Public Address - Hard News (Home)

American Taliban | Dec 08, 2005 11:36

Kansas university professor Paul Mirecki , who devised a course describing intelligent design as "mythology", has been tailgated then beaten by two men who made reference to his course as they dealt to him. The beating happened after his course, 'Special Topics in Religion: Intelligent Design, Creationism and other Religious Mythologies', was cancelled in the wake of a furore about an email in which Mirecki said the course would be "a nice slap in [the] big fat face" of "fundies" pushing for ID to be taught as science in the state.

Mirecki apologised for his indiscreet email. There was any amount of anger from conservative websites in response to Mirecki's email and the perceived content of the course. The same sites have gone curiously quiet on the subsequent thuggery.

Meanwhile, this one's causing a lot of excitement on AmericaBlog. As originally revealed in this story, Ford Motors has buckled in the face of a campaign by the American Family Association against its alleged gay agenda. In particular, Ford has agreed to cease advertising most of its vehicles in gay or gay-friendly publications (and take instruction from the fundies on the style of advertising for one brand, Volvo), and cease support for any gay cause. This wasn't a boycott based on a problem with the products, or indeed, anything that directly affects the bigots at the AFA. Its clear intent is to strangle gay and gay-friendly media by bullying their advertisers.

And hey, it even gets close to home. Among the examples of Ford's errant ways listed by the AFA is an ad for Volvo -- one of Ford's auto lines -- in the programme for the 2003 Sydney Mardi Gras. I find it very creepy that these people are seeking to determine the company's policy in markets that do not remotely share their values. (Gay groups have naturally not objected when Ford, pursuing market niches in a market economy, has targeted advertising to churchgoers and supported gospel groups.)

The Wall Street Journal has a useful story on the issue, which notes the fact that the Target retail chain was also pressured by the AFA - one of the AFA's aims there was to stop Target stocking Hanukkah merchandise during the Christmas season (a practice described by AFA president Tim Wildmon as "political correctness run amok") - but didn't buckle. The Washington Post also has a story. Ford initially lied about what had taken place, but has now basically fessed up.

It's a small mercy that the religious bigots didn't get everything they wanted - most notably, they couldn't get Ford to withdraw same-sex partner benefits from gay employees - but they've clearly won enough here to encourage them to do it again and again.

Meanwhile, at home, National's Katherine Rich deserves great credit for not only refusing to follow the 36 of her colleagues who voted in favour of Gordon Copeland's idiotic Marriage (Gender Clarification) Amendment Bill (a would-be law against changing the law, if you will) but speaking frankly about it: "This bill is a cheap political stunt," she said. "It will be used as a platform for every banjo-playing redneck homophobe who wants to stand up and make comments about the way other people lead their lives."

Tony Milne looks at some of the speeches and how the voting stacked up. I'd like to see Rodney Hide explain how he could support a bill that on more than one count would seem to be the very kind of thing his party stands against. Isn't legislating to confirm something that is already confirmed in law just the kind of looney social meddling that Act people are supposed to hate? Rodney, you're a hypocrite.

PS: Not only do the coffee communications continue to flood in, they're getting better. Stayed tuned for a final dispatch tomorrow. (BTW, I incorrectly attributed words about Starbucks to Jim Cathcart in yesterday's post, because his attribution - to the people at exile.ru - wasn't clear to me at the time.)

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Double Shot | Dec 07, 2005 11:02

The Kiwi dollar on the precipice and looking at a hard landing. A cabinet minister on the ropes. Chilling tales of torture. But what gets the email flowing? Coffee. So grind it fresh, warm the cup and settle down for another three thousand-odd words from anguished expats and locals who don't know how good they've got it.

In the interests of gravity and credibility, we'll turn straight to the man from The Economist. Conrad Heine reports:

On the subject of where to get a decent coffee in London town ... I'm generally loth to do the give 'em a taste of kiwi, mite thing, but Flat White, a new NZ-run joint in one of Soho's more vibrant parts is indeed very good in a Wellington kind of way - even the FT likes it. Friendly, reasonable prices and the air full of Kiwi twang.

But for something completely different, visit Scooterworks on Lower Marsh, alongside Waterloo station it's actually a classic scooter shop with an Italianate cafe attached, run by Craig O'Dwyer, ex-RNZAF and coffee madman. The coffee is fantastic, the atmosphere brilliant (here the air crackles with Italian accents mainly, a good sign if there ever was one) and the prices unbelievable, in a good way.

Good God man, stop it before you drive Tracey Henton right over the edge. She sends this desperate plea for help from Lala Land:

Crema! ... excuse my tardiness in response to the coffee blogging but I'm in California and the lethargy is catching...

if you would enjoy being smacked repeatedly over the head with a old damp fish, or perhaps being trapped in a Disneyland boat ride for days on end, then you might be able to cope with the experience of trying to find good espresso in Los Angeles ... it's not just disappointing...it makes you angry...

I do now have a Starbucks card in my wallet, and yes, I apologise to all of my fellow countrymen, I'm dumbing down ... but someone pleeeeeeeease come over and help us ... I beg of you ...

