Up Front by Emma Hart

Read Post

Up Front: What if We Held an Election and Nobody Came?

104 Responses

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 4 5 Newer→ Last

  • Richard Aston,

    I did a special vote in Rawene - Hokianga Northland . Loved it . Most of the men were sporting full moko - we were the only ones at the Special votes table "This is the first special I have done dear, I will have to go slowy" it was nice and slow, hell we had time.
    Heaps of locals coming in to vote and looking over at us , The Specials, the only specials. I felt ... well, special .
    I also felt a very strong desire to vote for Mana - must be the wairoa up there or something.
    Then the local hippies cruised in - I noticed the Legalize Marijuana Party on my vote form - my pen hovered ... nah Greens.

    All the locals were hanging out have a great catch up - its a remote place and they cleary don't see each other that often and I asked the lovely election worker how much she got paid - $15/hour - her face showed this was the most money she had earned for ages .
    I reckon if they could turn poverty around in Tai Tokerau by simply have an election every 6 months . I'd especially show up .

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 503 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Richard Aston,

    Head for the hills...

    I did a special vote in Rawene – Hokianga Northland . Loved it .

    Hope while you were in the area you popped in for a wander round Rita and Felix's fabulous Wairere Basalt Boulders Reserve (in the hills behind Horeke)...
    Check out the 3D(ish) rotatable panoramas on the site - Capture image fans will enjoy these -
    I'm lichen them, alot...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 5071 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Rebels without a caucus...
    Here are the winners and losers from the weekend, in the guise of Batman villains, by artist Michel Mulipola...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 5071 posts Report Reply

  • JacksonP, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    I'm lichen them, alot...

    Thank you. Your link has duly been stolen and given a wider audience. ;)

    Auckland • Since Mar 2011 • 2144 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Aston,

    Thanks Ian - will check those boulders out next time I am up there .

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 503 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Sacha,

    Might even vote for it.

    Already my evil empire is growing.

    Mwa ha ha ha!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3426 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Sacha,

    I'd love to hear what your perfect party would look like.

    No, wait ... you want to know what my policies are before you vote for me? Damn you foiled again.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3426 posts Report Reply

  • JLM, in reply to Richard Aston,

    I asked the lovely election worker how much she got paid – $15/hour – her face showed this was the most money she had earned for ages .

    At least two of the very competent poll workers at the booth I scrutineered in were currently unemployed. One had been laid off from Hillside in the latest shameful purge and it was the first paid work she had done for four months. She kept saying how wonderful it was to be working again, even for a day.

    Judy Martin's southern sl… • Since Apr 2007 • 228 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Aston,

    On the other hand why not use the Lotto system to vote - just mark your 2 votes on a special Lotto card - scan it in, voila . They seem to get the counting done in like, an hour.
    And you could win big prizes just for voting, that would pull the punters in.
    Yes yes huge potential for fraud but some bright spark should be able to figure that out - DNA check maybe.
    That TV woman with the huge mouth could announce the winners on TV and maybe a lucky voter gets to spin the wheel for the kingmaker party.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 503 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    Emperor BJ's new clothes...

    Already my evil empire is growing.
    Mwa ha ha ha!

    And that, children, is the stark truth on how The Birthday Suit Party began, who could foresee that within three years their simple slogan "The Buck-naked Stops Here" would hit a raw nerve with the great unwashed - and those weeds of grime would bare bitter fruit for the clad-handlers when next a ballot was put in the chamber - "we wus robed!" they squealed, but really they'd just out worn their welcome...
    All Hail the NuDemocracy...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 5071 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Aston,

    +1 Ian , yes yes The Birthday Suit Party sound like fun ,as does the Christmas Party and the 21st Party.
    Not a party of, um, naked ambition, has nothing to hid, into solar energy on a personal level, keeps abreast of events, public meetings would be a hoot but they never do them in winter and TVNZ would not invite them to their tedious leaders debates.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 503 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    Already my evil empire is growing.

    Mwa ha ha ha!

    Well you know what they say.

    every night,
    The set that's smart
    Is intruding in nudist parties in studios

    In fact, yeah, here's your campaign song:

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4369 posts Report Reply

  • Roger,

    Well I had the interesting experience of casting a special at an overseas High Commission. First I had to help un-pack and assemble the booth and then show the staff how to fill in the paperwork. Training appeared to be somewhat absent.

    Auckland • Since Jun 2007 • 175 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Emma Hart,

    Anything could happen...

    In fact, yeah, here's your campaign song:

    I'll see your outdoor concert version and raise you the Cap'n Jack 'defabricator' version ...
    (possibly not safe in some workplaces)

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 5071 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    The Birthday Suit

    It is after all the only suit I own.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3426 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    Tallow fallow...

