Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Flashback

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  • hamishm,

    Right, I should be watching "Ana- bleeding- Conda" now as well?

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • Milo Vulture,

    What a miserable FERKING country!
    Landfills landfills, acres of landfill, weaselly little "transfer stations" but when a guy gets hungry WHERE IS A DUMP!
    JKs people get all snooty when one of my people's people tries to democratise a tiny peice of his leg.
    Then some tiny snot-car tries to back up and rips my tail-feathers, at least the pigeons here are slow and stupid.
    I told Klaus before I ripped his last eye out, you've never lived, buddy boy, Klausie, I rolled his eye around on my tongue for while, never lived, he was begging to live, not til you've stuck your head in the eye-hole of a wildebeest and scrabbled for his brains in the dark, the sloshing, gurping, clashing beaks with rivals, their heads in the other eye socket, gorging, gorging GORGING.
    I have buried Mr Brong and am waiting for his soul to ripen. Milo is friend of the ravens and wotan walks in our shadow. Can no-one help with this HUNGER...

    Burkina Faso • Since May 2007 • 11 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    People, I'm not happy!

    Since Dec 2006 • 2468 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    Hamish! lock the doors, bar the windows, don't open the door to anything that hisses! iT'S ALL FALLING TO CUSTARD! Milo is ravenous, JK has the msm eating from his pocket and M and R- well, I found this in the Diamond Harbour Herald, Mar 13, 2006:

    The That's not Funny Fraud Office moved yesterday to close down "Over-givers Anonymous", a Helensvile-based non-profit organisation. Over-givers Anonymous is a registered charity, dedicated, in the words of its publicity material, to "providing much-needed help to those in our communities hardest-hit by the scourge of compulsively donating to charities. These addicts have for too long been forgotten, their unfortunate affliction often undiagnosed. Now they have found a home: Over-givers Anonymous- we care about your Cash!."
    In his statement, Judge Atropos noted "OA is a flimsy fabrication disguising a despicable scam that targets some of our most vulnerable rich people."
    The CEO of OA, who has name-suppression, is said to be a prominent local film mogul. The spokespig, a guineapig with alopecia denied any wrong-doing on the part of OA but directed all questions to "Wotan@Hotmail.coughcoughdowereallyhavetogothere. A That's Not Funny- No, Stop Laughing, Really It's Not! Fraud Office spokeperson relayed grave fears that OA's missing database could have fallen into the wrong hands, leaving literally dozens of the nation's wealthiest addicts at risk.

    Keep you mitts on the money! -( You do have the money, don't you?)

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 1354 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    Relax Rob, our lawyers Shyster, Shyster and Flywheel are all over it.
    They..sent..their..office..guinea..pig..around..for the..money..shoebox.....
    Gotta go!!!!

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • John Farrell,

    I prefer Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, myself.

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 196 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    While Dewey, Cheatem and Howe are good Shyster, Shyster and Flywheel has long and proud history

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    Note the name change brought about by senility.

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    I have an associate in the freezing works and Milo has eaten. He'll sleep. As long as the lawyers have all the money, we're safe.
    MerkProduktionz despite our bad-rep with certain North american industry backers, is attracting friends. Is this good?

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 1354 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Totally, you have all done well on little funding, really, the money will soon be flowing, I'm up to my neck in extremely sensitive negotiations, more soon.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2468 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    mmmm, flowing money. and art.
    money and art.
    i mean art, and money.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    Hang tough in the negotiations, M. This could be an expensive one- we may need a MacGuffin- believe there's a shortage and they're very expensive, was hoping we could lease but none in the country.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 1354 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    Be careful though merc, don't want to go all Versailles on them.

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    interesting. i wonder what JK's MacGuffin is? a muesli bar perhaps, plastic tiki?

    don't want to go all Versailles on them

    true but don't go all "Peace in our time" on them either.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    The delicacy of the moment cannot be overstated. But no pressure, merc, do what you think is best.