Somewhere in America, a little girl (well, an increasingly desperate grown-up) waits …

But from Moscow Jim Cathcart has harsh words for "people who say they never go to Starbucks":

The Sham: The idea that your principles and moral righteousness could be defined by your loudly-announced, selective boycott of a chain like Starbuck's was pure 90s, as if it was somehow worse than any other chain, as if it was really a moral principle and not old-fashioned snobbism.

Most didn't avoid 'bucks because it did something wrong, like abuse its workers, make shitty coffee or buy beans from Guatemalan uber-plantations, but only because it was on every street corner in NY and in every food court in Denver.

These poor disaffected-yet-well-off Starbucks-boycotters were furious that the rabble now had access to the things that used to be hard to access, like gourmet coffee. When they bitched about the homogenization of the American city, what they really were whining about was too little feis kontrol.

No, really, that's not it at all. It's the product, dammit. Although I must say that the last time I went to London, playing count-the-Starbucks on Oxford Street was a fairly bizarre experience. Nearly as bizarre as actually visiting one of said establishments and finding it to have taken the whole crappy don't-actually-give-a-toss ethos to a new level. I found myself thinking it would be a good idea if they sold one of their shops and used the money to clean the friggin' toilets at the others. But I digress …

Martin Lambert says:

Agree with most about European coffee (and big ups to the guy who put in a word for Toasted Espresso, Barry's Point Rd, Takapuna (my current fave - best on the Shore by far). Best coffee in Europe - Portugal - little coffee bars which serve STRONG black coffee (long blacks) in small thin glasses with an awesome selection of sweets & tarts.

Bianca chimed in:

I needed to add my 5p to the conversation on coffee. I have to admit I am a terrible coffee snob and made it my duty to find good coffee in London. Monmouth coffee is definitely what you want in this city - they have two stores, one on Monmouth St in Covent Garden and another at Borough Markets. The BEST place to go though is to Providores (on Marylebone High St) who use Monmouth Coffee. A fantastic restaurant with very friendly kiwi staff. You can even order a boiled egg with vegemite soldiers to nibble on while sipping your creamy flat white.

Mmmmmm. Anton Angelo was also on the Monmouth tip, and not only for the taste:

I'm another Kiwi who can claim the best coffee in London was to be got from Monmouth Coffee. The reason I bought my supplies there was twofold - one you have already mentioned: the quality. Another was they provided coffee from single providers, and claimed that it was not picked, or otherwise processed by slaves: something I cannot confirm with any coffee I buy in New Zealand other than fair trade. This bothers me greatly, but is yet another compromise I have to make for living in GodZone, as we are too poor here to choose. You can of course do the fair trade thing for home brewed stuff: its the cafe supplies, which I assume to be bought on commercial rather than political imperatives.

How does the coffee company you are aligned with respond to this? I'm not trying to point the finger, I'm just interested.

Oh, and if you're down Dunedin way soon, I'd like to plug the Serious Coffee Company for nice coffee, great location and pleasant people. Often my office away from the office!

Good question. Karajoz does sell a specifically organic/fair-trade blend, but as I understand it you can be relatively confident that anything from a premium coffee supplier in New Zealand hasn't been exploitatively produced. It's the freeze-dried corporate giants that will trouble your conscience; and your palate.

Giovanni Tiso, meanwhile, gives his adopted land the thumbs up:

I - a transplanted Italian fairly fond of his coffee - have to agree with your assessment and declare that in no way in New Zealand I have felt deprived of that particular, and viscerally felt, aspect of my native culture.

On my first trip back home I said as much to an old faithful barista friend, remarking that apart from some cosmetic stuff, such as various acts of butchering of our language, the only substantial difference I had noticed is that the coffee here takes way longer to arrive - in Milan you barely get to the end of the word "espresso" and you're already taking the first sip. He responded that it's actually a northern phenomenon, while in the South they still allow you to get to "please" before dishing (cupping?) it out. Be that as it may, I think there was an espresso makers? world cup in Trieste last year, and a New Zealander came second, behind - my memory falters here - perhaps a Swede. I felt a bit let down we didn't even manage to rig the show, for heaven's sake.

As for Derek Townsend's remark that we take our espresso *always* with sugar, however, I believe that the technically correct answer is "I beg your freaking pardon?!."

Hiro Protagonist notes that these days you can get a decent coffee in places where you still can't get TV3:

On a recent trip through Haast and South Westland I stopped for lunch at Whataroa. If you've ever been there in years past, it was one of those little places with the tearooms making up one end of the general store. Hot drink options were 'tea' and 'coffee'.

On this trip I noticed that one can order 4 kinds of coffee, and I got a pretty decent flat white.

When you can get decent coffee in Whataroa, there's just no excuse for London.

But before we go getting all smug, James Tyson reports that all is not necessarily hunky-dory in certain parts of Auckland:

I work in Manukau Rd, and recently a cafe has opened downstairs from my office - it's one of those pretentious places with the giant connect-four game on the wall and the starbucks-esqe couches for all the middle-aged mothers to sit on. I tried their coffee on the first day - it was, I think it's fair to say, undrinkable. When I complained about the over-extracted and burnt brew I was told that it was because my weak Auckland palate wasn't up to the task of appreciating a good Wellington (Supreme) bean.

