Field Theory by Hadyn Green

64

Never alone with Metenolone

Well this is interesting. Valerie Adams is promoted to the gold medal position after Nadzeya Ostapchuk tests positive for a banned steroid. Cue people lining up to say "I knew she was cheating! I mean just look at her!"

Yes look at her. Look at all of them. All the shot putters, male and female. Then look at the other athletes. Look at the fucking swimmers for Christ's sake. There is no athlete at the games who looks like a normal person*. They are all freaky mutants and, in part, that's why they are there.

Tell me again how you have the ability to eyeball someone and know they are using performance enhancers.

Of course you don't and nobody does, except may be a long-serving doping official who has seen their share of overly muscled people and fake penises (potentially NSFW). What you actually saw was a woman who looked unlike your usual expectation of femininity and you conjured up images of East German athletes from the 1980s.

There is a shitstorm in that direction of thinking.

Steroid use can make women look more masculine. Metenolone, the drug that Ostapchuk tested positive for, has a weak androgenic effect. According to the Association Against Steroid Abuse (whose website sure does give a lot of information about how to use steroids): "The largest concern for most women and anabolic steroid use is virilization; however, with responsible use this is non-existent in almost all females."

Here's a shot of Ostapchuk in 2007, at the Olympics in 2008, and here she is in 2012. I'm not sure she look more muscular or masculine. Just older.

The Steroid Abuse site also mentions "Most will find Primobolan to be best served in a cutting cycle; while it will not promote muscle tissue growth to any great degree it is a fantastic steroid for the use of preserving existing muscle tissue." So you can keep being as good as you are for longer.

Ostapchuk threw 21.36m ahead of Adams' 20.70m. If anything was going to make you suspicious it would be a throw 60cm further than the person who has been beating her consistently. With Ostapchuk removed, 50cm separates first from third place).

Chinese swimmer Ye Shiwen was also under suspicion when she swam the final length of her 400m medley faster than Ryan Lochte. The suspicion was raised not so much because she was faster than a man, but because the time was a statistical outlier. (By the way there is no evidence against Ye beyond this and I am not suggesting that she cheated in any way). It's a bit like a bank robber waiting before spending his loot, so they don't tip off the police.

If you are consistently good, then no one notices, but if you suddenly pull a giant performance out of your overly-muscled backside, then people get suspicious.

People may have been suspicious of Usain Bolt’s incredible performances at first, but now that he has won the 100 and 200 meter sprints for two Olympic Games in a row (not to mention his incredible performance as an anchor in the 4 x 100 meter relay) and his times have been consistently phenomenal, we can easily form internal attributions for Bolt’s superior running skills rather than suspecting that he is secretly doping….

However, this lies in stark contrast to the case of Ye Shiwen, the Chinese swimmer who was slammed with drug abuse accusations after her record-breaking 400M Individual Medley win. The main causes for suspicion were her unprecedented acceleration during the final 50 meters of her 400M race and the fact that she beat her own personal best time by a fairly large margin. In fact, most Olympic feats that cause suspicion are similarly unprecedented or far superior to that athlete’s previous performance, suggesting a low level of consistency for that particular athlete.

Of course it may also be that Usain Bolt is Usain fucking Bolt and makes up 90% of all Olympics coverage and is a worldwide sports star. Ye Shiwen is far from a household name.

Of course none of this is why she was tested. Ostapchuk was tested because she won gold. She was tested the day before because she was one of the group leaders. That's how drug testing works.

So if you knew Ostapchuk was cheating, you really didn't. You perhaps suspected, perhaps you had sour grapes, but no one knew. Until now.

Adams has to wait for the formalities and the appeals and so on before she gets that pretty gold medal. Congratulations to her. Her 20.70m throw was 20cm further than the gold winner four years ago.

Finally, I must only know wonderful people because, while I have seen numerous angry rants about sexist comments directed at Ostapchuk and her appearance, I have not seen any of the comments themselves. These incredibly unfunny "jokes" are then defended with the "steroids make you look like a dude" line of reasoning. Of course this is just the blanket excuse they have pulled out because they wanted to make the joke before but felt a bit ashamed about doing so. They should still be ashamed.

 

*I will entertain arguments about team athletes, (football, hockey etc) and then say they aren't real Olympic sports and we can have that argument.

40

In closing

Fuck you Olympics for making me cry.

Fuck all of the athletes who cried at winning and those who cried with their families. Fuck the athletes that just couldn’t contain the pure emotion that comes from the climax of years of training all to reach that gold medal.

