Up Front by Emma Hart

129

Just Answer the Question

One of the great things about modern elections is the way voters can have so much more direct access to the candidates. These days, anyone can mail out a candidate survey and know they're going to get some kind of response. Much to my disappointment however, it seems nobody is asking the really tough questions. So here they are, the questions nobody else thought to ask. My candidate survey.

1/ Should stupid people be allowed to vote? If so, who should they vote for?

2/ If you were secretly an Arab terrorist, what would be the first policy you’d enact on taking office?

3/ Trevor Mallard and a Hector's Dolphin are stuck in set nets. You only have time to save one of them. Why is it the dolphin?

4/ All the current leaders of New Zealand's political parties are on a plane. It crashes into the Andes with no hope of rescue for weeks. Whose delicious corspe do you save for last?

5/ You are holding a dinner party for famous New Zealand political and historical personages. Who do you seat next to Graham Capill?

6/ John Key: hot or not?

7/ If you had to ban one race from entering New Zealand, which one would it be and why?

8/ Which gay MP would you least like to have babysit your children?

9/ What do you think your party could do to most degrade the quality of life of people on the Domestic Purposes Benefit?

10/ On taking power, which bureaucrats would you sack? Please provide names and addresses.

11/ What was the dumbest thing you’ve said in the last six months and what the hell were you thinking?

12/ Whose vote are you most interested in buying? Why isn't it mine?

The U.S. elections have shown the importance of being in touch with the common man. Let's see which common men you've recently touched.

13/ Without going outside to check, what make is your ministerial car?

14/ How many houses do you own? Bonus question for Labour candidates: how many houses does Marian Hobbes own?

15/ Who is your favourite New Zealand band? Prove it by posting a youtube clip of you singing one of their songs.

16/ Name three prominent New Zealand bloggers. Which one would you most like to punch in the face?

17/ How much did a one kilo block of Anchor cheese cost at Pak 'n' Save Moorhouse Ave last Tuesday?


There is a prize (and by 'a prize' I mean 'kudos') for getting the answer to question 7 correct (and by 'correct' I mean 'the same as mine').

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