OnPoint by Keith Ng

19

To Whom it May Concern

I am writing to heartily endorse Joshua Drummond for the position of Press Relations and Regulatory Affairs Manager at British American Tobacco.

I have known Mr Drummond for many years through our mutual association with the Freedom Importers Association of Hamilton. We celebrate enterprise and freedom by importing cigarettes into New Zealand though our underground tunnels with China and Belarus. Our non-fictional organisation, in fact, represents over 80% of the NZ tobacco black market as estimated by Ernst & Young. Mr Drummond's intimate knowledge of this sector will no doubt prove invaluable to your organisation as you continue to praise its contribution to the economy.

During his time with our organisation, he has proved himself both resourceful and committed to the cause of freedom from the nanny state. On one occasion - the celebration of Dr Don Brash's election as Prime Minister - Mr Drummond personally walked from our Belarus depot with 19 cartons of cigarettes internally concealed within his person. Why did he internally conceal the cigarettes when we had underground tunnels? Because that was how much he loved freedom.

Mr Drummond's commitment to the cause of liberty is only matched by his resourcefulness and skill in modern public relations techniques. His ability to astroturf is unequalled in New Zealand. In the 2011 election, two-thirds of ACT candidates (and all of ACT On Campus) were, in fact, Joshua Drummond with rubber masks. I am not at liberty to name those candidates, but needless to say, Mr Drummond had much more success than the non-Drummond candidates.

During my last visit, Carrick Graham confided to me that he wished Mr Drummond was his son. This is a sentiment that we all share, and I am sure you will too, once you have witness the magnificent beacon of freedom and the dirty bomb of individuality that is Joshua Drummond.

 

Yours faithfully,

Keith Ng
Manager (Government and Cartel Relations)
Freedom Importers Association of Hamilton

19 responses to this post

Post your response…

Please sign in using your Public Address credentials…

Login

You may also create an account or retrieve your password.