Fuck the athletes who embraced their competitors with pure joy at having been bested by the smallest increments of time or distance but knowing that being the second best of 7 billion humans still makes them a superhero.

Fuck the smiling happy faces and fuck the uncontrollable laughter that comes with realisation. Fuck the primal screams and fist pounding and air punching and hands forming hearts and jersey ripping. No hakas.

Fuck the celebration.

A big part of the reason for the emotion was the super beautiful slow-mo cameras that captured the action as pretty as any Nike ad. For all the complaints about the coverage (and I was one of many complaining from time to time) that stuff we did see was amazing.

And, naturally, all of the worry that things would go badly never eventuated. Even the empty seats were quickly filled.

Well done London, it was a bloody nice ride.

24

Time will tell

Timing issues

If Beijing showcased the most amazing sports technology available, London has been shown up as error ridden. This was shown best in the women's epee when Shin of South Korea was left inconsolable and crying at the end of her semi-final bout against Heidemann of Germany.

The official clock stuck at one seconds at the end of sudden death time. In this time there were two doubles hit (both fencers hit at the same time) Heidemann scored to win. Three points scored and at the end of the bout one second still showed on the clock. Later it would be revealed that Shin had incurred a penalty on the second double which reset the clock to one second.

75 minutes later, after a long argument between judges and coaches, Shin was escorted from the piste, still in tears. She then had to come back to battle the world number one in the bronze medal match.

A clock that only has one second increments means that as soon as it starts then one second should be taken off and the game ends. Of course the clocks go to smaller decimals than one tenth, but we don't see it. And so I can understand the Koreans arguing for as long as they did as three points(or technically two) in one second does seem very wrong.

If this was the only issue then it might be acceptable, but it wasn't.

During the swimming the start sound went off early. During the boxing a fighter lost a bout, as his opponent knocked him down a full five seconds after the bell should have sounded and ref called the fight off (he would've lost on points otherwise). There have been numerous delays as judges struggle with the scoring systems. Then of course the starting system breaking down in the rowing.

Just as accurate as the London trains I suppose.

More media stuff

After giving the media a hard time the other day I need to give them some kudos. As someone who had to learn a complex new sport (roller derby) I understand that you can't just step in and be a genius. Though some of them could tone down the enthusiasm a tad.

But recently all of the commentators glowed like microphoned Gods:

  • John McBeth suggested we start a eugenics programme in order to breed ourselves some amazing swimmers. He was so into it his co-commentator finally agreed to the plan.
  • This genius tweet from Scotty Stevenson.
  • Speaking of Sumo, he is easily the funniest commentator on the crew. His deadpan reaction to a random shot of a horse during the gymnastics was hilarious.
  • Both the equestrian and rowing commentators complained about the footage that they (and we) were being shown. The cameras will follow British competitors completely or in the case of the rowing, focus closely on the leader with no shots of battles further back in the pack.

And finally, don't worry about Prime cutting off the Olympics to show stupid, vitally important, rugby or league. That'll be on Maori TV now.

Ps. Sorry this was meant to go up yesterday, so obviously a bunch of stuff happened last night (like the equestrian bronze, yay!), feel free to go at it in below.

43

And they're off!

What are we watching now?

It was the men's qualifying round for the gymnastics. The Chinese team were out there as were Team GB. However, we were being shown the mixed group. I know everyone needs coverage, but the Chinese are the best in the world and the British were having a fantastic time. So what was going on?

We were told later by the BBC commentary team (I'll get to that in a minute) that there was a "technical glitch". A similar "glitch" happened during the women's qualifying when we were shown a Belgian competitor standing around waiting for her score. As the competition progressed the coverage got better.

I say "got better" to mean no more camera glitches. No more long shots of athletes who were not doing anything. Other parts of the coverage were less than good.

Prime, as I noted last time, advertised that they would have the best free-to-air Olympic coverage. 23.5 hours per day of Olympics. Oh and like 2.5 hours of rugby and league on Sunday morning. Olympic viewers were pissed and, like many angry people, told Twitter and Facebook how angry they were (yes, I was one of them).

These are, after all, "the social games".

I was using iSky, Sky TV's online service, to watch Prime on my laptop. It was a little sketchy but not bad at all, until the rugby came on. So I turned on Tunnelbear and watched the BBC instead. On the BBC site there are a number of live streams as well as on-demand replays of many events.

I figured Sky would have the same. I mean, they have nine dedicated channels, so nine streaming channels would make sense. But when my girlfriend's parents logged in with their Sky sports account they found they could only see Sky Sport 1, 2 and 3. Channels that were showing non-Olympic sport (Sky Sport 1 showed some of the games, like the hockey, but not complete coverage).