    It is after all the only suit I own.

    What no suet?
    (or is that internalising too much?)
    ;- )

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 5071 posts Report Reply

  • Islander, in reply to Richard Aston,

    Ur, that's *wairua* - unless of course you were making a local reference that this
    Southerner cant possibly guess at.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Aston, in reply to Islander,

    Islander you are right misspelled it in my hurried typing , and no local dialect but as a Southerner you'd say southenerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr right?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 503 posts Report Reply

  • Islander, in reply to Richard Aston,

    (O dear - something ate my previous reply, which said, basically-

    I would if I'd been brought up in the South! As it was, I was raised in ChChCh & Otago, although still reguard Colac Bay one of the family places...)

    incidentally, for the 'more info than you really want' department: Southern Kai Tahu dont roll their r's when speaking Maori. But r's have a tendency to turn into l's or d's, and k's migrate into g-dom...

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Aston,

    Wow Islander you are a man of wide knowledge ! Very Interesting.
    So whats the story with John Key ,it seems like his vowels are fighting with his consonants and mainly winning.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 503 posts Report Reply

  • Islander, in reply to Richard Aston,

    I’d really worry if someone in my whanau was slurring & mispronouncing so much.
    Makes me think of TIAs , and I'd ask for it to be checked out– but I’m a natural-born pessimist (o, and a female.) Love your
    description of his speech by the by-

    The Southern Maori prounciation were first written down by an interesting character called John Boultbee, an educated sealer. Some of them have lingered – bidibid’ for piripiri- bungi (here on the Coast) for (wheki)punga. But the way the r in Maori sort of slides into d-hood has been a commonplace since people, especially English, started writing the language down…

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Richard Aston,

    a man of wide knowledge

    She certainly is.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3426 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    The Birthday Suit Party

    All debates in the chamber must be in the nude, not hidden clauses.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3426 posts Report Reply

  • webweaver,

    Me: …and when you’re done, the papers go…

    Voter: *walks away*

    Me: IN THE PORT HILLS… fuck.

    Voter: *comes out of the booth, walks past the Port Hills boxes, shoves votes in the Chch East boxes*

    Me: *head thunks dully into cardboard table*

    The exact same thing happened in the polling station where I was scrutineering. It was fascinating to watch. Of the four polling officials only one seemed to have figured out how to prevent this from happening...

    Her technique was multi-stepped and went something like this:

    1) Very confident voice, made eye contact with voter, had the whole spiel down pat right from the get-go.

    2) Carried on doing the talk while she was writing the number on the voting paper, handing this to the voter first while folding the referendum paper (so they could see something else was coming and they should wait for it), meaning that timing-wise she was still holding onto the referendum paper by the time she got to the bit about going behind the screens.

    3) Voter stays put and looks obediently towards the screens as she points them out like an air hostess pointing out the emergency exit.

    4) Still holding onto the referendum paper but now proffering it to the voter, she finishes her spiel with the bit about the voting boxes at the same time as finally letting go of the paper, does another air-hostess point towards the boxes while they are paying attention to grabbing hold of the referendum - which means that again they look obediently towards where she's pointing before finally shuffling off to vote with an "oh right - thanks..."

    Brilliant. Worked every time. I bet she practiced in the front of the mirror for days beforehand :)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 329 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Close webweaver.

    My walk around the hall missed the "intro person" 'cos she was txting, I was stopped before I got to the three vacant tables 'cos I looked lost I presume, Handed over the cheat card, the man at the roll voiced my name and address and gave me my four ticks (2 on each vote paper). Wandered to the cardboard desk - why not use them in classrooms? They are sooooo cheap ;-) - picked up the orange marker, tick, tick, tick, tick. Wander to the ballot box, confusion...Rimutaka or ???...leave and pick up snag on way out as donation to school.

    The placement of signs is a black art mixed with psycho lolology. Given that a lot of people noticed how "we" got confused with the signs around the polling booths, maybe "we" can now see that plonking a sign anywhere may not be the best place for it. PhDs have spent decades trying to figure out road signage. We see what we want to see, what we expect to see and miss what is sometimes bloody obvious. So those (like Emma) who tried to change the booth around to try and intercept the sight lines of voters were probably performing their first experiments in Signage Psych.101.

    And yes, you wonder how stupid some people can be. But it is normal behaviour.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1500 posts Report Reply

First ←Older Page 1 2 3 4 5 Newer→ Last

Post your response…

Please sign in using your Public Address credentials…

Login

You may also create an account or retrieve your password.