I have to be fair, they seem to have moderated their tone and the length of their extraction over the last two weeks. At least it's drinkable now - and easier than walking anywhere else!

My all-time favourite brew has to be MAX #1 organic beans roasted by the brother of a good friend up in Kerikeri. For best results use a Bialetti designed 2 Tazze on a very hot element.

Now, if that's not snobbery, I don't know what is.

Heh. Join us now as we cross to Korea, where Stafford has been on a mission:

I couldn't pass up the chance to share my own coffee story from here in Korea. I have lived here for almost 2 years now in something of a small country town (you know like the size of Hamilton - no river though).

Over that time I have sated myself by finding a grinder (one of those old school hand cranked jobbies) and travelling to Seoul every now and again expressly for the purpose of picking up some beans to make up a press like 5 times a day. They're usually Starbucks beans - I've gone off the store made coffees but their beans are quite good if, like me, you like a darker roast.

Anyway I moved crosstown recently and there is a bakery downstairs in my apartment building. I noticed while deciding between the Kimchi loaf and the sweet red bean doughnuts they had an espresso machine. It obviously didn't get much use (people here drink pissy little coffees that come out of vending machines). I tried my luck and got a pretty weak long black with just a hint of crema.

Undaunted, I went back the next day and over the course of about a week got to know the lady behind the counter. When she asked if the coffee was ok. I hummed and ha'd and we exchanged a bit of broken English and Korean (Konglish?) and I managed to convince her to let me have a go on the machine and show her what I wanted in a long black. To cut a long story short I now have a pretty perfect long black every morning (well, made to my specifications anyway), have made a new friend, and more importantly have spread the good word in this little corner of North East Asia.

Good lad. Your country is proud of you. But it's not, as Phil Sargent notes, as if there aren't parts of the world where they do their own style very nicely thanks:

My job involves a fair bit of travel , and I'd like to add he following comments:

Monmouth is all very well in London (and certainly a visit when I'm there is always on the cards), but for me the best coffee experiences have actually been in the Middle East, and in Vietnam.

I struggle to understand the differences between my culture and that of my hosts. I am always worried that I will accidentally commit a social gaffe that will end our business. Coffee is something that is a common point between myself and my hosts. Tea? I think not! Coffee is an integral part of doing business in these areas, and I can weigh in with my views on this topic to my hosts without fear of losing face. Return visits are all the more pleasurable. The tradition of hospitalility to guests ensures that anything you have enjoyed before is available again.

That aside, the French influence in Vietnam has left a terrific combination of cuisine : Asian, mixed with French pastry, and locally grown coffee, roasted to the French style. Sweet.

In the Middle East , you can't go wrong with an espresso Turkish style , and cardomon. A worthy trade for alcohol I think. Go to Lebanon and you can get both the superlative local wine and the coffee, but I digress.

Suffice to say that there are other areas of note where coffee is concerned outside of the usual haunts. Anyone been to Africa?

Max Thorne seconded Conrad's endorsement of Scooter Works, noting that Mr O'Dwyer takes his work so seriously that "if the coffee isn't NZ-quality the first time around, chances are his pride would oblige him to make another for you!" And Paul Dowden has kind words for another Kiwi coffee apostle:

Hi Russel, it's true, Kiwis make great coffee. I'm a Dunedin exile living in Newcastle NSW and the coffee at any ten Dunnos cafes would beat the best here. My friend Jason left Dunedin for Melbourne two years ago to "teach them about good coffee" and his cafe 'Batch' in Balaklava gets consistently good reports on the 'Coffeegeek' forum. Also please let Philip Mair know I lived in Aberdeen for 8 months about 8 years ago and found okay coffee from a little Italian place in St Andrew St, I can't recall the name but the owners, Kay and Sergio (from Roma, a good sing!), still send me Christmas cards.

Meanwhile Justin reports that:

A few places in Edinburgh have flat whites but I haven't found a coffee shake like they make at Brazil on K Rd. South East Asia has some good variations on them though.

Perhaps Daniel should pop down to Brazil, for he says:

Yes, yes lots of pats on the back for having some great coffee in NZ.

But one thing that NZ doesn't have and Asia is by far the best at is ICED COFFEE.

When the humidity is high, you need your caffiene iced! Malaysia, Indonesia, some parts of Thailland, and Japan all have GREAT ice coffee cultures.

I have yet to find a decent iced coffee in New Zealand ...

David Lewis offers an angle on the Wananga story. Well, sort of:

In the home of the very lovely Te Wananga o Aotearoa, Te Awamutu, we have Salvador's.

This is owned by an extremely glorious person who was born in Southern Spain before his family moved to France ... and his fierce wife Marilyn. En France he was officially (by the government) recognised as someone who could produce pastry/baguettes to die for ... and he somehow got so confused by the Universe that he now has a tiny cafe in TA (like in LA) where you get great bread and coffee to swim to the moon for. His short black is cool, and hs "cortez" desreves a fridge of its own.

So as you truck on through from Wellytong to Orckland or da otha wayround, stop and try a brioche and a godlike "cortez".

