Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Staying Civil

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  • Andrew Stevenson,

    If an individual adopts, for example, their partner's biological child, this would remove their partner's rights.

    That could get remarkably kafkaesque, and here was I thinking it was only the legal areas I work in that were farked.
    Any other areas demonstrating inequality, intentional or otherwise, as a result of the Civil Union Act?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 206 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    But... rights not important because you're not using them this week? Really?

    Yes, because that is so what I was saying.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Megan Wegan,

    Yes that makes me a complete sap I know

    I'm waving at Bart: come over here to Saps' Corner. We have tissues. The kind with aloe vera.

    Oh, I am so there with you.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report

  • Jackie Clark,

    Me too. I have been at work, watching those "It Get's Better" videos all morning. I am not so much crying as leaking.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report

  • Jolisa,

    I also really enjoy watching Love Actually each year at Christmas

    I would love that movie so much more if there was a single happy ending in it for a woman who's not Martine whatshername (in whose case, happy ending = shagging Hugh Grant). Richard Curtis Bechdel test FAIL.

    Otherwise, yes, love that movie. And the "It Gets Better" videos are tremendously inspiring.

    A tiny part of me wishes for a spin-off series for people who were brainy music geeks in high school. Not the same as being gay, but, um, close enough as to warrant a Venn diagram.

    Auckland, NZ • Since Nov 2006 • 1472 posts Report

  • Graeme Edgeler,

    Any other areas demonstrating inequality, intentional or otherwise, as a result of the Civil Union Act?

    I don't see that this is a result of the Civil Union Act. It is a result of the Adoption Act (and the fact that the Relationships (Statutory References) Act didn't amend it).

    Wellington, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 3215 posts Report

  • Graeme Edgeler,

    I would love that movie so much more if there was a single happy ending in it for a woman who's not Martine whatshername

    AurĂ©lia (played by LĂșcia Moniz) didn't get a happy ending? Nor Judy (Joanna Page)? Nor Juliet (Keira Knightley)?

    Have you even seen the film =)

    Wellington, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 3215 posts Report

  • Jolisa,

    Hmm, OK, I'll give you Aurelia. And Judy, yeah, all right. But Juliet, really? Wait till she leaves [redacted for spoiler] for [redacted for spoiler] a couple of months after Christmas...

    I guess my beef is that apart from hunky-man (Laura Linney's love interest), no blokes get their hearts spectacularly broken. Am I right?

    And don't even get me started on Colin and his coeds...

    OK, I need to watch it again. Interesting to note that there was originally a same-sex love-story (the headmistress, and her terminally ill partner) that was cut for length. I'd rather they'd cut Colin and his improbably frolics.

    Auckland, NZ • Since Nov 2006 • 1472 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    When I was a young man people for Christmas watched Young Frankenstein. It was a better world.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • BenWilson,

    Some folks also don't approve of marriages where the parties are of different races, religions or widely disparate in age (my parents ticked all three boxes), but the Marriage Act doesn't indulge them. And shouldn't.

    Yes, my Mum got a bit steely-eyed about me devoting my undying soul to the Catholic Church, until I pointed out to her that to me it was like devoting my secret mountain of gold stashed on Jupiter to the Catholic Church. We got a free venue and celebrant, someone who meant something to my wife and her family (and considering we were in Australia, I didn't have any such attachments), and the cost was I had to listen to some meaningless priest-babble for a bit*, then we did the bit that actually mattered, signing a legal document with multiple witnesses, which mentioned nothing about undying souls, nor any of the 'honor, cherish, obey blah blah blah". Actually, I think my wife broke the obey vow within minutes, and she's constantly pointing out that "to have and to hold" didn't mean "twice a day" like I was pushing for, and anyway she never signed anything about it.

    *well actually they did also insist on pre-marital counseling, and TBH, I think that was a good idea. Mostly it was good sensible advice from old hands about how exactly you can stay in love with someone for a long time, with the exception of the bits on contraception and child-rearing where I had a good old laugh at their expense - "Pull out? Money shots are actually Church policy?" - "Yes, I certainly will discuss religion and God with my children, although considering I have a degree in Philosophy they'll be well bored of it in no time".

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    until I pointed out to her that to me it was like devoting my secret mountain of gold stashed on Jupiter to the Catholic Church.

    You did what?!

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Graeme Edgeler,

    Wait till she leaves [redacted for spoiler] for [redacted for spoiler] a couple of months after Christmas...

    And that wouldn't be a happy end for her?
    =)

    Interesting to note that there was originally a same-sex love-story (the headmistress, and her terminally ill partner) that was cut for length.

    There was Bill Nighy...

    Wellington, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 3215 posts Report

  • Megan Wegan,

    My dad and I watch the Sound of Music on Christmas Eve every year. When TVNZ stopped playing it, I bought it on DVD so we could keep doing it.

    My dad and I are...fraught, but last week, on some ad, I heard the tune to My Favourite Things, and had to call him. Christmas traditions are nice.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report

  • Lucy Stewart,

    When I was a young man people for Christmas watched Young Frankenstein. It was a better world.

    But did it pass the Bechdel test?

    (Speaking of things that do: until last week, I had managed to avoid reading Girl Genius for five years. I don't understand how.)

    until I pointed out to her that to me it was like devoting my secret mountain of gold stashed on Jupiter to the Catholic Church.

