair cut

    Well, all those pharmacy companies selling potions and lotions which claim to halt the aging process, and the hawkers of botox and plastic surgery, seem to believe otherwise.

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2309 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    and decided then that any surgery for me would be because I would die otherwise.

    So if you'd been in my position last year, Steve, you'd have left the brain tumor in and gone blind? There was no danger of death.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4365 posts Report Reply

  • Martin Lindberg, in reply to Steve Withers,

    ...to regard all surgery as butchery

    I quite like the orthopedic butchery performed on my shoulder a while ago.

    Stockholm • Since Jul 2009 • 796 posts Report Reply

  • Morgan Nichol, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Oh snap! *waves hand in that particular sort of swirly you-just-got-told way*

    Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 297 posts Report Reply

  • Pete,

    Girlfriend at the time missed her period (and said she'd go full term if she was pregnant) and I'd been meaning to get the slice for ages so I thought that once it's out the tip ya lose any say in the matter so off to the good wimminz at the Family Planning Clinic in Welly - about $270 from memory.
    Got the counselling as a non-breeder in early thirties - that was fine. I thought it amusing to have my cock tied up to my bunched t-shirt with a rubber band to keep it out of the way. Gotta love a good bush doctor technique.
    A bit paranoid afterwards that it might not be fully functioning (Hello Irrational Fear) so I was back in the saddle that night and right as rain.
    As previously noted in pissing contest, pain was minimal.

    The funny thing is that I thought I'd regret it more than I do which is basically not at all.

    Girlfriend didn't last (surprise surprise) but the unexpected comic relief came from a dirty weekend callback some years later - "I think the condom failed, I think I'm pregnant"
    Uh-huh.

    Spent 4 happy years with a woman with 3 kids and have come to the conclusion that if you love em they're as close to being yours as makes no difference.

    If NZ men are high on the Vas count, does anyone have a reason beyond irreligousity?
    Would be curious to hear theories..

    Since Apr 2008 • 87 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart, in reply to Jackie Clark,

    Whilst your beliefs are admirable, Steve. peoples' levels of fertility are incredibly diverse. Some, such as your good self, have the number of pregnancies/children they wish for. Others fall pregnant if a penis is so much as waved in the direction of the nearest vagina.

    To be pendantic, he did say "no chemicals or pills", which leaves at least three very-to-extremely reliable methods of contraception I can think of. Or more information about how often he gets laid than we really needed.

    The human body can't be improved by human intervention other than a good hair cut, brushing ones teeth, a decent diet and regular exercise.

    Either you're taking the piss, or you have led a life ludicrously isolated from the various genetic screwups (cleft palates, Type 1 diabetes, problematic wisdom teeth...) that cause many human bodies to be in need of a great deal of intervention from quite early stages in life. In which case I suggest you start paying more attention to the people around you, because that's a fucking ableist statement.

    Amherst, MA • Since Nov 2006 • 2093 posts Report Reply

  • Tamsin6, in reply to Pete,

    If NZ men are high on the Vas count, does anyone have a reason beyond irreligousity?
    Would be curious to hear theories

    Pure pragmatism?

    London • Since Dec 2007 • 123 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    If NZ men are high on the Vas count, does anyone have a reason beyond irreligousity?
    Would be curious to hear theories

    Pure pragmatism?

    Logical extension of the number eight fencing wire thing?

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 803 posts Report Reply

  • Pat Hackett,

    Would be curious to hear theories

    Because as a general rule, NZ men are good husbands, good fathers and generally good bastards?

    Auckland • Since Oct 2010 • 95 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Brislen,

    Two words: Southern Cross.

    Don't know about overseas, but in NZ I got the nip/tuck and SC picked up the tab.

    That was a major factor in my case.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 174 posts Report Reply

  • Pete, in reply to Tamsin6,

    Yeah, looks like pragmatism.

    Looking at man-plumbing vs woman-plumbing a quick cut and sear is the easiest deal overall.
    Cost is a reasonable factor too - surgery for less than 300 bucks FTW


    Obviously I've been reading too much Freakonomics - always looking for the hidden meaning which actually might not be there

    Since Apr 2008 • 87 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    I hated raincoats. Even when told to wear on by my Mum when I went to school.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1496 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    The human body can't be improved by human intervention other than a good hair cut, brushing ones teeth, a decent diet and regular exercise.

    Pish and tish. To take but one simple example, I can keep spare pens in my earlobes. This is of great benefit in my day to day work.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 708 posts Report Reply

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