Dubber is dejected:

I haven't had a really good cup of coffee in over a year. Birmingham is a wasteland and I've started drinking tea as a dejected 'when in Rome' strategy. The only people who know how to make anything called a long black are antipodean franchisers Muffin Break. Who make a dreadful long black.

Whenever I go to London, Jubt is my first phonecall.

Roz has a theory:

I have to enter this discussion as the coffee in London (my temporary home) is one of my pet peeves. Why are NZers are so good at making coffee? We typically have a dedicated barista in our cafes, whereas in London anyone who's free works the "big machine" this could go partway to explaining it.

I'm a coffee snob alright and the coffee here is beyond belief. Ugh, my colleagues seem to just drink it for the buzz so I feel this says a lot. I find it tastes even worse at the end of the day, so cleaning the espresso machine regularly must make a huge difference.

I drink espressos and when you drink coffee without sugar or milk you for sure can taste whether it's quality or not. Here I make do with the best of the worst. The one exception to dire state of the English coffee situation are Monmouth at the Borough Markets; I just wish they had a cae? near my work in Victoria.

It goes without saying the Italians make the best (the French are not far behind). When in Rome visit La Casa Del Caff? Tazza D?Oro. Outstanding coffee in a little, old shop where you have to stand leaning against the bar. It's tucked away (on Via Degli Orfani) around the corner from the Pantheon. Forget the rest of Europe, it's just as miserable as London, although sometimes Spain surprises.
At least the English know how to make tea!

But according to Sally, a lot of New Zealand establishments don't:

People go to such lengths to make good coffees in many flash cafes etc in NZ, but when it comes to getting a decent pot of tea, the same places havent a clue.
For someone who likes a good brew of tea, this is the equivalent of serving up instant coffee in a mug and charging $3.50.

Have a look at these instructions from the website of a tea-caddy collector!!!!

Tim was brief:

Find me one of those pompously titled `baristas' who can make a proper pot of tea...

Carol Green, meanwhile, takes a straightforward approach:

I am a Pom living in Aotearoa. When I go back to the UK I drink tea. Simple.

Trevor Hunter, on the other hand, feels like a stranger in his own land:

The first cup of coffee I ever drank was earlier this year in Barcelona (at the tender age of 25) - a cafe con leche. A lovely drop of sweet milkyness that never varied in the four establishments I tried. I am yet to find anything as satisfying in Auckland.

Does this mean that the Spanish have it all wrong? or that New Zealanders have developed their own style and it just happens to be unique to our island? Maybe people need to accept that countries have developed preferences in taste and texture different to our own relatively young culture, and if they wanted coffee to taste the same all over the world then they should just buy it at McDonalds or Starbucks, after all isn't that the point of coffee chains "same shit different country". So I shall persevere with my coffee trialling until I develop a taste for our local brew.

Dave Lane was thinking along the same lines:

What peculiar reading your coffee correspondence makes. Coffee has been internationalized for so long that one imagines the endless local preferences would elicit little comment apart from "like", "dislike" or "interesting". Why would anyone expect London (of all places), or anywhere outside NZ, to be home to the coffee tastes of kiwis? No visitor to NZ is surprised to find that NZ restaurants don't feel like European ones.

One gets the impression of kiwis still in the phase of pride in a recently acquired cultural entity. A sort of reverse culture cringe, culture strut let's say, and very welcome for that.

But it's not just the style, it's the quality. If you go anywhere in the world and order a cup out of some big, shiny espresso machine it ought to taste like espresso, not like burnt water.

Andi attempted haul us back around to the big issues:

I'm sorry if I sound dismissive but it's only coffee. I only hope that you've received this number of passionate emails about Iraq, or US elections, or Rumsfeld.

Short answer, no. I haven't. But even Andi fell prey:

And to continue the coffee culture thing, Italian espresso is fine by me, especially with sugar. Anywhere I can get an espresso fast is alright by me. It inflames indecent passions in me to wait 5 minutes through the preparation of trim lattes and fluffies to receive a short black.

And, finally, Steve Reeves invoked the name of the Devil:

I'd love to know---have you heard from Steve Braunias? I'm sure he'd have some entertaining things to say about all those quotes from coffee-lovers on your latest---I recall he particularly treasures the old-style "coffee shop" and particularly hates the "new" coffee culture. Perhaps you should ask him for a response ...

That bastard? What could Braunias, with his devil-may-care similes, his inverted snobbery and his fulminating left-foot screamers tell me that I could possibly want to know? Although he has a point about Lamingtons. Bring those back.

Phew. A couple of shouts out. I had a good time (possibly a little too good, etc.) at the launch last night of Idealog magazine, the new title for "commercial creatives" cooked up by Vincent Heeringa, Martin Bell and David McGregor, for which I've written a story about independent music labels. Hope it goes well.

Last night's festive fling made it really hard to drag myself out of bed and into TVNZ for my final commentary slot on Breakfast with Kerre Woodham for this year. I've actually enjoyed that gig a lot more than I thought I would (apart from the getting up early and driving into town part) and it's been nice getting to know Kerre (about whom I was once rather rude in this here blog; with her being extremely sporting about it). Cheers to Kay, Paul and Erica too. And that's one more job out of the way before Christmas, which truly can't come soon enough …

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Balls | Dec 06, 2005 11:20

My guess for a while has been that in the matter of David Benson Pope something happened one day in class with a tennis ball but that it did not constitute the life-shattering abuse that his political opponents alleged. And that's basically how it looks in the police report released yesterday.

