This wasn’t “locker room talk”, but descriptions of sexual assault that he had done and planned to continue committing. It’s criminal behaviour.
Thanks Steven, I'll post it then. :)
Thank you for sharing your story, Steven, and all the best for MOSAIC. May I share the pdf (only) on Facebook to spread the message?
An interesting perspective on vision and car versus bike/motorbike accidents here
Having had a great many near-misses and one stonking use of my helmet, I'd have to say I'm with you all the way, Russell. Footpaths are far safer in many places, and especially in those bus/bike lanes which often get used as a 'spare' driving lane (think Papanui Rd in Chch).
there is an App for this of course
There's a nap for that? perfect ;)
i have been having horrible trouble sleeping and so far only the sleeping pills work, if i take them early enough... does nothing for helping me be alert in the morning though....
Thank you for this Emma. It's incredibly helpful.
It’s not without flaw (“You could go visit a professional ball player’s hotel room at two in the morning. Sex? My pussy’s not even in the building!” – m’kay, sorry for more ‘jargon’ but that’s a metric fuckton of problematic) but what’s refreshing is the general absence of slut-shaming, victim-blaming or the idea that silencing someone you dislike with a rape threat is intrinsically hilarious. That the kind of ‘rape joke’ I don’t have time, patience or tolerance for from anyone, ever.
I 1000% agree.
Also, for victims, it’d be really nice if the message was always, “it’s really shit that this happened to you. Nothing you did was wrong. Feel no shame.”
all of this.
aroha, and thanks for saying this.
Morgan and Russell: you’re right, that came across exactly like that. i apologise to Dylan and all the PASers.
i meant for it to come across more like: it’s not at all okay that this happened to you (Dylan), and I don’t condone it, and strongly dislike it. but the idea of getting people to talk about consent with their peers and kids, rather than telling women and girls to avoid places at night and wear head to toe coverings, is more likely going to stop all these things happening – blaming of men as always being potential rapists, and blaming of victims, and acceptance of harassment behaviours. (in my earlier post i missed the link between changing to a ‘let’s talk about rape culture and consent’ discourse and how that would hopefully decrease the incidence of such street harassment on both sides. crucial missing part of argument. sorry)
Re the second part:
I’m sorry if I’ve missed something
Nope, you didn’t miss it, I didn’t make it clear enough.
the current rape culture makes (all?most?) men appear to be potential rapists at all points (which is clearly not the case, and ignores the not insignificant cases of female assailants). not talking about rape culture and how to fix it is part of what makes sexual assault and street harassment an all too common occurrence. that is, talking about ‘hey, don’t rape, don’t make jokes about rape, make sure you have, and don’t assume, consent etc ’ is something that everyone can take on board and that makes it about the criminal/crime and not the victims. I don’t think that makes it something that makes rape seem ‘normal’, i think it makes something that is all too common and real for a lot of people seem more real to people who only think of rape as violent stranger rape (and there are a lot of people out there like this, consider the 7% mentioned above, who didn’t think what they did was rape). if we talked more about consent, and how people’s bodies are not objects and cannot be owned or owed, then that couldn’t lead to men being portrayed or labelled as ‘evil rapists’, could it? i don’t think asking for everyone to have this discussion and be responsible for what they say and (more importantly) don’t say when something potentially dangerous is said or done is too much to ask, and i don’t see how that could be worse for men than the current situation, where everything suggests men are a danger that can’t resist a woman in a short skirt in a street alone at night.
no one wants themselves or their male offspring to be considered a potential rapist, of course! what i was trying to say is that i think that the status quo does that already, and that what is being suggested will avoid that.
i’m rambling a bit to make this clearer, sorry. my original post really didn’t come across the way i’d intended and i’m very sorry for offence caused.