Because I have friends in low places, like Buckingham Palace, I am occasionally in receipt of information not available to the general public (or “commoners” as the palace likes to style them).
For example a week or so ago I received the draft of a press release from the palace’s First Adjutant in the Department of Revisionism and Newspeak with regard to the recent controversy about Prince Harry’s choice of costume at a fancy dress party.
I waited for it to be released to the media but it seems that someone further down the track nixed it, although I think if it had come out it would have been helpful in our understanding of Harry’s motives which, as you will read, were much more lofty and intellectual than we first thought.
Apparently he wasn’t just some dickhead in a Nazi uniform, but was making a subtle political statement.
I print it here in its entirety for your consideration.
“In the matter of Price Harry and Prince William’s recent attendance at a costume party.
“It has come to the attention of this office that the media has taken up cudgels against Prince Harry with regard to his attendance at this party where he wore a uniform with Nazi regalia.
“It is with great regret we note how this incident has been misinterpreted and would here like to outline the reason the honourable Prince chose such attire.
“As members of the media will know the Royal Family stands above and beyond base politics and cannot make statements which might be interpreted as political.
“That said however their Royal Highnesses are not unaware that they live in the 21st century and so, mindful of that, various members of the Royal Family have made subtle but pointed gestures which are more in the line of social, rather than overtly partisan political, statements.
“So it was with Prince Harry and his Nazi uniform.
“As you will have noted the theme of the party was ‘Native and Colonial‘. In this instance Prince Harry chose to explore the theme of colonial oppression of native people’s and adopted the Nazi uniform as an emblem of the power of an extreme expansionist colonising power. The subtlety of this metaphor regrettably appears to have been lost on members of the media and the public.
“When placed in the context of what his brother Prince William wore -- a cat suit symbolising animal species rendered extinct or endangered by colonial expansionism -- their gesture of solidarity with the plight of indigenous people who suffered under the yoke of colonial powers (Germany, Holland, France, Belgium and other European nations) becomes clear.
“It is also with great regret that at this time some media organisations, notably the tabloid press staffed by guttersnipes and sleaze-mongers, have chosen to resurrect some instances when Prince Phillip, the boys’ grandfather, has also made statements which have been misinterpreted as racist.
“In this regard I refer media organisations again to previous press releases which will clarify the situation: notably ‘Prince says they are not wogs but decent hard-working foreigners’ and ‘Prince says they are not fuzzy-wuzzies but decent hard working wogs’.
“We reiterate that Prince Phillip enjoys a Pythonesque humour and regret that some of his statements in the past have been misinterpreted.
“As with the current instance regarding Prince Harry, we ask that members of the media and the public look beyond their own narrow prejudices towards the privileged and the powerful, and see the subtle messages they are trying to impart.
“Finally we would note that if these popular misconceptions continue the Royal Family and its Household would seriously consider moving to California where they would be much more appreciated and wouldn‘t have to behave themselves at all.
“So just watch yourself, mate.”