Benson Pope's office, having leaked details of the report to the Herald on Sunday, was again swiftly out of the blocks yesterday afternoon, pointing out that the alleged victim, Phil Weaver, told police:

"I can't remember the sequence of events, but it was along the lines of me talking because it was something I did. I think it went from there to I'll stick the ball in my mouth to show my mates, as a bit of a laugh. Everyone in the class thought it was funny."

This seems to have been news to nearly everyone. But what wasn't in the minister's press release was Weaver's subsequent evidence that he took the ball out and Benson Pope pushed it back in, which hurt. Eighteen of the former students interviewed by police either denied the incident happened or said they could not recall it, and nine recalled some version of it, but several differed on key details, notably the taping of the hands.

I've seen the statements provided in Benson Pope's defence by many former students and colleagues (some of them are here), and they are quite impressive. Many students appear to feel a real debt towards, and affection for, their former teacher. He does not appear to be an ogre. Some accuse Weaver and his friend Aaron Tasker of quite nasty acts of bullying themselves (this has subsequently been denied by the pair, and by some other students). The notorious OldFriends thread (started by Prime TV reporter Steve Hopkins fishing for scuttlebutt by posing as a former pupil with the line "anybody else remember those beatings that Benson Pope used to dish out?") is also worth reading.

And yet, somehow, the minister is not off the hook. When Rodney Hide and Judith Collins raised the accusation (or, rather, accusations: just about everything was in plural - "boys" had "tennis balls" shoved their "mouths" as implicitly routine punishment) in Parliament, Benson Pope uttered a blanket denial. He was harpooned from that point on. He could not back down at all without being seen to have misled the House. It was a very good gotcha.

I said at the time that Hide's intent was presumably to try and lead Benson Pope into a situation where he could be seen to have misled the House, and I was right. Benson Pope could feasibly claim not to recall the incident (or the striking allegation from the school camp) - two thirds of the people in the room at the time don't - but it really doesn't sit well. Benson Pope's approach since - verbal attacks on the police and the accusers, and the selective leaking of the report - has served to compound, rather than relieve, his problems.

Ironically, from what I can gather, the people who originally took the allegations to Hide and the media (and who have managed to keep their own names out of the papers) were motivated by what they regarded as Benson Pope's excessive - but perfectly legal - use of the cane (Hide's original allegations included one that Benson Pope had caned "particularly hard".) Personally, I've always been deeply grateful that I went to a high school that had done away with corporal punishment, and I recall my deputy principal (no softie) telling me that he believed that that action had greatly reduced overall violence at the school. But this would have been a difficult line for avowedly anti-PC politicians to run with.

When it was put to Hide on Checkpoint yesterday that Tasker had said to a Radio New Zealand reporter that neither he nor Weaver actually thought Benson Pope should be prosecuted (in his police interview, Tasker also said that he couldn't believe "it has come to this"), Hide distanced himself from the police investigation and said he'd never thought that either. He then said the same thing on Close Up a couple of hours later. Which is demonstrable bullshit. Two weeks ago, Hide said he was "staggered" by the "unbelievable" police decision not to prosecute.

One would think a man engaged in an attack based on the failure to recall incidents 23 years ago would be able to recall what he said and did himself 14 days ago. Collins - who was dropping the phrase "child abuse" into every second sentence until lately - appears to have undergone a similar conversion. It seems reasonable to suppose that the victims' interests were not exactly the only ones those two had in mind.

There has been some crazier stuff uttered in the blogosphere recently, including repeated comparisons with sexual abuse. Last night someone posted a comment on Kiwiblog demanding to know "Should Iraq accept the same passage of time argument for Saddam's crimes committed in 1982?" Yes, someone, in apparent seriousness, compared David Benson Pope to Saddam Hussein.

The reality is that had Benson Pope not been who he is, this matter would not even have been investigated a quarter of a century later, let alone prosecuted. But his handling of it has not reflected well on him, and it would be fair to say that few of the protagonists here have emerged unscathed. I find the whole affair quite depressing.

Anyway, Scoop has scans of key parts of the evidence. Tasker's statement is interesting in respect of the pressure that was put on him by Rodney Hide and 3 News' Duncan Garner, who said that if he didn't go on camera, David Benson Pope would be suing TV3. Um, really?

Elsewhere, and this is a pretty big deal for those of us with family on the autistic spectrum, new research has found measurable faults in brain function in autistic children asked to interpret faces - specifically, in the action of mirror neurons, which fire both when a person carries out an action and when an action is observed. Mirror neurons appear to have a good deal to do with what has been called theory of mind - the ability to understand that others have feelings and beliefs different to one's own. It's clearly way more complex than that, and I think it misses the point to look at ASD solely in terms of deficit (if only because both Newton and Einstein seem to have been somewhere on the spectrum), but this is interesting stuff.

