Random Play by Graham Reid

The prime minister’s announcement this week of the new nationwide $50 million cycleway to be completed in time for the 2011 Rugby World Cup has been met with widespread approval, notably from people in the historic Wellington suburbs of Karori and Khandallah which will be most affected by the six-lane route running from North Cape to somewhere called “Bluff“.

A significant part of the plan -- which will be pushed though Parliament early next week under urgency -- means that 360 homes, many of them heritage buildings, will be demolished in Khandallah and Karori to make way for the cycle lane.

The ambitious project, says the prime minister, will be a boost to tourism and employ 847 people over the next two years. Or not, he added.

Although some of the homes in the Wellington suburbs are considered heritage buildings -- one of them the house in which Katherine Mansfield wrote The Bay, another where Barry Crump has his first taste of alcohol -- the move to demolish the buildings has been widely hailed by local community groups.

“Progress is important if New Zealand is going to move forward into the future,” said Peter Van Velden-Kimiora, secretary of the Karori Citizens Association last night, “Our people believe we need to put aside archaic ideas of people’s houses being their homes and look at how the country as a whole can benefit from this far-sighted proposal.”

Margaret Benway whose Khandallah home is to be demolished agrees.

“My mother and father built this house in the late Forties, but I think we have to say that although we are all sentimentally attached to it, especially my four children who grew up here, we need to look at what the prime minister and his minion Rodney Hide are saying here.

“The issue is clear, that if New Zealand is going to be a world-class country then it needs a coherent infrastructure and good transport routes, and if that means our home has to go for a cycle-path then I think we should embrace that.”

Ranjit Pradesh who has owned the Khandallah Corner Dairy and Liquor Store for the past 15 years said he was also happy his premises would be bulldozed and the suburb cut in half for the sake of the cycleway.

“If you look at it reasonably, there is a lot of sentimental nonsense spoken about suburbs and how people feel about living in particular place. Okay, it is nice to know your neighbours and live in a good home that may have been in your family for generations. But at the end of the day it is only bricks and mortar or whatever, and if the country needs a cycleway then that’s what the country should have.”

The Minister of Social Development, Transport and Urban Demolition Steven Joyce yesterday noted that when the cycleway was first proposed only those directly affected had protested and they numbered fewer than a couple of thousand homeowners, many of them “probably Greens“.

“When you consider that this country is home to more than four million people, many of whom couldn’t give a shit about what happens in another part of the country or some suburb they will never visit, then that is a very small number of people objecting.

“And really, it’s just yet another area in another big city and what do the hardworking long-suffering taxpayers in the provinces care about a bunch of people in a city? City people are always going to be objecting to something or other, aren’t they? If it’s not losing their homes they’ll find something else to whine about.”

The sole dissenting voices since the announcement have come from the Upper Hutt and Wainuiomata.

President of the Wainuiomata Motor Cycle Club, David Ngata, said last night his organisation was very concerned that the new cycleway would allow access to his suburbs by “property-developing cyclists who would come in and ride roughshod over local people as they bought up cheap properties.”

“Right now those Karori and Khandallah places are pretty far from here but if this cycleway goes through these bastards could be on our doorsteps in no time. We don’t want those criminal types from South Wellington up here.”

His concerns were echoed by the new Labour member for Wellington Central, Ms Sue Kim Park, MA, BSc and TV (Hons) who said that the new cycleway would allow far easier access to Upper Hutt for the bankers, insurance brokers, trust fund managers and lawyers currently in Khandallah and Karori.

“People need to be protected from the low-life criminal types,” she said. “But if anyone is offended by that description then I’m sorry if they take offence. I’m not sorry that I said it because that’s what I believe, or think I believe. But I am sorry they might be offended, the shits.”

Early this morning the first bulldozers moved in to Khandallah and Karori to loud applause from neighbours and there was a party atmosphere in some streets as the suburbs were being divided by the proposed cycleway which will take out an estimated 575 homes, around two hundred more than was initially estimated last week.

But few celebrating with chardonnay and streamers seemed to care.

“We live in a time of constant noise,” said elderly resident Gwen Humphrey-Wilson who has lived in Karori all her life. “So if we can’t stand a few bulldozers, concrete cutters, diggers, trucks, dust and inconvenience here over the next couple of years we might as well pack up sticks and move to somewhere quiet and rather dull, like one of those dormitory suburbs in Auckland where nothing much ever happens.

“Like Mt Albert or some place.”

I recall being in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence many years ago, a place -- as many of you will know -- stacked with Great And Important Art.

