Posts by Moz
Last ←Newer Page 1 2 3 4 5 Older→ First
-
Hard News: The mathematics of marriage, in reply to Robyn Gallagher,
I've never heard from a polyamorous trio who'd love to be legally married ... why are they silent?
Most of them out of respect. There are many and vigorous voices in the queer marriage movement who want very much not to talk about polyamory.
So to be heard, they first have to fight there way through a bunch of mostly monosexual, wanna-be spouses who are in the middle of a shitfight and are generally in no mood to take prisoners. Like Russel, a lot of them are incrementalists. Take this step, then find a core of marriage-equality proponents who are not strict monogamists to keep the battle rolling.
-
Hard News: The mathematics of marriage, in reply to B Jones,
Marriage ... property division after divorce, which gets a bit fiddlier when you're talking about multiple relationship ties.
You mean like when blended marriages break up? We already deal with that. It's not unusual to see three or more adults in family courts discussing freely and frankly how they think their various children and assorted properties should be divided. Adding another way to get into that situation doesn't seem unreasonable to me.
Poly marriage would make all the usual things easier. Children, titles, insurance, medical care, fights with families-of-origin.
The poly people I know who want to get married almost invariably have children and are sick to goddamn death of the bullshit hoops they have to jump through every time they bring the "wrong" child to something. Because, for example, a child may have at most two "parent or guardian" in law, which means that when you have shared parenting it's possible to have disjunct sets of parents for your children. Viz, it's not possible for a single adult go along as the "parent or guardian" of all the children.
I hear more about this stuff in BDSM groups because the risks to kids there are even more stark. At poly groups it's more common to see random family groups with kids just living, and there seems to be more discussion of naming than anything else (coz when you have two bioparents, a step-parent or two and the various non-resident polycule members it's useful if you have category names for everyone). Or maybe I just hang out with weird poly people..
For me personally it doesn't seem likely to be an issue. I'm not married to the woman I live with, let alone anyone else.
-
Amusement for today was buying a couple of CDs from Elefant Trax and in the comments box saying "I want flac not stupid plastic trinkets" and shortly afterwards getting a call from Dale @ Trax saying "come down to the label and bring a hard disk". He's giving me the wav files and chasing up artwork for me as well! I'm impressed. Apparently they get FLAC requests only a few times a year, and since I'm local it's easy enough to do. He'd like them to offer FLAC as an option but there's not enough demand. But apparently if you ask... :)
-
OK, some of the embedded tracks are excellent. Talking Heads, Dido and Destinies Child remixes. I think I'm a sucker for remixes.
Unfortunately there's a lot of frustration for me, from bandcamp and their "we make the rules, peasant" popup for people that like to choose which flash applications run to Amplifier deciding for me that 3/4 of the album is all I'll ever need (presumably FLAC is is just too hard, even though Flying Nun can do it). Which means I'm not actually buying anything as a result of this post, as I already bought the Flying Nun album you mention. Feeling very grumpy old man as a result. But you know, I did the A-B blind testing on my setup and I can tell the difference between "acceptable" lossy and lossless.
My rule these days is that I buy CDs at gigs, and lossless downloads otherwise. Or if an artist wants to send me a CD (which happens surprisingly often when I email them, no idea why). So I'm ripping "Axis of Awesome"s latest album. I thoroughly recommend http://www.axisofawesome.net/uncategorized/in-the-club-tonight/ because it's funny and catchy. Paid for the gig and the album...
-
Up Front: Or It's Who We're Drinking With..., in reply to Hebe,
Those social ills are the symptoms, not the causes, of alcohol abuse.
I read Emma's post completely the other way. I'm interested in how you conclude that (eg) social exclusion apparently due to bisexuality is actually caused by alcohol abuse rather than resulting from it. Do you think people only become biphobic as a result of drinking?
My experience was very much the opposite. I've been and seen way more people develop drinking problems as a result of other problems than the converse. Despite having alcoholic family members who seem to have few problems not directly resulting from that addiction, I still see far more people with nasty drug addictions that are best described as self-medication.
For crying out loud, I live in a country where alcohol is still being used by a significant marginalised group to cover the results of systematic abuse by authorities. Whose response, not so long ago, was to send in the military. Because that does wonders for people's ability to trust the powers that be...
-
"buried in a mudslide"... "that's not mud". Gold! Thanks for the link.
-
Actually, one amusing flip side is people who really don't want to meet anyone who reads their blog, because of the personal disclosure in it. How do you deal with someone you've only just met in the flesh when they're familiar with your ongoing struggle with sex, or your primary relationship. One minute it's all "my husband can't do cunnilingus worth a damn" to the internet at large, the next it's "and this is my husband Bob". Meeting authors or singer/songwriters in the flesh can be just as weird, you feel you know them in some ways, but not at all in others.
-
Up Front: Staying In, in reply to Andre Alessi,
where pseudonyms were the norm... many posters (particularly in the US) had a strong sense that ... linked to their real identities involved a real risk to their careers,
It's as much about being allowed to see your kids as keeping your job, for many.
This is still a problem in parts of NZ and Oz, depending on exactly what the topic is. These days gay/wiccan/trans probably won't get you in trouble, and BDSM is probably dropping away a bit, but polyamory is still frowned on by many. And the folk I know who are into suspension are mostly in out-there jobs or firmly closeted because it's regarded as quite freaky by many potential employers. And there's a degree of "why take the risk", especially when you're new in the job.
-
Up Front: Staying In, in reply to Emma Hart,
t if I said something here that wasn't true, or was exaggerated or distorted, because people know who I am, someone would call me out on it. That makes me try even harder to be scrupulously fair.
I'm not sure how true that is for many blogs. I think it's more of a continuum - some anon bloggers make huge efforts to keep secrets, others are "well, my employer doesn't officially know". Most pseudonymous bloggers seem to be out to at least some people, particularly partners. PerverseCowgirl has talked about how her various partners react to some of her posts, and how her main one only reads posts by invitation. So there is a feedback loop, even for what amounts to a public-facing private journal. At the bigger group blogs (Skeptifem, Jezebel) there's a whole bunch of peoiple who will be offended if you make stuff up.
LATE is one of the things I couldn't have done if I wrote pseyudonymously
That's the big one. Seeing your {ahem} face on the TV!
Although even that doesn't spread as widely as you might think. Quite a number of people have seen me naked then in 3/4 profile fullscreen on my face, on the TV, but not made the connection to me as someone they know. It's possible that people read your posts but don't connect them to that nice Emma who brings her kids to school. Especially if they think of the author-you as some kind of drooling sex addict rather than a reasonable person who likes kinky sex.
What did get me a lot of attention from undesirables was having my name and phone number published by a bought media outlet in a disparaging way. I got everything from death threats to denial of service attacks. So try very hard to avoid that. At least in NZ disposable SIM cards are cheap enough that you can probably afford to buy one every time some churnalist asks for your number.
-
I love the way the video starts with the obligatory: Emma Hart appears in this video so there is sexual content and adult language. You definitely have a reputation :)
Although maybe I'm too blase, but none of it seemed risque to me. Did I just miss something, or is BDSM one of those secretly offensive words. Or am I, bob forbid, in the wrong demographic?