And just to finish with something so engagingly looney that I'm still not quite sure someone's not having a laugh, many thanks to Andrew Wilson for alerting me to Liberality for All, a new comic series in which "a group of bio-mechanically enhanced conservatives led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North, and a young man born on September 11, 2001, set out to thwart Ambassador Usama bin Laden's plans to nuke New York City."

It really is very funny. Andrew has kindly posted a scan of the first issue here. To read the format you'll need FFView on the Mac or CDisplay on a PC.

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Crema da Crop | Dec 02, 2005 09:59

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses on the subject of the mentally ill in the community. But it's a Friday in December, so I'm going with the coffee thing. Several thousand words have flooded to attest that, yes, we New Zealanders are fussy about the stuff, wherever we happen to be.

Our European correspondents have provided particular insight. Heather Gaye offered advice for those stranded in the blasted terrain of London:

Not that it's much help to you now I guess, but when I was there (after establishing that Bar Italia coffee wasn't all that, disappointing given their history) a couple of coffee-snob friends discovered Monmouth Coffee Company just off Seven Dials. Tiny place mainly for buying beans, but they provided limited seating, a small number of pastries & chocolate-covered coffee beans sold by the dozen. Granted it seemed to be pretty consistently frequented by, and staffed by, Kiwis. Spent more than a few afternoons there playing some caffeine-saturated chess.

Jarrod Wright had further intelligence …

Oh yes indeed, 'tis very, very hard to find a decent coffee in this ol' town.

After 9 months of living here, I realise how bloody spoilt for coffee I was in Auckland. Here, it's either thin black or hot milk that some coffee ran past. It seems this sub-NZ coffee not confined to UK however, as the coffees I have experienced in Berlin & Paris were much the same, maybe it was just bad luck ...

But after some dedicated research from my main man Jubt "Short Black" Avery (I gave up and have homemade short blacks with some coffee my good lady bought me back from Italy), any London-based coffee addicts should head to Monmouth coffee stall at the Borough Markets Friday & Saturday. Cor blimey, it's the best I've had here by far. They even know what a "flat white" is too ... wow.

So yeah, it's not all bleak on the coffee front up here, but as for the November weather...

"Monmouth" was also the name on the lips of Nic Newnham:

I just read your article about Coffee & Culture - which inspired me to respond (due to my passion for good coffee).

I agree that making an espresso at home can be much more enjoyable than what cafes are serving.

The cafe scene in London was disappointing although I'd like to plug 'Monmouth coffee' and the fantastic markets (cant remember the name) where you could wonder, sip great coffee & sample a fantastic array of foods.

Nic then offered what he described as "a positive coffee note":

Auckland has the fantastic 'Altezano' roastery on Symonds St & I've managed to find some damn fine coffee in Chch.
I'm a fan of supporting the local guys so Vivace, C4 & Underground coffee rate. Depends on who makes it though, so I've a few cafes that I frequent that are consistent.

The Press wrote an embarrassing article on Chch cafes last week. Some people have no idea.

I could go on.

Thanks for the chance to release some coffee angst.

Meanwhile, Craig Lucinsky pronounced thus on the London brew:

Oh, yes, Russell ... it does suck.

But another oasis worth noting is 'Flat White' in Berwick St, Soho. Long Blacks & Flat Whites ... people here do not even know what they are! Savages.

The white coffees even have a froth fern on the top.

I must admit, that I almost ... nah, I think I had something in my eye ...

The recently-returned Chris had this to offer:

I love my coffee and would like to add my experiences of the Devil's drink here and abroad.

I have recently returned to NZ after 5 years in the UK, very reluctantly I might add. Working for the biggest Telco in UK took me all over Europe and into Asia. And do you know what? Yes, Italy is the best place to buy coffee...

In London, if you ignore places like Starbucks, coffee is generally very good - around the same strength of the Italian cuppa. Milk can be a bit hit and miss but, once again, if you avoid Starbucks you should be OK.

NZ coffee is different from any that I had in Europe. On the negative side, it is often made far too strong and is frequently burnt. On the positive side, the milk froths well...

I guess it is a matter of experience. A Kiwi going to London would naturally notice the milk foam, and definitely notice the lower strength.

Andrew filed this report from sundry locations:

I live in Melbourne, cruised various first and third world countries in 2004/05 and on my return to NZ shot straight to the far north. Needless to say it shit all over everywhere else I had been.

I bought a vac pack of organic coffee for the camp stove top espresso in Maunganui. FROM Maunganui, know what I mean. The coffee wanker virus has spread throughout the north of the North Island. I drank superior coffees from Pukekohe, to Kaitaia - ohh, yes we lead the world baby, its just the world don't know what our coffee style is all about. We are the new coffee world, goodnight Italy. And Melbourne coffee … well it's nice but without fail it is more likely to be made by a tattooed NZer.

Peter Todd reckons we're getting it a bit wrong about the Italian style:

Russell, There is no such thing as a standard Italian coffee. Go to Trieste, Milan, Rome, Naples, or Catania and try! I am lucky to be familiar with the coffee capital of the World, Trieste, over my more than 50 years, so have been fortunate to have been brought up with the best coffee (very similar to what NZers have only just discovered over the last 5-10 years). Make a trip to Trieste, find out and only pay $1.50 for a shot.

