Field Theory by Hadyn Green

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Field Theory: It's really a dick-move

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  • Tom Semmens,

    Bahrain, who'll be coming to Wellington for the biggest sports event here sinceā€¦ the first Rugby World Cup? The Auckland Commonwealth Games? The America's Cup?

    Dude, the first round was a 0-0 draw. That is really the sort of result that sets the world on fire. Soccer is as dull as dishwater at the best of times and when played between two Z-list outfits like N.Z. and Bahrain doubly, triply, quadruply, awfully so.

    And what will happen if we qualify anyway? We'll have to put up with annoying Poms coming out of the woodwork to comment in their every-so-dreary and irritating working class accents (no one with a nice RP accent would bother) about the superiority of the "beautiful game". They will repeatably and smugly tell us that soccer is the most popular game in the world, as if that makes a jot of difference to anything.

    The All Whites will go the world cup, where they will be exposed as a bunch of plodders, outclassed charlatans who qualified via the weakest of weak competitions.

    The All Whites will not come even close to winning a game and we'll all be expected to celebrate like we've won lotto if we manage to score a goal. Whoop-de-shit. Selling out the caketin only goes to prove that there is embarassingly little to do in Wellington on most weekends.

    Next.

    Sevilla, Espana • Since Nov 2006 • 2217 posts Report Reply

  • 81stcolumn,

    Should anyone hear me do so I will be cheering for Bahrain, not because I am contrary but rather becuase I was actually born there. My desire to see Bahrain succeed goes a little beyond sentimental and really doesn't touch at all on nationalism. Bahrainis really do like football a great deal. Qualifying would mean something to your little chap in the Souk or working in an underground carpark on the scale that Kiwi's only reserve for that other game of football.

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 790 posts Report Reply

  • Megan Wegan,

    I dunno. Sport's much more fun to watch when you have something riding on it, and much more interesting when there's a rivalry. Even if you have to temporarily manufacture one.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report Reply

  • Naly D,

    I only really started rooting for the Dolphins after that incredibly huge catch though, and I was more supporting them because they were behind and the underdog, not just to piss you off. Here's highlights [and there were a lot of them!]

    That fake punt was so sweet!
    But I'll never support Sanchez after what he put my Nittany Lions through [even if he goes to the Pats or Saints]

    Also.

    And what's better than four wheels AND two legs? Both together!

    Awesome segue.

    Wellington • Since Sep 2008 • 307 posts Report Reply

  • Tim Hannah,

    Dude...Next

    Wow, you seem, somehow... invested.

    Wellington • Since Jan 2007 • 228 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Here's highlights [and there were a lot of them!]

    Actually it was one of those great Monday Night games that would be better if the other team had won.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Semmens,

    Wow, you seem, somehow... invested.

    Hehehe Haydn DID start with

    I'm quite grumpy writing this.

    It would have been rude not to stay in theme.

    Sevilla, Espana • Since Nov 2006 • 2217 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Irvine,

    Geez Tom, I was nine when we went to the world cup in 1982, and I was probably the most excited 9 year old in the world. Our whole family got up to see NZ's games, plus Italy, Brazil, France and the dasterdly West Germans play in one of the best World Cups ever, and made me a football fan for life.

    I think NZ needs more Football mad nine year olds - while I respect your right to say 'bah humbug', I disagree, sir.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 242 posts Report Reply

  • Jed Soane,

    Yeah, I'm with Richard. The '82 World Cup gave us kids the courage to stand up to our rugby-loving dads in rugby-mad small-town NZ and enter a soccer team in the inter-school competition. It was a glorious time for football.

    Wellington • Since Feb 2009 • 15 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Willmott,

    Don't want to be a curmudgeon like Tom, it's certainly NZ soccer's time in the spotlight and we should be positive about that

    but

    The Caketin sells out for the 7s every year and on average one All Blacks match (the trinations one) as well. They get 3 or 4 games of 20,000+ for super 14 (I think the 2007? Hurricanes semi was a sellout) and A-league averages approx. 6000.

    It will be interesting to see what kind of crowd they pull for the soccer - if it is actually a sellout. I would predict 'not quite' - maybe 30,000 - and certainly not the need for that extra seating they can put in.

    They will probably have to let people into both halves of the stadium :)

    So Hadyn, I reckon the biggest event since:
    - in context, internationally: the Indian cricket tour 2009 or the Lions tour 2006
    - in attendance, demand, NZ public attention: the last 3N test

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 15 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    And what's better than four wheels AND two legs? Both together!

    Awesome segue.

    Given that they're quad skates, one of those two figures is wrong. Segue fail!

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Given that they're quad skates, one of those two figures is wrong.

    Curse you Kyle! I hoped no one would notice that

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • Edward Siddle,

    Interesting article in the New Yorker recently about American Football and brain damage (quite long and with a slightly strange excursion into dog fighting via the Vick connection).

    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/10/19/091019fa_fact_gladwell?currentPage=all

    Read it yesterday and then winced my way through the wrap up of the weekend action on espn.

    Wellington • Since Sep 2008 • 54 posts Report Reply

  • Kumara Republic,

    Yeah, I'm with Richard. The '82 World Cup gave us kids the courage to stand up to our rugby-loving dads in rugby-mad small-town NZ and enter a soccer team in the inter-school competition. It was a glorious time for football.

    Also, the 1981 Tour was still fresh in NZers' minds, so rugby wasn't exactly the flavour of the month at the time.

