Posts by Ross Mason

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  • Southerly: This Week in Parliament: 26…,

    A few ideas for Mr Guy to consider when deciding which technique to use. My experience of de-balling various animals; lambs, piglets, Self (partial).

    Lambs had the most variation. Rubber ring is the first: But my pelvic muscles keep tightening as I consider why the poor wee lamby, after about 3 minutes of vigorous activity immediately after the rubber takes the strain, suddenly wants to pant and lay down for 30 minutes. I know the deep deep ache he suffers. The Hot Iron: A gas axed piece of ….axe….welded to a decent blow torch supplied the sizzle that enabled the operator to just lean on the tail…..oh wait a minute, we are talking about balls…..The Lickety Split Knife: A quick slice of the tip of the scrotum and a squeeze above the balls would cause them to poke out the bottom. Leaning forward one could then grasp the end of a ball with ones front teeth and with a gentle pull, strip the ball from its warm home. Repeat with the other and voila! A hollow scrotum. Pigs and razor blades: Hang your piggy over the rail with the bum and balls facing on top. A slice over each ball and a squeeze and the pop out like a zit. A quick yank on each, a splash of dettol and piggy goes a running. Whch brings me to a semi towny story. A friend of mine heard of these exploits and did not wish himself to do the deed. I volunteered and headed off to the farmlet. Catching the wee piggies took a bit of time. Hanging the first one over the fence I looked. I looked again. I looked at my friend and asked him if he noticed where his little piggy piddled from. Both wee piggies were girls…….I always wondered why he only had one child…..Self (partial): While watching my numbed parts being disemboweled so that I didn’t need “the little rubber thing”, The two helpers were slicing and dicing the inner sanctum. The vas emerged between two clamps, the cut made and one clamp was released which was good. The other the nice lady missed the release for a fraction of a second. The sudden stretch and release twanged the vas right back into it’s spot and the pang sank deep deep into my semidetached testicle. Oh the pain…..

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Southerly: This Week in Parliament (in…,

    Well bugger me. Again Haywood has unwittingly written a piece that links to an ancestor. My great grandfather ran the first totalisator around Southland and Otago in the 1880-90s. He was in cohorts with Mr Roberts.

    Here is a wee mention of GGF and a naughty person trying to cheat his way to a fortune by “passing a false coin”.

    And

    Mason and Roberts got good vibes too!!

    And

    Here is an account of getting the bloody thing around the races!!

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Capture: Peak Pohutukawa, in reply to Ian Dalziel,

    two’s company
    tree’s a crowd
    or is that a tyred cliche?

    Treading lightly...Looks a bit bit flat. Overhanging branches like that need to be chopped off so that this ropey thing with a circular rubber device on cannot be used to accelerate an attached humanoid to dangerous speeds just in case: 1. They fall off 2. the branch breaks. This is a serious H&S issue and I will be taking it up with Adolf Council.

    This idea that people are free to "invent" dangerous fun for their children should be outlawed.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Southerly: This Week in Parliament: 14…,

    Hawaii he's gone AWOL
    Ebola he's gone viral
    Calling Satanists Satanists is not PC. Devil worshipping MFers is now the preferred descriptor.
    St Francly, if he bends down too far he'll have his ring in his ear.
    Fact. End of.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Word of the Year 2014: #dirtypolitics,

    This is appalling. Andrew Little comes out swinging. Admits he is a hacker behind John Key.

    "I'm a hacker."

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Why churches should marry…,

    Anything.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Why churches should marry…, in reply to GarethD,

    With regards point 1: Didn’t Jesus heal the gay centurion’s lover? Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10

    I just had a gink at these two.

    Servant is mentioned. For all my years I have never heard the word servant being used as a term for a gay person. Have I missed something?

    Always impressed what folk can manage to glean from the bible.

    This religious fanatic needs help.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: Adric and the Art of Asking,

    I'm always stunned to find out what can live alongside the brain inside that small skull and we can seem to carry one for quite sometime before a diagnosis eventually exposes the enemy within. Hang in there, the magic neutron, beta and alpha bullets have got pretty good odds attached to them that I would accept as well! Anyway, I want a few more books signed!!!!!

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Public Address Word of the…,

    Well! I'll be......(fill in expletive here)

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Public Address Word of the…,

    Black Ops

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1534 posts Report Reply

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