Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless

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  • Carol Stewart,

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2008 • 623 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Makes you think. Sometimes I say " How do you know so and so" if I know the person who's holding the shindig, but know no-one else otherwise. I have been known to ask people what they do for a living. I couch it slightly differently with an addendum of "....when you're not here." I don't know what else to ask. If it's a PAS thing, or what have you, there's instantly common ground, I guess. But if I don't know someone at all? More than likely, I'll cling to chitchat. Chitchat's okay if you've only just met someone, I think.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3112 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Moz,

    I'm there, he's there, he knows I care

    Amen.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 15707 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    [On second thoughts, that might not necessarily be taken the right way.]

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to Yamis,

    What would be some good ice breakers that aren't of the How are you?, What do you do variety?

    Person 1"Gidday"
    Person 2 "Yeah, Nah." (applies in many situations)

    For forgotten names get your friend to say to them, "Hi, Im .... and you are? (thus enabling you off the hook) helps to prewarn your friend.

    As my man used in the loo t'other night
    Stranger taking wee " How was that! (with regard AB's semi)
    My man " Comme ce, comme ca."or look down in his direction and then "Comme ce, comme ca"
    Thus saving all need for conversation with stranger.

    another response for Howareya? "Hard day, you really don't want to know" and or "I can't talk about it"

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5690 posts Report Reply

  • Carol Stewart, in reply to Sofie Bribiesca,

    Or in response to the ghastly Have a nice day!:

    I have other plans.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2008 • 623 posts Report Reply

  • Marcus Turner,

    What would be some good ice breakers that aren't of the How are you?, What do you do variety?

    Richard Briers suggests "Did you know that the male spider has his penis on the end of one of his legs?"

    Since Nov 2006 • 199 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    Which is why they don't shake legs when they meet

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • DCBCauchi, in reply to Marcus Turner,

    Words don't seem to be able to express the need for communion as well as many of us would like, so we've developed codes.

    It's called phatic communion. The word 'phatic' means that what you're conveying is not the sense of your words as such, but an amorphous 'Yeah mate, I'm with you.'

    (I'm only just working my way through this very interesting conversation now, so apologies if someone's already made this point.)

    And cos I can't not say something about me: I'm hard on my friends, especially the people I care most about. I'm in no way a nice person. I'm not too worried about this. It all works out in the end.

    I grew up in the 70s. Everyone told me 'Be yourself, and everything will turn out fine,' so I did. Ha ha. As my brother's wife said last night: 'Don't you mean "Be your selves!?!"' You are that you are.

    And (re: Vanuatu) you know good friends when no-one feels the need to fill the silence.

    Since Feb 2011 • 320 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to Danielle,

    That being said, I fucking hate the hairdresser

    Yes, I recall an incident of threatening to sue Rodney Wayne once for getting the red completely wrong. It went all "and you call that red!
    A year or so later I was at a Schwarzkopf function and dammit I was seated at a table next to the lad. Everyone sat with polite hellos. I sat next to Rodney, he smiled and said hello. My response " I've met you before, you dyed my hair, did an appalling job and I threatened to sue your ass" He roared with laughter.
    As one may see, I have no problem meeting up with others however they probably have a problem with me.
    disclaimer 1 : I was off my trolley at the time.
    disclaimer 2 : I managed free hair dos for 15 years by being a model for Schwarzkopf hair shows.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5690 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to hamishm,

    though they may do after a tinkle

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 15707 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Marcus Turner,

    spinners...

    Did you know that the male spider has
    his penis on the end of one of his legs?

    I hear ya get a lot of those foot long penises on the web...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 4186 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    I think laughter is a great addition to any gathering. That's an ice breaker.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5690 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to Carol Stewart,

    Or in response to the ghastly Have a nice day!
    :I have other plans.

    or Maybe
    See... laughter :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5690 posts Report Reply

  • DCBCauchi, in reply to DCBCauchi,

    The word 'phatic' means that what you're conveying is not the sense of your words as such, but an amorphous 'Yeah mate, I'm with you.'

    And as the man said:

    'Who is with me is against me!'

    Speaking of words to live by.

    Since Feb 2011 • 320 posts Report Reply

  • JacksonP, in reply to Carol Stewart,

    Or in response to the ghastly Have a nice day!:

    I have other plans.

    Not so common with adults, but I do like saying in response to 'thanks for having us'
    'Thanks for being had'.

    Polite children tend to look a little bewildered, but good to keep them guessing.

    And then of course there was a girlfriend who responded to 'excuse me' with 'there's no excuse for you'. It didn't last.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2011 • 2067 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    How are you?

    I've got a mortgage.


    How are you?

    You got Life Insurance?


    How are you?

    Fair to middling.

    How are you?

    Thirsty.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5690 posts Report Reply

  • JacksonP, in reply to Sofie Bribiesca,

    Thirsty.

    Neighbourhood?

    Auckland • Since Mar 2011 • 2067 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to JacksonP,

    yes going now :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 5690 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    Smalltalk? pub

    The wireless north ;-) • Since Dec 2006 • 4437 posts Report Reply

  • JacksonP, in reply to Sofie Bribiesca,

    yes going now :)

    Bingo!

    ETA: So we appear to have mastered this smalltalk thing.

    See you soon.
    ‘Not if I see you first’.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2011 • 2067 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Steve Barnes,

    Smalltalk? pub

    Rhubarb, hubbub...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 4186 posts Report Reply

  • Gregor Ronald, in reply to Russell Brown,

    What's "hair"?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 62 posts Report Reply

  • JacksonP,

    So tonight in a real life example of this discussion we learnt the phrase 'so where do you fit in?' works quite well.

    Although it is not too much of a stretch to imagine the circumstances in which such an inquiry could be misconstrued.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2011 • 2067 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    What would be some good ice breakers that aren’t of the How are you?, What do you do variety?

    I might try "what are you interested in?". As Emma has mentioned a couple of times, watching someone get their freak on about something they're passionate about is pretty entertaining for both parties.

    What’s “hair”?

    Part of an English upper classes smalltalk introduction 'Air, hair lair. How do you do?'

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2291 posts Report Reply

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