Speaker by Various Artists

12

The fat of executed dissidents

by Nat Torkington

I think it's easy to see what's happening here, folks. It doesn't take a brain the awesome magnitude of Gerry Brownlee's to see the truth peeking out from behind the cloud of half-truths, three-quarter fabrications, and outright 0% credibility hogwash masquerading as media analysis.

It's the Jews. And by "The Jews", I mean "the Chinese". And "the Maoris". As Lady Coddington (I believe Ms. Clark and HRH E. R. II benighted her in the last Honours list) pointed out, there's a vast left-wing media conspiracy designed to oppress the ull-blooded pure-bred Kiwi journalist. While Lady C (or "Codders" as she insisted I call her at her last Remuera cocktails evening) has been vilified in print for her superior intellect and the failings of the Chinese Liberal Media Hegemony to grasp fundamental non-linear hypercomparable statistical theory, it's clear that the taint (the "Yellow Smear" as I hope the Sunday papers shall begin calling it) spreads beyond the cosy back-scratching offices of the Press Council and into our living rooms via the glowing screens of evening news.

That the origins of this lamentable backsliding in journalistic quality and the oppressive regime under which quality journos such as Lady Codders, Fran O'Sullivan, and Joanne Black must labour go back into the mists of our past. It's a little known fact that Samuel Marsden disliked Roman Catholics and Irish. When he began New Zealand's first daily newspaper ("The True and Righteous Sunday Star"), setting the type by hand in a frame made from found Maori bones, he found a local resuming to rewrite his articles and headlines, and ascribed it to Catholics.

As he wrote in his diaries, "The foule hande of the Roman heresie is in my presses. Today I found Hemi, my Native assistant whom I had thoughte to place the utmost faith in, meddling with the presses when he thoughte I was out with the long droppe. Now the origins of the curssed headlines are clear to me. Long have I protested to the villagers that I knowe not what a Foreshore be ..."

Hemi Tupoe's own diary, found stuffed into the walls of the original Waitangi pa before it was "refurbished", reveals that Hemi wasn't Catholic at the time of the editorializing. But, incensed by Marsden's wrath, he reached out to the Catholics and found allies in the occasional Catholic missionaries.

With the help of the Papists, Hemi formed an alliance with the other native peoples in the region. He even took a four month trip to China (he always claimed Aotearoa was an Asian nation) and there established sister-nation status with the Wu Tang monks in the Wudang Mountains in Hubei province. It was with these monks that the infamous Wutangi Treaty was signed, establishing Closer Emigrating Relations between Aotearoa and China.

Much has yet to be written about the Chinese influence in the so- called "Native Wars", although Belich's "Crouching Taniwha Hidden Dragon" is an engaging first step towards historical liberty in this area. Similarly, the unseen yellow hand was at work in the Waihi Miners Strike, the decision of Katherine Mansfield to seek residence in England, and the rise of the first Labour Government.

During the reign of New Zealand's First Man, Earl Robert Muldoon, the Asiatic meddling was kept from the halls of Government. However, forced from overt power they held a secret Congress and Dim Sum night with their Maori activist brethren at Turangawaewae and it was here that their plans for media domination were born.

It began humbly with "The Truth". This bastion of free thought was slowly brought under the yellow heel of the Native Oppressor, seeking ever more space for its corrupted message, until finally it had subliminal autostereograms in the Moire patterns on the breasts of the Page Three girls. Having perfected their art in a minor newspaper, the hungry invaders turned their epicanthic gaze to more mainstream media.

Nowadays, of course, there's not a story gets printed without the interference and editorial intrusion of the Yellow and Brown Brotherhood. They spin every story to support their filthy agenda of hate and national decline, unable to stop until every journalist, every citizen, every Kiwi lies yoked in the filth of their oppression.

And since the 1990s they have been moving into television.

It began with Dr Ropata on Shortland Street. Guatemala? Come on,you didn't see the obvious Catholic connections? And Grace Kwan, that sultry Sino-temptress, was the first mainstream hint at the palsied yellow hand pulling the puppet strings on our nation's culture. There was a scare in the mid-90s when the Maori involvement was suspected, and Ian Wishart was halfway through a book on it before he was threatened off (the exact nature of the threat is not known, although it is rumoured that Wishart still can't ride a horse to this day). This resulted in "Te Karere" no longer leading into the evening news, a propaganda set piece that was too obvious now that questions were being asked.

A commenter on a PA thread mentioned the proliferation of speech impediments on the screen. Isn't it obvious? Incensed by comments that Asian children faced in the schoolyard, mocked for their accents, the Yellow Overlords have decreed that Kiwis will have to suffer in the same way. The campaign to have New Zealanders think that we as a nation are the linguistic Freak Show that trots across our screens every night has just begun. Even now, by the light of lamps fuelled by the fat of executed dissidents, Chinese R&D teams are figuring out how New Zealand news presenters can audibly confuse "its" and "it's". The worse is yet to come, people.

I could go on, the obvious connection between the Dover Samuels affair and the cancellation of Marcus Lush's first TV news venture, Winston Peters's winebox and Kim Hill's lone season in the television interview chair, and so on ... but do I have to connect the dots for you? New TVNZ head Rick Ellis nearly spilled the beans on his complicity with the Native Fundamentalist agenda when he revealed that Shortland Street, Police Ten-7, and Game of Two Halves were all Maori programming.

And now I've revealed the truth, I think I had better leave. They have black helicopters they use to clean up after news spills. I can only pray that this comment stays on the site for right-thinking New Zealanders to read. The left are renowned for their scorn for the hoi polloi (their own phrase, no good honest Kiwi would use foreign words when perfectly good English ones will do) so I can only pray that the owner of this site, notorious ("flaming" some say) liberal Russell Brown doesn't care what his readers think and so won't notice.

Must go. The invisible silent helicopters are near, I'm sure of it. Remember me the next time you curse the twaddle on television and realize it has nothing to do with the brave journalists but everything to do with the filthy hand of Nationalists and Chinocommie Conspiracies. Over and out.

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