As I stood gazing at length at something -- and I am a person who happily spent half a day with Goya’s “Black Paintings” in Madrid -- a tour group of Japanese following their guide’s flag walked past.

And kept on walking.

They barely broke their stride to glance at the Botticellis or whatever. Two of their party -- an older man and a guy in his 20s -- had their eyes glued to their video recorders and as far as I could tell never once saw the oil on the canvas, other than through the tiny eye-piece.

I’ve always remembered that incident because in general most people -- and I include myself in this also, Goya excepted -- do tend to rush through galleries and museums.

How to slow people down to offer them a more rewarding experience then?

The Auckland War Memorial Museum has an excellent, if not entirely original, solution: provide a soundtrack.

As many of you may know, the Sonic Museum project has involved nine musicians from across a wide spectrum of interests being commissioned to provide an aural experience specific to particular galleries.

This morning I was invited to a preview, and it is exceptional.

It seemed a real shame that museum director Dr Vanda Vitali wasn’t there for we few guests to congratulate her (on her way to Mexico apparently, maybe she doesn’t follow the news?). And that the museum’s Amanda White who steered this project into life should be sidelined by illness.
I would have pumped their hands furiously -- and thanked them for putting on the coffee.

In chatting with Don McGlashan who provides the subtle and almost stately music in the Origins gallery -- repeated piano figures, a sheen of keening guitar - he said something that I could relate to: we travel too quickly through galleries, but music has the effect of slowing us down.

That is certainly the case with this project in which, for $10 you hire a small Sony player and don headphones (or download the music from the Sonic Museum website into your own player), before you go through.

Tiki Taane’s evocative dub and waiata-framed soundscapes in the handsome Maori Court (He Taonga Maori) had me rooted to the spot simply taking in the huge carvings which I guess I had previously walked past.

And the pieces are all so distinctive -- but don’t tell you what to think or feel -- that each is a kind of private, inner-ear installation its own right.

Tim Coster’s Eno-like respect for space and silence is entirely in keeping with the Landmarks gallery (decorative arts); Richard Francis provides sonic rumble and organic sounds for the Land gallery ; Nathan Haines piece sounds like it has been created underwater (like Gavin Bryars’ Sinking of the Titanic) in the Oceans space . . .

This is terrific stuff. And there is more: Rachel Shearer’s electronic sounds in Volcanoes; Phil Dadson’s collage of rumbled vocals and throat singers with gongs and scraped objects in Ancient Worlds . . .

To be honest I had another appointment so didn’t get to the upper galleries to hear in situ Chris Adams’ poignantly evocative piece for the World War I Sanctuary, nor Rosy Parlane’s composition for the Hall of Memories.

But that is something I intend to rectify when Sonic Museum opens to the public on Thursday May 7.

Incidentally that night the Museum hosts another in its "Late" panel discussion series at 6.30pm in the Atrium.

I’ve been to a couple and they have been interesting if sometimes frustratingly amorphous despite chairman Finlay Macdonald trying to get very different panellists on target. Whatever that target might be. Maybe there really isn’t one? But the talk has always been informed.

Next Thursday the topic is “I Am What I Own” and among the panellists is Nick Bollinger who was the creative consultant for Sonic Museum.

He made a brief and pointed speech this morning in which he noted that we tend to experience music either in our homes or in uncomfortable venues. Sonic Museum, he observed, afforded us all that rare opportunity of listening to music in the environment which actually inspired it -- and that in this instance it was a rather beautiful environment.

He also said that when we go to museums we are often guided by textual matters -- signs, explanatory captions -- but in this case music would be our guide.
And indeed it is.

I commend Sonic Museum to you. It’ll slow you down, you’ll see more -- and you’ll also hear some wonderful music.

By the way: You too might have notice that two nights ago when hyperventilating news readers on television were drowning out the voices of calm and reason that one of the Sky movies was Doomsday, described thusly: “Authorities brutally quarantine a country as it succumbs to fear and chaos when a virus strikes.” I watched it. Scary, but pretty exciting. Hmmm.

Oh and . . . loads of new music with sample tracks and video clips at Elsewhere right now including the new Dylan and Neil Young albums, and two local releases that are going to appear on my Best of Elsewhere list come December. And more.

Have a look and listen. At Elsewhere and the Sonic Museum.

Kevin Saatchi, CEO of the New York-based advertising and media company RobertsAndRoberts, said yesterday he was excited about his company being offered the contract to re-brand New Zealand for the 21st century.

The five-year contract for RobertsAndRoberts to rename and re-brand the country came at the invitation of the government which has expressed increasing frustration with issues over place names such as the recent Wanganui/Whanganui discussion, and the current debate over whether traditional Maori names should be used for the North and South islands.