    You do know that they will count you among their followers forever and ever more, right?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report

  • Danielle,

    until I pointed out to her that to me it was like devoting my secret mountain of gold stashed on Jupiter to the Catholic Church

    I have an atheist friend who did the full Catholic mass marriage ceremony for his betrothed's benefit, for much the same reasons. I couldn't, because I'm such a picky arsehole that I would never be able to leave my partner alone on this issue. 'But WHY do you believe in magic? It's stupid!'

    I am not so much crying as leaking.

    I just watched the Dan and Terry one. Where are my aloe vera tissues? Did Bart steal them all? (Also, is there a point at which I stop loving Tim Gunn more and more every time I see him?)

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    But did it pass the Bechdel test?

    I don't think there is a single scene in Young Frankenstein without any males in it.

    (I'm being coy - of course I remember them all by heart and know with certainty that this is the case.)

    However it still crushes Love Actually on every plane.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Jolisa,

    However it still crushes Love Actually on every plane.

    Except for the Bill Nighy Christmas song bit.

    Auckland, NZ • Since Nov 2006 • 1472 posts Report

  • sally jones,

    Actually Master hasn't disappeared. I have a Master of Arts (for instance. Just saying...).

    But more to the point, after my son turned 12 he automatically went from being Master to Mr on various forms, airline tickets, etc. My daughter, on the other hand, has remained Miss through twelve and beyond.
    Once given the option, having reached a certain age, she may or may not opt for Ms. Seems the harder I push (bit likewith healthy food), the harder she, and her peers and most of her teachers, resist. At her primary school there wasn't a single Ms, and at her high school Ms remains in the minority.

    When forms arrive with the standard options: Mr, Miss, Mrs, Ms, - invariably in that order - I go for Dr, which keeps 'em guessing about the number of penises involved - just the way I like it...

    Auckland • Since Sep 2010 • 179 posts Report

  • Alan P,

    Personally, I like to use the word "lover". It makes people so gloriously uncomfortable. Say "and this is my lover," and people have to visualise you having sex.

    Thank you Emma. That (in particular) made me laugh out loud.

    Nobody is harmed if Craig and his partner get married. Really just because Craig gets something he wants does not take it away from anyone else. And I'm sorry but people who feel it does take something away from them are simply wrong, in the same sense that people who believe the earth is flat are wrong.

    - Totally agree Bart. I had this argument with someone at work a couple of years ago, and I couldn't believe how precious they were being, claiming that gay marriage would somehow affect their hetero marriage.
    In my opinion, somebody elses marriage cannot materially affect your own (unless you want it to). Fact is, there are plenty of gay marriages in the world which these bigots are not even aware of... how can that be affecting them?
    They just claim some vague thing about it affecting them by degrading the institution of marriage or some crap. My response: Harden up, princess.

    Auckland • Since Jun 2009 • 35 posts Report

  • Bart Janssen,

    I would love that movie so much more if there was a single happy ending in it for a woman who's not Martine whatshername

    Aw come on Harriet and Carla seemed pretty damn happy with Colin at the end!

    And Joanna got her Sam!

    But yes more female hearts were broken, well unless you assume Karl was really upset by not getting into Sarah's bed - seems unlikely but possible.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report

  • Jackie Clark,

    (Also, is there a point at which I stop loving Tim Gunn more and more every time I see him?)

    Never, because he is awesome and also very beautifully turned out. All the time. And he is kind, and caring. And also, I believe, quite near to my concept of a god. (And don't think I don't see you doing what we talked about the other day. You are also very special. Did I mention that?)

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report

  • Bart Janssen,

    Did Bart steal them all?

    I didn't do it!

    We just have cheap scratchy ones here at work and they make my nose all red and sore :(

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report

  • Rich Lock,

    Yes, Zivil-Gewerkschaft doesn't sound better.

    You keep your Gewerkschaft away from me, old son, Zivil or not. I don't swing that way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Young Frankenstein

    Masssster hasn't disappeared

    He just got chopped up for spare parts?

    We put a note in the programme (oh yes, we were very formal) saying that I was not changing my name.

    My wife didn't change her name either. Which hasn't stopped everyone of my parents generation and previous referring to us on every piece of correspondence ever as 'Mr and Mrs Lock' despite repeated explanations.

    So one of our Christmas traditions revolves around us getting cards addressed to 'Mr and Mrs'. I laugh while she fumes. Then she kicks me in the nuts so she can have a laugh.

    And that's the secret to a happy marriage, isn't it? Making each other laugh after all these years?

    More seriously, we looked at double-barrelling, but neither of the available combos sounded right (and one of them sounded like a particularly painful wrestling move), so we've put that one in the 'too hard' basket for the moment. It will become an issue when our children are of school age.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report

  • Lucy Stewart,

    So one of our Christmas traditions revolves around us getting cards addressed to 'Mr and Mrs'. I laugh while she fumes. Then she kicks me in the nuts so she can have a laugh.

    Do you get the Mr and Mrs His Full Name ones? We did, last Christmas. I went rather beyond fuming.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report

  • Megan Wegan,

    More seriously, we looked at double-barrelling, but neither of the available combos sounded right.

    I had friends that got married last year, and their names combined perfectly to create Parsley.

    I'm still a little bit miffed they didn't become Mr and Mrs Parsley.

    Welly • Since Jul 2008 • 1275 posts Report

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