Field Theory by Hadyn Green

As I mentioned previously my weekend was mainly taken up with turning myself in a rockstar (separate post and photos on that coming soon). As such I missed Wellington lose the game that, really, deep down, they knew they were going to lose. Feel free to bitch about the game in the comments.

But I did see part of the netball and the Monday-night sports news where (for some reason) a fantastic win by New Zealand over Australia (netball) was the second item behind a stupid loss by New Zealand at the hands of Australia (league).

Actually I'm not really sure how New Zealand losing to Australia in league even counts as "news" anymore.

I did yell at Ricky Stewart (well at his image on the TV) about the boots up slide by Billy Slater. It says in that Stuff article that Stewart takes the charges seriously, however, on the news last night he said:

[Slater]'s been warned about it, but if he does it successfully, would I tell him not to do it? No

The actual answer should be "yes". Because nothing sucks more than not getting try AND getting your face cut open by someone's spikes.

Back to the netball, don't we have some awesome midcourt and defensive depth? I'm a little worried with our shooting options if we lose van Dyk (Wipiiti still hasn't convinced me). Here are the stats:

Progressive (& Quarter) Scores
1st Qtr: 15-7 to Australia
2nd Qtr: 21-20 to Australia (13-6 to NZ)
3rd Qtr: 33-31 to New Zealand (13-10 to NZ)
4th Qtr: 46-41 to New Zealand (13-10 to NZ)

Shooting Statistics: Australia - 72% overall
Natalie Medhurst -, -, 8/8, 4/6 (12/14, 86%)
Kate Beveridge - 6/8, 5/6, 2/6, 6/8 (19/28, 68%)
Susan Pratley - 9/11, 1/4, -, - (10/15, 67%)

Shooting Statistics: New Zealand - 88% overall
Irene van Dyk - 4/5, 9/10, 9/9, 7/7 (29/31, 94%)
Maria Tutaia - 3/3, 4/5, 4/6, 6/7 (17/21, 81%)

And for those (literally) taking score, the five point difference is inside the statistical significance bounds.

Undoubtedly there was other sport this weekend (such as Liverpool beating Chelsea at home and the Phillies on the brink of a World Series victory) but I was too busy trying to not screw up the guitar solos in Gimme Shelter

Recently I have become rather averse to news about actual-impact-on-my-life news so I tend to view a lot of sports news instead. Other than your team losing or your favourite player getting injured or your favourite player having an affair when he really should've been trying to play better, I mean Derek Jeter can do it ferchissake! … wait where was I, oh right… apart from all of that there isn't too much to boil the blood.

Except this week when I've found a couple of things, let me share them with you.

When you run a race you can usually assume that if you run the race faster than everyone else, then you will have won. Not so say Nike.

Arien O'Connell foolishly assumed she'd won [the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco], simply because she ran the course faster than anyone else that day. Well, that was her first mistake.

Arien is a fifth-grade teacher, not a professional runner, so she didn't enter herself in the "elite" seeded group that started 20 minutes ahead of everyone else. However, she underestimated her awesomeness by so much that her finishing time was 11 minutes faster than the official declared winner—but when she pointed that out to race officials, they told her to go take a 26.2-mile hike.

The Nike officials said that because she wasn't entered in the Elite group that she wasn't eligible for the main prize, and anyway they had already given out all the prizes.

Nike also argued that had Arien entered in the Elite group that the lead would've seen how fast Arien was running and picked up the pace.

"If you're feeling like you're going to be a leader," race producer Dan Hirsch said Monday, "you should be in the elite pack."

Who is running PR at Nike these days? Why not give her the big prize and an ad contract! Talk about missing a trick.

For my second story of annoyance, how about some Christian-based oppression of women? There is a American football team made up of home-schooled and private schooled kids called the New Creation Center Crusaders (wait surprisingly they ain't the bad guys). Their kicker is 14-yr old Kacy Stuart, who also happens to be a girl. The rest of the team are cool with it; I'm sure Jesus, looking down from his orbiting spaceship, is cool with it; but their opposition is really not cool with it.

