More imaginative fiction posing as analysis in an international forum.
It will come as a surprise to Helen Clark to know that the Maori Party propped up her government, or that NZ First were on board from 1999. It will come as a huge surprise to Pasifika people to learn that they are driving property speculation.
You know all those frothers who said they'd leave the country if "she" got in?
So Ardern is making NZ a better place, just by taking office. More please.
Some of today's panting opinion pieces did look strangely familiar, so I thought I'd bring up the template, provided here to assist media space-fillers with any further cut and paste reckons. Nothing new under the sun, or on Stuff.
The line about the statute of limitations on blaming Labour was a doozy. 8 more years to go.
The news of the last hour perfectly illustrates the difference between the worlds seen by the press gallery and the one inhabited by their readers (viewers, etc), i.e. everyone else.
Much excitement for five minutes as Nats play hardball on Speaker ("Incredible scenes" tweets Newshub - seriously). Entertaining TV, which is then immediately forgotten, and nobody outside noticed ...
... because Winston is suing National ex-Ministers over his superannuation story.
It's not a reprisal (it's entirely unrelated) but it is very funny. "You wanna be dicks? You've already been dicks, and that's why you're in opposition. Have some more."
Each day there's another of those moments when it hits me that this change really has happened. Half-awake in the mornings I hear the news "Today the Prime Minister ... " and I get ready to shout at the radio, then suddenly remember that I'm not supposed to be angry with him (sic) any more.
Yesterday it was seeing Steven Joyce on TV. He was rubbishing the latest government move, not very effectively, and it dawned on me that he was performing poorly because he has never had to do this before . Elected in 2008, he has never been an opposition MP, not even for a day. No wonder he looked out of sorts.
More international reckons: a UK Tory gets just about everything wrong, worth a read and a giggle.
More fuckwitted non-journalism: on the day a new government is sworn in, there are dozens of potential stories on policies and people, so what does TV3 (Newshub) present as a major story tonight? (drum roll ...) - MPs who become Ministers get a pay rise. Gosh.
Honestly, how utterly indifferent to politics do you have to be to think that is anywhere near the headline of the day? Why even bother having a job as a political reporter, if you're not interested in news? FFS.
They also know fuck all about NZ, it's population or its immigration policies.
They don't know anything, and it doesn't (usually) bother me that they don't know anything, because we are globally insignificant. Just as our journos probably don't know anything about Slovenia or Slovakia.
But what really grates is that our media then treat overseas ignorance as a worthwhile contribution to our own discourse. Why? It's the same fawning mentality that values an opinion by somebody who's just stepped off the plane ("Visitor says NZ is awesome", copyright most media, most weeks) ahead of people who live here and actually deal with daily reality.
I think we should pass a law to force all media corporations to amend their employment procedures, thus: "In all job interviews, especially for editors, references should not be sought from people who have worked with applicant for years, but from somebody on the street who has never met them. This will override all other considerations."
If they're going to foist this crap on us, the least they can do is follow the same rule.
Without explanation, without context, without qualifying in any way, Stuff/Fairfax simply does a cut and paste of the most idiotic and offensive piece yet written about Jacinda Ardern.
I know we're all supposed to get terribly excited every time media overseas actually mention New Zealand, but are we so desperate for attention that we simply recycle their ignorance?
(and the silver medal goes to Newsweek, who tell us "The newly approved immigration policy for the coalition is estimated to cut refugees by 20,000 to 30,000 each year." Oh dear)
Sure, a trip across the Tasman by our PM will really make a difference to Australian newspapers spouting predictable propaganda and Australian politicians chasing their own votes [/heavy sarc]. But no, the great god "perception" must be appeased. Except, it can't. So let them grasp reality in their own time, it's not her job to school them.
The only thing she needs to do in Australia is stand next to Julie Bishop and let the cameras capture a cheerful grin, alongside a painful grimace.