“We went down this path many years ago with the whole Mt Egmont-Taranaki discussion,” said prime minister John Key yesterday when announcing the RobertsAndRoberts contract, believed to be worth $75 million: “We feel it is timely now to look at this whole area again.

“New Zealand needs to reposition itself in the global economy and a re-branding exercise allows us the opportunity to rethink the whole area. My government has every confidence that RobertsAndRoberts, with Kevin Saatchi‘s enthusiasm and expertise behind it, can achieve a good outcome for the country in the short and long terms.”

Mr Saatchi, speaking from his yacht in the Cayman Islands, said last night that the “21st century will belong to countries and companies which can adapt quickly to the new global marketplace and the strategic possibilities the internet is opening up”.

“Already we have had a meeting with some of our best thinkers and by looking with fresh eyes we think we have come up with some exciting ideas which will appeal to the go-ahead and thrusting young New Zealanders who will lead the country into this new millennium. We don’t want to wipe the slate clean so much as build a whole new slate -- more correctly a whole new 'ideas platform™'.

“One early thought is that New Zealand be renamed Aro-A ™, which conjures up the Maori word for ‘love’, aroha -- a kind of ethnic Lovemark™ as it were -- but dispenses with that whole ‘should we have an “h” in there or not?’ debate.

“But more excitingly it allows us to take to domain name www.aro-a.aa™ and the symmetry of the three w’s and three a’s book-ending that are full of possibilities when it comes to logos and the like.

“We’re also very excited by the idea of renaming the North and South islands as Aro-Won™ and Aro-Too™ respectively because these names are snappy, memorable and have the same kind of forward-looking potential as iconic New Zealand brands such as Zespri and Fonterra.

“The ‘Aro‘ part of the name is a useful homonym which conjures up the speed and upward flight of an arrow -- but the use of “Won” is extremely positive. And of course “Too” coattails that upward, positive vibe. Both say ‘winner’.”

Mr Saatchi also noted the Maori word “aro” variously means to face forward, the front of a person or their mind, and “aroa” means understanding. These subtle nuances of te reo should appeal to forward-think Maori, he said.

“It‘s about packaging as much as it is about the package.

“New Zealand is a country of hard won gains, a land of creativity, energy, music, and enthusiasm. Few other countries have been so full of dreams of freedom, renewal, and evolution -- although to be fair I said that about South Africa last week so . . .

“But you get the idea. It’s a big idea and we need fresh and big ideas. And when it comes to re-branding New Zealand to Aro-A™, then I’m a radical optimist. If we say it can be done, it will be done. If we say it will be done, then it can be done.

“Start with the outcome not the problem. Get past the slogans and buzzwords and get to the heart of the issue, the nub of the problem, the core of the argument - then you can blue-sky an idea.

“These are the kinds of clear messages that I will be putting before a select group of like-minded people we’ve hand-picked to be in our focus group to convince ourselves that we together -- those three people and me -- can do this for the good of the country.

“And what’s good for the country is good for the market. Brand Aro-A™ is exciting, innovative, of the future and in the future. We just need people to get in behind it or get out of the way.

“Aro-A™ is like Jonah Lomu at his most powerful, coming right at you.”

Mr Key indicated that any re-branding should accommodate elements of the Maori language “although by taking advantage of the expertise of a company such as RobertsAndRoberts we can leverage the future and not be held back by the past”.

Mr Saatchi said last night that while no firm names have been decided on just yet he has been in discussion with the New Zealand Geographic Board and the Maori Party to hammer out a working document which will allow everyone to have their say, “but the final decision will ultimately be ours, that‘s in the nature of the contract”.

“Too often in discussions about the moving forward into the future we have people who seem to be held captive by the past, and it is our intention to . . Well, if not exactly forget the past, certainly not allow it to stop Aro-A™ to reach its full potential in the modern world.”

Mr Saatchi said that when he comes to the country next week he is looking forward to meeting with exporters and top executives from the advertising industry to talk more about the possibilities of not only renaming and re-branding New Zealand, but how to attract “forward-thinking, idea-friendly people with international experience to the country”.

“New Zealand as it is today will be forever trapped by the awkwardness of its image: a country in the South Pacific with a Dutch name and cities with archaic British or incomprehensible Maori nomenclature. Here is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to embrace the new era and boldly go where no other country has been before . . into the unknown. The last thing we want is for New Zealand to mistaken for Elsewhere.

“It is exciting and I would expect all forward-thinking people in the country to embrace the concept. We need to put these linguistic and cultural divisions behind us, and new names and concepts allow us to that. I think people will buy that.