And as for expecting to find a decent coffee in the UK …

Philip Mair reported from fried-Mars-Bar-land:

I'm living in Aberdeen, Scotland and have yet to find a half decent coffee. How hard can it be? There is a business opportunity here, but I'm concerned that the locals wouldn't know a good coffee from a bad one!

Matt Bywater, meanwhile, had advice for European adventurers:

I live in Switzerland and sure here they serve a cream with the espresso so you can decide to tip it in or not, and I do ... but 'normally' an espresso is just a shot of coffee with or without sugar... and if you want milk/cream with your shot, then you should order as in spain a 'quartado' or in Italy a cafe macchiato as opposed to a latte macchiato (warm milk with a shot of coffee) (both of the former are a shot of coffee with a little warm milk tipped in ... but diff strokes for diff folks and all that. What is right anyway etc?

Don't gimme that Swiss neutrality line, pal. It's natural law that's at stake here. Brother Bart Janssen testifies:

Since I shifted to only two real coffees a day (withdrawal symptoms worried me when I was drinking a dozen or more a day) I became much more of a coffee snob. I love NZ coffee and it's true we do much better coffee than there is any reason to expect.

A couple of years ago we did a round the world trip where I got the highs and lows of coffee. We started in Italy and there was some bad coffee I fell in love with the first thing in the morning machiatto con latte - yes with sugar - man what a great way to wake up and start the day. We then went to England where I had the 2nd worst coffee in the world (or at least as much of the world as I've seen). Consistently bad, worse even that that stuff we used to see in small town NZ where the coffee urns were filled once a day, one white and one black. I just couldn't figure out why the English coffee was so bad.

But the worst coffee in the world was in Utah. To be fair given that Mormons apparently don't drink coffee, it is perhaps understandable. But man, for uniformly disgusting coffee I have never been anywhere that compares to Utah.

Since you're asking, the worst coffee I ever had was in Orlando, Florida at the worst large hotel I have ever stayed in, Disney's desperately dysfunctional Swan & Dolphin. There was a coffee cart in the corridor, and I made the mistake of asking for a long black. What I got handed was one of those ridiculous milkshake -container things in which they serve coffee in America, with a piddly wee shot in the bottom topped up with boiling water right to the fscking top. So I'm standing there in a badly overcrowded conference venue trying to hold onto a polystyrene vat of boiling water. I almost cried, really.

But it's not about me, it's about you, the people. People like, say, Matt Simpson:

I feel your pain - Every time I change jobs I have to spend ages tracking down a long black with a decent crema.

On a similar note at a dinner I was at recently I sat next to a senior guy from Robert Harris, coffee came up in the conversation and he told me that they make their long blacks with only a single shot because they are trying to wean their customers off filter coffee.

I guess that whole cafe culture thing has left the Robert Harris blue rinse customer base relatively unscathed ...

Stephen Burgham put the following poser:

Your piece about the long black without crema begs the question - did you take it back and ask for it to be made again? What happened when you did? This raises the wider question: Is it better to return sub-standard food/drinks, or simply tell your friends and/or not go back? Perhaps your answer to this says something about New Zealand culture also?

Complain? Send something back? Are you crazy? This is New Zealand! We don't like to complain. Someone might think I was, y'know, making a fuss …

Ben invokes that crucial arbiter of taste: famous people visiting here from overseas:

I read that John Cleese agrees with you about NZ having better coffee.

Phew. That's alright then. Ben continues:

I actually think it's because we have better milk. European milk licks balls. Hence, their only good coffee is espresso.

Then again, as you say, it could be all down to what you're used to. Milk, butter and water seem to be things people always hate when abroad. I love the taste of Auckland water, but when I drink it fresh off the roof at Waiheke, I find it 'too soft'. Perhaps these things are imprinted on us at a young age.

Are you sure you didn't like the Dutch coffee because it was in a coffeeshop and not a cafe? My rising awareness of the judgement warping effects of our favourite little plant have led me to always have my 'Emergency friday herbals' after my traditional Friday lunch with the lads. If I had it beforehand it led too often to feats of outrageous gluttony on substandard food.

What are you alleging here, Ben? I'll have you know that I could be smashed off my face on Dutch Super Weed and still know a good coffee when I put one in my mouth. (This, however, raises a separate issue: what happened to the real dope? Back when I were a lad, you could wander into an Amsterdam coffeeshop and buy Transkei Super, Durban Poison and Maui Wowie. All legendary, exotic and grown in God's good earth. Now it's all that genetically-engineered stuff from some flouro-lit warehouse secretly owned by Dick Cheney.) But anyway, no, the café in which I found a good drop served nothing stronger than some wicked chocolate pastries.

Robyn Gallagher gets us back on track:

Ah, New Zealand coffee culture. One of my favourite things!

As far as I know, New Zealand is the only country in the world where a caffe latte can commonly be found served in a large bowl.

Traditionally it's served in a glass, but somehow the bowl has become a de facto standard in Aotearoa.

A friend once told me it's because an early cafe pioneer had had a cafe au lait when he was in Europe and was very impressed with coffee in a bowl, but had mistaken the milky French coffee for the not-quite-idenitical Italian coffee, and so when he got back to NZ, he started serving a lattes in bowls.

