Posts by BenWilson
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I like this thread, and I'm going to try to sell another of Russell's free tickets with devastating argument and a consensual trick, hoping to catch that fan who hasn't yet owned up. I'm calling 3410s ticket mine (as the non-fan I sold), if he shows, so I can keep amateur status if/when Russell buys me an epic beer. I do not want to be accused of being in his pocket by the enemies of PA (PA is not like me, it does have enemies. I have only friends I've failed to win over on some point).
Robots are invited to this party, right? Even enemies of PA, if they can be turned from the dark side for one evening? Or at least have an interesting dance, and a good joke, that would satisfy the very highest criterion (I apply the Emma standard. Consequently I haven't made any jokes yet, cause I'm not funny. But other people certainly are funny, I cite Craig Ranapia). Craig, are you coming (you're not the fan I'm talking about, don't worry. No one would mistake you for a robot, at least not a primitive 3rd millenium one)?
<hypnosis warning. Only read on if you are not susceptible to hypnosis, or consent to be helped to come to this party, by being hypnotized>
<imagine a pleasantly boring voice speaking deeply and slowly, these words. The kind of voice that you don't dislike, or particularly like either. You don't pay attention to the voice, just the words. Don't think about the words, just hear them, try to accept them>
You're out there, and you want to come. You just don't really understand why yet. Speak to me. Speeeak. Speeeeeeeeeeek now. You want to speeeeek. Visualize yourself speaking to me, typing that post, previewing it, checking it for the 60th time, then....posting reply. It's so easy, so harmless, nothing will come of it, except peeeeace. Truuuuth. Speak. Do it now, see yourself doing it, you don't even have to take responsibility, I made you do it. You wanted to do it, but no one needs know that, unless you want them to know. And you do want them to know, you know you want them to know, you have always known it. Now is the time to speeeeeeeeeeek. You are taking control, slowly, surely, taking control of your fingers, thinking only of the positive things that happen if you post, the peace, the relief, the joy, the anticipation, the welcoming voices and smiles, the friendly faces, the beautiful faces of people that mean you only good, love what you have to say, hear you speaking, listen to your message, listen to your love for them.
Now we'll count down from 10 to 1, and you will sink into a peaceful dreamlike state of reading, as you would a novel, perhaps before bed, perhaps to help you sleep, a pleasant novel, picturesque but not particularly interesting.
10...Reading deeply
9...Breathe in
8...Breathe out slowly, reading deeper, and deeper
7...Breathe in...slowly, no skipping ahead. Time your breaths with your reading
6...Out, and read deeper
5...In, slowly and easily, a natural breath of relaxing, refreshing air
4...Out, and relax, deeply
3...Breathe in, naturally
2...And out...let it just fall out of you
1...In, very naturally
0...Out, and forget about your breathing, it will take over itself nowYou are reading very deeply now, and will do as you wish to. What you really wish to, to come to this party. Remember that you consented to be hypnotized, because you already wanted to come. Nothing can stop you now, other than failing to speak up, and requesting entry. You don't want to do this. You want to come, because something about what you are hearing now works for you.
Now we are going to count up to 3, rising back to a shallower, more critical mental process, your daily process, the way you like to think, the way you want to think, and talk, but just haven't yet, until we reach 3.
1...Critical thought is coming back
2...Allow doubt to enter your mind
3...You are fully back from deep reading, to a rested wakefulness. You understand what just happened, that you were in control of it the whole time, that you were doing what you wanted to do, to speak up, to come to the party.</imagining my voice. Come and hear the real thing, it's much more effective>
</hypnosis>Now I wait. The Bentalist, at work, confident his ticket is sold, or not sold and was never going to be sold. Tapes of this can be made available upon request, to anyone who is considering going to a party, but is afraid to. Just ask. Free.
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Perhaps the ad would have been better if the cop sniffed the air or something to indicate the smell of cannabis.
I'd say that the "the ad's purpose is to scare" line is highly plausible. The police sometimes do want to convey that they're arbitrary, fickle, clever and devious. That way you aren't tempted to try to ride the system. They're being unclear exactly what they suspect, in order to avoid people going "ok, no dope then, well P is harder to detect, if you keep your cool".
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I was searched under misuse of drugs act once - it was only after the cop, who'd stopped me just to ask why I wasn't at school, found out I went to Metro college that he decided he had reason to believe I might have drugs on me. It was about 9:30 in the morning. The search was fruitless.
I've been stopped by any number of cops over the years, often before, after or during doing something dodgy. Never had the least cause for concern, personally. I look far too square, white, old, nerdy, etc. Even when I go out of my way to look dodgy, something about my demeanor or demographic, or smooth talk, or ... something, has always pulled me through with nothing more than 'talk to the hole' breath test.
I'd give advice, there's definitely a method there, but it would seem like encouragement. Actually it was foolish to do what I did, foolish to even need to concern yourself with learning and internalizing such a method. It might also only work for me, and it might not continue to work. So I don't drive like that any more.
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My advice is, if you're a peckish poly in the backseat, hide that shit before the police pull you over.
Or dine-in?