The first team Kacy faced relied on the Bible to express its beliefs about female football players in a pre-game statement, said New Creation athletic director Coach Ken Townley.

"The East Atlanta Mustangs didn't play us under protest but they were allowed to read a statement on their beliefs about female football players," Townley said. "They used biblical verses from the book of Romans. I was very stunned by that."

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution found what they figured was the offending biblical quote:

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature.

Whut? Was Kacy making unnatural half-pony half-monkey monsters? Was she suffering from a "vile affection" to sport?

Still a win's a win. Let's hope the New Creation Center Crusaders go unbeaten.

And then there is just the general craziness you get when adults are paid to play children's games. Here's some Friday sports miscellany…

Here I was thinking that the India-Australia cricket series would be without controversy. Instead Adam Gilchrist (pictured wearing the worst uniform you will ever see in your life, Team KFC?) has called Indian legend and new world record holder Sachin Tendulkar a "bad sport". Gilchrist isn't playing, naturally, but the timing will certainly help his book sales.

In Swedish ice hockey what would be the best thing to do if your opponent's star player had been in a sex scandal recently? Why not throw dildos on to the ice? Why aren't New Zealand rugby fans this classy?

And while here in New Zealand we may complain about stupid referees decisions, at least Steve Walsh isn't tackling the ball carrier to stop the try

Continuing with American football, check out the left armband on Brian Urlacher (#54) here. You might have to look closely. It seems he's written himself a motivational message: "Be a asshole" [sic]

And using grammar as a segue, what are the best most possible phrase the Philadelpia Phillies could use to rally players in the World Series? How about "Why Can't Us?" (quick note to pendants: all grammar mistakes in this post is intentional)

That crazy hockey mom, really might be crazy about hockey. Sarah Palin told People magazine that:

… if she and husband Todd had had a sixth child, they had already picked a name for a boy joining siblings Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig. "I always wanted a son named Zamboni," she said.

And finally Richard Irvine has put in a very strong entry into the Dropkicks photo contest. Incredibly strong, given that we've only had two entries.

In anticipation that I might write something glib about the Wellington-Canterbury clash of provincial rugby titans (and given there is a high likelihood of me missing the game due to drinking plans) I thought I had better put something up now.

But first (sorry rugby fans) the great Mike Alstott of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers had his retirement ceremony this week. Shame they spelled his name wrong (see the orange jersey beside the cheerleader). Or did they?

"The orange jersey is from his rookie year (1996). For his first two home games, his jersey was misspelled. [So the typo in the retired jersey] was intentional. It was the first jersey he ever wore in the NFL."

I think that's pretty awesome.

And I would be chastised for not giving a quick mention of the latest competition at the Dropkicks (with newly uploaded podcasts too!)

Now, to the rugby. For those who may be thinking of wagering some of your hard earned cash on this weekend's match here are some cold-hard facts you may want to consider:

• Wellington has won 19, lost 15 and drawn two of its 36 National Provincial Championship / Air New Zealand Cup matches against Canterbury.
• Wellington last won a domestic championship when it beat Canterbury 34-29 in the 2000 NPC Final in Christchurch.
• Wellington is appearing in its seventh NPC / ANZC Final in the last 10 years.
• Canterbury has scored 98 tries in all NPC / ANZC matches against Wellington.
• Wellington is playing its 37th NPC / ANZC match against Canterbury to equal its record number of matches played against Auckland.
• The two teams did not meet in the 2008 round robin, but Wellington beat Canterbury 20-12 in a pre-season match in Christchurch. (yeah that doesn't actually mean shit, but it's still a fact!)

