Posts by Deborah
Last ←Newer Page 1 2 3 4 5 Older→ First
-
2:44 is the Deb who was up sleepless!!
Only 12.14am where I live. With a lovely neighbour, who knows absolutely everything that is going on in the street, which can be alternately very useful, and very, very annoying. Also, she prunes my roses for me when I am out. On balance, I think I'll miss her when we move at the end of the year.
-
Above: A neighbour is brought to justice.
Priceless.
Brilliant writing, David. We both laffed and laffed.
"Interesting" neighbour stories... not so many to hand, really. Certainly nothing to match your stories. There was the chap with some odd tomato plants, up 70 steps in Wellington, and the short chap with the collection of Boer war rifles in the garage who had the place in front of us in Ashhurst, but that's about it. Are you sure that it's not something about you, rather than your neighbours?
-
Fantastic news from the article Sacha linked to: Sick leave change 'not major'
She [Minister of Labour] disagreed with Ms Turei that there was no problem that needed fixing, saying: "The issue has been raised with us"
So it turns out that all you need to do to get some government action is to raise an issue with them. Anyone want to start a list of issues we could raise?
-
Yes, okay, I'll revise that "Don't give advice" advice a little. I think that recordari (and others) make a good distinction between one-on-one advice, and stranger-advice. If it's someone with whom you already have a friendship, then saying, "I know a doctor who is sympathetic to CFS - would you like me to give you her name" seems to me to be okay, especially because it leaves it wide open for the person to say, "Yes!", or "No, I've already got a great doctor." Saying, "You should try acupuncture/meditation/exercise/vitamin c/lying under a tree and looking at the leaves" to a person you've just met is just plain rude.
In between, which would include internet forums, I think erring on the side of not giving advice is the better thing to do.
-
This advice-giving has been bothering me i.e. well-intentioned, kindly-meant advice. I'm sure that the people offering advice here have only been trying to help, but even so, I think it's not a good response.
The thing is, people who have a chronic condition are most likely experts in the condition and how it affects them already. And they are certainly experts in themselves. They've got PhDs in that. So coming along and offering advice is patronising at best.
Here's an analogy. When I was about 7.5 months pregnant with my twins, we went along to visit the hospital midwife, who took us through the delivery suites and so on. She expressed some concern that I was still working, and then asked what I did to relax. "Oh,usually reading," I said. She said, "You need to really relax. You need to just sit and let the clouds float by and let your mind drift and then you'll relax."
"That's not me," I said politely, but on the inside I was seething, and I only just prevented myself from saying something very rude indeed. She had no f-ing idea about me, or the sort of person I am. She had only just met me, and yet she presumed to tell me how I ought to go about relaxing.
Someone else likes meditation / yoga / lying under a tree staring at the pattern made by the leaves? Lovely. Fantastic. That's great. For you. As for me, bring me a bucket. It really, really doesn't suit me. And I know this because I am the expert in me. And I seriously mind a lot if you try to suggest that I should do it. For goodness sake, I am an adult woman in my forties and I can be expected to know what works for me.
People who have CFS and other chronic conditions or illnesses can be expected to already know what works for them and what doesn't. The correct response to finding out that someone has a chronic condition is not, "Have you tried x?" but something like, "What have you found works for you?" or "Heavens - that must have a huge impact on you." Something that creates a space for that person to pursue the conversation if they want to.
Short version. Don't offer advice. Not even if you mean well. Just don't do it. Especially if you have never had to cope with the condition yourself.
-
Also, my Moroccan lambshanks with chickpeas totally beat everyone else's!
-
The classic comics (alright, The Guardian) version of Barbara Ehrenreich on positive thinking which Giovanni referred to up-thread:
Cancer is not a problem or an illness – it's a gift. Or so Barbara Ehrenreich was told repeatedly after her diagnosis. But the positive thinkers are wrong, she says: sugar-coating illnesses can exact a dreadful cost.
-
I forget that I'm walking on a thin layer of icy Fine over a deep lake of Oh Fuck.
Brilliantly put.
-
The spill in lolz: The Greek tragedy of KRudd
-
The real relevance to NZ politics is that some in the NZLP will look to how Abbott revived the bloated corpse of the Liberal Party, and wonder whether someone (i.e., Cunliffe) might do the same for them.
But whoever it is has to be able to pull off those budgiesmuggler photo ops.