Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Every Time A Coconut

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  • jb,

    OK, so it's irrational, but the craving for things you value/crave increases in direct proportion to the difficulty of getting hold of them.

    To wit: Anglo-Saxon Xmas stuff (and other comestibles) when you're living in Germany.

    So we pop over to London for a couple of days before Xmas - carol service at St Martins in the Fields, Tate Modern, Hatchards for books and - on the way to the airport - Marks and Spencer in Hammersmith for the essentials.

    Check with the folks we're staying with when they open on a Sunday - an utterly convincing "10 am".

    Get there at 9:50.

    Wrong by an hour.

    Quick calculation: Flight leaves at 12:20, have to be there at 11:40, M&S opens at 11, shopping takes 15 minutes, 5 minutes to the tube, 40 minutes to the airport......SHIT.

    So I call the store, get the manager on the line and give him the sob story - the disappointment in the faces of the (non-existent) littlies when I have to break the news that there'll be no Xmas pud this year. No, no mince pies either. Xmas crackers? Sorry. Just bratwurst, sauerkraut and dry bread.

    "No worries" he says through his tears "Come round to the staff entrance and grab what you need. Let someone know when you're finished and I'll have someone open a till for you"

    I felt just like the Queen (or Phil the Greek) must do when they open up Harrods for their Royal Shopping Tour.

    So I zip around, with everyone asking whether I'm finding everything and do I need any help, fill up the trolley, they open up a till, manager comes over and wishes me a Merry Xmas and we're away with tons of time to spare.

    Wrote to M&S in Baker St, commending the manger for enterprise and compassion.

    I hope they knighted him...

    a.small.town.in.germany • Since Jan 2007 • 86 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Wrote to M&S in Baker St, commending the manger for enterprise and compassion.

    I know it's just a typo, but it reminded of one from a Xmas flyer from the long-defunct Warehouse rival, Cargo King:
    Nativity set, complete with shepherds, 3 wise men & manager.
    I looked in vain at the illustration, hoping to spot a figurine of a suit clutching a mobile phone. Pity, really, if there had been I'd have bought a dozen.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    shepherds, 3 wise men & manager.

    Heh. Top-heavy modern farming for you.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    So, am I missing everything this week, or does we know who won the prizes, or did Shep put a stop to that ?;) As an aside my friend said they often give away tickets on Air NZ.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    So, am I missing everything this week, or does we know who won the prizes, or did Shep put a stop to that ?;) As an aside my friend said they often give away tickets on Air NZ.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Hey... what happen there? I certainly wasn't repeating myself .

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

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