• Wellington's 105 tries in NPC / ANZC matches against Canterbury is only exceeded by the 107 it has scored against Taranaki.
• Rodney So'oialo is in line to play his 50th NPC / ANZC match on Saturday and his 55th first class fixture for Wellington.
• Wellington has won 13 and lost five of its 18 NPC / ANZC matches against Canterbury in Wellington.
• Wellington's only loss to Canterbury in six championship matches at Westpac Stadium was the 2004 NPC Final, which the visitors won 27-40.
• Wellington is the only team to appear in all three ANZC Finals, but this is the first one to be staged in Wellington.
• Victory by Wellington against Canterbury would result in its 21st successive NPC / ANZC win at Westpac Stadium.
• Wellington is playing its 50th NPC / ANZC match at Westpac Stadium, with the record currently standing at won 36, lost 13.
• Wellington beat Canterbury 36-23 in the 2006 ANZC quarterfinal and 26-21 in the 2007 semifinal.
• Bernie Fraser holds the Wellington record for most tries against Canterbury in NPC / ANZC matches with seven.
• Jimmy Gopperth holds the Wellington record for most points in all NPC / ANZC matches against Canterbury with 64.
• Jon Preston is the Wellington record holder for most points in an NPC / ANZC match against Canterbury with 22 at Wellington in 1994.
• Wellington's highest score against Canterbury in an NPC / ANZC match is 48 at Athletic Park in 1990.
• Wellington and Canterbury met in two previous NPC Finals – in 2000, in Christchurch, won by Wellington 34-29 and 2004, in Wellington, won by Canterbury 40-27.
• Wellington has won 19 of its last 21 ANZC matches.
• Wellington has lost just one match this year, which equals its previous best season in 1987.

• Canterbury was the first team to play Wellington in an NPC / ANZC match at Westpac Stadium, in 2000, won by Wellington 27-20.
• A win to Canterbury would be its 12th of the season and establish a new record for the province, beating the 11 it won in 2001.

Thanks to Sam Rossiter-Stead for the list

UPDATE: ok, I totally forgot about the cricket. We won, just. And Australia won... oh no wait, they suffered a record loss. Stink.

I was foolish enough to pick up a Sunday paper while having coffee. On the front cover of the sports section there was a large article with a large colour photo about Hawke's Bay's loss to Canterbury in the Air New Zealand Cup. Down in the left corner was a wee picture of Casey Williams and a small paragraph or two about the Silver Ferns massive victory over the fourth best team in the world.

I know that netball (and women's sport in general) will always be behind rugby in coverage, funding and popularity. But that must've been a real kick in teeth. I had a wee rant in the café, mainly at the paper, but Amy made noises like she was listening.

I had watched the game on Saturday night and had been thoroughly impressed with a team that had looked, frankly, like shit only a few days earlier. This also marked the first time I had watched every game of an international series. In fact the Dropkicks did more than watch the first two tests, we commentated them (go and watch, I'll wait).

Given that I was calling for Ruth Aitken to be fired after the Australian series I was quite angry after our shock (and it was a shock) loss to England in the second test. Personally even after two giant drubbings Aitken should still consider herself to be on the “hotseat". Moreover, why do we have Wai Taumaunu as the assistant coach? I know she's a hard task-master (good) but she was also the incredible (sarcasm) coach of the Shakers (bad).

I think we learned a few things from this test series.

Irene van Dyk is a fantastic netballer and may be one of our greatest sports people of all time. But she is not a goal attack! She looked completely out of sorts when made to range around in the midcourt, and completely comfortable under the hoop.

Maria Tutaia is the complete opposite, shooting from outside with scary accuracy and having amazing speed for getting the passes. She is also smoking hot. There was an article a while back about the CanTeen bandanas and she made Dan Cater look like a weird little man with bad skin.

Casey Williams is a fucking axe. Though I fear for her knees if she keeps playing that hard. Did I mention she's a fucking axe! During the game Amy mentioned how the players shouldn't be allowed ponytails because they hurt if whipped about, especially if they are plaited. The first thing I noticed was that Williams had two lots of plaits. AXE.

Personally I couldn't care less about the current rugby. I will admit this weekend will be more exciting and I am excited to see Tanerau Latimer get a shot at the All Blacks; but I was totally pissed that our netballers were given a tiny bit of space on the front page and then relegated to page four inside (and with no colour pics).