At the last games, TVNZ had four streaming channels of just Olympic coverage. It had issues, but right now, we had better online coverage of the games four years ago and from a free-to-air broadcaster.

If you have the Sky Sports package though, then your TV coverage is amazing. I sat watching the Mosaic for a long time, just changing the audio on to whatever sport took my fancy. I watched fencing and swimming and badminton and table tennis and all of the smaller sports that we don't always see.

So, television coverage in New Zealand = amazing. Online coverage in New Zealand = poor at best.

The sport

  • Goddamn I love weightlifting. The lifters are some of the most amazing athletes at the games. Om Yun Chol's 168kg record lift in the B-Group of the men's 56kg class was astounding.
  • I get more and more bored with the swimming. Mainly because of the constant races over slightly different distances.
  • I don't think I've ever seen a full fencing bout (are they called bouts?). I managed to catch the women's foil and was stunned at the speed and technical brilliance of it all. Moreover, the helmets light up with LEDs. It's like Daft Punk are fighting each other with swords!
  • A bit more on those helmets. Some countries have customised versions, which is very cool.
  • The usual arguments for which sports are "real Olympic sports" and which ones are not, have been fairly quiet so far. Let me quickly remind you of all the sports you would lose if "it needs a judge" is your criteria: badminton, basketball, beach volleyball, boxing, diving (single and synchronised), equestrian, fencing, gymnastics (artistic and rhythmic), handball, judo, soccer, synchronised swimming, taekwondo, tennis, trampoline, volleyball, water polo, weightlifting, wrestling and yachting.
  • Give 'em a taste of kiwi?
  • The medal count after two days is looking good for the Chinese and pretty damn good for both Koreas.
22

Olympics-eve

Not quite four years ago I wrote my first post here. The opening line was "I am a huge Olympic fan." This is still true. Even more true now as late-onset Olympic Fever has gripped me like a mystery disease that will keep me at home for two weeks.

This year the Olympics are on Sky. Whereas last time around I was able to construct a "headquarters" with multiple screens ruining simultaneous TVNZ feeds, this time I will have to be a little more fiendish.

Prime will be showing the games free to air:

Prime’s Olympic broadcast will be the most coverage ever seen on free-to-air television in New Zealand with 23.5 hours per day, taking a half hour break for Prime News First at 5.30 each evening.

Prime will broadcast a myriad of events including swimming, hockey, athletics, rowing, equestrian, cycling, boxing, weightlifting, diving, sailing, wrestling, gymnastics and football as well as the official Opening and Closing ceremonies.

There are rumours that you can watch Prime's coverage for free through the iSky website too. Though obviously I can't try that until it starts rolling.

There's still some things you can do if you want more than Prime offers. According to PC World "Sixty-four territories have access to the YouTube livestream of the London 2012 Olympics", but not New Zealand. But what say you have an Aunt or Uncle who live overseas and don't mind if you watch their computer. But don't that because it might be less than legal.

On an unrelated note, Tunnelbear's unlimited service costs US$4.99/month. But like I say that's probably not helpful.

So what to watch?

Well tomorrow the games open, but you've probably already been watching the football, the tl:dr is that New Zealand aren't doing so great right now. By the way, if a sport can't be played within the two week time frame of the Olympics, don't include it.

  • Personally I'd avoid the badminton unless you know someone in it and the basketball for now unless the US team are playing because it's always fun to see them flummoxed by international teams who shouldn't be allowed to beat them.
  • The boxing will be interesting as women's boxing makes its debut. Unless you aren't into bloodsport.
  • But the best thing to watch on the first day will be the cycling road race. It's great to have running in the background and occasionally check up on.
  • Equestrian dressage will let you watch the best-dressed athletes muck about on horses, while Nike figure out how to add a swoosh to a top hat.
  • The team gymnastics are also starting on day one. Watch as people do things that we really should've stopped doing three evolutionary-steps ago. Amazing.
  • The rowing will most likely be dull until the finals (a bit like athletics). And we can expect a few medals for NZ so that'll be a bit good.
  • And swimming, yeah swimming will still be at the Olympics. You perverts.
  • But my personal favourite is Weightlifting. Goddamn, GODDAMN that's an amazing sport! Watch out for some crazy strong people, and huge personalities like Holley Mangold.

It's going to be awesome (I keep repeating in my head).

Oh and then there's this:

It will also feature yours truly at some point. It will be funny but not offensive, not shit like other late-to-the–party commentaries, and totally free. Follow the twitter feed for broadcast times.