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    First scene in the can
    JK edited out.

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    nice work Eusa. very meditative, perhaps we could use that as a recurring motif throughout?
    where is Frauline Kadife? i was looking forward to the potato sack couture, especially being only 12cm tall standing on my hind legs.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Pastetaster,

    ah, there, made it. hi.
    merc. forgive the absence.
    deep cover with the guardians of our system. and heavy traffic.
    seems that some of the sacred cows of the people have a quivering red dot on their foreheads.
    the administrators will sign off anything that keeps them on the teat.
    so, what's this place then?

    Wellington • Since May 2007 • 3 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    Hello Pastetaster, this place is (defeating me in terms of describing it) a voyage of discovery

    Since Nov 2006 • 345 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Hey there Paste, great to have you on board, the initial ride is bumpy but well worth the effort, like changing sex I'd imagine.
    I have been deep in negotiations, culminating in a 3 hour slugfest last night, but we are good to go, though there is ill pain in the house.
    Hamish your first scene is good, though needs development, those are the turfed out Terns, as the Gannets depart for the annual Oz jaunt, the Terns think their time for a return is near, they are deluded.
    I had an eye to eye with The Moolyhawk today, it was a draw, they are of course The Seabird's Shadow and I respect them for that, we shadows are much maligned but we mean well and have alot to offer the gregarious extrovert, happy in their loud lives not realizing that we are all gleeful snails sliding ever faster on a razor-blade.
    I have spoken with The Cyclist, revelation is upon me and as I am a daemon you know that could mean anything...

    Since Dec 2006 • 2468 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    test test test

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 1354 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    During negotiations, you may find these useful-

    7-step guideline for film budgets.
    1. films are works of imagination: find a quiet, peaceful place, where you can set your mind free.
    2. Dream of the largest sum of money you can conceive; enough to keep your children's children in caviar and polo-ponies. Enter in box B (you may have to expand B)
    3. Compensate for the Matrimonial properties act: in box M, add up past, present and future partners- for yourself, but don't forget to project forward to your children and children's children. Multiply B by M in box C.
    4. Take a deep breath and add a zero.
    5. Screw down crew contracts to 24 working hours a day, with meals and time wasted sleeping and eating deducted at source. Add a clause to the effect that these generous terms will likely bankrupt you, the noble employer.
    6. Multiply box C by 0.63 for "contingencies".
    7. Sleep on it, in case you you've forgotten some vital location-scouting in Vanuatu.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 1354 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    Welcome pastetaster. Sorry to be a bore, but more news:
    In an exclusive interview Iraq war architect Paul Wolfowitz tells us why he's resigning as head of the World Bank to take the role of Milo Minderbinder in MerkProduktionz remake of Catch-22 (working title: Calibre .44)
    MP: Was it a hard decision?
    W: not at all, it was outrageous to ask a free-wheeling demigod to work with surrender-monkeys and tin-pot third world countries I wouldn't take a piss in. Resigning was the easiest thing I've ever done, particularly for this role in Calibre 44.
    MP: You have a fascination with Corporal Minderbinder?
    W: Oh yes, one of my personal heroes.
    MP: Wasn't he operating- well, just a little outside the law?
    W: (Laughs) don't we all? No, Milo was a decent capitalist giving people choices. The communist Roosevelt flew in the face of natural law, that's to say the law of supply and demand. Milo was a hero and a saint, yes, but forced to do his good works illegally by the corrupt of the incompetent socialists then in power.
    MP: How do you think it will translate to modern-day iraq?
    W; Well, clearly we've created much better business conditions in Iraq, and Milo's heroism can be openly celebrated and rewarded with mind-boggling govt contracts. I see this as a very exciting development.
    MP: Thank you Paul. Look forward to seeing you on-set in Sumara.
    W: Sumara? Wait a minute- which set is that? I'm not going-
    MP: Re-read the contract, Paul. Au revoir.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 1354 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Approved. Make it so.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2468 posts Report Reply

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