I'm sure there must be more to the story than this. I'd love to get to the frothy bottom of it.

And then there's the matter of the flat white and the long black. Apparently those are an Australian creation when the post-WWII Italian migrants had to quickly come up with a version of black coffee and white coffee to please white Australians who didn't know what all those fancy "cappuccino" and "espresso" things were.

Interestingly, when Starbucks first opened in New Zealand, they didn't have long blacks or flat whites on the menu, but eventually added them, I assume, as a result of constantly having orders placed by customers used to two those being standard cafe menu items.

Don't get me started on Starbucks. Oh, all right, get me started then. Sarah says what needs to be said about that dickhead from Starbucks who visited a while back.

I've never thought of myself as a coffee snob but your comment made me reflect a little, and I AM much more definite in my views on what makes a decent cuppa than on what qualifies as good food/ wine/ entertainment, so perhaps I am one!

I'm certainly not your obnoxious vocal critic that dispatches offerings back to the kitchen because they're not up to my discerning standard, but I DO recall being quite scandalised at disparaging comments about NZ coffee culture made by that American tosser who runs Starbucks when he came over to open the first stores here - ESPECIALLY after I tried the place and, having ordered a flat white, was presented with a giant vat of lukewarm, odourless, flavourless (not TOTALLY flavourless - kind of soapy) beige fluid.

But I was MAINLY offended because (I realised) I'm proud of our coffee culture. I think it has moved beyond pretentiousness to genuine appreciation; and I like the inimitable kiwi way in which we've taken (yet another) great tradition and decided it could do with some improvement. Bottoms up!

Tom sent in a free ad for himself:

I run a mobile espresso van: Dr. Mocha We make shit-hot espresso ( Supreme) out the back of a Mercedes van

I spent last saturday making some sweeet espresso for the bands backstage at Southern Amp. My first rock 'n roll concert gig. I have now discovered that rock 'n' rollers are some of the hardest core coffee drinkers I've ever met and they know their espresso.

I only served about 100 different people over 8 hours, yet made around 400 coffees.

I figure it must be all the hard drinking that leads to the hardcore coffee attitude.

Meanwhile, Ben (a different one) has found a good drop in the most unlikely location:

Hi Russell, good to hear there are others who get seriously pissed off when served crap coffee.

Anyhows, next time you're over the bridge it's well-worth checking out a cafe called Toasted on Barry's Point Rd.

No, I'm serious, Barry's Point Road.

Situated in amongst motorcycle/radiator repair shops and panel beaters is a funky little cafe, an oasis in the heart of industrial filter-coffee country, that serves absolutely brilliant coffee.

Cremas to Africa.

Brian, on the other hand, found nirvana in Royal Oak:

Good to read your coffee comment. As a traveller, it's the big decision of the day, the brand, the staff, checking the wand, cup or glass. I feel it's a indication of the coffee culture that so many are okay with cutting down trees and filling landfill to spoil what may be a good coffee and do they serve 1/2 coffees or full shot. Anyway my favourite is in Royal Oak Icoco: it's not sharp like Italian, but still good, full flavour ,no bitter aftertaste and a full shot. Not sure I'd recommend the short black unless it's the beginning of very long day.

Life is not quite so simple for Jacob

As somewhat of a coffee obssessor I have been delicately picking my way through the landscape of hot caffeinated beverages in New Zealand for a few years now. My standard is a triple shot short black (apologies - but with sugar). In Auckland, where I live and work, I can count the number of cafes on my fingers that could take my order without some level of incredulity or inconvenience.

The most regular responses are:

"Sorry, a trim what?", "Sorry they don't come in threes", and "Do you want some extra water with that?"

Often I will change my order to something cold in these cases because the experience probably won't be worth the $3-5.50 (yes I got charged $5.50 once!) or the IBS symptoms it may help induce. On one particularly bad day I was having I went so far as to explain exactly how the coffee could be made using their equipment - I wouldn't usually be that much of an arse!

My experience in Wellington has generally been the inverse, so sad to hear about your terrible cup or two down there. I have yet to find a cafe in NZ that uses Supreme beans that is a write-off. Seems their training/support program is quite good.

As for the rest of the world, I was also surprised to hear and experience how bad the coffee is in UK, USA and parts of Europe where you might expect to find better. If in doubt, a turkish coffee at a reasonable kebab shop does the trick.

And, finally, Joanna posted this from the aptly-named hubris.co.nz:

No one in Wellington refers to Astoria as The Astoria. Get that bit right and maybe then we'll tell you where the good coffee is at ...

Oh, get over yourself, girl. Or we stop sending the money down from Auckland, 'kay?

Some Friday bandwidth-eaters. Matt suffered insomnia as a result of a wedding buffet (que?) and thus spent the wee smalls surfing Fox News an on Prime and BBC World. He found a Fox News media panel discussion about Jon Stewart and the Daily Show, and wondered if "it really is the driest and most perfectly executed piece of satire ever screened on television." The panel discussion, that is, not the Daily Show. He saved and posted it as a 10MB .avi file for y'all to enjoy.

Stephen Colbert clears up any confusion about the victory strategy for Iraq. And a freaky little news report from the new Washington: interns as religious hysterics.

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