Yes, well, I suppose, as one or two readers have pointed out, sending an email whose text included the words "Enlarge your penis" was pretty much asking to be blocked by corporate email systems, even if it was about John Banks. That particular phrase might justifiably have been caught by a spam filter.
But responses indicate that readers are with me on the general use of nannying mail filters - especially the we've-just-installed-Mail-Marshall-and-we've-got-all-the-filters-on syndrome. It does seem in the private sector that the better admins eventually come to their senses and either cut back the filtering or introduce some exceptions.
In other cases, filtering can be fairly destructive. Sky TV still runs an enthusiastic bowdlerising machine for its sensitive employees - even the ones who schedule the dodgy porn on Sky One - but I don't get bounces from them any more. It looks like the Hard News readers there have either resubscribed on their home addresses or just given up. A member of a little rugby mailing list I'm on keeps missing out on our Super 12 picks competition because Mail Marshall seems to think it's something else. We also have to clean up and repost match comments so she can read them.
Anyway, here are some of the responses to last Friday's email. I've removed names where it seemed prudent to protect people from their raging IS managers. Strangest banned word? "Peace", in a Crown entity system. "Peace" is a dirty word?
Check out the KPMG list below - which seems a fairly restrained one by comparison ("snatch" is going to cause problems though, isn't it?). Pardon the language and all that ….
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Long time reader first time writer here. Thought you might be interested in the KMPG email blocking list thingy. I have a few friends who work there and I've fallen afoul of this a few times, so one of my friends helpfully sent it to me so I'd know why.
[__Contents__]
KPMG-Profanity=MIMEsweeper Lexical Analysis Expression List
[KPMG-Profanity]
Comment="This list contains profain words."
Comment=""
Language=English
Expression=False,5,".REGEXP. fuck?*"
Expression=False,2,".REGEXP. sex?*"
Expression=False,5,"asshole"
Expression=False,5,"bastard .NEAR. (is .OR. you)"
Expression=False,10,"bitch .NEAR. (.REGEXP. fuck?* .OR. stupid)"
Expression=False,7,"blow job"
Expression=False,7,"blowjob"
Expression=False,5,"cock .NEAR. suck"
Expression=False,5,"cocksucker"
Expression=False,5,"cum"
Expression=False,10,"cunt .NEAR. (silly .OR. stupid)"
Expression=False,5,"dago"
Expression=False,5,"darky"
Expression=False,5,"dildo"
Expression=False,5,"dyke"
Expression=False,5,"ejaculate"
Expression=False,2,"fag"
Expression=False,10,"gook"
Expression=False,10,"gooks"
Expression=False,5,"homo"
Expression=False,10,"jungle bunny"
Expression=False,5,"masturbate"
Expression=False,5,"motherfucker"
Expression=False,2,"orgy"
Expression=False,10,"penis .NEAR. (small .OR. enlarge)"
Expression=False,10,"pussy .NEAR. tight"
Expression=False,2,"screw"
Expression=False,5,"shit"
Expression=False,5,"slut"
Expression=False,2,"snatch"
Expression=False,10,"teen .Near. (.REGEXP. sex?* .OR. .REGEXP. fuck?*)"
Expression=False,2,"vagina"
Expression=False,5,"virgin .NEAR. young"
Expression=False,5,"virgins .NEAR. young"
Expression=False,5,"wanker"
Expression=False,5,"whore"
Anonymous
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Corporate blocks us from sites containing 'woody' … a small problem for a Foresty company.
Anonymous
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Great to have the opportunity to compain about MailMarshall and its dumb rule sets. Ever since our IT people installed it, it's been bouncing Global Development Briefing, which is a weekly newsletter I subscribe to for a fresh look at world events from a developing-world perspective. The problem of course is the word 'Nigeria', which MM scans for, but happens also to be the name of a developing country. It took me a while to get our IT people to understand this subtlety, and tweak the rules to allow it through. While I was waiting for the penny to drop in IT, MM achieved something that should make its authors win an IT 'Darwin Award'. It bounced the weekly newsletter from the Economist, 'Polictics this Week', that I and hundreds of thousands of well-paid, well-connected senior managers all around the world subscribe to (many of them people who make decisions about IT purchases for large companies). It would be hard to imagine a device or product that is capable of cheesing off so many such people all at once, but MM managed it!