Our women tend to outperform our men (see the current efforts of our multiple-World Cup-winning Black Ferns if you need evidence) but the media coverage is disproportionate.

As always, discuss.

Points off to the first person to congratulate Canterbury on beating Hawke's Bay or to weep over Hawke's Bay's loss.

You know what I like? Fast cars. I also like drinking. And when I was a younger chap I liked to combine the two. Not in a "drink-drive-bloody idiot" kind of way (I am of the generation that is quite against that sort of thing), instead more of a "have a few beers while watching loud Australians drive louder cars around a track" kind of way.

Every year my friends and I – too poor to afford our own cars and hence not attractive to girls – would gather together for an annual barbeque and fruit-cricket match every October to watch The Great Race. And because this was Tauranga it meant that the TV was dragged to the window so we could watch from outside in the sun. Yes, to a certain extent, we were munters, but damn it, we were stupid teenage boys in Tauranga and munterism came naturally. Those, as they say, were the days.

It seems natural somehow that the nation whose post-apocalyptic future will heavily feature cars gives us such rabid motorsport. From even further back in the mists of time I remember watching the infamous "pack of arseholes" speech with my parents, when Godzilla conquered the mountain.

In my first year at university, I felt a small and fleeting pang of regret when I realised I had missed Bathurst, and that was it. A few years later a text from a friend saying words to the effect of "Ford won you fucker!" had no effect on me beyond a reply of "I thought you liked Holden". It's been… ahem … a long time since those days of bbqs and fruit-cricket matches in the sun and I haven't watched a single complete V8 Supercar race since then.

I had a brief infatuation with Rallying. My friend's dad was photographer (I think) and he took us along to see the Rally of New Zealand night stage through the Rotorua back-blocks. We pulled up at the end of a dead-end road, got out and walked up a hill that overlooked some dark bush. You could just make out a small road in the darkness. The rumble started some way off and the trees began to get lighter and lighter. Suddenly this growling ball of fury and light exploded from the bush, swung around a corner and was gone leaving a cloud of dust and gravel.

I still vividly remember seeing that first car because its lights illuminated the hundreds of previously unseen fans all around us who were cheering as loud as we were. Later the full moon shone out from behind some clouds and we realised the hill was as packed as the stands at a rugby game (which was quite full back then).

As I said, during my university years I lost interest in most motorsport, however, I became a bigger fan of Formula 1, because the races were on late at night which made them perfect distractions from studying.

Now my taste in motorsport has changed to be far more sedentary. I like looking at hot rods and drag racers. Those top-fuel cars are something special. I'm not too keen on the racing; I just love looking at these pieces of art, carefully and lovingly constructed.

My dad had a whole pile of magazines full of Ed "Big Daddy" Roth creations and details on how to modify your Tamiya models to make them into proper hotrods. He also had an unfinished Chevrolet model that I was dying to see hot-rodded, but in the end it was missing too many pieces.

But why a post on motorsport when there's perfectly good netball on tonight? Well a couple of couple of reasons. The main one was the disdain given to the Hamilton V8 race. Believe me, I'm very happy that it isn't in Auckland or Wellington. There is nothing PC or un-PC about it, it was just a dumb idea to hold it in either of those venues.

And I'll be the first to admit that the off-track (cough) "entertainment" is more than just a little cringe-worthy and does nothing for the image of a V8 fan (fat old men in baseball caps and shorts leering at women in hot pants) no matter how valid it was. And I and (as far as I know) none of my friends are V8 followers, and definitely none of us are fat, leering, old men in baseball caps.

But the actual race in Hamilton was interesting (or the bits I saw were), the punters enjoyed it (when they weren't leering) and it didn't screw up Hamilton anymore than years of just being Hamilton already had. And at least the V8 drivers are required to do more than just turn left.

The second is that the Dropkicks have done an alternate commentary of the last netball test and are doing the same tonight. I'll post when they're available to watch.