    PS. Couldn't attend Civil Offence due to yet another schedule clash. That's the downside of having so many events in Wellywood.

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 5441 posts Report Reply

  • Ben Chapman,

    there is another special event coming up that I will tell you about when I'm allowed to

    I hope that turns out to be an inter-city bout.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2008 • 135 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    But if you're watching with a friend it's not clever or "cool" (as the kids say) to support the opposition solely for the reason of annoying your friend. That's what a troll is. And nobody likes a troll

    I'm going to have to disagree with you here, Haydn.

    Winding each other up and giving each other stick is just what guys do. In place of stuff like showing emotions. 'cos that's, y'know, a bit gay.

    It might be different with sports, but given that my interest in most organised sport ranges from 'indifference' to 'active dislike', I wouldn't know.

    But maybe your friend was just trying to tell you how much he loved you?

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    maybe your friend was just trying to tell you how much he loved you?

    You mean when he pulled my hair it was because he actually secretly likes me?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • Keir Leslie,

    The All Whites will go the world cup, where they will be exposed as a bunch of plodders, outclassed charlatans who qualified via the weakest of weak competitions.

    Look, the All Whites captain gets paid an order of a magnitude more than any All Black and plays in, if not the, one of the, greatest league competitions in any sport. Certainly the best footballing league in the world at the moment. Yeah, Nelsen and Killen are standouts, but calling them `plodders [...] outclassed charlatans' is just wrong.

    Sure, the All Whites aren't Brazil; they are a respectable team from a small country that is actually pretty decent considering they are competing against almost every other country in the world.

    Since Jul 2008 • 1452 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    You mean when he pulled my hair it was because he actually secretly likes me?

    No, that's if he dips your pigtails in the inkwell.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    there is another special event coming up that I will tell you about when I'm allowed to

    I hope that turns out to be an inter-city bout.

    Actually it's for Aucklanders:

    This Halloween, you are cordially invited to the Monsters' Brawl!

    For the first time in New Zealand, the girly ghouls of Pirate City Rollers and the pain purveyors of Impact Pro Wrestling will bring their unique forms of sport and entertainment together for one massive night of mayhem!

    IPW's fearless fighters will be pulling out all the stops this Halloween, promising a bruising brawl for Telstra Clear's enthusiastic audience - prepare to see current IPW NZ Heavyweight Champion "The Professional" Joseph Kinkade, IPW's Top Tag Team Pirates and Ninjas Are Totally Awesome, the arrogant and cocky Jon E. King, "The One" Vinny Dunn, Japanese star Kazuki, "Wrestling's Most Wanted" Lil T, Xtreme Superstars, Kid Liger, Link van Haggard plus many more!

    Auckland's Pirate City Rollers is tearing itself in two for the special Halloween event, and will be building two strong and scary teams, piece by piece. Prepare to see the Hell's Belles and the Deadutantes fight for their place as Monsters' Brawl prom queens - all the blocks, bruises and bloodshed are real!

    So join our brawling brothers and speedy sisters this Halloween for this very special event, and make sure to wear your best Halloween attire - there are prizes for the best costumes! Monsters' Brawl is a huge first time event, set to light up the Telstra Clear Stadium in Manukau!

    Event Details for Monster's Brawl
    Where: TelstraClear Pacific Stadium, 770 Great South Road, Manukau City
    When: 31 October, doors at 6pm, event starts 6.30pm
    Price: Tickets, $20 from TicketDirect and TelstraClear Stadium
    NB: Wrestling card subject to change.
    www.monsters-brawl.com

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report Reply

  • Naly D,

    You mean when he pulled my hair it was because he actually secretly likes me?

    Shh! Amy might read this.

    Wellington • Since Sep 2008 • 307 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Poms coming out of the woodwork to comment in their every-so-dreary and irritating working class accents

    This from Tom Semmens, tireless champion of the working man? I feel so disillusioned. :)

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • George Darroch,

    New Zealand football's problem is that we're in the Oceania pool. It needs to be abolished and merged into Asia. It would hurt the smaller federations, but I'm not sure that the current situation is in any way sustainable. It's bound to happen some time in the next decade.

    Another thing to note. This is the Mens World Cup. Not "the World Cup". There are two. Most commentators reliably fail this. We're a long long way from equality in sports.

    WLG • Since Nov 2006 • 2264 posts Report Reply

  • Keir Leslie,

    Oceania in Asia would be dumb as a very dumb thing; the small associations can't afford to fly teams to the Gulf and so on.

    (Men's World Cup anyway, also.)

    Since Jul 2008 • 1452 posts Report Reply

  • Edward Siddle,

    Another NZ-centric reason why it wouldn't be good for Oceania to be merged with Asia is that it would deprive our age group teams (both male and female) of relatively easy entry into all the World Tournaments. This is a great advantage and one which I am sure NZ Football will be keen to keep.

    In order to give our senior men some tougher competition on a more regular basis, one option would be for the Oceania qualifying comp to be played relatively early in the qualifying cycle, and for the winners of Oceania (in the absence of Australia, it will more often than not be NZ) to then join in with one of the final Asian qualifying groups (either the third or fourth round).

    It would make it harder for the All Whites for sure, but not virtually impossible (as would be, say, a two-legged game against a south american team) or else perhaps a little too gentle (like the current tie against Bahrain, which I'm not necessarily suggesting NZ will win, but just that NZ have certainly taken the short route this time round compared to, say, Bahrain).

    Wellington • Since Sep 2008 • 54 posts Report Reply

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