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But why? Is the LTSA actually trying to give the impression that the new law will be used by police officers in an arbitrary and capricious fashion? That officers just will enact what amounts to an arrest without the bother of arresting someone because they feel like it?
If the choice of who to take back to the station after passing 2 tests is entirely random then it would be less scary. If it is even based on some kind of criterion it would make me feel better, like dilated pupils or whatever. But the idea that it could be 'on suspicion' seems like a license to print harassment. Invoking the Misuse of Drugs act was always a pain in the tit for anyone innocent, but at least a roadside search is relatively quick.
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I vote yes for nametags, but just because I tend to forget names about halfway through the second sentence of talking to someone new. Seriously.
To be completely 100% honest, that would be the biggest thing I'd get out of it. It's hard to say if that's a good thing.
Just deleted 700 words justifying why I forget people's names. It's not really good enough, I know that. I just don't get a lot of practice.
I am slowly morphing into my gravatar - is this happening to anyone else?
The reverse for me. I'm becoming nonymous.
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Kinda OTT, but just have to share this one, if only because it's exactly the way it happened to me, and it was found by a friend I recently managed to convert to the idea of at least trying PvP.
It seems highly analogous to our ways (as writers) of conducting battle. Tanks will probably get it.
I don't think it's the whole story, by a long shot. But uncanny nonetheless.
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I'm going to go ahead with epic response, despite 3410 alarm bells going off in my head.
Nope, changed my mind. Deleting 5000 odd words...now. That's been happening a lot lately. Only I know what they said. Something feels a little selfish about that. I'll consider this my opening rebuttal of 3410. There's only 2395 posts to the contrary, no problem.
I'm looking forward to meeting everyone.
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Woot, I'll be there, the Mrs has OKed a night out (for me - she will be at home looking after the kids, bless her, and them). My first PA meeting, rather looking forward to it, and very nervous at the same time. Who will be there, what will they look like? I feel like I know all of you already, and at the same time know nothing about you. This is my first real group meeting with the internet. It will answer a heck of a lot of questions that have plagued me for the longest time.
I can only thank Sofie (the one and only) and Steve Barnes (who unfortunately for him needs qualification, common names are like that) for giving me the courage to attend. Having met them both after a generous offer of some plants (that are good for me, well, ok, they could be good for me), I realized that I'm a fool not to have met all of you long ago.
Not entirely sure why I didn't. I can make some excuses and debunk them (as this list has expanded, I'd like to note that this is my hard sell (in my own way) to everyone in Auckland to come to this event. You will have at least one friend, me, until you give me reason not to think I'm your friend, or not to be my friend. It is for this reason that I'm not editing this post with any of my usual care. You'll probably recognize me because this is the way I think, and sometimes speak, if I haven't already introduced myself):
-I was busy (who isn't?)
-I'm not particularly outgoing (but I don't know if any of you (other than Russell, who one can only presume is, are))
-I was afraid I might not like you all (how else could I find out?)
-I was afraid you might not like me (see above)
-I was afraid I might not care to find out that you don't like me (see above)
-I was afraid (see above)
-I'm not into live music (harden up and don't be a fuddy duddy, you never know when a band will be good, particularly if there's a group of them. In fact, you don't know jack about modern music, so you don't even know what you like)
-I was afraid no one will talk to me (then talk to them, idiot)
-I'm too old (you won't be the oldest, probably not the fattest, biggest, weirdest, uglyest, scariest, lamest (we'll see about that), craziest. Ok I got no evidence for that last one (not yet, anyway, but I'm playing along remember) )
-I won't meet everyone cause some of the best folks are not in Auckland (that's probably a good thing, save some for later. Suffice to say some of the best are here, and if you meet any one of about 100 people who write here, it will have been worth it. Indeed, if you meet anyone at all, and they're cool, it will have been worth it. Also, what are you saving yourself up for? (don't know, perhaps my book signing) )
-Someone might take offense to something I wrote once, somewhere (take care to make that their problem, but also pay attention, for future reference. It may suggest a change of style, focus, attention to detail, care for others, even a change in lifestyle or employment, or address, if they turn out to be either too right or too scary. By and large, being scared of this is an argument not to be writing on the net at all without a pseudonym. So by your own logic you already aren't really afraid of this, just confused about what 'offense' might mean. You're afraid of them getting heavy and uncool. Dude, it's not going to happen, and ... see above rebuttal to the whole afraid take) ).
-I might meet someone I know already, who will expose exactly what I am really like (you're not so bad, dude. Some people might even like you. Some will certainly not like you - avoid them if they allow it, otherwise, tell them you like them anyway, face, it you do. By some meanings of the word 'like'. Let them dispute it - that might defuse the whole situation, hell, if they win, and prove you don't like them then they'll probably like you - as someone who can be reasoned with/dominated), even if they only do it to assert their dominance. Probably that will be what you don't like about them, if you're honest with yourself, and they will know it. If they just continue having a go at you, seek help, if that doesn't help, if everyone's secretly against you, just leave. Make a note of where the exits are, and ... ok I'll tell you the rest privately if you're that paranoid).
