That got your attention. But, like the dastardly bastard I am, I’ve buried the evidence at the end of this post so you’ll have to read through the rest of my dross to get to it.
Aussie comedian Wil Anderson’s comments on ABC offshoot Triple J a couple of weeks ago also attracted a bit of attention. Communications minister Senator Richard Alston was having a good go at the ABC over bias when Anderson on his drive-time slot quipped, “but that’s just because he’s a right-wing pig-rooter”.
Oh how we laughed.
This morning “Professor” Anderson answered a Dorothy: “Why can’t we remember when we were babies?”
His theory: As our mums had to go without drink for nine months when they were pregnant, as soon as we were born they went straight down the pub (that’s why there’s always a pub near a hospital) and got pissed. Breastfeeding, we were all loaded too and that’s why a) we can’t remember when we were babies; b) babies don’t drive; c) babies fall over; and d) babies throw up all the time.
Simple really.
Okay, down to business. Right-wingers are dirty pervies.
We’ve always suspected, but the evidence was just anecdotal. A dodgy vicar here, a seedy scoutmaster there, guys in suits ducking quickly into massage parlours and strip joints everywhere. Then there was Herkt and Marshall’s faux tabloid scoops about pollies and prostitutes.
There was something there. A pattern. But nothing you could build a case on. Just suspicion. We needed facts.
Hard facts.
Now here it is, quantified: according to Australia’s most comprehensive government-funded study on pornography (how many have there been, for God’s sake?) Liberal/National voters are porn fiends. Australia’s most upright citizens may go to church on Sundays, but when they get home they slap a porno in the video and...
Well, let’s just say Sunday is the day of wrist.
Among other interesting findings, the fact most porn video users find the plots realistic and 20% of porn users are women.
Any bets on how Shane Warne votes?
Meanwhile, the leader of this suspect crew, John Howard, a regular church-goer himself, has once again won the trust of the electorate. You thought his promise not to introduce GST was good. You gasped at his children overboard accusations. You thrilled at his evidence on weapons of mass destruction. Now, surpassing all, he’s managed to dig a hole for himself over, of all things, Brazilian ethanol imports.
He denies he misled parliament, but nobody believes him, not even well-known ABC rent-a-redneck Andrew Bolt.
Mind you, Johnnie can do what he wants as long as Simon Crean sits across the way.