“And if they don’t, it doesn’t matter. The contract is for five years and even if nothing comes of it at least we’ve all had a chance to Think Big™ and ride the Knowledge Wave™ for a little longer.

“But think about it, ‘Peace, Love and Aro-A™‘.
“Catchy, huh?”

For many years -- over a decade in fact -- I would attend a gig, sprint to the newspaper straight after, write the review and it would appear in the paper the following morning. I got good at having a quick opinion between the 11.30pm “thank you, good night“ and the 12.30am “Hey, you finished that review yet?”. And good at getting up the next day to report for work as usual. It's what people do.

These days of course, with access to internet, everyone has a quick opinion -- if not always a considered one.

I don’t particularly want to mention the Veitch case because I have seen some of the most appalling, ill-considered and inconsiderate blogs out there -- and I would hope my opinion would be possible to know without me having to spell it out. But why would you care about it anyway?

However given the nature of intemperate blogging (mercifully I have no interest in twittering, a name which speaks for itself) I usually prefer to read a more considered opinion, like a seasoned columnist who has had a bit of time to think about what they want to say then articulate it within a given number of words (which usually requires self-editing).

And because I prefer to take the time these days and consider, I have waited to see if anyone would comment on Paul Holmes’ column in the Herald on Sunday last weekend.

What he wrote at the end of his Veitch piece -- which I assume to be his considered opinion -- I think worthy of note. He wrote . . .

“I will say this too. A radio breakfast guy on a Sunday night is nervous and tense, no matter how long he has been doing the job and no matter how successfully. A radio breakfast man on a Sunday night is getting ready to lose his freedom for five days.
A radio breakfast guy like Veitch, who was struggling with his breakfast job and finding it much more difficult than he had thought he would, as Veitch was at the time, is especially tense on a Sunday night. Sunday night is not a night to have a fight with a breakfast man.
I do not excuse anything in saying this. It is just the way it is.”

I’ve thought about this since I read it and it seems to me that this is more than just special pleading.

There are a lot of people -- not just those in the media -- who, on a Sunday night, get ready to lose their freedom for five days. It’s called “going to work” and this notion that people in the media are somehow different and are deserving of special treatment or consideration (by partners, spouses and so on) demeans those who have to get up at 7am and haul their arses off to the factory or wherever. Or just go to the high pressure (or boring) office, or the classroom full of boisterous kids, again.

They could equally argue that Sunday night isn’t a good time to have a fight with them.

The other thing here is the sub-text (although it ain’t that “sub”): it is that the woman concerned should have known that “Sunday night is not a night to have a fight with a breakfast man“.

So, that being the case. . .?

But sure, Mr Holmes doesn’t excuse what happened -- and he was a radio breakfast guy.

However by just saying that you don’t excuse something doesn’t make it so, it could be like saying “sorry” when you don’t really mean it.

This whole piece looked very much like someone pulling up mitigating factors for a friend, one being that the friend was under pressure and had to go to work the next day.

Hmmm.

The recession has hit our humble home -- but not in a bad way, in a way that is so funny I would like to share it with you.

Some time ago I wrote a piece which was recently published in A Major New Zealand Magazine. I won't name it, it almost doesn't matter.

I invoiced at their rate of 40 cents per word (which, aspiring freelancers, is the low end of the norm). I did a word count on my copy and as I recall it was about 650 words. You do the maths.

I sent off my invoice for 650 words but the other day got an e-mail from the acccountant at the Major New Zealand Magazine asking to re-send it at the adjusted figure of . . . 647 words.

!

?

Again, you do the maths -- actually no, I'll do it for you. I had over-estimated by $1.20.

I looked at my story again and did a word count: I got 648 words, but was I going to go back at them for the extra 40cents? Nope, that would have seemed demeaning and not a little silly.

But there you go: $1.20. I suppose it is the old "for want of a nail the kingdom is lost" and I did reply to the person saying that times must be very tough. But of course conceded that if everyone invoiced for $1.20 more than they were entitled to . . .

I dunno. I suppose it was a fair call (I can't remember whether they used my suggested heading, and if so should I charge at 40 cents a word for those four words?) but it did seem just a wee bit on the meagre-minded and literal side.

Time tough, as Toots once said.

Anyway: Free music for you is at Music from Elsewhere, there's another couple of Essential Elsewhere albums posted, lots of new articles, and more and more photos of Buenos Aires stencil, graffiti and mural art are also starting to appear under Wall-Art.

Have a look and a listen. I'm thinking of starting to charge for this service: maybe $1.20 a pop?

But I guess some people -- me now, it seems -- don't have that kind of disposable income available these days.