-It might not be much fun (sure, but neither will another Friday night learning the intricacies of Ki be, if you know this party is going on without you. It's yet another reason why training on Friday night is only for squares).
-I'm too square (how do you know?)
-I don't want any women cracking onto me (Don't flatter yourself. If that happens, tell them you're happily married. You are. Keep telling yourself that)
-I'm too lazy (now we get to it, buddy. Perhaps the reasons for your laziness lie in fear, or perhaps not. We'll find out next Friday)
-I'm too confrontational (yeah right. You're a fricken pussy).
-I'm not the kind of guy that people like (well be a different guy then, sheesh. Different contexts and all that. You're already a different guy in many different places, and you haven't even invented what you'll be like in this context. It might be like nothing you've ever been to before. Or it could be like the cool parties you used to go to, which you still remember now fondly, where everyone loved you. Why miss the chance?).
-I'm surely cooler than this? (Nothing is less sure. You don't get out much. Whether that's cool is for you to define. I see nothing much to justify it, other than that you do have some cool friends, at least by your own standards. But that's the point it's not something there are standards for, and if there are, you can't find out without trying. See answer to 'afraid' above, but substitute in 'proud' if you like, if it makes you feel better)
-You talk too much and don't listen (yes, make a point of meeting 3410, thanking him and shaking his/her hand, for pointing that out long ago in a way that was clear. If you can find him. If he hides, and you find him, he's wrong, to a certain extent, anyway. If he hides and you don't find him then thank him in your heart. Either way, go to the bloody party man, and listen more than you talk, for once (if it really is true, certainly this post indicates it (OK, then well that's between him and me, if he wants to know my take on it. If not ... yeah I'll shut up now. I'm not that dense) ) ).
-I'm a computer programmer. No one will want to talk about my real work, which interests me (get over that dude, and prepare to be surprised anyway. You just don't know man).
-I've made a desperate cry for attention with this post (Yes. It is desperate, and you better act more cool (OK, now your scaring me again (Time to shut up dude, don't you get it? (We'll see, you never know who you can strike a chord with across contexts (You're talking yourself out of this excuse now? (Yes, in case you didn't notice, that's the whole point of this post, you're thanked, and dismissed - only on account of time constraints, I'll talk to you later about this, I'm too tired and lazy to continue with it. Eironeia) ) ) ) ).Internal dialogue finished. If it struck any chords, the point of it was achieved, and I've either sold a (free) ticket and a lot of hopefully drinks at the bar. If it didn't you're all very different to me, but I'll hopefully like you anyway. Anyone who spots the missing/extra brackets gets to hear about my work. You asked for it. But you get a free drink out of it. This is a serious offer.
I won't say it's an exhaustive list of excuses not to go, nor ar the rebuttals complete. I can only say it exhausted me, eironically.
Anyone who sees me apparently not talking to anyone for any length of time, be assured, I've got company (it will be in my head), but am always happy for more, the head-dude likes it too, more than he likes me. He's just stuck with me. Anyone who thinks I talk too much, yeah, I know. Anyone who wonders why I don't shut up then, I guess the answer lies entirely in how it was that you got to this point in this post. If you did and you tell me about it, you reinforced it. If you didn't get here, I'm talking to head dude again. If you got here and you don't tell me about it, you're playing it very safe. Good call.
There are 2 people I most want to meet there, other than Sofie and Steve (who I know I like now). Russell, and 3410. I don't expect very much time, just a hello, handshake, whatever happens. 3410, this is not because I dislike you, it's because I respect you. You told me the truth once, and it hurt, but it helped (you can judge to what extent). Everyone else, see you at the party, if you're game to come. I can promise, I'll be as easy to avoid as it is to simply click past my post and read on....:-). It's a pity Islander is not here, I credit her (almost entirely unfairly) for the inspiration on the style of this post.
Apologies if you've read this far and got angry. Where's the x-ist guy you wanted to rag on? You can meet him, and tell him to get over himself in person, for the free price of an admission ticket, a bunch of well priced drinks, a night of merriment, dancing (there will be dancing, Russell? Don't answer that, I don't want to know if you read this until the day), music, assorted other entertainment, including what you already had before you came, discussions aplenty, and ask him what he smoked today. It might surprise you, it might not.
</this is not a threadjack_ Yes_ it is entirely about me_ but I_m finding that is the price of my authoreity_ a cost that I'm hoping to learn how to avoid_ Surely I'm not the center of the universe_ Am I&q Why am I asking myself again&q Am I asking myself&q Hmmm. That's going to keep me up all night_ and it_s only a tag&q with a cunningly hidden grammatical mistake_ worth one free drink to the first claimant_ Eat your heart out Kit Williams>
See you there, or not, or both, or neither. As always.
Ben Wilson
6'2"
Brown Hair
Married
Non-Maori
Part time author in the (monetarily) unpaid employ of Russell Brown, & co (yourselves), 'sif u didn't know all that.
Who doesn't know when to shut up (or do I? Free drink for the best answer to this question) -
Agreed, but it's often easier to change the software than the wetware ;)
Indeed. Although usually changing the software forces a wetware upgrade across all installations. Helpdesks notice this.
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