If you're interested, I attach an email I sent out yesterday, informing some friends of recent political events (it contains an apology for not being able to use certain a four-letter word, related to MM's scanning for 'obscenities') and a reply I received from one of the witty recipients.
Thanks for the opportunity to respond about MM.
Anne
From: Michael Xxxxxx [mailto:Xxxxx]
Sent: Friday, 28 February 2003 1:26 p.m.
To: Anne Xxxxx
Subject: MailMarshal: Censored communication
Your message "Good news: It's a war for peace!" has been censored for
unacceptable or pornographic language:
Peace: frequency: 2; weighting 5.
This is the second occasion on which you mail has been with-held.
Please consult FRST IT User Conditions Guide.
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Name: MATT
Email: NO@HOTMAIL.COM
Message:
PENIS ADDS ON EMAILS SUK
OR DOES YOUR COCK NEED ENLARGING
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Ok. So this isnt a email filter gone wrong, but is equally bizzare. I used to work for an "unnamed" multinational consulting firm, that may or may not have had some connections to enron, and was doing some work with the auckland area health board. Anyway, I was researching National Women's Hospital and thought I'd check out their website when the page come up with something like "YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO VIEW A PROHIBITED SITE, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR". So I did. The fact that it had the word "women" in the web address meant that our "global" mail filter thought it was probably porn. Well, there might have been a few naked babies I guess......The administrator said I had to contact head office in america, if I wanted the site to be viewed, and I spent 30 dollars on a cab and went down there myself instead.
Tommo
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I work for liquor king when I'm not beavering away at uni and they have a policy of blocking access to hotmail for some unknown reason. Supposedly it is to protect against viruses etc, but they have yet to find a way of keeping me out, after 18 months they still can't figure out how I get around cyberpatrol. That's what happens when you live your working life in an office though, your mind decays.
Anonymous
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I hate the disclaimers people attach - but a guy at my work uses this one that's quite cool:
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk, and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes
Jos.
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Enlarge your penis successfully?
That is totally asking to be filtered seeing as its near identical to much of the spam that sits quietly in my spam folder.
You got bounced, but you were asking for it … don't be too hard on mail admins if you insist on using key phrases like that.
I use a non-corporate system so I have desktop control and you are approved.
Its not the word penis, its the spam like phrase.
SirHugh
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On the subject of stoopid corporate email filtering, I had a good laugh the other day when I sent my fiancee (who works for an Australian utility) a fairly innocent email and (as you do) ended it with a few pleasant kisses (xxx).
Of course the mail marshal stopped it as this is highly pornographic...
Oh and there was another occasion when I used a grossly explicity word (babe). The reply was:
MailMarshal Rule: Inbound Messages : CE Block Unacceptable Language Script CE Profanity, Porn and Racism Triggered
Expression: babe NEAR (hot OR sex).
I'm lucky to still have my job don't you think?
Jono
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Each week, myself and another staff member have the publicaddress email held on the server due to the word 'cracker' appearing in the title of Damien's blog... I mean cracker for god's sake!
Our director has reviewed the word list and it remains the same.. thank god we get notification of it being there so we can at least check the blogs.
Cheers,
Phil
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And finally, read this excellent column from the Washington Post, which raises the issue too often forgotten in the clamour for action in Iraq (and in particular in the musings of pro-war lefties): what about international law? As it points out, a powerful nation that aspires to real leadership accepts some constraint its own power as the price of moral authority:
"The test of a country's commitment to international law -- and the measure of its credibility when it accuses other countries of flouting international law -- is whether that country obeys laws even when it has good reasons to prefer not to.
"Just like specific instances such as the rule against using human shields, the general regime of international law depends on a willingness to sacrifice short-term goals that may even be admirable for the long-term goal of establishing some civilized norms of global behavior. It sounds naive, and maybe it is. But you're either in the game or you're not. You can't pick and choose which rules to take seriously."